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Old 11-03-2015, 11:32 AM   #41
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I've always been one to see positive results others have achieved and tried to emulate them.
If you want to be skinny, hang out with skinny people, if you want to RE hang out with those who are. It's not jealousy, but admiration.
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Old 11-03-2015, 01:54 PM   #42
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I would not say I fret but yes, what my children, significant other and parents think about my life is important to me.
If they persistently and sincerely ask for details, explain what you did and what you're now doing honestly and briefly. Then they'll know. What they think about it is strictly up to them.
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I love the support from my family and if I'm going to take the good I have to accept the bad.
I didn't FIRE until 58, so likely I'm not a good example. But if the customs and traditions of your family differ from your own in regard to earning a living over your life time, then you'll have to live with that. If you make a big deal out of the differences, that's up to you.
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now coworkers are different.
Of course. Why would you be surprised by this? If you get multiple, big promo's and leave them behind in the dust, they'll be different. If your business is much more successful than theirs, they'll be different. If you inherit zillions and buy an island, they'll be different. If you sign a multi-zillion professional sports contract, their relationship to you is bound to change in some way. And, yes, if you FIRE young, they'll be different. That's how that works. If you don't want relationships to change, then don't change who you are or how you live your life.
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Old 11-03-2015, 02:01 PM   #43
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People are people the world over. No matter what you do, some will love it and some not so much. I knew from reading retirement books and posts here that there would be a wide range of reactions. When I retired at 59, most people were supportive and trilled for me, but I often heard "You are too young to retire". I tried to make jokes like "Oh, I left my walker at home today!" and kept a smile on my face. I avoided the people that made negative comments. The Four Agreements book taught me not to take these comments personally. Retirement is what one makes of it and that is what matters.
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Old 11-03-2015, 02:35 PM   #44
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I've always been one to see positive results others have achieved and tried to emulate them.
If you want to be skinny, hang out with skinny people, if you want to RE hang out with those who are. It's not jealousy, but admiration.

Good point. I wish I had met some real life early retirees when I was younger, I would have tried to learn from them.


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Old 11-03-2015, 03:21 PM   #45
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Why do folks fret and anguish so much over getting consensual validation from family, friends and co-workers over their FIRE plans? Everyone has their own views on how to live their lives and I wouldn't expect others to always totally agree with how I'm living mine.
At least one can be sure of a positive reaction here.

Ha
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Old 11-03-2015, 06:30 PM   #46
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Good point. I wish I had met some real life early retirees when I was younger, I would have tried to learn from them.


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So, you're saying you'd ask that person for career guidance to help you have a successful career enabling you to retire early? Or maybe you'd ask for investment advise? How about advise on getting a good job with a startup that eventually makes you wealthy at a young age with lucrative stock options? Maybe he/she could tell you about starting your own business which you sell for megabux at 30 yo and RE?

So many things to ask about! It would be hard to know where to start.
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Old 11-04-2015, 06:30 AM   #47
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Wow, can I relate to this! Here we sit, in the process of building our retirement home and all plans readied to pull the plug next Spring. Haven't told ANYONE of any of this. Easy for me, a bit tougher on the DW, especially in the social media "share everything" culture that we seem to live it today.

I don't talk about it with boss/coworkers because I don't think my boss will go to bat for me when it's time to negotiate my bonus early next year if I tell him my plans. Last year, that bonus would cover 6 months of expenses.

I don't tell my family, as my brother hasn't got anything. Paycheck-to-paycheck, terrible apartment, barely functional automobile, terrible job. We've been treated like the bank in the past. That'll never happen again.

I guess my story will be that we moved and they've "cut my hours". After that, I suppose the story will be "they made me an offer I couldn't refuse and I haven't found anything else yet".
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Old 11-04-2015, 03:58 PM   #48
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Really didn't get much other than good for you if you can afford it. I think most of our friends and family figured I knew what I was doing and my senior job would allow an early retirement (56)
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Old 11-04-2015, 04:25 PM   #49
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My decision to go to law school has pretty much put to bed any of the snide comments or sideways looks I get about retiring so early. I think it makes everyone feel so much better that I "decided" to join everyone else in the misery. Initially, I told people that I didn't have any plans on getting licensed as a lawyer, and those crazy sideways looks came right back. SO...as far as they are all concerned, I am in law school and will be starting a new career in a few years. I am sure when I don't take the bar exam, they will all talk about how I couldn't hack the exam or some other crazy thing. Funny how people act sometimes, eh?
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Old 11-04-2015, 04:33 PM   #50
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No surprise. I heard all the variations too, though they didn't line up with family, friends, co-workers, strangers like some here. Basic responses were (or variations of):
  • Good for you, wish you the best (and meant it).
  • Good for you, you must be luckier than me (these folks think I just got lucky investing).
  • Are you sure, no one can retire at 57? LBYM is impossible, they'd get mad if I suggested LBYM.
  • Thinly veiled envy. Some think I knew an investing silver bullet with crazy high returns (some of them pursued really dumb get rich schemes), and I should have shared it with them.
  • Outright spoken contempt from some co-workers, pure envy. You lucky bastard! I can imagine what they said behind my back, actually did gear some of it - but didn't worry about it.
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Old 11-04-2015, 05:10 PM   #51
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I am sure when I don't take the bar exam, they will all talk about how I couldn't hack the exam or some other crazy thing. Funny how people act sometimes, eh?
You might think about making that clear, or they might just assume you couldn't pass the bar exam. Personally, I would rather that people know the facts. I completed all the requirements for a PhD but decided at the last minute that although I enjoyed the educational process, I didn't want to be identified that way so I let the deadline pass without formally turning in my dissertation. Probably not too different from your situation.




FWIW, Jerry Brown (California governor), Pete Wilson (former California governor), Hillary Clinton, JFK Jr., Michelle Obama, FDR, Benjamin Cardozo (former Supreme Court justice), Ed Koch (former NYC mayor), and many other very famous people all failed a bar exam at least once.
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Old 11-04-2015, 07:02 PM   #52
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Latest update since my OP....apparently, rumor at the office is that I'm not really retiring....must be a big company ploy to eliminate my position as a first step towards mass lay off since I'm too young to retire!


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Old 11-04-2015, 07:16 PM   #53
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You must be trembling with excitement! Such wonderful gossip/rumors around the water cooler! What would we ever post about if we FIRE'd quietly, slipping out to the parking lot without gossip, fanfare or rumors?

Sounds like this whole situation is now well under control bearkeley and you can get on with the rest of your life unhindered.

Have you thought about starting a thread about your upcoming travels? I'd love to hear about where you guys are off to, how you're leaving things set up here while you're gone, what kind of expenses you expect and how you're controlling them, etc., etc. It really sounds great!
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Old 11-04-2015, 09:10 PM   #54
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You might think about making that clear, or they might just assume you couldn't pass the bar exam. Personally, I would rather that people know the facts. I completed all the requirements for a PhD but decided at the last minute that although I enjoyed the educational process, I didn't want to be identified that way so I let the deadline pass without formally turning in my dissertation. Probably not too different from your situation.




FWIW, Jerry Brown (California governor), Pete Wilson (former California governor), Hillary Clinton, JFK Jr., Michelle Obama, FDR, Benjamin Cardozo (former Supreme Court justice), Ed Koch (former NYC mayor), and many other very famous people all failed a bar exam at least once.
Well, generally speaking, I don't give a flying...well, you know...what folks think about me. The number of negative comments about going to law school FAR outweighed the positive comments, but I did it anyway. When it's ALL said and done (as in I am on my death bed), the ONLY person that I will be concerned about what they think about my life's decisions will be ME.

And as for folks that failed the bar...I don't EVER want to be compared to Hillary Clinton -or- Jerry Brown. Now, Cardozo? His judicial opinions are gold! Oh yeah...and a rumor that has gotten WAY out of control. Cardozo was duly examined and admitted...first time out. He did that with only completing 2 of 3 years of law school.

I would guess pursuing a PhD in *almost* anything is quite a bit more of a pain than getting a J.D. Both timewise -and- overall workload wise. So far, I haven't found law school to be very difficult. Then again, I am not a "gunner" and am not involved with ANY extracurricular "networking" activities, so that might be a big reason.
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Old 11-04-2015, 09:11 PM   #55
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Latest update since my OP....apparently, rumor at the office is that I'm not really retiring....must be a big company ploy to eliminate my position as a first step towards mass lay off since I'm too young to retire!


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Oh yes, folks will come up with ANY excuse as to WHY you aren't REALLY retiring! I think that's nothing more than jealousy.
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Old 11-04-2015, 09:23 PM   #56
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My decision to go to law school has pretty much put to bed any of the snide comments or sideways looks I get about retiring so early. I think it makes everyone feel so much better that I "decided" to join everyone else in the misery. Initially, I told people that I didn't have any plans on getting licensed as a lawyer, and those crazy sideways looks came right back. SO...as far as they are all concerned, I am in law school and will be starting a new career in a few years. I am sure when I don't take the bar exam, they will all talk about how I couldn't hack the exam or some other crazy thing. Funny how people act sometimes, eh?
You should take the exam. It's easy, and you never know when it will come in handy to be admitted to the bar.
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Old 11-05-2015, 01:55 AM   #57
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Have you thought about starting a thread about your upcoming travels? I'd love to hear about where you guys are off to, how you're leaving things set up here while you're gone, what kind of expenses you expect and how you're controlling them, etc., etc. It really sounds great!

Thanks youbet! I'm actually starting a blog to share pics with co workers who want to stay in touch (guess I didn't include that in the list of reactions)....and now to prove I'm not THAT lucky and didn't get laid off and receive a package! I'll be sure to start a thread with info you outlined....that could be a cool page to add to my blog too! Learned a lot from this board over the years and continue to get inspired, so happy to share in case we can do the same!


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Old 11-05-2015, 09:14 AM   #58
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No surprise. I heard all the variations too, though they didn't line up with family, friends, co-workers, strangers like some here. Basic responses were (or variations of):
  • Good for you, wish you the best (and meant it). <snip>
  • Outright spoken contempt from some co-workers, pure envy. You lucky bastard! (all highlights by redduck when nobody was looking). I can imagine what they said behind my back, actually did gear some of it - but didn't worry about it.
  • "Good for you" and "You lucky bastard!" can have the same meaning. Both expressions can be positive. Actually, "you lucky bastard" sounds more celebratory than "good for you".
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Old 11-05-2015, 09:24 AM   #59
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  • "Good for you" and "You lucky bastard!" can have the same meaning. Both expressions can be positive. Actually, "you lucky bastard" sounds more celebratory than "good for you".
Actually, I find the reference to "luck" somewhat insulting. But I agree that it's often not intended that way, but rather as a positive expression. An experienced ear can usually tell the difference.
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Old 11-05-2015, 09:25 AM   #60
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.and now to prove I'm not THAT lucky and didn't get laid off and receive a package!

Hee, hee....... Just can't let go, can ya?
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