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Re: Friends or Financial Independance?
Old 07-14-2005, 11:52 AM   #21
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Re: Friends or Financial Independance?

Our best friends live about 500 miles away in the bay area (3 seperate couples). DW and I have determined that our relationships are so strong partly due to this intermediate distance between us. Consequently, we are pretty sure we'll retire somewhere within a day's drive of our "social network", because the half dozen times a year we spend with our friends seem to be enough. Perhaps I'm more of a loner than I know...
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Re: Friends or Financial Independance?
Old 07-14-2005, 02:08 PM   #22
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Re: Friends or Financial Independance?

Quote:
Originally Posted by SteveR
Friends?* It is hard to make friends other than work-related ones when you move a lot and change companies.* We hope to find some but we both work crazy hours right now so there is little time to find them outside of work.*
I think as we grow older, it's harder to make friends outside of work, period. As one climbs the corporate ladder, one's social circle tends to resemble one's work circle, since climbing higher and higher ultimately depends on who you know, rather than what you know. :
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Re: Friends or Financial Independance?
Old 07-14-2005, 02:35 PM   #23
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Re: Friends or Financial Independance?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jay_Gatsby
I think as we grow older, it's harder to make friends outside of work, period.* As one climbs the corporate ladder, one's social circle tends to resemble one's work circle, since climbing higher and higher ultimately depends on who you know, rather than what you know. :
The submarine force prides itself on curt, formatted responses of extremely limited vocabulary. You can imagine how that translates to spending time with family or going to parties, and it wasn't very successful at building a wide circle of friends.

But today, three years into ER, I have plenty of time for seemingly idle conversation. I've been amazed at how much more fascinating the neighbors have become, and I've learned quite a lot at various retail establishments in the middle of the morning during the middle of the week. Simple tactics like "Let me ask you a question:" and "So, as I understand that..." have led to an amazing number of new acquaintances. No new friends yet (other than the neighbors) but I have decades to practice.

I think the key to developing this new skill is not having to go to work. When you don't see everything as a distraction from work, then suddenly everyone you see becomes a potential new friend. (Unless they piss me off.) Spouse has noticed that I suddenly have the ability to schmooze endlessly while extracting quite a bit of information from people she'd never look at twice.

This leisurely approach to conversation also has amazing powers to terrorize customer service reps. When they realize that I might be their ONLY call of the shift, they begin to seek solutions...
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Re: Friends or Financial Independance?
Old 07-15-2005, 03:58 PM   #24
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Re: Friends or Financial Independance?

I think the types of friends one has as they age can change due to one's interests and maturing in general. I used to think it was harder to make friends as I got older, but now I don't think that. I try to make sure that I'm involved in a myriad of areas, so I get a larger sample of "people-types" to befriend. Also, some people are of the few friends versus many acquaintances type. It bothers me if all of my friends are from work as that means I'm pretty one-dimensional.

I keep remembering my old Girl Scout saying: make new friends but keep the old, one is silver and the other is gold.

I have this recurring daydream where my friends from the different parts of my life all come to a party and realize how different they all are and wonder how I had all these different types of friends - entertains me a lot at times :-)

Bridget
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Re: Friends or Financial Independance?
Old 07-15-2005, 04:04 PM   #25
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Re: Friends or Financial Independance?

DW and I hold an annual X-mas party at our house, it started when the company I worked for at the time cancelled the much beloved company party due to budget cuts. We provide all the food, home made turkey, stuffing, honey baked ham, all the trimmings, a dozen deserts, and a full open bar, and we have a gift exchange to boot. It's awesome to see all our friends from different walks of life come together for this event, and each year the crowd gets bigger (last year was 60 people, and I'm already getting asked about this year!). Friends do add so much to life.
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Re: Friends or Financial Independance?
Old 07-15-2005, 04:53 PM   #26
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Re: Friends or Financial Independance?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Laurence
DW and I hold an annual X-mas party at our house,* it started when the company I worked for at the time cancelled the much beloved company party due to budget cuts.* We provide all the food, home made turkey, stuffing, honey baked ham, all the trimmings, a dozen deserts, and a full open bar, and we have a gift exchange to boot.* It's awesome to see all our friends from different walks of life come together for this event, and each year the crowd gets bigger (last year was 60 people, and I'm already getting asked about this year!).* Friends do add so much to life.
Damn, that sounds great! I recall many years ago (while I was In the
middle of my divorce) I visited the area where we used to live.
Some of my friends were at a holiday party. When they found out I was
in town, they left and joined me at a local "upscale" restaurant. Think we
ended up with about 10 people. Anyway, I had such a good time, I told them
to just give me the bill. Some of the guests wouldn't hear of it. They passed
me some cash to assist. Well, when I saw the bill, it was nice to have some help. Bottom line...............I was having a tough time and having all these
people gather round was pretty nice.

JG
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Re: Friends or Financial Independance?
Old 07-23-2005, 02:26 AM   #27
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Re: Friends or Financial Independance?

Most of the people you socialize with at work are people you would not choose would you have had to in the first place (especially if you hired them for work they show orthogonal qualities to what you would expect from friends, e.g. workhoolic & addicted with limited other interests in life, annoying @ will, etc.) They are 7 billion people out there. Think of finding the right ones for you as a nice hunt in the human jungle.
An interesting challenge for ERees.
Patrice.
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Re: Friends or Financial Independance?
Old 07-23-2005, 07:18 AM   #28
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Re: Friends or Financial Independance?

Quote:
Originally Posted by poyet
Most of the people you socialize with at work are people you would not choose would you have had to in the first place (especially if you hired them for work they show orthogonal qualities to what you would expect from friends, e.g. workhoolic & addicted with limited other interests in life, annoying @ will, etc.) They are 7 billion people out there. Think of finding the right ones for you as a nice hunt in the human jungle.
An interesting challenge for ERees.
Patrice.
A "challenge" indeed. Throw in a couple of moves and maybe a divorce
and it gets really tricky. I have an advantage as I am quite gregarious
and hypersocial. DW has a harder time. For example, she reminds me that when we married, she moved here (from Michigan). She was born and lived
her whole life in lower Michigan and left all of her immediate family behind.
I never thought much about it, but can see now it was a big move for her.
Still glad we did it though.

JG
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Re: Friends or Financial Independance?
Old 07-23-2005, 04:51 PM   #29
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Re: Friends or Financial Independance?

I am pretty much a homebody also. I do like to travel. I have made several friends with people that I am active with at church. I have found that people really open up and become good friends when you are in smaller classes such as Sunday School or Disciple classes. Also, I have really been able to know some that went on the work trip and fun trip to the beach for the youth and church retreats.

Dreamer
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Re: Friends or Financial Independance?
Old 07-23-2005, 06:27 PM   #30
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Re: Friends or Financial Independance?

Marmiteman,

Bridget and I are in the same cohort.

Frankly, it looks as if retirement may mean a lot of separation anxiety for you and your spouse. I think you need to talk this out more with your spouse--a lot more. Plan your path. Check out where you might like to go. Spend some time there.

My mother was very unhappy for many years after leaving her friends. Be honest with yourself and make sure you are on the same wavelength as your wife. You may wind up returning to where you started after an expensive round trip.

Good luck,

Ed
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