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Old 01-29-2016, 07:28 PM   #41
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But I've heard for a lot of family and friends who are retired and they ALL say that in a year or 2 virtually ALL of their old co-workers have drifted away from them and their old companies.
This has been my experience. On retirement day everyone says "keep in touch". Most people never do and the few that keep in touch only do so for a short period of time. If a co-worker has never been to your house, they're probably not one of your true few friends and you will likely never see them again.

Personally, I think I might connect with some of the guys for a round of golf once or twice a year in retirement, but I'm not counting on it. Their life goes on and yours does as well.

Sorry for the way that went down though. We just let a few people go and it was handled in a very similar manner. No good.
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Old 01-29-2016, 07:34 PM   #42
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Move forward and get past this.

Resentment only has one victim.
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Old 01-29-2016, 07:59 PM   #43
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But I've heard for a lot of family and friends who are retired and they ALL say that in a year or 2 virtually ALL of their old co-workers have drifted away from them and their old companies.
....and you'd want to stay in touch with people like that...why?

It's like high school: everyone swears they'll stay in touch "4 eva" ("friends for life" and all that) but few do.

I know it's raw for you right now, but someone said it earlier: you need to suck it up and move on. You've a whole new life ahead of you; don't keep looking backwards.

Like me, your work was more than a paycheck; it was a good part of your life. But you have to realize that for most people it is just a paycheck...and perhaps the wiser for it.
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Old 01-29-2016, 09:53 PM   #44
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When I read your "rant" I thought to myself, this is why they won't allow you onto the property. Your post sounds very scary by how much you think you are entitled to see your "family" and attend events. Honestly I thought this is exactly the feelings a person must have before they grab a gun and do something incredibly stupid.

You have to decide if you want to die a bitter old man or live the life of a happy retired man, but dwelling on 1 day at work is not the way to be happy.
This is why they ban ex-employees from the workplace perimeter.
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Old 01-30-2016, 08:12 AM   #45
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A good friend and 38 year employee was fired years back; he and the guy who fired him teared up when it happened. My buddy was angry and a bit ashamed. I thought my god the guys been with us for 38 years (his dad worked for us 40 years too) and they waltzed him out like he was a bum. He wasn't the first I'd seen fired at someones whim "you didn't rate as high as your peers".

Having observed this too many times something changed in me. I knew the answer: FI. Once I achieved now I feel they can waltz me out anytime they want. But I'll be dancing a jig! I'll gladly take your severance and unemployment to boot...sweet!

My friends will still be my friends I will still be me. I won't waste one precious moment with anger. I'll smile keep my head up high - and think I'm leaving here with so much more then when I came. Ashamed? I can't control what people do - there will always be inequities. No I'll be focused on what I want to do with the rest of my life.

By the by They are the ones who should be ashamed. Did you give value for the salary you received? Of course - you held up your end of the deal - why would you be ashamed?

The next time it snows or is 12 degrees out in the morning pull the covers up, snuggle in and smile.



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Old 01-30-2016, 12:44 PM   #46
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If a co-worker has never been to your house, they're probably not one of your true few friends and you will likely never see them again.
That's a good rule of thumb...of all the people who have retired before me (I have 2 months to go), the only ones I still see are those whose house I have been to, or have been to mine. We were co-w*rkers that became friends. All the others, in spite of how well we may have got along were just co-w*rkers and nothing more.
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Old 01-30-2016, 01:34 PM   #47
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I agree with most of the posts. Take some time for yourself and feel lucky you are not still in the middle of working for those who decided to end your carrier a bit early. Just say.....good riddance. Sure, it may be sad to leave work friends behind and the bitterness of stupid management will wear off in time. I found it necessary to forgive "them" so I could move on and have a happy early retirement. After a while, you will cherish your time and freedom much more than trying to keep ahead and impress some clueless supervisors looking out only for themselves. I am sure many on this site had great relationships with their jobs and working team mates. However, for those who had to leave a toxic work place.........life is better being away from the idiots who made your work place a toxic place.


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Old 01-30-2016, 05:50 PM   #48
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The future might be real bleak for them because loyalty is no longer a word that new generations wants to use.
At one point the old MagaCorp stated that they would be going to more contract and contingency employees because you could increase or decrease the workforce without the benefits and overhead associated with career employees.

A few months later several of the contract engineers left for greener pastures at another company. A couple of the managers were heard in loud discussions: "What's the deal with these people? Have they no loyalty what soever?"
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Old 01-30-2016, 06:10 PM   #49
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That is really terrible what they did. However, there is nothing that you can do to change it so I would focus on your happiness right now. I have been retired for 4 years and rarely ever see anyone from work. That actually surprised me especially with one person that we had been to each others homes, worked together for 15 years and I really thought was a friend but wasn't. Being angry just hurts you so I would forgive them and move on.
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Old 01-30-2016, 07:09 PM   #50
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At one point the old MagaCorp stated that they would be going to more contract and contingency employees because you could increase or decrease the workforce without the benefits and overhead associated with career employees.

A few months later several of the contract engineers left for greener pastures at another company. A couple of the managers were heard in loud discussions: "What's the deal with these people? Have they no loyalty what soever?"
Mega tried to bring me back twice as the contingency. No benefits, no unemployment, no brains. Dang, and no retirement party!
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Old 01-31-2016, 08:45 PM   #51
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The company I work for is starting to go through the layoff process. Right now it is a guessing game. I was apprehensive at first, not because of the financial aspects, but more the thought of what my life would look like in the coming months. It's always the unknown that is scary. The best I can do is come to terms with what may happen and be grateful for what working in the oil and gas industry has afforded me. C'est la vie.
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Old 01-31-2016, 09:23 PM   #52
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That's a good rule of thumb...of all the people who have retired before me (I have 2 months to go), the only ones I still see are those whose house I have been to, or have been to mine. We were co-w*rkers that became friends. All the others, in spite of how well we may have got along were just co-w*rkers and nothing more.
Music Lover and Jerry1,

I definitely agree, although I figured this out after I ER'd!

I stepped out of mini-Mega with a very bad taste in my mouth. I never got that close to most folks. I never put much time into work friendships because work was all consuming enough. A few that I thought were close are seeming to fade now after about a year. So, at least I don't have a much to regret now...

A good part of my plan in ER involves building up my marriage and friendship base. Both took a big hit from the corporate rat race. I want my life back and plan on getting it back!

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Old 01-31-2016, 10:34 PM   #53
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My DH did not have a pleasant experience at the end of his career. He talked about it for quite some time to me. I knew that he needed to rant, but after a while I told him that he was still letting his old boss control him and that he needed to quit letting his old boss have this power over him. I told him that his old boss was still working and that my DH did not have to work and could do whatever he wanted. It has been almost 6 years and I can't remember the last time that he talked about him.

You should not feel shame. You should feel pride in what a good employee you were and the outstanding job that you did. They can not take that away from you. Enjoy your life!
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Old 02-01-2016, 12:28 AM   #54
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aggie, welcome to my world. As you are, I once was. As I am, you will be. (But that is up to you.)

I am a contractor, most recently O&G but many other areas as well. I loved two companies I worked for as staff. One still exists. The other does not. I am still here.

You made good money in a hostile business and you saved some of it. Good for you.

I understand your emotional situation, but after all I have seen, get in line.
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Old 02-01-2016, 08:52 AM   #55
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All the others, in spite of how well we may have got along were just co-w*rkers and nothing more.
This thread (parts of it anyway) reminded me of returning to Canada after an extended assignment in Saudi (26 years ago); I'd pretty much decided to quit (no pension) but hadn't made it official........contacted an old group member, one of many 'work friends', who noted that they 'were all' going out after work and why didn't I join them.

It hit me....my life had changed dramatically over the better part of the past decade, and theirs appeared to basically same old, same old.

I replied that it sounded like the most boring thing imaginable, (which activated the final thrust to quit), and I never heard from/about any of them again.
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Old 02-01-2016, 12:57 PM   #56
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A story like this is a reminder to the posts about how much notice to give when early retiring. Everyone is an independent contractor now and you have to look out for yourself.
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Old 02-01-2016, 01:58 PM   #57
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DW have several layoffs during the tech bust. She'd find another job in another tech company and then it would implode. The first layoff hit her really hard.
I survived by getting spun out instead of laid off, but then got bought out several times until 9 years later when they closed the facility in my state. Most people were pissed. I was the odd man out. I was not angry. I was just calmly trying to figure out what I wanted to do next. I found a remote job that lasted until that company imploded.
When DW got laid off the first time and I got spun out, there were many people who remained working that I would consider much lower performers than we were. DW was frustrated that this would end getting a pension for either of us as it takes quite a while to build up enough time to make a pension viable.
You have two big problems and they are both yours. You are angry,., very bad emotion unless you can channel that energy into productive positive outcomes. If you let if fester, it will eat you alive. Second...you have nothing to do? If you have this long bucket list, how can you have nothing to do? Pick some things to try. Some you will find are not to your liking, others will grow on you.
I was the type who worked 60 to 100 hour weeks for may 40 hour salary. No one thought I'd survive retirement @ 53. Almost 1 year into it... things are moving fine.

edit :- if you really want to continue working, you can get another j@b as many people do when they get laid off. Consider yourself lucky that doing this is a choice for you, not a necessity.

Find some things to do. Make sure exercise is in the mix. Do something to keep your mind going. And find some good social interactions. If you are religious... keep in touch with that too.

And remember the Richard Bach quote from Illusions "If your happiness depends on what somebody else does, I guess you do have a problem.
Read more at If your happiness depends on what somebody else does, I guess you do have a problem. - Richard Bach at BrainyQuote
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Old 02-02-2016, 07:51 AM   #58
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Your post has sent me back almost 40 years, when my dad lost his job as managing director of a subsidiary suddenly, thanks to some cost saving and restructuring in the megacorp.
He filed a lawsuit, won and got a compensation/settlement, but that did not help to get back his normal attitude.

Even though he could financially bridge the years till his pension + social security kicked in and never was in financial problems, he never got over the termination and all the circumstances. Add the fact that in Germany and at that time such termination was quite unusual.
He became bitter, and even after normal retirement age he could not make peace with the situation. It was extremely sad to watch.
He never realised that the termination could have been a blessing in disguise.

Just starting my adult life at that time this has made a deep impact on my attitude. I wanted to leave if time comes on my own terms and by my own decision and made sure not to develop too strong relations to employers or coworkers.
When I learned about YMYL and ER it clicked.
I was very lucky in my work life but when DH retired in 2013 I was ready to join.

Please make sure that you do not develop resentment spoiling what could be the best time of your life. Get professional help if necessary.
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Old 02-02-2016, 09:46 AM   #59
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This has been a very good read even considering the topic of discussion. Thanks. The E.R. .org has been very beneficial to myself over the past year of early retirement on a wide variety of knowledge that everyone so openly shares their thoughts and experiences. Yes I had some bitterness after retiring by my own choice. But heck I am the winner here, retired at 53, had a good job in mega oil saved some money, have a pension with health coverage. I finally decided what the _ _ ll am I bitter for. Good luck with finding peace of mind aggie!
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Old 02-02-2016, 11:30 AM   #60
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