Family Entropy

[skipro33]

My oldest son moved his family to New Zealand 7 years ago, taking our (at the time) Only 2 grand children. We were devastated. They can't afford to fly a family of 5 (yes, a 3rd grand child was born in New Zealand) to the states more than once every 3 years or so. We can afford maybe every other year and then that's our whole travel budget since we want to spend time with them and stay for a month or so.
I bite my tongue on the topic with them because I do not want to spend even a minute with anything negative when we do get together.

I HATE New Zealand! The negative connotation due to the situation is such that I can not enjoy the country, knowing that I'll have to say good bye without knowing when I'll ever see them again.

We SKYPE, but it's a poor substitution.

Fast forward to last July;
Son was able to come for a visit and bring the family. While here, he applied for a position at a near by university. They offered him a position, so he then looked into buying a house and what that might cost before accepting. He found a house. He took the job! He cashed in the family's tickets back to New Zealand except for his, and I got a ticket too. We flew back there, sold everything they own. (Way too expensive to ship household stuff. Besides, it's worth more in New Zealand used, than what it cost new in USA) In two weeks, we sold everything from the kitchen utensils to the family cars. This year, he was offered a Dean position at the university, his wife, who has a teaching credential, is now teaching, the kids are all doing well in school and best of all, they live within an hour's drive from us!!!

My advice is;
keep up a positive appearance. Time together is too precious to fight. Never give them the chance to use hard feelings for staying away. Love will win out.
We get to go to soccer games, swim meets, school plays, dance recitals, spend birthdays, holidays and just BBQ's together. We thought that we would never be able to just hang and relax; always in the back of our minds the day we had to leave and go back home.

I pray, as a grand parent, that all your dreams of family will come true like ours did.

P.S.
One good thing that came of their move to New Zealand is the grand kids all have Kiwi accents. Melts my heart when they ask, "Papa, will you take us for a lolly?" (lolly is a term used for any sweets)

[HadEnuff]

Quote:

Originally Posted by skipro33 My oldest son moved his family to New Zealand 7 years ago, taking our (at the time) Only 2 grand children. We were devastated. They can't afford to fly a family of 5 (yes, a 3rd grand child was born in New Zealand) to the states more than once every 3 years or so. We can afford maybe every other year and then that's our whole travel budget since we want to spend time with them and stay for a month or so. I bite my tongue on the topic with them because I do not want to spend even a minute with anything negative when we do get together. I HATE New Zealand! The negative connotation due to the situation is such that I can not enjoy the country, knowing that I'll have to say good bye without knowing when I'll ever see them again. We SKYPE, but it's a poor substitution. Fast forward to last July; Son was able to come for a visit and bring the family. While here, he applied for a position at a near by university. They offered him a position, so he then looked into buying a house and what that might cost before accepting. He found a house. He took the job! He cashed in the family's tickets back to New Zealand except for his, and I got a ticket too. We flew back there, sold everything they own. (Way too expensive to ship household stuff. Besides, it's worth more in New Zealand used, than what it cost new in USA) In two weeks, we sold everything from the kitchen utensils to the family cars. This year, he was offered a Dean position at the university, his wife, who has a teaching credential, is now teaching, the kids are all doing well in school and best of all, they live within an hour's drive from us!!! My advice is; keep up a positive appearance. Time together is too precious to fight. Never give them the chance to use hard feelings for staying away. Love will win out. We get to go to soccer games, swim meets, school plays, dance recitals, spend birthdays, holidays and just BBQ's together. We thought that we would never be able to just hang and relax; always in the back of our minds the day we had to leave and go back home. I pray, as a grand parent, that all your dreams of family will come true like ours did. P.S. One good thing that came of their move to New Zealand is the grand kids all have Kiwi accents. Melts my heart when they ask, "Papa, will you take us for a lolly?" (lolly is a term used for any sweets)

I'm glad things turned out so well for you! My son is married to an Australian girl and they have decided to live in the USA. My wife and I are happy to not be half a world away, but we feel for her parents who have to live so far away from their daughter and their grandchild, soon to be grandchildren. Fortunately, they have 2 other children with grandchildren who do live near them in Oz, and there is money enough for them to travel, or provide the kids with tickets, but still, I know they are heartsick when it comes time to say good-bye. And in the back of my mind I know I'd be devastated if they moved to Australia.

[traineeinvestor]

Slightly different situation, but our older daughter starts boarding school in New Zealand in Feb 2017 (young daughter will follow 2 years later). This is good for us as we will be able to visit the country more often and catch up with relatives and old friends more frequently than the current school holiday schedules allow. Given my parents' age, I really want to see them as often as I can while I can.

[MRG]

Quote:

Originally Posted by skipro33 My advice is; keep up a positive appearance. Time together is too precious to fight. Never give them the chance to use hard feelings for staying away. Love will win out. I pray, as a grand parent, that all your dreams of family will come true like ours did.

Great advice!

I recall shortly after moving 1200 miles away from parents, mine visited. Well DF got upset over a question he'd asked about our take on the upcoming election(early 1980s). We saw the election different from DF and being 22 yo said so. Man refused to talk to either of us for the rest of the visit! If we'd had any thoughts of ever being closer that visit destroyed them.

[FIREd]

I live 6,000 miles away from the rest of my family. They all live within a few miles from each other, so I am definitely the odd man out. I came to the US for graduate school, with every intention to go back home afterwards. Then I met my soulmate and stayed. My parents were crushed. We skype regularly but I also spend a few weeks back "home" every year because skype is a poor substitute for togetherness.

[SteveNU]

Left home in southern California at the age of 19 when I went into the Navy. Ended up on the east coast and married a girl from New Hampshire. We settled in Connecticut and have been there ever since. I always joke that we ended up in Connecticut because it was halfway between my family and hers! All of my family is still in California and we only see them occasionally.

Our three kids and two grandkids are all still within an hours drive of us and I don't see that changing anytime soon. They are all settled in there own places and doing fine. We do a LOT of babysitting but it is our choice right now and we enjoy it for the most part, knowing that it is a gift that we have been able to be a part of their lives as they grow up.

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[45th Birthday]

Quote:

Originally Posted by ugeauxgirl I'd just visit as much as I can if I were you. My parents have recently started doing this- dad calls on a Tuesday and asks if they can come for the weekend. We're always happy to see them

I would just caution both parties in this situation that the last sentence is the most important. My in-laws are in their 90's and not in good health. That doesn't stop MIL from inviting themselves to our places and then harassing my wife when she demurs. They require constant care, and resist bringing helpers with them (finances not an issue). MIL is very self-centered and controlling; we are lucky we moved 500+ miles away from them (wife lived in the same city) right after we were married. FIL is a prince and we enjoy his company. We are hoping not to ever do this to our kids, but more importantly that will be happy as you are for a visit.