Final arrangements

[Dash man]

Quote:

Originally Posted by PatrickA5 A couple of months ago, we purchased our side-by-side plots. I just wanted to get that part out of the way. Our plots are very nice, under a large tree next to a creek. It will be nice to hear the water flowing and birds chirping into eternity. Besides, we got 20% off the regular price due to a Memorial Day sale. According to the Sales Guy, the plots were going fast in such a highly desirable part of the cemetery. For another $2K we could have bought a nice concrete bench overlooking the creek next to our plots.

Sounds very nice! Ours doesn't have a creek, but it's a beautiful part of the cemetery with our side-by-side plots surrounded by shrubs on three sides near the edge of the cemetery with a small farm next door. There is a concrete sidewalk along the front of the plots so visitors don't have to walk on grass. Some plots have solar lighting. The benches next to each plot are the same granite as the monument granite and can be engraved. We can plant flowers if we desire. Next week we deal with the funeral home side of the planning. Then we'll be done until we need them.
The hardest part of this entire process is the planning. They say to do it early so the kids and widow/widower don't make decisions based on emotion. But there still is emotion involved thinking of my DW predeceasing me. I want a nice place to visit to talk to her and pray. I'm glad we can afford it. Even cremation and columbarium costs are rising.

[Walt34]

Quote:

Originally Posted by PatrickA5 For another $2K we could have bought a nice concrete bench overlooking the creek next to our plots.

Wow, that's a rip!

https://www.amazon.com/Outdoor-Concr...rete%20Benches

https://www.theparkcatalog.com/concrete-benches

Deal Alert! Concrete benches

https://www.walmart.com/ip/Kay-Berry...Stone/47690151

...and many, many, others.

[Dash man]

Yes, they're not cheap. And cemeteries have rules and regulations so you can't bring in your own.

[Teacher Terry]

WE are 58 and 63 and a few years ago we got a cremation spot at the Veteran's cemetery. They don't guarantee a specific spot but a spot. It is free for DH and $400 for me. You drop off the ashes and they put you in and it includes the marker. They will do a service for free for the veteran too. REally a nice benefit. I also want my pets ashes mixed with mine. We bought a nice urn for my MIL and after the service scattered her ashes per her request. So I want to use the same urn. I picked it out and love it.

[Dash man]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Teacher Terry WE are 58 and 63 and a few years ago we got a cremation spot at the Veteran's cemetery. They don't guarantee a specific spot but a spot. It is free for DH and $400 for me. You drop off the ashes and they put you in and it includes the marker. They will do a service for free for the veteran too. REally a nice benefit. I also want my pets ashes mixed with mine. We bought a nice urn for my MIL and after the service scattered her ashes per her request. So I want to use the same urn. I picked it out and love it.

We looked at a National Cemetery at Washington's Crossing. We learned the spouses name goes on the back of the monument for the burial plots. She wasn't too keen on that, wanting our names together. They also don't put the headstone in the grave until the veteran passes.

[rodi]

Donation to UCSD Medical School. It's kind of a family tradition - maternal grandparents and both parents. My brother bucked the trend being buried in "High Country" (Estes Park, CO)... You have to register ahead of time, including a notarized signature.

With my dad they harvested his eyes (corneas) and skin (for burn patients). I assume the rest was used as a cadaver for a med student. UCSD does not return the ashes when they're done... but I'm ok with that.

DH wants cremation, then his ashes scattered offshore. The only rule is it has to be at least 3 nautical miles offshore. He owned a boat that he'd take to the Jersey shore - so he's requested half the ashes off San Diego's shore - half off the coast of North Wildwood, New Jersey.

[Koolau]

I was a bit surprised at DW's uncle's plan. We saw him (likely for the final time) recently. He's 91 and quite ill. Though he lives on the west coast, he plans to be buried in his home town in the midwest - adjacent to his parents and several brothers/sisters. It's not quite a family plot, but he's bought up a big chunk of the cemetery AND funded the cemetery's upkeep for the foreseeable future.

What I thought was perhaps a bit over the top was his purchase of a large marble grave marker for his (future) grave. On the stone (both sides) is engraved his life story. It runs several paragraphs (did I mention the stone is LARGE.) I have to admit, his story is worth preserving but usually the survivors write such things, don't they? Oh well.

But for DW and me, as mentioned elsewhere in the forum, we want to have our ashes scattered over the pet cemetery adjacent to a large multi-faith, multi-culture cemetery. Don't know if the last one to go will want a service. Can't imagine anyone would travel from the mainland for us, though that's quite common in the Islands - most services are two to three weeks after passing to allow travel time. YMMV

[athena53]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Koolau I was a bit surprised at DW's uncle's plan. We saw him (likely for the final time) recently. He's 91 and quite ill. Though he lives on the west coast, he plans to be buried in his home town in the midwest - adjacent to his parents and several brothers/sisters. It's not quite a family plot, but he's bought up a big chunk of the cemetery AND funded the cemetery's upkeep for the foreseeable future.

My grandfather, who had lived in a retirement community in FL for at least the previous 10-15 years, was explicit about how his remains were to be handled. He was not to be embalmed by anyone but the employees of the funeral home the family had used for decades, across the street from the church we'd all attended, where my parents had been married, my siblings baptized, etc.- in Ohio. I still can't believe they were able to do that- I'm sure most states would prohibit it now and most airlines wouldn't want to transport an unembalmed body. But that's what Grandpa wanted.

[ERD50]

Quote:

Originally Posted by ERD50 Regarding cremation, with all the advances in DNA analysis, and advances we can't possibly foresee, I would think that it might be prudent to hang on to something from the decedent with intact DNA. No, I don't know what for - that's the point. Do any crematoriums have a plan for this? -ERD50

Quote:

Originally Posted by RunningBum Would that be any different from collecting DNA while you're alive? I have that choice to do it now (which I've done through 23andme), is there more they can collect once I'm dead? Maybe they can more easily find the cranky gene I seem to have?

No, I guess not. Just thinking about some standard means of having it available for storage and retrieval. Like maybe a vial with some usable DNA material stored with the ashes? I suppose this could be a DIY thing, "Here kids, keep this vial with a chunk of me around, just in case you ever need it."
-ERD50

[Dash man]

Quote:

Originally Posted by athena53 My grandfather, who had lived in a retirement community in FL for at least the previous 10-15 years, was explicit about how his remains were to be handled. He was not to be embalmed by anyone but the employees of the funeral home the family had used for decades, across the street from the church we'd all attended, where my parents had been married, my siblings baptized, etc.- in Ohio. I still can't believe they were able to do that- I'm sure most states would prohibit it now and most airlines wouldn't want to transport an unembalmed body. But that's what Grandpa wanted.

We discussed with our funeral home transfer back to our home town where we bought the plots. They said to have next of kin contact them and they will make all transportation arrangements. They also said Pennsylvania state law requires any bodies being transferred by commercial air to or from Pennsylvania must be embalmed.
It may vary by state, but having dealt with the transport of the remains of some military members, I can't imagine any commercial airline permitting the transport of an unenbalmed body.

[wmc1000]

When my mom passed in 2009 my dad was going to spread her ashes on her families gravesite but the funeral director told him that wasn't allowed in MI. However he also told him that as a veteran he was entitled to have her ashes placed in a columbarium in a Veterans Cemetery. My dad did this and her name and dates are engraved on the lower half of the front of the space, when he passes his info will be added on the top half.

[Spock]

My parents enrolled in Science Care. When mom died at 83, one phone call and they handled everything for free. You can chose to get the cremains back if you want them and they give you a card saying they planted a tree for the deceased.

Not sure if I'd go that route personally... but since one of my hobbies is collecting and cooking with cast iron, my urn is going to be a Lodge #10 camp oven.

[97guns]

I recently found out my mom has made all her arrangements already, the whole 9 yards. I knew she had a plot but I saw an outfit of clothes boxed up in her bedroom and asked what it was for, when she told me I was a little shocked and saddened. She said that she didn't want any of us to worry about putting everything together but her estate will easily cover that expense.

[LOL!]

My dad is buried in a national cemetery. 21-gun salute and all that. My mom was cremated and her ashes were urned and stored on a bookshelf. Then when the kids had time, the ashes were put in a hole at dad's grave. I don't know if mom's name is now on the back of the gravestone or not. No one has ever gone back to check.

I suppose I'll be cremated and the ashes flushed over time down the toilet, used in the garden, whatever. Who cares if it is legal or not.

[wmc1000]

Spock - thanks for the Science Care info - I checked them out and signed up for their newsletter. Possible free cremation - LBYM right through the end!

[tbilltubbs]

DW & I have both donated our bodies to science, just as my mother, father, sister, stepfather and MIL did.

[Blue Collar Guy]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Amethyst ..... We each want a tree planted in our memory. ........

As usual I have a story. When I was in elementary school, a former student who had become a Police Officer had been murdered along with his partner by some hate group. They planted a tree at our school and put up a plaque attached to a stone. That school is now my location to go vote for elections. In November 2016 went over to the "tree" , it was now reduced to a 6 inch stump. The Plaque reads this "tree is a symbol...." Yeah some symbol for the ultimate sacrifice. I contacted the school board. You know how that went. I wont hold my breath. His saintly mother used to go to mass with my mom as well, they used to hold hands and pray for their sons together. Moral of the story, leave someone responsible to care for your memory tree. By the way, I like your idea, my local cemetery has such a program, they put small stones near all the tree that are dedicated by family members.