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Old 04-20-2016, 12:43 PM   #21
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hmmm...good hypothetical


I'd probably find a "nice" trailer park somewhere in Texas by a golf course and lbym.
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Old 04-20-2016, 12:45 PM   #22
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Well, my assets were cut in half by March 2009. In that case I just held on, but you don't have the bottom of a bear market to help out. I think I would keep saving/investing for longer than I had originally planned, and then adjust my spending to meet what is available as income.
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Old 04-20-2016, 01:11 PM   #23
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I think ER is not so easy for everyone. I have certainly had my challenges adjusting. DH was retired for 6 months before deciding to take a contracting job that came his way. I'm not sure if this has been good or bad, he was the one who was really pushing for ER, but now he feels comforted by the extra cash flow. He can quit anytime, but maybe it's better for him to keep it for now.
That's pretty telling. So he was OK until he retired?

Yeah, maybe better for him to be working. Is he better now with the job?
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Old 04-20-2016, 01:24 PM   #24
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That's pretty telling. So he was OK until he retired?

Yeah, maybe better for him to be working. Is he better now with the job?
It's not so straightforward unfortunately. The extreme irritability has been since he has been in the contracting job, but not sure there is a direct link. He says he likes the easy work, paycheck and food options in the cafeteria especially. He is even talking about extending his contract. He of course knows he can quit anytime.
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Old 04-20-2016, 01:31 PM   #25
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Ok, when you said he has been a BH for 6 months and also that he retired 6 months ago, I thought I had a clue. So he became a "bigger BH" when he returned to work?

I dunno. Maybe he is scared of running out of dough and at the same time doesn't really want to work and is jealous of your freedom?

Yeah I would suggest sitting down and having a good talk. Something is amiss, especially if this all started "6 months" ago.
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Old 04-20-2016, 01:35 PM   #26
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Hit butthead in the head with a shovel, then bury him and collect the insurance money, that way you don't split the baby and actually increase your net worth.

As a side note a friend of mine, single actually widowed and about 65 years old was complaining about all the older single women hitting on him. He said they were all looking for the "wheel of fortune" and all he wanted to do was to play "lets make a deal" !
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Old 04-20-2016, 01:41 PM   #27
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It's not so straightforward unfortunately. The extreme irritability has been since he has been in the contracting job, but not sure there is a direct link. He says he likes the easy work, paycheck and food options in the cafeteria especially. He is even talking about extending his contract. He of course knows he can quit anytime.

Just a thought, but has he had a comprehensive health screening recently? My grandfather was irritable for most my childhood. He never hurt us kids, or even yelled much, but he was always grumpy and a little scary to be near. It turned out that he was an undiagnosed diabetic. Once he got his blood glucose levels under control (presumably because he was physically feeling much better), he was much more pleasant to be around.
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Old 04-20-2016, 01:53 PM   #28
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He says he likes the easy work, paycheck and food options in the cafeteria especially.
Seriously? He actually talks about how good the cafeteria food is where he w*rks? That is NOT someone who is ER-ready.

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Just a thought, but has he had a comprehensive health screening recently?
+1. That is an outstanding suggestion. Good for anyone at any age, but especially in this case. There could easily be a physical reason for his being difficult, and it could be easily curable. No guarantees, of course, but it's quite possible (and not uncommon).

Best of luck.
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Old 04-20-2016, 02:07 PM   #29
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So, half of all marriages end in divorce, and the others death. Well that means that 100% of those not married end in death.

Cute statement, but I would not trade my 48 years for all the money we have!
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Old 04-20-2016, 02:21 PM   #30
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So, half of all marriages end in divorce, and the others death. Well that means that 100% of those not married end in death.

Cute statement, but I would not trade my 48 years for all the money we have!
Reminds me of a recent quote I saw on how to differentiate between the terms "complete" and "finished":

Quote:
"When you marry the right woman, you are 'complete.' If you marry the wrong woman, you are 'finished.' And, if the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are 'completely finished. When the right one is finally done with your sorry butt, you are "finished completely".
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Old 04-20-2016, 02:29 PM   #31
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Seriously? He actually talks about how good the cafeteria food is where he w*rks? That is NOT someone who is ER-ready.



+1. That is an outstanding suggestion. Good for anyone at any age, but especially in this case. There could easily be a physical reason for his being difficult, and it could be easily curable. No guarantees, of course, but it's quite possible (and not uncommon).

Best of luck.
Yes, I'm afraid the daily cafeteria offerings are very exciting for him. He especially likes Tuesday "Sushi Day". Before his initial retirement "trial" he brought lentil soup to work every day. Maybe this is in response to his prior austerity.

Anyway, I agree it is time for a physical. His excitement over the cafeteria has led to some weight gain as well.

Thank you everyone for the helpful suggestions. Definitely stuff to work through.
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Old 04-20-2016, 02:32 PM   #32
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Half your assets is about equal to all my assets. So, if my assets were as much as yours and then cut in half, I'd take my money and run.

But, if I lost half of my present assets I'd still be OK. I have thought about this, actually. I have SS and a tiny pension, which help. I'd NEVER go back to work. I'd cut back on spending, instead. I have enough "fluff" in my spending that it wouldn't be that hard.

Divorce is hard on both spouses both emotionally and financially. IME both spouses feel like they got the raw end of the deal, financially speaking. Nobody wins. I never want to marry again. Luckily, I found a wonderful guy who doesn't mind.
W2R - I think your arrangement is ideal!!!
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Old 04-20-2016, 02:33 PM   #33
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So, half of all marriages end in divorce, and the others death. Well that means that 100% of those not married end in death.

Cute statement, but I would not trade my 48 years for all the money we have!
I was always told it's better to "find a woman you hate, and buy her a house". And I suppose the saying it works with either sex.
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Old 04-20-2016, 02:38 PM   #34
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Just a thought, but has he had a comprehensive health screening recently? My grandfather was irritable for most my childhood. He never hurt us kids, or even yelled much, but he was always grumpy and a little scary to be near. It turned out that he was an undiagnosed diabetic. Once he got his blood glucose levels under control (presumably because he was physically feeling much better), he was much more pleasant to be around.
Thanks for your thoughtful post. Perhaps you are on to something. I think it's time for a physical.
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Old 04-20-2016, 02:49 PM   #35
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With divorce, the catch, of course, is that neither of you will get a true 1/2 unless you somehow manage to split without getting lawyers involved. Don't count on that, if one of you doesn't want the divorce!

I agree with those who are urging your husband to get a physical, especially if it has been a while since he's had his blood tested: thyroid, blood sugar, Vitamin D levels, testosterone, the works. Chemical imbalances can do a number on people's moods and even their intellect and judgment.

Good luck!

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Old 04-20-2016, 02:51 PM   #36
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What would I do?

1) I'd make sure my marriage lasted to the 10 year mark for possible SSN benefits from spouse, if needed. Whose SSN is the highest?

2) Don't know your situation, but are you entitled to half? A ten year marriage may not mean half if he had most of the assets going into marriage. Or did you guys build that together? I'd nail this down. Check with a lawyer and your state laws.

3) Six months of Butthead is not unusual in a marriage, particularly around life transitions such as retirement. I'd give him a bit more time.

4) I suggest taking a break from each other for however long you need. BUT before I'd do that I'd make sure he could not classify it as desertion. Both of you agree in writing to "take a break". I'd also make sure all accounts and financials remained status quo or that you also agree in writing if it did not work out, things were split 50/50 or whatever you decide. If need be, get a formal legal property settlement (post marital) agreement BEFORE taking a break.

5) I'd ask for marriage counseling.

Just how serious are you?
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Old 04-20-2016, 03:00 PM   #37
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What would I do?

1) I'd make sure my marriage lasted to the 10 year mark for possible SSN benefits from spouse, if needed. Whose SSN is the highest?

2) Don't know your situation, but are you entitled to half? A ten year marriage may not mean half if he had most of the assets going into marriage. Or did you guys build that together? I'd nail this down. Check with a lawyer and your state laws.

3) Six months of Butthead is not unusual in a marriage, particularly around life transitions such as retirement. I'd give him a bit more time.

4) I suggest taking a break from each other for however long you need. BUT before I'd do that I'd make sure he could not classify it as desertion. Both of you agree in writing to "take a break". I'd also make sure all accounts and financials remained status quo or that you also agree in writing if it did not work out, things were split 50/50 or whatever you decide. If need be, get a formal legal property settlement (post marital) agreement BEFORE taking a break.

5) I'd ask for marriage counseling.

Just how serious are you?
I intended this thread as a fun "what would you do if everything went to hell" type fantasy. I am not looking to ditch him, but the butthead stuff was getting out of control. I do appreciate all the thoughtful and well meaning advice I have been receiving.
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Old 04-20-2016, 03:06 PM   #38
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To the OP, you are young and many years ahead of accumulating wealth. If I were in your situation, I would not worry too much. Good luck no matter what you decide to do.
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Old 04-20-2016, 03:47 PM   #39
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OP, You threatened a divorce because he's being a butt head? Didn't know that was grounds for divorce. Are you sure it's not you? Are you pissed that he went back to work? Were you two doing things together before he went back to work?
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Old 04-20-2016, 03:53 PM   #40
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Haha! Where does one find wealthy widows? Maybe an ER dating forum!

Whole Foods near my house which is near an expensive area.


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