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Old 01-19-2013, 04:50 AM   #21
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Hi! My husband and I retired last Feb. 2012. We love to rock climb and mountain bike. We spent this past summer in Canada doing just that. Upcoming trips are snowboarding in Colorado, Moab in the spring, Crested Butte this summer and NZ next winter. We're always game for company. We are 47 and 48 yrs. old respectively. Best to contact me via email if you are interested.
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Old 01-19-2013, 10:03 AM   #22
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I looked and saw that you are also a man, as is your former travel partner. I know that this situation is hurtful to you, and has caused you some loss and pain. Yet it is funny. A grown man, living in America, is not "allowed" by his wife (jailor?) to go on trips with his same sex friend and compatible travel partner. And he puts up with this.

Ha
Not allowing is certainly a problem but often times it is more complicated than that. My wife will "allow" me to go on any trips I like within reason. The problem develops when she wants equal time off and funds to do her special trips which is only fair. Once we've both done our personal trips, are there sufficient funds and time available for us to travel together? Yes, but it does put a crimp in the LBYM mindset. As with most things in life, there are trade-offs to be made.
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Old 01-24-2013, 03:14 PM   #23
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I looked and saw that you are also a man, as is your former travel partner. I know that this situation is hurtful to you, and has caused you some loss and pain. Yet it is funny. A grown man, living in America, is not "allowed" by his wife (jailor?) to go on trips with his same sex friend and compatible travel partner. And he puts up with this.

Ha
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Not allowing is certainly a problem but often times it is more complicated than that. My wife will "allow" me to go on any trips I like within reason. The problem develops when she wants equal time off and funds to do her special trips which is only fair. Once we've both done our personal trips, are there sufficient funds and time available for us to travel together? Yes, but it does put a crimp in the LBYM mindset. As with most things in life, there are trade-offs to be made.
Ha, please do not think the humor, and sadness, of the situation is lost on me. My friend puts up with so much more in that relationship than I think I ever would; but, I assume (possibly just hope) that he is getting something in return that I do not understand. (There is much in this world that I do not understand.)

BTravelin, you touch on some of the additional issues that my friend faces even if he were willing to battle his wife on the allowed to travel with me front. So, in the end, it is not worth it for him to even fight that battle.
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Old 01-24-2013, 04:24 PM   #24
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Getting along with people who are in our lives, while still managing to get some enjoyment out of our lives, is for many of us a bigger issue than our finances.

I determined that others can control us by various means, but in intimate relationships the main one is that we are afraid of what the other may do if we don't meaningfully bow to their demands.

For a married man who has been the main earner, and who may have children in the relationship the other party holds a giant hammer that they don't have to use, or even threaten to use because essentially no one in the society is not very familiar with how it works. Loss of money, effective loss of one's children, loss or modification of a familiar and usually satisfying relationship, worries that if he is not attentive enough someone else may be quite ready to supply the missing attention. A pretty big box of woe, all packing megaton emotional power.

When unmarried, some of it disappears, but for anyone who can speak of having a boyfriend or girlfriend, there is still that threat of loss of something valuable. No one with "someone" is going to be free of these feelings, but they can be lessened by using the Stoics’ trick of imagining the absolute worst that s/he could do - short of murder, of course, and then asking oneself if avoiding even some unknown threat of this worst outcome is worth surrendering much of one's autonomy?

As they say around the internets, ymmv.

I don't suppose this would apply when it is a simple question of not wanting to spend enough to get his, hers, and our vacations. Even this, however benign it might be, could possibly narrow one's life.

Ha
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Old 01-24-2013, 06:00 PM   #25
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Most of my trips abroad in third world countries are about the provision of free health care to people in need. So far I have not found many clinicians wiling to give some of their time free. So, to answer your question, I don't have similar issues.
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Anybody else with similar issues?
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Old 01-24-2013, 08:40 PM   #26
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Ha, please do not think the humor, and sadness, of the situation is lost on me. My friend puts up with so much more in that relationship than I think I ever would; but, I assume (possibly just hope) that he is getting something in return that I do not understand. (There is much in this world that I do not understand.)

BTravelin, you touch on some of the additional issues that my friend faces even if he were willing to battle his wife on the allowed to travel with me front. So, in the end, it is not worth it for him to even fight that battle.
My first administration would not even consider the thought of me going on a trip without her and was one of the things that contributed to the split.

My current DW is always open to discussing options and it makes things so much easier and more enjoyable. We do operate as a partnership with shared goals and it makes all the difference.

Time is too precious to deal with those who are insecure and not trusting.
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Old 01-25-2013, 01:05 PM   #27
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This thread makes me think of Doctor Who, who always trades in his companions from time-to-time.

I am not as adventurous as the OP, but in my twenties me and a buddy would take international trips on odd numbered years. Came to a mutual end when each of our lives changed (me marriage, him back to the US from the UK). No more international trips but we now gather annually with a few other fellas for boys weekend. That is an easy negotiation with my wife.
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Old 01-25-2013, 05:24 PM   #28
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Originally Posted by haha View Post
I looked and saw that you are also a man, as is your former travel partner. I know that this situation is hurtful to you, and has caused you some loss and pain. Yet it is funny. A grown man, living in America, is not "allowed" by his wife (jailor?) to go on trips with his same sex friend and compatible travel partner. And he puts up with this. Ha
In my case, my travel companion's wife truly thought I was going to get him killed on one on my adventures. She was wrong, but had no understanding of mountaineering. He has not been on a trip with me since she said no more. I am sad, but understand that marriage is a give-and-take. I am comfortable that he believe he is coming out ahead overall.

He has since missed the off-road motorcycle adventure trips that I have moved into that my wife thinks are going to kill me. I am going on one in the Spring anyway, with my brother.
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Old 01-25-2013, 05:35 PM   #29
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In my case, my travel companion's wife truly thought I was going to get him killed on one on my adventures. She was wrong, but had no understanding of mountaineering. He has not been on a trip with me since she said no more. I am sad, but understand that marriage is a give-and-take. I am comfortable that he believe he is coming out ahead overall.

He has since missed the off-road motorcycle adventure trips that I have moved into that my wife thinks are going to kill me. I am going on one in the Spring anyway, with my brother.
Substitute diving or anything 3rd world related and you have nailed the primary concern of my old travel companion's wife. We have all been friends for years; she was always convinced at least one of us was not going to make it back to the USA alive when we left on our adventures. So, no more of that after they got hitched.

To be completely fair, we have both had some close calls on vacation; but, I am sure I have had more brushes with death on long weekends in the USA. Yes, it truly is a wonder that I am still alive.
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Old 01-25-2013, 10:02 PM   #30
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Culture, I would send my DH on a motorcycle trip like that. I took the driving class last year, but I'm just not into it. It would be a blessing to be able to have him go on that kind of trip without me.
I like to pick and choose, and the two that leave me cold are mountaineering and motorcycles. Y'all can have that stuff. And if you die, well hell, at least you went out living, like real men, and not sitting on a couch somewhere.
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Find One From a Past Adventure?
Old 03-30-2013, 09:24 PM   #31
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Find One From a Past Adventure?

Two girlfriends from college are still my "go to" travel partners, now that we have reached ER (though they both still work PT). With one I traveled the US, for a month after college. The other was my travel buddy for 5 wks. in Europe, back in our 20's.

The one (with whom I traveled the States) will be in Provence for work in Sept., and wanted someone to meet her in Paris for 8 days afterwards. Her husband doesn't like to travel, and my husband cannot for health reasons. So both of our husbands were happy for us to travel again together. (They feel like they're "off the hook.")

Who knows? Maybe they will each enjoy their peace and quiet at home, and send us off on another trip in the future? (She and I can only hope....)

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Old 03-30-2013, 10:34 PM   #32
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I've been traveling with women friends a lot - my S.O. doesn't want to go and I don't want to stay home. It works out really well
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Old 04-01-2013, 11:18 AM   #33
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I've been traveling with women friends a lot - my S.O. doesn't want to go and I don't want to stay home. It works out really well

Glad to hear this! May I (and my travel friends) quote you in the future? (Our husbands always like to hear the results of our "research-based" travel-planning!)

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