Friendless in Seattle

[haha]

The Seattle Times: Pacific Northwest Magazine : Our Social Disease

Article about the famous cold politeness of Seattleites. Largely true, IMO, and it applies not only to Seattle but to all of Western Washington. Must be the cloudy skies.

My son had a cello teacher who came from New York. He had a great university job, plenty of girlfriends, but he was so lonely for social warmth he threw it all over and went back home. I hated to see him go; one of the nicest people that I had met since coming here umpteen years ago.

Ha

 

[twaddle]

One of the attributes I like about the area is that it has lots of opportunites for solitary pursuits. Running, biking, kayaking, hiking, or just exploring. Harder to do that in SF, for example.

 

[unclemick]

Yep - grew up there, probably is the weather.

I turned into a gen-u-wine sweetie - right after I got the heck out of the PacNW.

My other half(from Philly) - back when I brought her to my 20th High School reunion in the old PacNW remarked:

"What's wrong with these people?"

She never went to another one - and let me know about it - more than once.

I went to my 45th in 2006 and fell instantly into the 'distant chill mode' - some habits never leave you.

heh heh heh - that was normal where I grew up.

 

[packrat44]

Agree totally. I always figured it was due to all the Californians moving into western WA. People in eastern WA through ID and MT are much friendlier. Living in Seattle and work go hand-in-hand - I don't intend to partake in either of them again.

 

[haha]

Agree totally. I always figured it was due to all the Californians moving into western WA. People in eastern WA through ID and MT are much friendlier. Living in Seattle and work go hand-in-hand - I don't intend to partake in either of them again.

I don't think Californians caused it. I was here before that influx began. If anything, they improved the place by being generally more outgoing and sunny.

Historically who peopled the coastal NW? Indians, Scandinavian loggers and fishermen, and Yankees from New England. Add some East Asians along the way. None of these folks are exactly party animals, at least before the hooch comes out of the bag.

I second your point about east of the Cascades being friendly- and as best I can see the friendliness lasts all he way across the Dakotas. (Could be farther, I've never really been all the way across the northern tier.) For example Spokane is a fairly big city, but nevertheless quite friendly.

Ha

 

[honobob]

Scandinavian loggers? sounds like a fun bunch!

Lumberjack Song

I'm a lumberjack, and I'm okay.
I sleep all night. I work all day.

Mounties : He's a lumberjack, and he's okay.
He sleeps all night and he works all day.

I cut down trees. I eat my lunch.
I go to the lavatory.
On Wednesdays I go shoppin'
And have buttered scones for tea.


Mounties: He cuts down trees. He eats his lunch.
He goes to the lavatory.
On Wednesdays he goes shopping
And has buttered scones for tea.

Chorus : I'm (He's) a lumberjack, and I'm (he's) okay.
I (He) sleep(s) all night and I (he) work(s) all day.

I cut down trees. I skip and jump.
I like to press wild flowers.
I put on women's clothing
And hang around in bars.

Mounties : He cuts down trees. He skips and jumps.
He likes to press wild flowers.
He puts on women's clothing
And hangs around in bars?!

Chorus : I'm (He's) a lumberjack, and I'm (he's) okay.
I (He) sleep(s) all night and I (he) work(s) all day.

I cut down trees. I wear high heels,
Suspendies, and a bra.
I wish I'd been a girlie,
Just like my dear Mama (or Papa in later versions)


Mounties : He cuts down trees. He wears high heels,
Suspendies, and a bra?!

Chorus : I'm (He's) a lumberjack, and I'm (he's) okay.
I (He) sleep(s) all night and I (he) work(s) all day.

Yes, I'm (He's) a lumberjack, and I'm (he's) ok-a-y.
I (He) sleep(s) all night and I (he) work(s) all day.

 

[chinaco]

I believe there is a bit of that anywhere someone goes if they are a transplant. Some cities are full of transient business people (look at Atlanta)... that makes it a bit easier, everybody is looking to make friends.


I moved around a bit in my early years and worked in a number of areas. It seems to me that it usually takes about 6 - 12 months to get a foothold and make a few friends (more than just casual acquaintances). There is a bit of an art to it. It can take a little work. The older one gets, the more difficult it becomes. Let's face it, most of us were probably much more active socially at 20 than at 50.

 

[sweetana3]

I agree with it taking some time to break into already established patterns. We moved to Raleigh and it took me a full 2 years to reestablish social groups and friends. Almost everyone was from somewhere else and still feeling transient.

Perhaps with transients, it is hard to make friends because the relationship can be severed by moving again. Which is just what happened to us.

Good experience and now we have decided to stay put in retirement and enjoy the relationships we have developed.

 

[wildcat]

I have heard the same is true for Portland, OR.

 

[unclemick]

I have heard the same is true for Portland, OR.

Nay nay! - Portland was the party capital of the world - in the late 50's early 60's compared to anything else around - until you hit Frisco.

Of course - I was a tad younger in 1959.

heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh

 

[Gworker]

My wife and I recently relocated to a new area. Being almost 40, DINKS, with no plans for kids, and not not really church goers, makes it real hard to make new friends. I had friends around DC to eat lunch with mainly from work. My new office hasn't had any new people in years and they are a tight knit group weary of the outsider.

It seems all the people our age are having babies or have a few kids. Most of them talk about their playgroups or what wonderful things their children are doing.

I will say many people are friendly around here (east coast) but without kids and since we're not trying to keep up with the Jones' sometimes it seems hard to fit in. My wife and I say sometimes it's easier for us to get along with older people.

 

[haha]

I will say many people are friendly around here (east coast) but without kids and since we're not trying to keep up with the Jones' sometimes it seems hard to fit in. My wife and I say sometimes it's easier for us to get along with older people.

Married couples divide into DINKS and those with kids. Even keeping old friends once you are in different camps can be very hard.

It's like a divorced woman trying to stay friends with her married friends. Can happen, but not very easy.

Ha

 

[twaddle]

It's like a divorced woman trying to stay friends with her married friends. Can happen, but not very easy.

That's a tough one on the friends too. "Oh, hi! Sorry to hear that my buddy, your former DH, slept with that sweet young thang, and, errhm, the resulting screw up in your life and the kids'." I have trouble getting past the "Oh, hi!" bit, and then I slink off.

 

[ladelfina]

Maybe it is something spreading across the US. I remember growing up in NE, where people never gushed, but were always kind and civil. My sis (now in CT) recounts a sad story of her little 4-y.o. daughter going up to some other moms at the bus stop and saying "Hi" and "Scuse me.. scuse me" and the ladies completely ignoring her. The little kid sez now: "No one likes me!" and "Mommy, why don't they ever smile?"

Even though there are many other families with kids in the neighborhood, when I've visited (for several days) it's like a neutron bomb went off. Everyone is inside, all the time. Sis has no neighborhood friends after 2 years. The friendliest person is a lady who does nothing but complain how poor she is while walking to the school bus stop looking at mail-order catalogs, and recounting her deep sacrifice of having to forego the purchase of a Talbots hairband. (Basically, a nut.)

 

[Rich_by_the_Bay]

Maybe it is something spreading across the US. I remember growing up in NE, where people never gushed, but were always kind and civil.

Uh... what part of the NE are you referring to?

Half-kidding, but my observation was that more folks in the NE were pretty blunt and direct, while superficial civility prevailed in the south. The west and midwest were, predictably, more of a hybrid.

In real life I pay little heed to these stereotypes but the contrasting impressions we have of the NE struck me. I'd add that my NE years were with family of modest means and few social connections. It may have been a socioeconomic thing.

 

[Orchidflower]

This has been talked about a number of times regarding the chilliness of the people in the Pacific NW, especially Seattle. The people are friendly enough, but there are no get-togethers or closeness with others they say.
You can find a number of these discussions on the city-data.com board on the Washington Board. Take a look if you are interested.

 

[Buckeye]

I flew back home to Seattle last weekend for the Ohio State-UW football game (am I a traitor if I didn't attend the UW?). After the game, 4 couples and I got together for a wonderful party of good food, loud music, a little pool, and great wine at a beautiful home on Lake Washington. The natives appeared very friendly to me and a great time was had by all! All of us were born and raised in Seattle.

 

[calmloki]

This has been talked about a number of times regarding the chilliness of the people in the Pacific NW, especially Seattle. The people are friendly enough, but there are no get-togethers or closeness with others they say.
You can find a number of these discussions on the city-data.com board on the Washington Board. Take a look if you are interested.

What chilliness? We have good neighbors - run each other to the hospital or share tools or a car as needed, get together and fix an old man's roof maybe, feed each other's cats, share keys with some... but the best neighbors don't get in my space and i don't get in theirs. Have no desire to go to coffee klatches or play bridge or gossip or fix cars together. Druther not see anyone unless i need to. Is that chilly?

 

[haha]

. but the best neighbors don't get in my space and i don't get in theirs. Have no desire to go to coffee klatches or play bridge or gossip or fix cars together. Druther not see anyone unless i need to. Is that chilly?

You sound like a good neighbor of the "good fences make good neighbors" variety. All that matters is that it works for you, and it sounds like it does.

Ha

 

[unclemick]

I flew back home to Seattle last weekend for the Ohio State-UW football game (am I a traitor if I didn't attend the UW?).

Yes! Lyle Lovett had a song about that - most people thought he really meant Texas like he sang - but those of us who understand consipiracy know what he 'really' meant.

Having lived for six years in Seattle back in the sixties - going back for a weekend is about as long as I could stand. My ding dong Sister is trying to convince to at least try living in Kent(south of Seattle) for a while. Hoo Ha - I'd rather drink 3.2 beer in Ballard.

I'll continue to visit the PacNW once in a while and watch people struggle to be 'friendly and nice' for a while - but I was 26 before I realized Yakima wasn't back east and Spokane WAS NOT a suburb of New York City.

How ya gonna keep em down on the farm after they've see Paree!

You're gonna get get me back to Seattle after I've been to New Orleans!

Kansas City - maybe.

heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh

 

[unclemick]

My ding dong Sister is trying to convince to at least try living in Kent(south of Seattle) for a while. Hoo Ha

Don't get me wrong, I love my sister - but you can't convince me she didn't bump her head as a child.

Born West side of the Cascades - she votes Republican. And married to a Mining Engineer also born in Washington - having lived all over the United States from California to Vermont - she thinks the PacNW is the greatest thing since sliced bread - just having got back 2-3 years near Kent.

Go figure. You just can't explain things to some people.

Heard any good Seattle jokes lately?

heh heh heh Of course perhaps I should never say never again - before Katrina I wasn't leaving New Orleans! And to think I grew up at the foot of Mt Saint Helens and it didn't do a dang thing. Then!

 

[Helen]

I've heard others say that of Seattle. I moved to Portland from Boston (I'm a midwesterner though) and find the people to be very friendly. I love it here.

 

[old woman]

I am a couple of miles south of Seattle near Renton and the people are just right. I have been on the same corner since 1985 moved across the street in 1992. Since about 1995 neighbors have been pretty friendly, I have been in three houses once or twice each and had one in mine once. We have a community garden just outside my hedge and I and my cat go see people that are working and chat a minute. Once a year we have a garden party. Two neighbors go walking and invited me once. One called to ask when our vacation was so she could see if I needed her to feed the cats like last year. She also borrows my boyfriend and his chainsaw if something needs cut. When we had a windstorm he cut trees for 4 neighbors and a friend of a neighbor. I even took the lady that feeds my cats to a Mariner's game once because I had two tickets. But I don't know their families and one had a broken hip weeks before another lady who works in the garden called me about the garden. I know the names of most neighbors and I think all the ones from when the neighborhood was built in the 50s but mostly talk to them if I happen to see them. I don't associate with coworkers outside work.
You can see the garden and hedge in my avatar.

 

[GladToBeFree]

I spent a winter in Portland back in the early '90s and didn't experience it there, however I moved from MN to VA (Lynchburg to be exact) and found the natives to be most unfriendly. I was and am used to chatting with people around me in lines, like at the groc. or a movie. I also like to talk with the checkout people and boy was I given the cold shoulder! In social situations with friends and fellow workers I never noticed it but folks from that part of VA don't like strangers. I sort of got used to it and forgot how cold they were until I went to Denver on business. What a difference.

DW who was born and raised in VA kind of agrees with me.....I think.

They are pretty up tight about other things. After I moved in, I was working on my car one afternoon. A neighbor walked up and introduced himself. Being neighborly I offered him a beer. He said "No thanks", turned around and walked away. He never spoke to me again for the 14 years I lived there.

But then I found I have to be careful of who I offer a beer to here in GA too. These folks are just a bit too intolerant of non-fundamentalists.

Jim

 

[haha]

They are pretty up tight about other things. After I moved in, I was working on my car one afternoon. A neighbor walked up and introduced himself. Being neighborly I offered him a beer. He said "No thanks", turned around and walked away. He never spoke to me again for the 14 years I lived there.

I wonder how people like him acted in high school, or college? Did they drop that posture for a while, and later get re-captured? Or did they always act as if they were afraid of contact?

Ha