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Old 04-23-2016, 09:21 PM   #61
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Old 04-24-2016, 06:04 AM   #62
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1. Talk the old man into seeing a therapist
2. Talk the old man into getting a part time gig
3. Talk the old man into an art, gardening, dancing, cooking ...something class
4. Talk the old man into taking a walk or bike ride with you every day.

Finally Ask the old man what he thinks might make him happy


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Old 04-24-2016, 09:49 AM   #63
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Already did. 50% of everything. I worked harder and cut corners. I held out for higher salary and got it.

When I met DW2 for love, we worked as a team. Turned out we made a lot due to synergy. Then 16 years later, her inheritance restored our stash, so we had built more and then had a windfall. Completed alimony commitment after 5 years of retirement.

Face the future with courage if you don't like the present.
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Old 04-24-2016, 01:30 PM   #64
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I'm not sure where to put this. This is motivated by DH being a butthead over the last 6 months or so. My 10 year wedding anniversary is coming up next month, so for my first 37 years I was single. We have no children. No, there are no plans for divorce right now, but I did threaten, not an idle threat, that I would walk if this continued.

So, if your assets were cut in half, what would you do? In our case this would be a portfolio of 2.5M and a house in the 650-700K? range. Dividing those assets would really change the retirement plan for me. This is meant as a light hearted thread. Would you join the Peace Corp? Go back to work? Take in a roommate? Move abroad? Move to a small town somewhere?
I've thought about it for pretty much the same reason you're thinking about it.

I'd try to live on half of what we had been spending together. Some of that is easy (food, medical care, one car). The awkward item is housing, where I'd probably go over the 50% line.

I think I could cut my "untouchable" savings that are allocated to LTC expenses by more than 50%, because I wouldn't have the one in facility, one still at home situation.

So I think I'd end up with about the same financial lifestyle.

Now, I would do some things that I can't do today because I'm married.

I'd move to the town where my grandkids live (if my daughter were okay with that), my wife doesn't want to do that today. I'd travel more, and do it economically (lower cost lodging), though not for 50% of the cost. I'd have fun picking out a house and decorating it to my taste instead of hers.
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Old 04-25-2016, 09:53 PM   #65
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Talaga...
Tama !
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Old 04-27-2016, 12:13 PM   #66
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Interesting question. A "clean" divorce (marital assets split down the middle) would be a blow to my finances for sure, but I think that I would be able to recover without going back to w*rk. First, if I would move back to Europe because, without my wife, that's where the center of my social circle would shift. The move would immediately cut my expenses by a substantial amount. I already own a condo there (non-marital asset), so I would not have to buy a new home (I will gladly leave the US house to DW). And my half of all marital assets would still throw a passive income substantially higher than the average earned income in many Western European countries. So it would not be a huge disaster. Of course if lawyers get involved, then all bets are off.
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Old 04-27-2016, 12:51 PM   #67
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Interesting question. A "clean" divorce (marital assets split down the middle) would be a blow to my finances for sure, but I think that I would be able to recover without going back to w*rk. First, if I would move back to Europe because, without my wife, that's where the center of my social circle would shift. The move would immediately cut my expenses by a substantial amount. I already own a condo there (non-marital asset), so I would not have to buy a new home (I will gladly leave the US house to DW). And my half of all marital assets would still throw a passive income substantially higher than the average earned income in many Western European countries. So it would not be a huge disaster. Of course if lawyers get involved, then all bets are off.
That's for sure. Thank heavens, for my (uncontested) divorce back in 1998, the lawyer only charged us $250. It can be SO much worse.

Another aspect of divorce seems to be that when assets are cut in half, neither side ends up with anywhere near 50%. I'm not sure why that is. Many very nice people end up in divorce. No matter how nice, I have yet to hear one say, "I think my spouse got less than his/her fair share in our divorce. So, in order to be able to look at myself in the mirror, I'm going to send him/her a check for enough to even things out."

I just cannot believe that previously good people have all suddenly turned evil. It's that when divorce is involved, half is not equal to 50% for some reason. Divorce is strangely reminiscent of The Twilight Zone.


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Old 04-27-2016, 11:16 PM   #68
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That's for sure. Thank heavens, for my (uncontested) divorce back in 1998, the lawyer only charged us $250. It can be SO much worse.....I just cannot believe that previously good people have all suddenly turned evil. It's that when divorce is involved, half is not equal to 50% for some reason. Divorce is strangely reminiscent of The Twilight Zone.
I see you met my ex...
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Old 04-28-2016, 06:51 AM   #69
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I could actually live more easily on half WITHOUT my darling hubby than WITH him. I could happily move to a cheaper location (out of the country possibly) or maybe a maintenance free condo or apartment, and this is not an option in dh's opinion. Also, if I could manage it, I'd leave him with all that timberland he insisted on buying as part of his half, and I'll take the dividend paying stocks... I'd be fine.

If he has life insurance you could consider killing him with bacon. As far as I know it is not illegal to kill your husband with fattening food in any state in the U.S. Also probably more fun being a widow than a divorcee- ha.
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Old 04-28-2016, 07:24 AM   #70
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I could actually live more easily on half WITHOUT my darling hubby than WITH him. I could happily move to a cheaper location (out of the country possibly) or maybe a maintenance free condo or apartment, and this is not an option in dh's opinion.
Please let me know where to find "a maintenance free condo" as that would up my spending allowance by a decent amount.
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Old 04-28-2016, 07:32 AM   #71
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I wasn't thinking of no cost free, I was thinking of free as in "I don't have to mow 7 acres of grass"
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Old 04-28-2016, 07:37 AM   #72
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If he has life insurance you could consider killing him with bacon. As far as I know it is not illegal to kill your husband with fattening food in any state in the U.S. Also probably more fun being a widow than a divorcee- ha.
This is why one of my core financial beliefs has always been to be worth more alive than dead. Once that ratio changes there's no telling what might happen. No need for any unnecessary motivations ...
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Old 04-28-2016, 08:03 AM   #73
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Y'all realize I'm kidding, right? I adore my husband, and fully understand he is one of very few who would put up with me, BUT if you want to think of it from a strictly mathematical point of view, if he's dead, I get to keep his half of our net worth which is a heck of a lot more than the value of his life insurance. I told him about the bacon joke, and he laughed and said to tell ya'll he's not scared- also everybody has to die of something and excess bacon sounds good to him.
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Old 04-28-2016, 08:31 AM   #74
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Congrats on a new definition of light-hearted.

Not sure what I would do if I were you, but I think I know what I would do if I were DH. Some men are not amused by threats, so one may be your last.

Ha
Yes, the moment I get a threat like that dating or when I was married was moment I realize I'm done. Relationships should be built on unconditional liking of the other person. If there are conditions needed, the relationship is not solid.
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Old 04-28-2016, 08:35 AM   #75
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My take on this (and many interpersonal relationships).... It's easier to change your reaction to a someone's behavior sometimes than to change their behavior.... In this case - if you DH is being a butthead - find a way to not get upset by it...go to another room, laugh it off, ignore him, whatever.... Just don't let his behavior bum you out. You can't control him - but you can control your reactions to him.

I also notice you were married late... I can relate to that - got married at 38, DH was 47 at the time... first marriage for both of us... It can be challenging to merge behaviors/lifestyles when you have two established adults stuck in their ways... I keep reminding myself of this (16 years later) if DH does something that rubs me the wrong way.

As for what I'd do if assets were split... My investible assets are much smaller than yours - but I live in a pricey place... plus we have kids under roof... If I were free of DH and kids I'd get a condo for 1/2 the price of our house - and I'd do some serious travel... I'd want to try living in Italy for a month or two to put my italian skills to use (I'm in my 3rd semester of college Italian classes.)
great advice above
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