ER: Revenge of the Introverts

[Calico]

Quote:

Originally Posted by wishin&hopin I agree. Great book. Less well known but equally good is "The Introvert Advantage: How to Thrive in an Extrovert World" by Marti Olsen Laney.

+2 Wonderful book (the Susan Cain one - not familiar with the Laney one, but will check it out).

[seraphim]

OP - that author is an idiot.

I tested 95% introvert. Been happily married since 1977, have numerous hobbies, spend more time on the road than at home...

I merely have no tolerance for 'small talk' or noisy social situations. There's always something constructive, creative or interesting to do.


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[Gumby]

When I first joined the board many years ago, I recall one of Nords' frequent themes was that in retirement you are responsible for your own entertainment. It seems to me that introverts have a decided advantage in that endeavor.

[Turn_the_Page]

"The Introvert Advantage" is great. Wish I had read something like that 30 years ago. Being told that it's OK to seek out "alone time" is OK is wonderful. We enjoy other people, but unlike some, we can't "recharge our batteries" until we get the solo time.

[foxfirev5]

Quote:

Originally Posted by seraphim OP - that author is an idiot. I tested 95% introvert. Been happily married since 1977, have numerous hobbies, spend more time on the road than at home... I merely have no tolerance for 'small talk' or noisy social situations. There's always something constructive, creative or interesting to do. Sent from my iPhone using Early Retirement Forum

+1 Been married since '78. Travel entensively and enjoy time with my DW.
Only recently have I determined it's OK to be an introvert. That's after 35 years of sales jobs!
While I have no problem speaking to large groups, social small talk, receptions and get togethers make me cringe.

[nash031]

According to the MB tests, I'm a "12%" introvert. Seems right to me. I like social settings, but I'm not great with new people. My wife pointed this out to me, and its something that I never really thought about myself, but it's definitely true. I struggle with eye contact in casual settings often defaulting to looking at my wife or off into space while talking to people. I can be pretty chatty and have always been described as funny, but I like to listen and chime in periodically. I'm only comfortable carrying a conversation if its something about which I'm passionate. Of course, a drink or two loosens me up quite a bit... a few co-workers whom I invited to our wedding were stunned by my awesomeness on the dance floor (after several cocktails).

I would guess that the people I work with would scoff at my "introvertedness" because I'm quite a bit more confident, even assertive, in a work environment. That said, in meetings, I listen until asked to chime in or until the spirit so moves me; I'm contemplative and want to form my opinion in my head rather than think out loud. I'm definitely better off on my own for projects as I like to work to my own standard.

I choose not to engage in much social activity with the people I work with. Most of them just don't interest me very much. We have a grand old time in the office cracking jokes and such, but I want my life separate from that. I can't imagine working solely for the social interaction, but I acknowledge that I'll miss it when I finally walk away. As someone on this board said, and I've now stolen, when I get bored I never think, "Maybe I'll go to work!"

I can definitely see how some introverts, perhaps extreme introverts, might become depressed in ER. I don't expect that to be a problem for me, but I think I'll have to get out there and find new people, which is something I'm not great at.

I thought about the stigma associated with being introverted and I think implicitly it exists. No one's ever called me an introvert or cast some name at me because of it (maybe because I'm not an extreme case), but we (as a society) view introverts as weird, and the more extroverted among us often think it's our duty to pull the extreme introverts into our social circle. If they choose not to join, they're "odd."

Interesting discussion. I know that as a mild introvert, I will look differently at those who are more introverted than I, thinking more, "I get it," than "He's weird." Thanks for the topic!

[Nodak]

Quote:

Originally Posted by audreyh1 Wow - this person is clueless! It reads as some bizarre spin, for which purpose I can't imagine?

+1

[eytonxav]

What a bunch of horse pucky; must have been written by a jealous extrovert

[harley]

Quote:

However, they don't seek work's social benefits, which should be their primary reason for working.

Which I'm sure is the reason so many extroverts continue working at their jobs even after the company stops paying them. For that matter, I'm sure the author will keep writing books even if nobody ever buys them. Wait, isn't being an author just about the most introverted of careers?

[Focus]

Quote:

Originally Posted by heeyy_joe Thanks for the topic and the warning about the book.

Actually, I'd still recommend reading "The Retirement Maze." The authors are two market researchers and a psychologist/social scientist; they surveyed 1,500 retirees and, for the sake of comparison, 400 who are still working. Although the book tends to be negative, I found it useful to have retirement pitfalls spotlighted. I read much of it thinking, "I'm sure glad I don't fall into that category!"

There's a chapter on early retirement in which they compared retirees between 45 and 59 to those who retired around 65. They found that early retirees start off well, with "a positive mind-set" and "excited about the prospect of pursuing new interests." But, they say, things tended to go south after two years for early retirees, who "become disenchanted, showing less and less enjoyment as they progress deeper into their retirement." 74% of early retirees are happy in their first two years, but only 54% are after six or more years. They point to changes in marriage dynamics, lack of social connectedness, and a declining interest in activities.

But here's the thing: The authors' narrative is driven by the statistics, so keep in mind that almost all of us here likely fall into the happy and successful category. The researchers found the numbers were pulled down by unhappy retirees -- i.e., those who retired early involuntarily and those who defined themselves by their job role.

[unclemick]

Quote:

Originally Posted by heeyy_joe Well I guess you can say these depressing things about introverted people since they are too introverted to kill you for saying them. Thanks for the topic and the warning about the book.

INTJ

Oh Yeah. We have the internet and they can't hide.

I'm gonna spit shine my Chevy(200k miles and going strong) and park outside and watch em die from envy.

heh heh heh - Or get my extrovert wife to invite them to dinner and converse em.

ER'd 50 - 70. Soo now at 71 I can be grumpy?

[candrew]

Some interesting perspectives (some humorous) regarding differences between introverts & extroverts.

New Reflections Counseling | Introvert Vs. Extrovert

Excerpts:
The Introvert’s Strength

An introvert is predisposed to be comfortable with their inner world. Introverts have a rich inner life, so they do not need the external stimulation that an extrovert craves. An introvert with developed self-understanding will draw strength from their personality. Well developed introverts can deal competently with the world around them when necessary, but they do their best work inside their heads and hearts, in reflection (introspection). For introverts, meaning comes from within and it anchors them in the midst of all that happens in the world.
The Introvert’s Weakness

An under-developed introvert suffers doubly. He does not naturally connect with the world and has not figured out how to how to connect with himself. Left alone, his introversion proves harmful. With only the one ability, introspection, he may overuse this ability when trying to deal with problems. For example, introverts are great reflectors, great at replaying a situation over and mining a single experience for more feedback. But taken to extreme, reflection can become a painful re-examination, causing further psychological harm.

Introverts/extroverts, we all have our strength's & weaknesses. Diversity is a beautiful thing in this world and should be celebrated. I'm reminded of Groucho Marx's famous saying: "I refuse to join any club that would only have me as a member."

[ls99]

Gee, I must be an introvert. I do like and am very comforatble with my own company.

Can tolerate small gatherings infrequently, with the emphasis on small.

One of these days I'll take a test to find out.

[Derslickmeister]

Quote:

Originally Posted by W2R Retirement has been such a relief for this introvert. It was exhausting for me to be around people and have to interact with them all day long at work. I am much happier now. I would have been a great telecommuter but it wasn't an option with my job requirements.

You sound just like me. Working in the "Modern Office" I.e. Open office, has been a nightmare for this introvert. I'm absolutly wiped out at the end of my days...

[Htown Harry]

Susan Cain gave TED talk that may be of interest:
Susan Cain: The power of introverts | Talk Video | TED.com

[Al in Ohio]

Some might be interested on the book "Quiet" that is about introverts and how much value they add to groups, corporations, decision making, inventions etc. But they never get enough recognition for all the value they truly provide.


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[outdoorgirl02]

Al, I love that book. Really enlightened me.

[HFWR]

Happy introvert, but the "well-adjusted" part is questionable...

[Sarah in SC]

...very! And same here.


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[Walt34]

Quote:

Originally Posted by HFWR Happy introvert, but the "well-adjusted" part is questionable...

Here's how to find out. This is an old speech but given hundreds of times in the 1950's and '60's. Dr. Murray Banks, if any of you remember him. The entire talk takes about an hour but the guy uses humor to make his points so it is funny too. My dad had a tape (7" reel-to-reel) of it that I listened to many times.

Dr. Murray Banks - How To Live With Yourself (Part 1) - YouTube