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Old 11-27-2017, 07:35 PM   #61
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I realized I rarely remembered my dreams. I started making an effort, and soon I remembered them quite clearly,

and I found that most of them were stressful.

So I stopped doing that.
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Old 11-27-2017, 08:28 PM   #62
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True. My biggest stressers are my own family members. They have been for decades, with DW suffering from them just being married to me. No more (at least I will die trying). I decided to minimize interacting with the usual offenders.
I'm dealing with this situation right now where the alternatives aren't great. My total dick of a brother. This guy is the master of cussing you out in front of everyone including his kids and your kids. And he REALLY REALLY REALLY hates me for things that are/were completely within his control.

Apparently someone invited him to my Grandma's small 90th birthday party celebration in 2 weeks. And he told them he would come.

Do I go and celebrate with my last remaining grandparent (and very likely her last remaining big milestone b-day)? I could skip it and make grandma sad. Or show up and potentially have to deal with this total a$$hole.

Currently leaning toward not showing up for the b-day if brother is likely to be there. Instead I can go visit the week before or after just to avoid the potential 10-20 minute screamfest directed at me (what happened 6 months ago at the last b-day party I attended where he was present).

This is the single largest stressful event I've had to deal with this year, so I can't complain too much!
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Old 11-27-2017, 09:01 PM   #63
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Currently leaning toward not showing up for the b-day if brother is likely to be there. Instead I can go visit the week before or after just to avoid the potential 10-20 minute screamfest directed at me
This. No need to deal with someone like your bro. Incidentally, it's my bro along with my father (wboth have Narcissistic Personality Disorder) who have been giving me the most stress for decades. They hurt everyone in their path and are still hurting their loved ones. I won't let them stress me in my ER. I worked too hard for a happy ER.
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Old 11-27-2017, 10:59 PM   #64
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This. No need to deal with someone like your bro. Incidentally, it's my bro along with my father (both have Narcissistic Personality Disorder) who have been giving me the most stress for decades. They hurt everyone in their path and are still hurting their loved ones. I won't let them stress me in my ER. I worked too hard for a happy ER.
I like it. I've just been referring to his undiagnosed mental illness as "crazy as hell a$$hole". "Narcissistic Personality Disorder" sounds so much more official.

He refuses to consider therapy because he doesn't see anything wrong with his behavior (it's literally everyone else in his extended family, and not him ). Or even acknowledge that therapists are anything more than shamans (because he knows it all).

My only concerns in this situation are for others - not worth it to have my grandma listen to his raging and screaming at me (though he would probably redirect his attention to my parents if I wasn't there). And the fact that my grandma would be disappointed if I didn't show. It's not going to be a large party by her request - just immediate kids/grands/great-grands so my (and by extension my wife and kids) absence will remove 33% of the attendees.
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Old 11-27-2017, 11:08 PM   #65
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I like it. I've just been referring to his undiagnosed mental illness as "crazy as hell a$$hole". "Narcissistic Personality Disorder" sounds so much more official.

He refuses to consider therapy because he doesn't see anything wrong with his behavior (it's literally everyone else in his extended family, and not him ). Or even acknowledge that therapists are anything more than shamans (because he knows it all).

My only concerns in this situation are for others - not worth it to have my grandma listen to his raging and screaming at me (though he would probably redirect his attention to my parents if I wasn't there). And the fact that my grandma would be disappointed if I didn't show. It's not going to be a large party by her request - just immediate kids/grands/great-grands so my (and by extension my wife and kids) absence will remove 33% of the attendees.
NPDs don't realize they have issues. It's everyone else's doing. In any case, stay away from him and the stress he brings. NPDs are jealous of others, can't handle rejection (even perceived ones), etc.. They bring stress to you if you allow them in your life. And you can't reason with them.
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Old 11-27-2017, 11:50 PM   #66
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You know what they call those people?

"Voters."


Sad but true!
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Old 11-28-2017, 04:54 AM   #67
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Here in Switzerland our television system allows you to record programs and watch them later with a click of a button (no special equipment beyond the internet box). Yesterday I accidentally deleted all 875 programs that I had recorded over the last 8 years, including a lot that were on my "to be watched or re-watched later" list. There was no way to retrieve them...gone forever. I was happy that the feelings I had, after the initial shock of the loss, were ones of relief. A clean slate where previous "opportunities" have been wiped away turns out to be a great stress reliever. Now, I feel more motivated to pare down in other ways.

-BB
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Old 11-28-2017, 08:58 AM   #68
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Every year when we go south, we prepare our northern home for renters. In addition to getting some things fixed, I erase all the recordings and recording events from the PVR. Such a liberating activity!
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Old 11-28-2017, 11:07 AM   #69
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You know what they call those people?

"Voters."
Jury of your peers?
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Old 11-28-2017, 11:13 AM   #70
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NPDs don't realize they have issues. It's everyone else's doing. In any case, stay away from him and the stress he brings. NPDs are jealous of others, can't handle rejection (even perceived ones), etc.. They bring stress to you if you allow them in your life. And you can't reason with them.
Another name is Crazy Maker. They are toxic.

Five traits of a narcissist or crazymaker
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Old 11-28-2017, 11:14 AM   #71
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One thing I am getting rid of in my life is clutter. I was amazed at how much time I spent fussing over things from the past, while spending little time on the present and not planning a good future.

Getting rid of clutter is a great way to get rid of stress.
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Old 11-28-2017, 12:11 PM   #72
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One thing I am getting rid of in my life is clutter. I was amazed at how much time I spent fussing over things from the past, while spending little time on the present and not planning a good future.

Getting rid of clutter is a great way to get rid of stress.
I've been doing it a little at a time. After every "ridding," I feel a bit of my stress is gone along with the clutter I've just gotten rid of.
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Old 12-02-2017, 08:57 AM   #73
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I can't stop watching/reading the news even though it's clearly stressful. I'm enabled by the Android news apps that let me see the latest with a tap of my finger.

Fishing is good, because I can't check the news while I'm out on the kayak, but often, the first thing I do when I get home is tap to find out what I missed.
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Old 12-02-2017, 11:21 AM   #74
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I agree. I rarely watch the 'news' today.
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Old 12-02-2017, 11:55 AM   #75
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I still check more often than I should. But having no TV or radio news and no commercials has really helped the stress level and most news is indirect from social media and I can investigate a particular story further if I want to know anything.
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