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Old 04-20-2016, 04:02 PM   #41
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I think my husband and I would will be ok if we split up, but the kids may not be. But no remarriage if there is such thing, I mean what is the reason. I believe you get married to have kids. Otherwise why bother.


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Old 04-20-2016, 04:10 PM   #42
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Could I live on half our assets, H@ll Yes! I would spend the first six months eating ice cream and chocolate cake!
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Old 04-20-2016, 04:39 PM   #43
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OP, You threatened a divorce because he's being a butt head? Didn't know that was grounds for divorce. Are you sure it's not you? Are you pissed that he went back to work? Were you two doing things together before he went back to work?
Oh dear, I've obviously shared too much.
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Old 04-20-2016, 04:50 PM   #44
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Well my plan for losing half my assets still had DW in it. But feel free to borrow. Perhaps this is in the spirit of your request.

We were going to move to a lower col area, very remote. Cheap small place out in nowhere. Grow our own food and live off the land. Probably some place where we could hunt for food and make stuff from furs, hides. Some of that brings pretty good money especially if you have legal Grizzly hides. While still endangered, most states allow you to protect yourself and take a Grizzly if it's threading your life; that's where DW comes in.
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Old 04-20-2016, 04:50 PM   #45
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Well, there are always two sides to a story. We don't know what "butthead" means to you.
If you promised to marry him "for better or worse," consider this a "worse" spell and work through it. If it were me I'd get marriage counseling.

In terms of what I'd do if I lost half my assets, I'd sell my home and move to a cheaper location. I'd start watching every penny and be most consistent with a strict budget. I'd continue to work and continue to invest my remaining assets wisely. What other options are there, really?
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Old 04-20-2016, 04:57 PM   #46
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Find a way to agree without lawyers or you'll both end up with much less than half.


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Old 04-20-2016, 08:39 PM   #47
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Try counseling . I have seen too many late life divorces .
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Old 04-20-2016, 09:19 PM   #48
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My take on this (and many interpersonal relationships).... It's easier to change your reaction to a someone's behavior sometimes than to change their behavior.... In this case - if you DH is being a butthead - find a way to not get upset by it...go to another room, laugh it off, ignore him, whatever.... Just don't let his behavior bum you out. You can't control him - but you can control your reactions to him.

I also notice you were married late... I can relate to that - got married at 38, DH was 47 at the time... first marriage for both of us... It can be challenging to merge behaviors/lifestyles when you have two established adults stuck in their ways... I keep reminding myself of this (16 years later) if DH does something that rubs me the wrong way.

As for what I'd do if assets were split... My investible assets are much smaller than yours - but I live in a pricey place... plus we have kids under roof... If I were free of DH and kids I'd get a condo for 1/2 the price of our house - and I'd do some serious travel... I'd want to try living in Italy for a month or two to put my italian skills to use (I'm in my 3rd semester of college Italian classes.)
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Old 04-21-2016, 01:02 AM   #49
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We married young but one or both of us always worked so being at home together so much now has its own "opportunities" for adjustments.

We found this series of research based DVDs on relationship communication skills helpful:

https://www.prepinc.com/shopping/Pro...il.aspx?ID=116

"Most of us learned to read with the help of a teacher. We took tennis lessons, piano lessons or at least watched a t.v. show on how to remodel the bathroom before digging in. But when it comes to loving relationships, we just assume we’ll know how to do it. The fact is that most of us didn’t learn relationship skills in a direct manner from qualified sources. Most of us simply picked up bits of information from people who had good intentions, but lacked expertise. Worse, some passed on advice that was downright wrong."

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Old 04-21-2016, 08:54 PM   #50
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OP, You threatened a divorce because he's being a butt head? Didn't know that was grounds for divorce. Are you sure it's not you? Are you pissed that he went back to work? Were you two doing things together before he went back to work?

+1 My thoughts exactly. It seems to me that there's more going on. I don't know too many middle age women ready to give up on a marriage for this reason. Could there be physical, emotional and verbal abuse, gambling, cheating, drug/ alcohol abuse? Just asking because the opening post just seemed a bit strange. I would expect couples, especially mature couples to work through surmountable difficulties.


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Old 04-22-2016, 06:45 AM   #51
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Marry again. This time for money instead of love.
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Escapist thread - If you lost half your assets what would you do?
Old 04-23-2016, 08:19 AM   #52
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Escapist thread - If you lost half your assets what would you do?

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Thanks for your thoughtful post. Perhaps you are on to something. I think it's time for a physical.

+1. Health Could be causing issues. Stress. Heart problems. Diabetes.

No need to post here but ask yourself how's life in the bedroom. Changes there can be a sign of health issues... Low testosterone, depression, etc.

Or maybe he is bored and retirement woke him to that fact - just like his daily lunch... he has grown tired of "lentil soup" and wants to try sushi...and I mean ... You're his lentil soup and I mean more than just for lunch.

If I lost half - life would go on. I would still try to be FIRE but probably would need to do some work along the way. It's ok to have a plan b. Unfortunately unexpected **** happens
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Old 04-23-2016, 08:28 AM   #53
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I intended this thread as a fun "what would you do if everything went to hell" type fantasy. I am not looking to ditch him, but the butthead stuff was getting out of control. I do appreciate all the thoughtful and well meaning advice I have been receiving.
If my DW started a "fun" thread that referred to me as a butthead and was using it to fantasize about divorce, she would not need to file because I would start the proceedings. Whatever is going on is a lot deeper than just being frustrated with your husband and needing to vent.
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Old 04-23-2016, 08:34 AM   #54
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By the way. This thread got me thinking. What do we mean by losing half

Presumption is losing half of our assets

What if the half is losing our spouse
What if the half is losing time alive

Just got me thinking.

Which loss would drive my sense of urgency about all things in life. Which loss would cause me to spend less because there was less to enjoy being one versus two.
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Old 04-23-2016, 08:52 AM   #55
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Congrats on a new definition of light-hearted.

Not sure what I would do if I were you, but I think I know what I would do if I were DH. Some men are not amused by threats, so one may be your last.

Ha
My godfather (a survivor of the Bataan death march and one crusty dude) married late in life to a woman who was also single for a most of her life.

Things got rocky and one night she threatened to walk.

The next day he got divorce papers and signed them, undated, and hung them on the fridge with a note that said "anytime you want, sign here."

They stayed married until the end.
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Old 04-23-2016, 09:15 AM   #56
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+1. That is an outstanding suggestion. Good for anyone at any age, but especially in this case. There could easily be a physical reason for his being difficult, and it could be easily curable. No guarantees, of course, but it's quite possible (and not uncommon).

Best of luck.
The retirement or something else could also have triggered a stress event. Our society sucks big time talking about mental health issues.

I was raised in a "just suck it up, you're lucky, quit your whining" household and for most of my life, in most circumstances, that was both true and helpful to being a productive, happy person.

But there are moments, driven by circumstance or genetics, when brain chemistry gets knocked out of whack. It's no different, nor worthy of harsher judgement, than becoming diabetic or developing cancer. It's a legitimate medical issue that needs to be addressed.

I have walked this road. Your DH might actually be in deep pain and turmoil that even he cannot see clearly because it has literally become his world. It may come and go as certain chemicals on his brain ebb and flow. It may be a cycle because thinking impacts chemistry which impacts thinking. It is a brutal journey that sometimes ends very, very badly.

Now, at times we are all BH's deserving of a swift kick in the pants, but if this has gone on for a long time you may want to consider some medical examination. It does not have to be complicated. Your family Doc is a good place to start.

Good luck.
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Old 04-23-2016, 12:34 PM   #57
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I would have to downsize my lifestyle by half. Not a happy thing, for sure but easily doable. Would have to sell two of our four homes. Would still have A very good standard of living.

When I divorced at age 42 after almost 20 years of marriage the result was much worse. She ended up with everything except my career which luckily turned out to be my biggest asset by far. She only ended up with about 15% of that based on alimony which I am still paying almost 25 years later. Everybody ended up in a pretty good place eventually, but I sure wouldn't want to go through that again.
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Old 04-23-2016, 01:12 PM   #58
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50% of those assets is way mo' than plenty enough for me
+10

It always amazes me how much money/assets many people on this forum appear to have. I could live immensely well on that much money.
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Old 04-23-2016, 03:25 PM   #59
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Old 04-23-2016, 04:07 PM   #60
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I would do Nothing, because your assets are more than twice mine.

I'm not yet retired, but if I lost 50% of my own assets and we are retired .. DW and I would move to the Philippines, where we lived before, and have tons of relatives. For $18,000 a year ($1500/month), we'd have a great lifestyle in the Philippines. That would translate to around P 70,000 Philippine pesos. The middle-class income average is around P36,000 pesos. So, we would have about double the middle income salary. We'd probably be able to eat out 5 days a week in nice restaurants, and we'd still be ok.

When we reach retirement age (62), DH and wife will have around $3,000/month + in Social Security income. So even if we have 0 savings at 62, we would still be ok living in the Philippines just on U.S. social security payments. $3000/month translates to P138,000 pesos per month. That's a rich income in the Philippines. Even if by that time, middle class income earnings has gone up from P36,000 to P46,000, we will have 3x that middle-class income.
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