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Old 03-29-2014, 05:40 AM   #21
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A lot depends on one's perspective when one enters a career. My primary goals were to enjoy my work and provide for my family, and if I my salary made it to $100K that would be the "top" for me. Having done all that, being FI and able to retire when I want is a great bonus. On the other hand, I still run into classmates at college reunions who are unhappy and feel like "failures" in their careers even though they are multimillionaires. One factor, in my view, is that their "goals" are more based on being seen as better as everyone else, instead of their own desires. I did go through a period at Megacorp like that - being pushed onto the "executive track" - and though I was doing well in terms of advancement I was personally miserable and not enjoying work, so I hopped off of it, and a glad that I did.

By focusing on what I like as much as possible, a drop in "status" wouldn't bother me at all. I've seen other folks do it and enjoy it. For me, I know what I have achieved, and that is more important that how others might evaluate my "status" in whatever I choose to move on to.
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Old 03-29-2014, 07:09 AM   #22
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Originally Posted by mikefixac View Post
For me, I just never made a lot of money, $20K-$25K max/year. Most years less than that. So put a big capital L on my forehead.

I did end up having a NW over $1M. Got lucky with investments, necessity being its mother.
Just goes to show you, it's all about priorities. Good show...

I'm reminded of the news story I read a couple of years ago about the fellow who, flying in his plane over his house, observed a fellow breaking in, managed to contact the police, and the guy was apprehended. In the discussion below the article (yeah, not much intellectual stimulation in those), a few folk were miffed at how an auto parts store manager (the airplane pilot) managed to afford a private airplane...

Priorities.
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Old 03-29-2014, 07:19 AM   #23
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Oh, and to the OP: Yes, it is a significant shift in the tasks and challenges in your face during the day. I experienced something similar to others in previous posts when I 'retired' from the military: the realization I'd never make General! That one lasted about 5min, but I still had a little trepidation about leaving a career where I felt good in my skin and made some small difference. But I transitioned very quickly into a civilian teaching job, and pretty soon I was caught up in the challenges of that day.

I'm currently in a job where I know the same sort of transition trepidation will occur when I eventually retire. I'm just going to work at replacing it with things in my day that provide the same sort of elemental satisfaction, along the lines of Steely Dan's line from Deacon Blues: "...learn to work the saxaphone; I'll play just what I feel...". I am going to ignore the next part about "drink scotch whiskey all night long, and die behind the wheel", however...

Really, give yourself a little time to find the new things that satisfy your need for accomplishment.
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Old 03-29-2014, 07:32 AM   #24
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At one time, my identity was my work. But that changed when I refocused my life - started cutting work hours in 2002, eventually getting down to 2 work days a week. I've started several new hobbies in the last ten years, and it seems that these hobbies are my new identity. I think that if one has a passion for their non-work pursuits, their need for recognition from work soon passes.
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Old 03-29-2014, 07:54 AM   #25
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I think I have some of the same feelings you do. In fact I thought about writing a post about it too this week.

For me, I just never made a lot of money, $20K-$25K max/year. Most years less than that. So put a big capital L on my forehead.

I did end up having a NW over $1M. Got lucky with investments, necessity being its mother.

I have high regards with those on this board who've done well or knew the value of savings at a young age. I'm just glad to know about this board, Bogleheads and I'm also a big MMM fan.
You are a big big winner. Where did you get the idea about that capital L on your forehead. If you could have this kind of money with the level of income you had, you played the game smart. There are lots of people who burst their arse working hard but spending it all who don't have anything near what you have.
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Old 03-29-2014, 08:00 AM   #26
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I've had these feelings. When I was w*rking, there was a point where I thought I would be demoted. Others around me already had been demoted and I could see their struggle to maintain their dignity. Accepting that would have been really hard in that environment.

Fortunately, when I retired, I had none of these feelings once I was clear of all the competitiveness of co-w*rkers. I felt like I'd won the game and that they were still in the crab pot.
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Old 03-29-2014, 08:03 AM   #27
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Having overachieved all my life, any set back in my career or life would devastate me. Good luck and best wishes to your current situation.
Work on the that. There's much more to life than title, financial or material accomplishment. One's well-being should never be tied to status.
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Old 03-29-2014, 09:08 AM   #28
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ER Eddie:

I think there is a serious problem in our society with people identifying themselves with their job. If you go to a party and you meet someone, probably the first question they ask is "What do you do?". I think this identifying with the jobs is one reason why some people die shortly after retiring - a major part of them does die when they retire.

You deserve credit for acknowledging these thoughts. I imagine after an adjustment period, things will improve significantly. You also might find it helpful to read a book such as "The Joy Of Not Working" by Zelinski. That's just one example that comes to mind. There are several other good books that can help with adjusting to retirement.

Good luck with everything and keep us posted!
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Old 03-29-2014, 09:10 AM   #29
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Good subject... Interesting to see the memories and emotions come out.

I believe... that egos are built in to everyone, and a strong driver of our emotional well being. Ego is a personal thing, and mostly not even noticed by others. Self perception then often guides our actions.

Quote:
O would some power the gift to give us to see ourselves as others see us. ~ Robert Burns.
Expectations... Whose expectations?... Mom and Dad? Spouse? Friend? or co-workers? Probably not as high as those we set for ourselves. And when were the highest expectations developed? School? Marriage? First job?

So... now the personal vignette that defines...

Hired, after the Army service, into what was the wrong kind of business, based on my education and interests. It was too easy for me, so meant promotion after promotion, with 9 family moves along the way. Next to last job was the peak of reasonable expectations... National Sales Manager in one of the largest corporations at the time. Big problem... the kind of business is a "hail fellow well met" politically correct in the management structure. Not the right place for a free thinker, or a creative spirit. I hired a younger assistant, who was much better than me at the personality part of the position. No intrigue, no back biting, but the President realized what was best for the company, and engineered a sideways slide for me, into a non-title job as "special projects manager". On the face of this, much sympathy from friends, and an initial emotional shock... again, to the ego...
A week of sulking... then a quick move into the most enjoyable and fulfilling few years of my employment. Hard work... bring it on!... Traveled all over the country... actual time traveling and w*rk, maybe 80 hours a week. A place to make my own rules, develop concepts, create internal teams and build new vistas.
With all of that, a low profile. Little adulation, except from top management.
Turns out that the entire division (part of one of the top five largest US corporations) was destined to be shut down completely. At the end, my last two years were spent as special project manager... (covert operation) to engineer the shutdown. Worked myself out of the job at age 49.
Short three years of creating my own business, with a hope of franchising it in a new field... Cancer scare, and decision to try to make it with our comparatively small savings at age 53.

Now, how does that fit in here? Well, I think it all comes down to self perception. In terms of money.. am probably in the bottom 5% of the members here. In terms of a resume, not particularly impressive. Public recognition? Not for the past 10 years and even then, not on boards of businesses or public entities. Except for a military presence at my funeral, and the possible mention in my obit of the years in scouts, SBA volunteer advisor, chamber of commerce in many towns, and my swimming career in H.S. and college... nothing of great note.

I do excel at one thng that no one else can top... I am 100% happy with my life. It comes from memories of the good times, and disregarding any negaives. Life gets better (and more precious) every day.
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Old 03-29-2014, 09:11 AM   #30
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It didn't bother me. Once I was in the position I wanted to be in I stopped taking promotional exams. Lessee, I was doing work that I thoroughly enjoyed, the hours I wanted, and the pay was fair for that area. Not great, but fair.

Get a promotion, go back to shift work of all hours with the attendant exhaustion, more overtime than I'd want, for a 5% pay increase? No thanks.
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Old 03-29-2014, 09:40 AM   #31
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Mixed feelings on moving on from any long-time endeavor, or any major life change, are common. Those feelings pass as folks get more involved in the next phase of their lives.
+1 on Zelinski's books.
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Old 03-29-2014, 10:13 AM   #32
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....... If you go to a party and you meet someone, probably the first question they ask is "What do you do?"...........
As a mechanical engineer, my standard answer was always to tell people that I was a mechanic. It was fun to see them stammer, then condescend to me.
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Old 03-29-2014, 10:19 AM   #33
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Drive past the corporate office and count the numbers of 6' high bronze statues of retired (or current) employees that are prominently displayed on the front lawn.
Couldn't agree more! I've seen several key executives at my MegaCorp pull the plug in the past couple of years and they are soon forgotten. In corporate America, it's all about "What have you done for me lately?" and you soon realize that everyone is replaceable. I have plateaued in my career as well but it is more of a personal decision as I don't want the 60+ hour work week for a 10% increase in pay. I am comfortable with my work-life balance and have about 8 years left to play the game until I semi-retire and relocate to a warmer climate. I'm not one who's ego is tied to work accomplishments so I'm enjoying the ride into the sunset
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Old 03-29-2014, 10:34 AM   #34
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As a mechanical engineer, my standard answer was always to tell people that I was a mechanic. It was fun to see them stammer, then condescend to me.
When people ask me what I do, I've always wanted to tell people "I do whatever I want to do, I'm retired". But I've never been able to bring myself to answer that way. Would not be the best way to make a good first impression, but I'd love to see the expression on their faces!!
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Old 03-29-2014, 10:37 AM   #35
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Can someone post that picture of a guy walking past a graveyard thinking Time = Money? That always puts things in perspective for me.
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Old 03-29-2014, 10:37 AM   #36
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It's interesting reading these posts about feelings of inadequacy - many by people who have achieved financial independence at a very young age, something the vast majority of people never accomplish but would love to.

Maybe not surprising that people so goal oriented and focused feel a little lost once they've achieved their main goal.
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Feelings of failure upon approaching semi-retirement
Old 03-29-2014, 11:06 AM   #37
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Feelings of failure upon approaching semi-retirement

I'm still trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up. To me, my job was a necessary means to several ends - the biggest being my early retirement. I won the game, now I'm in a better game - enjoying life with the woman I love, and being able to spend time with and financially assist when necessary, my grown son. We travel, take photographs and have quite a few people claim to live vicariously through our travels.

Not bad...

...for us or for you.

You've a whole new phase of your life ahead of you. Make it what you want it to be.
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Old 03-29-2014, 11:29 AM   #38
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Yes, ER Eddie, I can relate to you, on the one hand. I have a general feeling of shame for "being a bum" since I am not working. I attribute the feeling to my parents raising us to work hard and prosper, and that to do otherwise is a sin.

On the other hand, if I were to work part time, I would not feel shame about the type of work it was. After megacorp ejected me, I became a long haul tractor trailer driver, a job many would consider subpar, but I actually felt proud doing it. I wanted to tell people I was a tractor trailer driver.

But now that I am not working at all, I do feel some shame. Even though
I try to tell myself I should not.
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Old 03-29-2014, 11:32 AM   #39
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ER Eddie - I completely relate to your feelings. For me, it hit the worst more than 2 years after ER, and it's only been in the past couple of months that I've really acknowledged it and worked at putting the feelings aside. I really needed to be very good at what I did and be recognized for it, and until now I've been waiting/hoping for people to ask/beg me to do some w*rk for them because they knew how good I was. A lot of this was because I felt like I should have been a VP at my Megacorp because several other (less competent) people I had worked with earlier in my career made it to VP, but I didn't admit this to myself until very recently. So I'm starting to feel better now that I've owned up to that disappointment. Hopefully you will as well now that you have acknowledged it. Remember that feelings are never either right or wrong, they just are.
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Old 03-29-2014, 11:35 AM   #40
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I have been working part time about 8 years now. I was even let go for about 18 months due to financial problems at the employer. Now I just go in the office 1 or 2 afternoons a week and do the rest from home. I was able to negotiate a sweet deal when they called me back to work.

I have a young manager that I helped mentor and I just do the computer programming these days. I find that I have influenced many decisions without having to sit in on the meetings and deal with the all of the corporate drama.

I suggest that you develop some other interests as I did. You will eventually adjust. Stop thinking about the past and look to your future.

Good Luck!
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