Join Early Retirement Today
Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
Old 10-22-2007, 11:05 AM   #21
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 11,019
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gekko View Post
Trust me on this: there is a heck of a lot more extra-marital activity among the economically disadvantaged.
We need data.
__________________

__________________
Meadbh is offline   Reply With Quote
Join the #1 Early Retirement and Financial Independence Forum Today - It's Totally Free!

Are you planning to be financially independent as early as possible so you can live life on your own terms? Discuss successful investing strategies, asset allocation models, tax strategies and other related topics in our online forum community. Our members range from young folks just starting their journey to financial independence, military retirees and even multimillionaires. No matter where you fit in you'll find that Early-Retirement.org is a great community to join. Best of all it's totally FREE!

You are currently viewing our boards as a guest so you have limited access to our community. Please take the time to register and you will gain a lot of great new features including; the ability to participate in discussions, network with our members, see fewer ads, upload photographs, create a retirement blog, send private messages and so much, much more!

Old 10-22-2007, 12:23 PM   #22
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
HFWR's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Lawn chair in Texas
Posts: 12,964
Yes, photos data please...
__________________

__________________
Have Funds, Will Retire

...not doing anything of true substance...
HFWR is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-22-2007, 02:27 PM   #23
Moderator Emeritus
Rich_by_the_Bay's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: San Francisco
Posts: 8,827
Regarding late divorce (in your 60s) - a decision often made when both are relatively active and well, with images of a late life swinger lifestyle, free as birds. Only problem is that those are also the years that bring dependence on others occasionally or permanently, and the best laid plans...

I'm thinking of one couple age 70, mutually agreed to a divorce. He has a stroke 2 years later. She tries to get him back on her health insurance policy, but can't. She cares about him but is involved with another man by then, and he starts getting jealous of all the time she is spending with her poor ex. Boyfriend finally leaves her in frustration. The couple is now a couple again, but no longer married. Kids resent her terribly. He is burning assets waiting to qualify for medicaid, etc. etc. She cries every time his name comes up.

Ugh. I say even if it ain't perfect, do what you can to make it work at that age.
__________________
Rich
San Francisco Area
ESR'd March 2010. FIRE'd January 2011.

As if you didn't know..If the above message contains medical content, it's NOT intended as advice, and may not be accurate, applicable or sufficient. Don't rely on it for any purpose. Consult your own doctor for all medical advice.
Rich_by_the_Bay is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-22-2007, 02:40 PM   #24
Administrator
W2R's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: New Orleans
Posts: 38,936
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rich_in_Tampa View Post
Regarding late divorce (in your 60s) - a decision often made when both are relatively active and well, with images of a late life swinger lifestyle, free as birds. Only problem is that those are also the years that bring dependence on others occasionally or permanently, and the best laid plans...

I'm thinking of one couple age 70, mutually agreed to a divorce. He has a stroke 2 years later. She tries to get him back on her health insurance policy, but can't. She cares about him but is involved with another man by then, and he starts getting jealous of all the time she is spending with her poor ex. Boyfriend finally leaves her in frustration. The couple is now a couple again, but no longer married. Kids resent her terribly. He is burning assets waiting to qualify for medicaid, etc. etc. She cries every time his name comes up.

Ugh. I say even if it ain't perfect, do what you can to make it work at that age.
EEk!! That sounds like an awful situation. I can't imagine why anyone age 70 would make a decision that would mean he had no health insurance beyond Medicare.

I'm befuddled by the reference to a "late life swinger lifestyle", though. When we divorced at 50, I don't think either one of us was considering even a "mid life swinger lifestyle". I really don't think that most who divorce do it to become swingers. Maybe I am just projecting my own attitudes onto others, though! :confused:
__________________
Already we are boldly launched upon the deep; but soon we shall be lost in its unshored, harbourless immensities.

- - H. Melville, 1851
W2R is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-22-2007, 03:42 PM   #25
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
haha's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Hooverville
Posts: 22,387
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rich_in_Tampa View Post
Regarding late divorce (in your 60s) - a decision often made when both are relatively active and well, with images of a late life swinger lifestyle, free as birds. Only problem is that those are also the years that bring dependence on others occasionally or permanently, and the best laid plans...
The only difference between facing life alone after a divorce, and facing life alone after an entire life single is duration.

In either case, you have to do your best to deal with a situation that you may not have chosen.

I also object to the reference to fantasies of a swinger lifestyle. For one thing, the term is mis-applied. A man who wants entree into swinger events needs to have a woman to offer.

For another, most older men who find themselves divorced did not desire it, but had it thrust on them by a woman who had her own sometimes inscrutable reasons for wanting out.

The people on this board are very cautious. I don't think any of us needs to be reminded that it would be nice to have a dependable, companionable life partner, especially as one gets older.

Ha
__________________
"As a general rule, the more dangerous or inappropriate a conversation, the more interesting it is."-Scott Adams
haha is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-22-2007, 04:04 PM   #26
Administrator
W2R's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: New Orleans
Posts: 38,936
Quote:
Originally Posted by haha View Post
The only difference between facing life alone after a divorce, and facing life alone after an entire life single is duration.
True, though in my case I feel an appreciation for solitude that I never had before my marriage.

Quote:
Originally Posted by haha View Post
In either case, you have to do your best to deal with a situation that you may not have chosen.

I also object to the reference to fantasies of a swinger lifestyle. For one thing, the term is mis-applied. A man who wants entree into swinger events needs to have a woman to offer.
I hadn't thought of that. I think that you are probably right, though I assumed that Rich meant a sexually free and very active lifestyle rather than joining swingers' groups. I still don't think that sex is a major motivation for divorce. I could be wrong! It wasn't in our case.

Quote:
Originally Posted by haha View Post
For another, most older men who find themselves divorced did not desire it, but had it thrust on them by a woman who had her own sometimes inscrutable reasons for wanting out.
Men are from Mars, women are from Venus. I could go on, but that can get really tedious, really fast.

Quote:
Originally Posted by haha View Post
The people on this board are very cautious. I don't think any of us needs to be reminded that it would be nice to have a dependable, companionable life partner, especially as one gets older.

Ha
That's for sure, though some of us do not equate "dependable, companionable life partner" with being legally married by the state, with all the concomitant financial entanglements.
__________________
Already we are boldly launched upon the deep; but soon we shall be lost in its unshored, harbourless immensities.

- - H. Melville, 1851
W2R is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-22-2007, 04:34 PM   #27
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
haha's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Hooverville
Posts: 22,387
Want2, I agree with everything you said. I realize my post was from the man's POV; plenty women get left by men, again often with no clue why. IMO there may not be any reason other than: "Because, just because".


And I didn't mean that having a dependable companion meant marriage. If you are divorcing though, you are transitioning from a state that you thought included that to one that is fluid and undefined. Some find a trustworthy and compatible companion and proceed nicely without marriage. Some re-marry, some give up or decide they would rather take their chances alone, and some are "looking".

Here are a couple of British looks at marriage and other ways of seeking satisfaction of one's needs.

http://www.thefirstpost.co.uk/index.php?menuID=1&subID=894

http://www.thefirstpost.co.uk/index.php?menuID=1&subID=516


Ha
__________________
"As a general rule, the more dangerous or inappropriate a conversation, the more interesting it is."-Scott Adams
haha is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-22-2007, 05:03 PM   #28
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
Moemg's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Sarasota,fl.
Posts: 10,037
Since I live in Florida home to the older swingers ,I can see two older couples throwing in their car keys (one Lincoln Continental ,one El dorado Cadillac ) so they can test the other's V-8 on the way to the early bird special at the Rotary club .
__________________
Moemg is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-22-2007, 05:16 PM   #29
Administrator
W2R's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: New Orleans
Posts: 38,936
Ha, those are interesting articles. The authors do seem to understand what marriage is, and what it is not, and why. There's nothing wrong with marriage but these days sometimes we tend to think it is the only possible form of relationship or even friendship.
__________________
Already we are boldly launched upon the deep; but soon we shall be lost in its unshored, harbourless immensities.

- - H. Melville, 1851
W2R is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-22-2007, 05:24 PM   #30
Administrator
Gumby's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Posts: 10,158
If the young wife ever throws me over the side (as well she should), I don't believe I would ever marry again. I am simply too old and set in my ways to make the necessary compromises.
__________________
Living an analog life in the Digital Age.
Gumby is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 10-22-2007, 05:37 PM   #31
Moderator Emeritus
Martha's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: minnesota
Posts: 13,212
Good articles Ha.

I like the concept of not expecting more or less from marriage, but realizing that marriage should not fulfill all our social needs and that we should increase our expectations of what friends and community can provide.
__________________
.


No more lawyer stuff, no more political stuff, so no more CYA

Martha is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-22-2007, 08:05 PM   #32
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Posts: 4,898
Quote:
Originally Posted by Martha View Post
Good articles Ha.

I like the concept of not expecting more or less from marriage, but realizing that marriage should not fulfill all our social needs and that we should increase our expectations of what friends and community can provide.
I like this concept too. But I have to say that, in this regard, I like my single life much better than I liked my marriage. One thing I especially like is that I can pick and choose the friends who please me and if they cease to please me I can go on my own merry way without them. In my marriage it was always a compromise about which friends we spent time with and, unfortunately, the ex and I were attracted to different sorts of friends. And also unfortunate was that compromise was not my ex's strong suit.
__________________
Zoocat is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-22-2007, 08:28 PM   #33
Administrator
W2R's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: New Orleans
Posts: 38,936
Quote:
Originally Posted by Oldbabe View Post
I like this concept too. But I have to say that, in this regard, I like my single life much better than I liked my marriage. One thing I especially like is that I can pick and choose the friends who please me and if they cease to please me I can go on my own merry way without them. In my marriage it was always a compromise about which friends we spent time with and, unfortunately, the ex and I were attracted to different sorts of friends. And also unfortunate was that compromise was not my ex's strong suit.
You must have felt terribly isolated during and after your divorce. I am glad that single life has worked out to be much better. I think that the near isolation of some married women happens all too often, especially in abusive marriages (not saying that yours was, but just saying).
__________________
Already we are boldly launched upon the deep; but soon we shall be lost in its unshored, harbourless immensities.

- - H. Melville, 1851
W2R is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-23-2007, 01:20 PM   #34
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Posts: 4,898
Quote:
Originally Posted by Want2retire View Post
You must have felt terribly isolated during and after your divorce. I am glad that single life has worked out to be much better. I think that the near isolation of some married women happens all too often, especially in abusive marriages (not saying that yours was, but just saying).
It was an isolation that was partly my own fault. No, it wasn't an abusive marriage at all. Just two people who couldn't deal with the challenges of a difficult relationship, although we both did the best we could most of the time.
__________________

__________________
Zoocat is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
How do you define "rich" Pavo Other topics 64 01-03-2008 01:50 PM
Great article "Ten Reasons You Aren't Rich" Surfdaddy FIRE and Money 5 03-24-2007 01:19 AM
5 Lessons from the "rich" tryan FIRE and Money 73 03-22-2007 06:15 PM
How'd you spoil yourself when you feeling "rich"? Enuff2Eat FIRE and Money 67 09-25-2006 10:34 AM
"Getting Rich: The Poor Man's Guide" frayne Young Dreamers 8 05-23-2006 02:08 PM

 

 
All times are GMT -6. The time now is 01:49 PM.
 
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 1
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.