Join Early Retirement Today
Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
Old 10-02-2012, 01:32 PM   #21
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 7,526
I hope to FIRE in the next few years in my mid-30's and wouldn't rule out having a baby during ER at that age (to add to the 3 human kids we already have, including a 5 month old). But it is a lot of work and I can't see myself having a new born and pushing 50, knowing that I would be 65-70 when they are graduating high school. I guess I am biased by my experiences though. Assuming baby #3 is it for us, we will be around age 50 when baby #3 goes off to college. Seems like a good age to have a little peace and quiet in the house.

However if I have never had any kids at all and really wanted some, I guess you either do it at age 47 or whatever or don't do it at all. It will probably work out ok for you, and having tons of free time to spend with the kids and be that "stay at home parent" would be great. I am lucky to have a flexible job where I can take time off to pick up the kids, volunteer, organize play dates etc, so parenting isn't too rough on our dual income family. But it would be nice to not have any job stress or a need to attend to work on a daily basis. I am looking forward to (hopefully) being ER'd during most of my youngest's childhood.

As for costs, you can do a lot to keep them very low. With the tax breaks, we barely notice the expense of a third kid (spending has dropped so far since the kid was born). Most of the fun stuff we do is free or very close to it. We haven't done a ton of traveling with the kids other than a few cruises, but I could see that cost adding up if we ever get back to doing more traveling. 2 hotel rooms, 2x as much food, 2x the plane tix, etc. On the flip side, so much of the spending changes with kids we have found. Instead of quiet dinner for 2 for $40, we might spend $20-30 on a more kid friendly place or take out for the whole family.

I guess if you try to maintain the pre-baby lifestyle after the little one arrives, you may have sticker shock. For example, the quiet dinner out for 2 changes from $40 pre-baby to $100 post baby ($40 for dinner, $40 for babysitting for a few hours, and $20 to buy the babysitter and kids fast food somewhere).
__________________

__________________
Retired in 2013 at age 33. Keeping busy reading, blogging, relaxing, gaming, and enjoying the outdoors with my wife and 3 kids (5, 11, and 12).
FUEGO is offline   Reply With Quote
Join the #1 Early Retirement and Financial Independence Forum Today - It's Totally Free!

Are you planning to be financially independent as early as possible so you can live life on your own terms? Discuss successful investing strategies, asset allocation models, tax strategies and other related topics in our online forum community. Our members range from young folks just starting their journey to financial independence, military retirees and even multimillionaires. No matter where you fit in you'll find that Early-Retirement.org is a great community to join. Best of all it's totally FREE!

You are currently viewing our boards as a guest so you have limited access to our community. Please take the time to register and you will gain a lot of great new features including; the ability to participate in discussions, network with our members, see fewer ads, upload photographs, create a retirement blog, send private messages and so much, much more!

Old 10-02-2012, 07:07 PM   #22
Full time employment: Posting here.
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 728
I'll give you my thoughts and I'm a voice of experience. I'm of the opinion that you should be careful since most of the comments from others are all on target.

1st of all kids are expensive. Today, you'll have school, college savings, maybe golf, music lessons, etectronic toys......the list goes on and on.

Next, are you sure you want to be tracking a teenager when you're 65 and the kid is 16......and, are you sure you'll still want to be coaching a kid when he/she is 10 and you're 60?

Don't forget when you meet with other parents you'll be asked if your a grandparent....they'll be working and talking about their life and you'll have different interests which, to me, is the hardest part of being a late in life parent.

With all those negative I've just written I've never, not one day, regreted having a child just before turning 50. I've got a great child, and he accepts having an older Dad. But it is a challenge....don't think it's not. Most won't understand .....think of all the grief and kidding Larry King got when he had a child late in life......you'll hear the same. But.......I'm glad I did.....but now I know I'm in the minority.

Oh, yes, when you're retired friends can travel during the school year, you really can't. Your child can't miss school. You give up a lot, think it through so you don't have regrets......I don't because I have a great life.....great wife.....had a great job....have good health.....and a loving child.....I'm lucky, if you do it I wish the same for you. Good Luck!!!!!!
__________________

__________________
jerome len is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-02-2012, 07:40 PM   #23
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
frayne's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: 19th Hole
Posts: 2,528
My thoughts, have kids between the ages of say 18-42. Unfortunately I know too many people who are or were going to retire end up raising the grandchildren for any number of reasons. Check out the big brother or big sister programs in your area. I believe there are also a number of biological/medical reasons why having children later in life may not be such a good idea, such as the incidence of autism to name one. Again and unfortunately there are many unwanted and unloved children in this world and if you must have a child, seriously consider adoption. Also some good tax breaks with adoption but that is another thread altogether.
Just my two cents but good luck and best wishes with your decision
__________________
A totally unblemished life is only for saints.
frayne is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 10-02-2012, 08:07 PM   #24
Moderator Emeritus
Nords's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Oahu
Posts: 26,616
Quote:
Originally Posted by FUEGO View Post
Assuming baby #3 is it for us, we will be around age 50 when baby #3 goes off to college. Seems like a good age to have a little peace and quiet in the house.
It's a really sweet deal.
__________________
*
*

The book written on E-R.org, "The Military Guide to Financial Independence and Retirement", on sale now! For more info see "About Me" in my profile.
I don't spend much time here anymore, so please send me a PM. Thanks.
Nords is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-02-2012, 09:51 PM   #25
Recycles dryer sheets
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Posts: 86
I had a child when I was 46 and FIRED in Panama, where we live now. It's the best thing that has ever happened to me. I had always been on the fence on whether to have kids or not....would have I regretted in later in life?.....now I don't have to wonder.

It helps that my wife is Panamanian, 20 years younger, and we have her family in the same area to help raise our daughter. Cost of living is generally less than the states.....I just got back from buying a case of tasty Panama lager (24) bottles for less than $10, fresh (sushi grade) yellow fin tuna for $5 a pound, propane tanks larger than BBQ size are $5 to refill....and the surf is amazing, warm and if you know where to go, uncrowded. You never have to scrape ice off your windshield in the morning. Board shorts and flip flops can be worn year round.

Jobs are plentiful if you want one and have a work permit. Salaries are generally low but rising fast. If you speak Spanish (which I do now) but it's still far from perfect, then speaking English is like having a Masters degree in the states from what I hear. Businesses are booming and GDP is growing at double digits.
__________________
If you really do what you want.........you will please few and astonish many.
Surfs_Up is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-03-2012, 12:08 AM   #26
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
obgyn65's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: midwestern city
Posts: 4,061
+1
Quote:
Originally Posted by youbet View Post
No need to "be at odds with the baby set" Sarah. What's right for you is wrong for someone else, etc. Live your life as you wish. Let others do likewise.
__________________
Very conservative with investments. Not ER'd yet, 48 years old. Please do not take anything I write or imply as legal, financial or medical advice directed to you. Contact your own financial advisor, healthcare provider, or attorney for financial, medical and legal advice.
obgyn65 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-03-2012, 01:06 AM   #27
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Hong Kong
Posts: 1,571
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chuckanut View Post
Forget the money angle. Look at your age when your kid(s) are teenagers. Do you want to be dealing with a rebellious 16 year old when you are in your mid 60's?
+1

I made it pretty clear to DW before we got married that I was not keen on having children after I turned 40 largely for the reasons given by other posters. Both of us are very glad we did not delay.

If you are going to do it, I'd get on with it or you could find that you have a teenager chosing your nursing home and managing your finances for you.

Also, one of the reasons I am FIREing is so that I can spend more time with my daughters (currently age 9 and 7).
__________________
Budgeting is a skill practised by people who are bad at politics.
traineeinvestor is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-03-2012, 02:19 AM   #28
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
NW-Bound's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 19,396
The financial cost of having children is nothing compared to the emotional burden parents may go through when their children go through their teenage years. Your children may not cause any problem, or they may give you hell. They may turn out OK, or they may end up in jail and you will have to bail them out. There is no telling how one may turn out.

Just go to any kindergarten or elementary school and see how sweet all of those little children are. Then, go to a typical high school and observe some of the monsters there. How did some of those sweet little kids turn out to be like that?

I am glad now that my children (26 and 23) are on their way to a good life of their own, but there was a time when we had sleepless nights. We brought them into this world, and if they did not turn out well, we would feel responsible.

I truly admire some people who have 4 or 5 children of their own and still adopt 2 or 3 more. They have the temperament of a saint, something that I do not have. I would be afraid that one of them would do something to give me a heart attack or a broken heart. I am not that strong.

Other than that, I do not think financial costs or the advanced age of the parents would be a big deal. It's more about the knowledge that things may not work out as well as you plan, and how prepared you are to deal with it.
__________________
"Old age is the most unexpected of all things that can happen to a man" -- Leon Trotsky
NW-Bound is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 10-03-2012, 09:03 AM   #29
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
cute fuzzy bunny's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Losing my whump
Posts: 22,697
Quote:
Originally Posted by NW-Bound View Post
Just go to any kindergarten or elementary school and see how sweet all of those little children are. Then, go to a typical high school and observe some of the monsters there. How did some of those sweet little kids turn out to be like that?
Because their parents allowed it. From what I've read and experienced, kids will take as much rope as you give them, but you have to reel it all back in again before you get good behavior. Also, if you don't "fix" behavioral issues before the kid reaches the 10-11 range, statistically you never will.

So those 5-7 year olds are still feeling around to see what they can get away with. When they're teenagers, they already know.
__________________
Be fearful when others are greedy, and greedy when others are fearful. Just another form of "buy low, sell high" for those who have trouble with things. This rule is not universal. Do not buy a 1973 Pinto because everyone else is afraid of it.
cute fuzzy bunny is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-03-2012, 09:09 AM   #30
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
haha's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Hooverville
Posts: 22,380
My first son was born when I was 35, last one when was 41. I would have preferred to get started earlier, and have more, but wife took a while to get on board.

Kids have been my number one experience in life. However, I was lucky to have very intelligent cooperative kids who became successful and very nice adults without a lot of messing around or getting involved in stupid movements/detours. Also, my wife and I were completely on board with how to go about caring for them- although I will say that she was dominant in this part of our life. This was OK with me, as I saw and see the mother as being primary in a young childs life.

Kids also are very entertaining. One thing to consider is that a child very quickly becomes a separate power center in your life. His/her attitudes may relect yours, but often do not. They also bring the state into your home- school becomes a huge part of your reality, and unless you can afford private schools, that may not be something you will enjoy.

Lastly, if you divorce, a not uncommon experience, you may be paying child support into old age.

Overall, imo the best plan is to do it early, or not all. But so much depends on one's desires. Although it occurs to me that someone who was truly sold on the project wouldn't be asking the internet whether he should do it or not.

Ha
__________________
"As a general rule, the more dangerous or inappropriate a conversation, the more interesting it is."-Scott Adams
haha is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 10-03-2012, 10:27 AM   #31
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
Chuckanut's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: West of the Mississippi
Posts: 6,321
Quote:
Originally Posted by cute fuzzy bunny View Post
Because their parents allowed it. From what I've read and experienced, kids will take as much rope as you give them, but you have to reel it all back in again before you get good behavior.

This is sometimes true but not always. People who have never had a difficult child sometimes don't understand what is going on. I know people who have spent evenings crying themselves to sleep because their teenager just doesn't respond to anything they do to reduce poor behaviors. Maybe it's brain chemistry or some gene that pops up from time to time, but strong willed children who won't listen to advices and won't respond to consequences are real.
__________________
The worst decisions are usually made in times of anger and impatience.
Chuckanut is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 10-03-2012, 10:35 AM   #32
Moderator
MichaelB's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Rocky Inlets
Posts: 24,418
Quote:
Originally Posted by cute fuzzy bunny View Post
Because their parents allowed it. From what I've read and experienced, kids will take as much rope as you give them, but you have to reel it all back in again before you get good behavior. Also, if you don't "fix" behavioral issues before the kid reaches the 10-11 range, statistically you never will.

So those 5-7 year olds are still feeling around to see what they can get away with. When they're teenagers, they already know.


Humanity has been trying to figure out the "right" and "wrong" ways to raise kids since the first one was born. We've made a lot of progress and built quite a body of knowledge on the "wrong ways". Not so much on the other one. Kind of like men trying to figure out women. Can't be done 'cause there ain't no right answer.
__________________
MichaelB is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-03-2012, 11:00 AM   #33
Full time employment: Posting here.
NYEXPAT's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Miraflores,Peru
Posts: 868
Quote:
Originally Posted by MichaelB View Post


Kind of like men trying to figure out women. Can't be done 'cause there ain't no right answer.
+1
__________________
NYEXPAT is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-03-2012, 11:13 AM   #34
Moderator
rodi's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: San Diego
Posts: 8,802
Anyone who thinks there's only one proper way to raise a kid.... only has one kid.

My boys' temperaments are so different from each other. What is effective with one is completely ineffective with the other. Therefore - we parent them differently.
__________________
rodi is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-03-2012, 12:07 PM   #35
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
cute fuzzy bunny's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Losing my whump
Posts: 22,697
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chuckanut View Post
This is sometimes true but not always. People who have never had a difficult child sometimes don't understand what is going on. I know people who have spent evenings crying themselves to sleep because their teenager just doesn't respond to anything they do to reduce poor behaviors. Maybe it's brain chemistry or some gene that pops up from time to time, but strong willed children who won't listen to advices and won't respond to consequences are real.
My point was that if you allow a child to have control over you until they become a teenager, you have very little chance of fixing it then. Lots of facts and data on this in Nurture Shock.

Quote:
Originally Posted by MichaelB View Post


Humanity has been trying to figure out the "right" and "wrong" ways to raise kids since the first one was born. We've made a lot of progress and built quite a body of knowledge on the "wrong ways". Not so much on the other one. Kind of like men trying to figure out women. Can't be done 'cause there ain't no right answer.
I'll tell you whats different between when it works and when it doesn't. Children used to be the 3rd wheel in the family and the family did stuff and the kids went along with it. It went wrong when the child became the families centric, and we did stuff organized around the kid.

It also went wrong when parents started leaving the parenting to other people, most of which don't do it or don't do it well.

There certainly is no universal answer, nor do we need one. If you make the child feel like the center of the universe and don't govern them effectively and be persistent in parenting...you've got a good chance of raising a douchebag.

Are You Raising a Douchebag?: Details
__________________
Be fearful when others are greedy, and greedy when others are fearful. Just another form of "buy low, sell high" for those who have trouble with things. This rule is not universal. Do not buy a 1973 Pinto because everyone else is afraid of it.
cute fuzzy bunny is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-03-2012, 12:38 PM   #36
Moderator
MichaelB's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Rocky Inlets
Posts: 24,418
Quote:
Originally Posted by cute fuzzy bunny View Post
My point was that if you allow a child to have control over you until they become a teenager, you have very little chance of fixing it then. Lots of facts and data on this in Nurture Shock.



I'll tell you whats different between when it works and when it doesn't. Children used to be the 3rd wheel in the family and the family did stuff and the kids went along with it. It went wrong when the child became the families centric, and we did stuff organized around the kid.

It also went wrong when parents started leaving the parenting to other people, most of which don't do it or don't do it well.

There certainly is no universal answer, nor do we need one. If you make the child feel like the center of the universe and don't govern them effectively and be persistent in parenting...you've got a good chance of raising a douchebag.

Are You Raising a Douchebag?: Details
I'm not disagreeing with ya'. We agree on how not to raise a child. Problem is (IMHO) the absence of the douchbag poor parenting you refer to does not necessarily lead to a better outcome.
__________________
MichaelB is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-03-2012, 12:44 PM   #37
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
NW-Bound's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 19,396
Quote:
Originally Posted by cute fuzzy bunny View Post
Because their parents allowed it. From what I've read and experienced, kids will take as much rope as you give them, but you have to reel it all back in again before you get good behavior. Also, if you don't "fix" behavioral issues before the kid reaches the 10-11 range, statistically you never will.

So those 5-7 year olds are still feeling around to see what they can get away with. When they're teenagers, they already know.
A teenager spends more time outside the home with friends than in the home. The influence of friends is extremely important. Kids are not yet independently minded to avoid peer pressure. They need to feel accepted.

Look at gang members, as an extreme example. Each gang member by himself would not dare to do much. Together, they commit mayhem.
__________________
"Old age is the most unexpected of all things that can happen to a man" -- Leon Trotsky
NW-Bound is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 10-03-2012, 12:56 PM   #38
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 3,697
Quote:
Originally Posted by LOL! View Post

And kids are incredibly cheap to raise.
I did not know that.
__________________
Living well is the best revenge!
Retired @ 52 in 2005
marko is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-03-2012, 03:23 PM   #39
Full time employment: Posting here.
NYEXPAT's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Miraflores,Peru
Posts: 868
You can take inspiration from Clint Eastwood who fathered his last two children (that we know of) at 64 & 67 and then there is Bing Crosby who did not begin his "second family" till 65.

I think it is becoming alot more common these days as I know several Germans in there late 70's and early 80's who recently had babies and many of my friends in their 50's and 60's are starting new families.
__________________
NYEXPAT is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-03-2012, 03:29 PM   #40
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 3,697
Quote:
Originally Posted by NYEXPAT View Post
You can take inspiration from Clint Eastwood who fathered his last two children (that we know of) at 64 & 67 and then there is Bing Crosby who did not begin his "second family" till 65.
Inspiration is a fine thing but it doesn't pay the bills. Eastwood and Crosby are/were extremely wealthy. Eastwood's kids aren't going to be worried about paying for college when dad is 90 years old.

I'd think that RE with a child on the way for most folks would be a challenge to the FI side of things.
__________________

__________________
Living well is the best revenge!
Retired @ 52 in 2005
marko is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


 

 
All times are GMT -6. The time now is 10:34 AM.
 
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 1
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.