Embarrassed and guilty when asked...

[Sojourner]

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Originally Posted by brett I think that we spend far too much time worrying about what other people will think of us or our actions. Conformity is greatly overrated IMHO. ... What's to be embarrassed about or feel guilty about

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Originally Posted by Olbidness I'm somewhat ashamed when I tell people that I'm retired. It sounds like I'm bragging...because I am.

These two posts capture the essence of why I don't say that I'm retired (or even semi-retired) when asked. At my age (49), it is virtually unheard of for a smart, educated, able-bodied man to voluntarily give up his career and pursue a life of leisure, so people immediately jump to conclusions about my situation that are unfavorable to me in various ways.

For example, when meeting a woman that I might be interested in dating, saying that I'm retired almost always leads to assumptions that I must be quite wealthy or that I'm lazy or can't hold down a steady job or that I have no professional ambition. It could also make me seem older than I actually am, and that's the last thing I want in that situation. I'd much rather tell a little white lie and say I do consulting work than to have her think I'm a potential sugar daddy or that I am trying to whitewash some mid-life career problems, etc.

Same goes for most other situations where I am meeting someone whom I view as a potential friend or acquaintance. Most people are going to assume either "rich", "unemployed", "lazy", or some combination of those when they hear the word retired for someone my age, and I think it's an unnecessary distraction that hinders getting to know that person in the most beneficial, straightforward way. Much better to come across as an average guy who does consulting work and then move on to the next stages of conversation and possible friendship.

Bottom line, at my age I feel it's best to avoid any mention of retirement, kind of like I steer clear of discussing religion and politics when first meeting someone. Those subjects are better left for slightly later stages in relationships.

[CaliKid]

I am similar age and embarrassed to even say I am only working 30 hours a week now. After 20 years of 60 hours a week it feels like a light load... though I am enjoying it. I really should be at the gym right now a matter of fact. So I too would be very embarrassed to say I am retired at 50. It's a lot easier at 55 or 60 which is relatively common. 50 is not common anywhere except on this website. Lol.

[FreeBear]

I don't feel guilty about FIRE because I started planning for this life early in my professional career. I must admit, though, that I'm not too fond of the "what do you do for w*rk". Actually, I'm not that interested in talking about w*rk in general.

When asked what do I do, I just say I'm retired. I'm surprised that the vast majority of people have absolutely no reaction at all. Actually, it's a bit of a relief. A few people were completely shocked, typically those I don't know very well. They quickly recover, and we move on to discuss just about anything else. Only one or two asked how we did it.

Most amusing, a few of our friends even seem to brag about us! These guys often introduce us to other friends with the closing flourish "and they are retired"!!

To everyone we know, our retirement was essentially a non-event. One thing I remember from reading Dale Carnegie's "How to find friends..." book is that most folks are focussed on themselves and their concerns. It has been true with the news of our retirement.

On the other hand, retirement has strengthened my relationship to my DW. We also spend much for quality time with friends, especially if they are also retired.
Life is great

[griffithee]

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Originally Posted by SAtoUS I'm ashamed to tell people I'm not working anymore, I'm not even 50. Now when asked, I tell people I'm a property manager. Kinna true, I live on the income from all my properties Anybody else feels the same?

I just tell them I am retired military. I usually get, "Oh you are so lucky. I did four years and wish I would have stayed in." I feel no guilt at all. I paid my dues, then some.

[iloveyoga]

Not sure if I answered already. I don't mind telling people I am retired and then if we keep talking that I do work small PT job for my son's business.

Sure glad I found this board where our lifestyle is the norm!

[Ted_Shepherd]

I'm 77 now. Careful attention to diet and exercise allow me to pass for a youth of 76. No problem. With my aging face and hairless scalp, no one is surprised that I have retired. I had spent over thirty years in the American defense effort. When people ask what I did for a living before retiring, I say that I helped design ships and aircraft for the Navy and Air Force. When those candyass Russians let their empire fall apart, I had no further work to do at age 53. That was in 1993. Haven't worked since then. I couldn't find any work that would have made it worth my while to give up my leisure, not that anyone wanted to hire me. Retirement is wonderful.

[MarieIG]

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Originally Posted by CaliKid I am similar age and embarrassed to even say I am only working 30 hours a week now. After 20 years of 60 hours a week it feels like a light load... though I am enjoying it. I really should be at the gym right now a matter of fact. So I too would be very embarrassed to say I am retired at 50. It's a lot easier at 55 or 60 which is relatively common. 50 is not common anywhere except on this website. Lol.

As someone who is currently working approximately 70 hours a week, if I got a decent job working 30 hours a week, I would probably burst out like a Broadway musical doing pirouettes in the street and shouting out my good news to any strangers within earshot. I think a nice T shirt with arrows "THIRTY HOURS A WEEK!" would also be in order.

[Elbata]

How about "Portfolio Investment Mgr"?

[Katsmeow]

For some of the younger early retirees not wanting people to feel bad when you say you are retired, bear in mind that for people who don't know you well, their actual thought may be something more like:

Yeah, sure, you're retired at 45. Gee, I sure do feel bad for him that he is long-term unemployed and has just given up trying to find a job. It must be so embarrassing to not be able to find a job and to have to pretend that you are retired. Well, I am so fortunate to have a job and I don't want him to feel bad, so I'll just go along with his story...

[Philliefan33]

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Originally Posted by Elbata How about "Portfolio Investment Mgr"?

Used that yesterday. One of the guests on my guided bike trip asked "what do you do during the week"? I told him I'm retired. He didn't believe me, so then I said " yeah, you're right. I'm a portfolio manager". That satisfied him.

[Sunset]

I've always felt complimented when someone said, "you're too young to be retired"

[Freedom56]

People appear puzzled when I tell them I am retired. I'm sure they wonder how we make it without Social Security and Medicare. But frankly I don't care what people think. My wife and I are happy we retired 10-15 years early. It was the best move we ever made.

[brett]

Same here. Just do not care what others think. Besides they will think what they think. I cannot control it so I would never loose sleep over it. Life is too short to worry about someone else will think your choices.

[ExFlyBoy5]

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Originally Posted by griffithee I just tell them I am retired military. I usually get, "Oh you are so lucky. I did four years and wish I would have stayed in." I feel no guilt at all. I paid my dues, then some.

I absolutely HATE those comments and I've heard 'em 100x over. Look, I can appreciate that you gave 4 years to your country, that's admirable. However, do not equate that with the amount of time, sacrifice and pain of 20+ plus years that was required of me for that pension check. Luck had very, VERY little to do with it.

[wmc1000]

It doesn't bother us if asked how we retired young. We just say we saved our money to do it.

[Mdlerth]

Still a year or so away from the big ER, so I am only speculating here. It will sound strange, but I am dreading having the subject come up at all. Not because I will feel embarrassed or guilty, but because of my fruitcake relatives.

Two brothers and two sisters; not one of them has made a tinker's da** worth of retirement preparation. But when I clock out in relative comfort while they never will, it's going to spark angry outbursts. "You're just lucky and don't deserve it" will be followed by "If you have so much money that you can retire before 65, you ought to think about the less fortunate and share some of it with us."

If you think I'm making this up, it's because you've never met my family.

[Ready]

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Originally Posted by Mdlerth Still a year or so away from the big ER, so I am only speculating here. It will sound strange, but I am dreading having the subject come up at all. Not because I will feel embarrassed or guilty, but because of my fruitcake relatives. Two brothers and two sisters; not one of them has made a tinker's da** worth of retirement preparation. But when I clock out in relative comfort while they never will, it's going to spark angry outbursts. "You're just lucky and don't deserve it" will be followed by "If you have so much money that you can retire before 65, you ought to think about the less fortunate and share some of it with us." If you think I'm making this up, it's because you've never met my family.

I believe you. I think we all have a family member like that.

[ExFlyBoy5]

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Originally Posted by Mdlerth Still a year or so away from the big ER, so I am only speculating here. It will sound strange, but I am dreading having the subject come up at all. Not because I will feel embarrassed or guilty, but because of my fruitcake relatives. Two brothers and two sisters; not one of them has made a tinker's da** worth of retirement preparation. But when I clock out in relative comfort while they never will, it's going to spark angry outbursts. "You're just lucky and don't deserve it" will be followed by "If you have so much money that you can retire before 65, you ought to think about the less fortunate and share some of it with us." If you think I'm making this up, it's because you've never met my family.

No, I believe you. Thankfully, my blood relatives are few and my DW's family is quite accepting of my retirement status (although on SIL still thinks I will get bored and go back to w*rk) and I haven't heard anything negative from them.

[Nemo2]

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Originally Posted by Mdlerth "If you have so much money that you can retire before 65, you ought to think about the less fortunate and share some of it with us."

The best defense is a good offense...get in first with a tale of woe, and give the impression that you're about to hit them up for a few bucks.

To ice the cake you could mention that, if they get phone calls from collection agencies looking for you, they don't know where you are.

[FreeBear]

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Originally Posted by Mdlerth Still a year or so away from the big ER, so I am only speculating here. It will sound strange, but I am dreading having the subject come up at all. Not because I will feel embarrassed or guilty, but because of my fruitcake relatives. Two brothers and two sisters; not one of them has made a tinker's da** worth of retirement preparation. But when I clock out in relative comfort while they never will, it's going to spark angry outbursts. "You're just lucky and don't deserve it" will be followed by "If you have so much money that you can retire before 65, you ought to think about the less fortunate and share some of it with us." If you think I'm making this up, it's because you've never met my family.

+1

Maybe we have

We don't tell our crazy relatives anything. Besides, they are too busy talking about themselves to have any real interest in our lives, thankfully.

Outside of family, I normally dodge any talk about about w*rk, but if pressed I'll just say "I'm retired" and move on. Somewhat surprisingly, no one has been hostile or aggressive, although a few have been amazed