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Old 07-04-2011, 03:15 PM   #21
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(By the way, this woman was supposed to be very smart, and she knew I was about 10 years older than she. You'd think that hearing loss would be the first thing to occur to a smart person in this situation).
All the types of hearing loss never occurred to me until I started to experience them.

Our daughter's hearing never fully developed, or was arrested at a very young age. It wasn't until her NROTC physical that they were able to get hard data of 20-30 dB of hearing loss across the entire spectrum. She's fine-- she doesn't miss what she never had-- but there are many subtle little noises that just don't reach her threshold of attention.

Turns out she wasn't actually ignoring us all those times. Unlike me she may even have been listening, but she just wasn't hearing...
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Old 07-04-2011, 09:07 PM   #22
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Gray divorce must be disastrous. I count myself relatively lucky that I've had 15 years since divorcing to somewhat recover financially. I'll be OK to retire, but just, by age 66 in 4 years. That divorce is what shot any hope of FIRE.
What do you do if you divorce at 62 and she cleans you out?
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Old 07-04-2011, 11:49 PM   #23
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^ Agreed the options are limited.

I have meet some unhappy expats in Thailand, Cambodia and the Philippines living abroad because it was the best of a bad situation but unhappy because they were unable to adapt and go with the flow...
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Old 07-05-2011, 12:17 AM   #24
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I have meet some unhappy expats in Thailand, Cambodia and the Philippines living abroad because it was the best of a bad situation but unhappy because they were unable to adapt and go with the flow...
On the other side of that, one of our neighbors is a single mother raising three kids while her divorced spouse is living in Bangkok. She gets occasional location reports but they're not accompanied by child-support payments.
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Old 07-05-2011, 12:21 AM   #25
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Not long after we retired and moved to our new house DW kept turning up the TV volume...sometimes to the point of pain for me. I kept asking her if she was having trouble hearing. She just said "no, I just can't quite make out the voices over all the loud music in the background." I have trouble with this too but nearly as bad. As time went on she some how convinced herself the hearing problem was all mine. I do have a 50% in on ear due to and ear infection a few years ago...don't hear much except a rainbow of high pitched noise 24/7.

Anyway, we both go to the same audiologist and take the tests. As it turns out she is the one now wearing hearing aids. Even with my hearing loss I still hear better than she does. She has never gotten over that one.

The next sense I have broken according to her is my sense of smell. That may be from smoking for 40 years (quit 8 years ago) or from old age sneaking up on me. Most of the time it is a blessing based on what she seems to complain about most.
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Old 07-05-2011, 12:26 AM   #26
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The next sense I have broken according to her is my sense of smell. That may be from smoking for 40 years (quit 8 years ago) or from old age sneaking up on me. Most of the time it is a blessing based on what she seems to complain about most.
I've also noticed something interesting about my sense of smell. I still smell nice aromas like florals and perfumes and food very well, but I don't think I am as bothered by gross smells as I used to be.

Ha
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Old 07-05-2011, 04:06 PM   #27
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From the article....

But she did not expect that his trash would pile up around the house or that her husband would master the art of selective hearing and selective vision....

I thought that started with the words, 'I do.'

.......ahem......
Wives have long mastered the art of selective recall, so let's just call it even, shall we?
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Old 07-05-2011, 04:23 PM   #28
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I've said it before.. Man cave. Now DW and just differ on whether the lock goes on the outside or inside.

As for selective hearing, one of the unfortunate foibles of aging is that men lose their ability to hear the upper frequencies, and women's voices are in the upper frequencies. It is a natural part of our biology and evolution that as we age we are meant to listen less. Personally, I think it is because that hearing range is simply worn out.

My sister told me a story about her DH... one day she was talking to him and he made a comment...

DH: I only hear half of what you say

Sister: Well, you are listening to the wrong half


To me, this said it all...
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Old 07-05-2011, 04:58 PM   #29
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Wives have long mastered the art of selective recall, so let's just call it even, shall we?
That's fine...we'll call it even.

There are many differences in men and women. I will tell you this...the differences in men that please me far outweigh the ones that annoy me.
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Old 07-05-2011, 05:05 PM   #30
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There are many differences in men and women. I will tell you this...the differences in men that please me far outweigh the ones that annoy me.
Our kind of woman for sure.

Ha
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Old 07-05-2011, 05:41 PM   #31
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Could not have put it better myself. Assume it's the same for men about women

I have always liked men, even when I was a little girl (as a tot, I liked to flirt with "grown" men, i.e. 17 or 18). It isn't about hopping into bed with them (sorry guys, only 1 at a time and it's been the same one for 20+ years). I just like them.

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I will tell you this...the differences in men that please me far outweigh the ones that annoy me.
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Old 07-06-2011, 02:41 AM   #32
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@Amethyst. Really all of them? ;-))
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Old 07-06-2011, 05:30 PM   #33
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Of course not all. Heck, there are even some CATS I don't like! (not very many, though )

Man or cat - if they are grouchy, and go to the bathroom where they're not supposed to, I will not like them.

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@Amethyst. Really all of them? ;-))
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Old 07-06-2011, 07:16 PM   #34
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My DH has been semi retired over 20 years, retired 6. I went back to work part time,which turned to full time. I thought I had it made. He was my wife, took care of the house, the kids and I could focus on the job and enjoy life when I came home. But he slid into alcohol addiction and our life became a living hell. I found Al Anon and that brought him to AA. He has been in recovery 2 months and our life together is starting to build on more firm ground. I left my wonderful job as a full time person to half time which I admit I did not accept with the grace that I could have. I guess the point of this post is that the future is uncertain and may not turn out as planned or as portrayed in the media. Best wishes for all.
All of life is uncertain and it certainly can throw a curve when you least expect it.

It sounds like you have a fighting chance now, at least. If you can accept this as the disease it is (like you would if he had cancer or heart disease) you may make it through and grow even closer (like you would after tending to the other diseases). Bless you both.
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Old 07-06-2011, 07:25 PM   #35
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My sister told me a story about her DH... one day she was talking to him and he made a comment...

DH: I only hear half of what you say

Sister: Well, you are listening to the wrong half


To me, this said it all...
Sometimes I hear something she didn't say!

We got into the car and my DW asked me something. What I heard was "Can I have a sip?" (I was working on a diet cola at the time.) When I handed it to her she got a puzzled look and asked what I thought she had said. I told her and she then let me know that the actual question was "Do I look alright?" How I came up with "Can I have a sip?" I'll never know. We now tell that one on each other when the subject of aging, or hearing or battle-of-the-sexes, etc. comes up. It's helped us through a couple of other misunderstandings. She'll get cross with me and I'll hand her my diet soda. Works (almost) every time.
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Old 07-07-2011, 02:29 PM   #36
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DW has a keen sense of hearing. We will be in the LR together and then she will go into the bathroom and make a comment about something on TV in the LR. I say What? I tune it out completely.

She also has a finely-tuned sense of smell. Needless to say that creates a lot of grief for both of us! We work through our differences (9 years now of ER) and remain optimistic about the future.

But it is not ideal. We have different objectives. There is enough in common to keep it together.
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Old 07-07-2011, 02:46 PM   #37
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Mr B and I are together just a little over a year, so we don't have the relationship longevity or the kids raising factors in our situation.
However, I recognize that he needs to have his own "guy-time" activities and I need my own space to do my things. I am very careful to encourage him to do things solo in the mornings while I putter around with my plants, organizing and decluttering rooms (my junk) and get my exercise doing house and yard chores.

We don't spend the entire day together. That would not be healthy.
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Old 07-07-2011, 03:01 PM   #38
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We don't spend the entire day together. That would not be healthy.
+1.

Living exactly the same life leads to lack of discussion at the dinner table. Why talk about experiences that both of you have done (and you know the outcome), on a daily basis? That can get boring, quickly.

Heck, DW travels without me (Cairo last September - before the "troubles", Switzerland this September; all with her "travel buddy" - another woman who shares her wanderlust). That might be an extreme example, but her experiences make her a much more interesting person.

PS: We do travel together, but not all the time.
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oops and an apology
Old 07-27-2011, 08:52 PM   #39
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oops and an apology

I would like to withdraw my earlier post, #27, on this thread. I did not intend to post it as drafted. I intended to delete the draft but pushed the wrong button and only realized it later. Immediately thereafter we lost internet connectivity for two weeks (I live and work in a 3rd-world country).

I would also like to apologize to the group for what is surely an inflammatory post. I hope that some recognized that it was not in character. I was having dark thoughts about an elderly friend at the time.

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Old 07-27-2011, 09:01 PM   #40
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I would like to withdraw my earlier post, #27, on this thread.
No!

That post is priceless.
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