Do we really want to get old?

[street]

I am wondering how much smoking cigarettes has to do with having bad quality of life in the final years. The reason I bring this up--I am age 67, my mother is nearing age 90, in very good shape, lives independently, still drives, mentally sharp. I can think of quite a few friends around my same age who have parents (mainly mothers, some fathers) in their 90s who are still in very good shape (one good friend's mother is 96, just gave up driving and now uses Uber). I have done an informal survey to see if there are any traits in common that could account for the good quality of life for all these age 90 plus folks. One factor stands out--none of these folks ever smoked. If this trait does add to quality of life in the final years this could be great news for those of us coming along since very few of my close acquaintances have ever smoked.

My observation has been the same. Not good outcome of quality of life in later years and struggle with many different problems. Smoking can cause for a miserable ending.

 

[Teacher Terry]

Marie, she loved life and it was worth it to her.

 

[MarieIG]

Marie, she loved life and it was worth it to her.

I understand. It is good she had that time then.

 

[Badger]

Eventually we are all going to die. No stopping that. What I don't want is to live in constant pain, doped up, alone, and unable to even take care of personal hygiene. Not sure what the point would be. I don't know what the end result will be since no one has been there and come back to let us all know. That either generates fear of the unknown or unfounded, unsubstantiated hope on an afterlife where we retain our consciousness or an acceptance of the life cycle.


Cheers!

 

[pb4uski]

This thread topic has resonance with me.

I am so lucky. Dad had lung cancer and was about to undergo treatment. He went into the hospital with a couple "little" issues. I recall calling Mom and asking whether I should fly down and she told no, that he would be home in a couple days... and since similar short hospital stays had happened prior I accepted her answer. The next morning, he has just shaved and got cleaned up and Mom was there and there were a couple visiting friends... they were chatting and Dad just closed his eyes... Mom thought that he had fell asleep... one of the visiting friends felt differently and they called the nurse... he was gone.

DW's mom and stepdad both had long and painful battles with cancer which were hell for all involved. As much as my Dad's passing was a shock to all of us, it was a blessing compared to chemo, radiation or whatever... pain and illness and eventual death. Still to this day I think there was more going on that he ever let us know about (including my mother)... that is just the kind of guy that he was... he didn't want to bother others with his troubles.

I've also been part of my grandmother and great-aunts last days... both in a nursing home... and while this nursing home was better than many it was a very depressing place.

The big question is when does quality of life decline to an extent that life is no longer worth living? I guess if it is you then perhaps there is always a will to live... I dunno.

In any event, sometimes i think we are more merciful to our pets by making tht ough decision that their quality of life has declined to a point where it is better to have a shot and be done.

 

[Teacher Terry]

I told my husband that if I get dementia have them discontinue my heart and BP medications. I wouldn’t live long without them.

 

[braumeister]

Looking at this thread, I keep thinking about Clint Eastwood in "Grand Torino."

Those older folks were the toughest generation I can imagine.

A neighbor had a parent (WW II vet) die just last week, and he had kept the seriousness of his health from his kids so they were very surprised. They knew he was entitled to some kind of military funeral, so they called the nearest National Cemetery to try to find out what they should do. The answer floored them: "Nothing for you to do, sir. Your father sent us all the necessary paperwork a week ago and arranged everything."

 

[haha]

I visited her almost every day, but many there never had visitors. I Always wanted to live until 100, but not so sure now

You can be very proud of that. My Dad was that way with his mother. When it came time for me to do the same for him, I lived 2200 miles away and honestly I did a shameful job.

Ha

 

[robnplunder]

Of the 3 days we were there, we were the only "kids" visiting. All the other patients were on their own in the secured building or in the care of personal aids.

I drive about 400 miles to visit DM in ALF about every 3 weeks. I checked the visitor list once and was surprised that there weren't too many visitors, including my sister who just live within 10 miles. I gave her an earful and she now visits more often. But when it comes to holidays like Christmas day, there are quite more visitors.


Getting old sucks. Being ignored by their loved ones is sad. For most, seeing their loved one is the only source of their happiness.

 

[ER Eddie]

Amy Berger's work on Alzheimer's is worth looking at, if you want to protect yourself. I'm a little bummed that I only caught on to the nutritional/metabolic syndrome angle at age 56, after a lot of damage had probably been done. But better late than never, eh. And I'm not demented yet (some may disagree).

https://youtu.be/vBMOZfGY6uc

 

[imoldernu]

Should be a poll for "How old is old?" Everything is relative.

 

[aja8888]

Should be a poll for "How old is old?" Everything is relative.

According to my step granddaughter who turned 24 yesterday, I am old (75).

According to my BIL (almost 80), i am still on the young side since I have not had much go wrong with me and I love to drive long distances (not a golf ball drive, though).

 

[Amethyst]

Also, "How demented is dementia?" For those who say "I want someone to stop my medication, etc. if I get dementia."

My guess is that the standard for "I'm demented, stop my meds" would be different for someone who has nobody, versus someone with many loving and supportive family members.

Should be a poll for "How old is old?" Everything is relative.

 

[MRG]

Also, "How demented is dementia?" For those who say "I want someone to stop my medication, etc. if I get dementia."

My guess is that the standard for "I'm demented, stop my meds" would be different for someone who has nobody, versus someone with many loving and supportive family members.

+1

DM had dementia for her last 10+ years. I wouldn't have ever missed a visit with her, nor do I believe she would have wanted it that way. I'm grateful for those years. However not all dementia is the same. DM and our family was spared the worst horrors of the disease.

While it can be devastating for some folks, not everyone has the same experience.

 

[Teacher Terry]

After visiting the nursing home to see my friend with everyone there having dementia there weren’t too many happy people. It robs the person of their personality. Who wants to be in diapers and to be fed?

 

[Independent]

I have often thought that if the perfect suicide pill were available over the counter, I'd buy one and keep it in a safe place.

It bothers me that I will probably want it long before it becomes legal.

 

[bjorn2bwild]

Fear of bad ageing outcomes keep me on the younger longer routine that I started at age 18. So far, so good.

Should that fail me at some point where I feel a need for the Hemingway solution, helium or nitrogen will get the job done in a less messy way.

Like this ------

Australian euthanasia campaigner Philip Nitschke is about to unveil his new high-tech death machine in Venice and says people are already lining up to use it.
Dr Nitschke says the Sarco - short for sarcophagus - reinvents the experience of elected deaths.
And given it's made using 3D printers it could soon help people legally end their lives in countries that lack euthanasia laws.

https://www.sbs.com.au/news/nitschke-to-unveil-high-tech-death-pod

 

[Nick12]

I remember a comedian making a joke about smoking. It went something like he didn’t care that it took 10 years off your life because “think about it, which years are those”. He may have a point. Live well now.

It's no joke. My father quit in 2011 after smoking most of his life. He battled COPD until this April until he passed. He was on 24/7 oxygen the last 2 years, down to 100 pounds, and the last week he was on hospice care and bedridden. It was an honor to be his caregiver during the last several months. RIP Pa.

 

[MarieIG]

Fear of bad ageing outcomes keep me on the younger longer routine that I started at age 18. So far, so good.

Should that fail me at some point where I feel a need for the Hemingway solution, helium or nitrogen will get the job done in a less messy way.

Like this ------



https://www.sbs.com.au/news/nitschke-to-unveil-high-tech-death-pod

Wonder if it opens from the inside . . .

 

[MarieIG]

I have often thought that if the perfect suicide pill were available over the counter, I'd buy one and keep it in a safe place.

It bothers me that I will probably want it long before it becomes legal.

You would keep it in a safe place. Somebody else would toss it in a kitchen cabinet. "Sure Harry, go ahead and help yourself, I've got some good stuff for allergies right there on the third shelf."

 

[Independent]

You would keep it in a safe place. Somebody else would toss it in a kitchen cabinet. "Sure Harry, go ahead and help yourself, I've got some good stuff for allergies right there on the third shelf."

For starters, the pill(s) would be packaged with something like this https://www.amazon.com/Lospu-HY-Out...ination+lock&qid=1557706034&s=gateway&sr=8-11

 

[ER Eddie]

Should that fail me at some point where I feel a need for the Hemingway solution, helium or nitrogen will get the job done in a less messy way.

Like this ------

https://www.sbs.com.au/news/nitschke-to-unveil-high-tech-death-pod

"Once death has come, the pod can double as a fully biodegradable coffin."

 

[imoldernu]

About Dementia...

Not an either/or proposition. Between 3 and four years in, stage four of Alzheimer's. Memory problems make life more difficult, but relatively minor. A matter of learning to adjust... just as one who has a physical disability. Coping without becoming upset is a key... and not trying to hide the problem makes social life easier...especially in our case, living in a CCRC community.

Not at all unusual for a 5 year to 10 year progression... now, at age 83, a day at a time... Not uncommon to repeat a post, or weigh in a second or third time, with different points of view. Part of the game.

Too often persons with some degree dementia are written off as not having a "life". I know better. We see people, very day, who may not recognize us, but who are entirely cogent, and fun to be around.

What's it like?... Most of the time, it's short term memory loss, as in what day is it? What did I do yesterday? Why did I come in this room? ... But some of the more serious things... as in forgetting how to get to a particular store, or business when out in the car.

What hurts the most, is the loss of memory about the past... dates, places, people, events. For the most part, so far, the deeper intellect and reasoning seems to still be in place, but everything takes longer, with more mistakes.

Between 60 and 80% of Dementia, is deemed to be Alzheimer's. There are more than 5.5 million Americans, and 44 million people worldwide with Alzheimers.

Alzheimer’s disease is the sixth-leading cause of death in the U.S. killing more people than breast cancer and prostate cancer combined. Since 2000, deaths from Alzheimer’s disease have increased by 89 percent while those from heart disease have decreased. Alzheimer’s disease is the fifth-leading cause of death among those aged 65 and older and a leading cause of disability and poor health. Typical life expectancy after an Alzheimer’s diagnosis is four to eight years.

By 2050, an estimated 16 million people in the US will have Alzheimer's.

I am hoping for 10 more years, but don't have much of a say in the matter. No rush to die. Life is too good.

 

[Teacher Terry]

My friend really enjoyed her life also until she had to go into a home and then was miserable. If her husband had lived her end might not have been as horrible. My friend’s mom stayed home for 10 years until it got to be too much for her elderly husband. She lived 10 more years in a home and it was horrible even though the home was nice. My friend feels the way I do about it. I am really glad that you are doing so well.

 

[Calico]

Just finished my Chemo/Rad treatments for cancer and definitely want to get old/er - the experience made me dramatically aware of my mortality. Now just to get bad to my new "normal". At this point I definitely think it beats the alternative. However, I do think that at some point I will be ready to go depending on my physical situation.

Congratulations on finishing your treatment! I am 7 months post-chemo, and understand what you mean about the "new normal." It can take many months, but I would say that the only thing that is still not back to normal is my energy level, and it is much, much better than it was even a couple of months ago.

Hang in there, and rest as much as you need to. I was surprised how long the fatigue lasted, but there is life on the other side of it, and you will feel like "yourself" again, trust me!