Join Early Retirement Today
Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
Old 10-03-2012, 04:51 PM   #41
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
Lsbcal's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2006
Location: west coast, hi there!
Posts: 5,686
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chuckanut View Post
This is sometimes true but not always. People who have never had a difficult child sometimes don't understand what is going on. I know people who have spent evenings crying themselves to sleep because their teenager just doesn't respond to anything they do to reduce poor behaviors. Maybe it's brain chemistry or some gene that pops up from time to time, but strong willed children who won't listen to advices and won't respond to consequences are real.
Very true indeed.

I would also add, there are many adopted children with emotional issues around the "having been rejected by the birth parents" angle. We have not adopted but I've seen some of these situations second hand. I'm sure there are times that adoption works beautifully too.

One just has to go into this with eyes wide open.
__________________

__________________
Lsbcal is offline   Reply With Quote
Join the #1 Early Retirement and Financial Independence Forum Today - It's Totally Free!

Are you planning to be financially independent as early as possible so you can live life on your own terms? Discuss successful investing strategies, asset allocation models, tax strategies and other related topics in our online forum community. Our members range from young folks just starting their journey to financial independence, military retirees and even multimillionaires. No matter where you fit in you'll find that Early-Retirement.org is a great community to join. Best of all it's totally FREE!

You are currently viewing our boards as a guest so you have limited access to our community. Please take the time to register and you will gain a lot of great new features including; the ability to participate in discussions, network with our members, see fewer ads, upload photographs, create a retirement blog, send private messages and so much, much more!

Old 10-03-2012, 05:02 PM   #42
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
Moemg's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Sarasota,fl.
Posts: 10,035
Quote:
Originally Posted by NYEXPAT View Post
You can take inspiration from Clint Eastwood who fathered his last two children (that we know of) at 64 & 67 and then there is Bing Crosby who did not begin his "second family" till 65.

I think it is becoming alot more common these days as I know several Germans in there late 70's and early 80's who recently had babies and many of my friends in their 50's and 60's are starting new families.
Fathered just means their was viable sperm . The Op is talking about real fathering . Midnight feedings , dealing with an angry toddler , handling an adolescent , Etc.
__________________

__________________
Moemg is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-03-2012, 05:20 PM   #43
Recycles dryer sheets
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 89
Quote:
Originally Posted by timwalsh300 View Post
I don't have kids yet - still young, maybe in the next few years - but why haven't I heard this from anyone else with kids? I'd think this was sarcasm, but you appeared to be serious in at least the first half of your post.

Tim
That is also news to me... DW and I have just finished paying for our kid's graduate school ( after college, a car, etc ) ... that was not cheap! I don't know what country you plan to live in, but in the U.S. or any other country where higher education is not free, you can think in terms of several hundred thousand dollars to raise a kid into a well-educated, productive adult.
__________________
boatfishandnature is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-03-2012, 06:25 PM   #44
Full time employment: Posting here.
NYEXPAT's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Miraflores,Peru
Posts: 880
Quote:
Originally Posted by Moemg View Post
Fathered just means their was viable sperm . The Op is talking about real fathering . Midnight feedings , dealing with an angry toddler , handling an adolescent , Etc.
Actually, the OP never mentioned that! He does mention the young girlfriend and that is the usual reason for stirring up feelings in one's loins.

In my experience, most of these young girls are working and the husband's are retired. The "baby stuff" is handled by the nanny and since kids start school here at 1 1/2 there is not all that much to do. I pick up my son everyday and either watch him play sports at school or spend the afternoons with him (doing homework) and then my Wife bond's when she gets home until bedtime.

Weekend's is strictly family time and we would never consider traveling without him.
__________________
NYEXPAT is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-03-2012, 06:31 PM   #45
Moderator Emeritus
Bestwifeever's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 16,375
Quote:
Originally Posted by cute fuzzy bunny View Post
Because their parents allowed it. From what I've read and experienced, kids will take as much rope as you give them, but you have to reel it all back in again before you get good behavior. Also, if you don't "fix" behavioral issues before the kid reaches the 10-11 range, statistically you never will.

So those 5-7 year olds are still feeling around to see what they can get away with. When they're teenagers, they already know.
This is something all parents with smart, interesting, well-behaved children under 10 believe .
__________________
“Would you like an adventure now, or would you like to have your tea first?” J.M. Barrie, Peter Pan
Bestwifeever is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-03-2012, 08:26 PM   #46
Moderator Emeritus
Nords's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Oahu
Posts: 26,617
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chuckanut View Post
Maybe it's brain chemistry or some gene that pops up from time to time, but strong willed children who won't listen to advices and won't respond to consequences are real.
Hey, I turned out OK.

Quote:
Originally Posted by NYEXPAT View Post
You can take inspiration from Clint Eastwood who fathered his last two children (that we know of) at 64 & 67...
Quote:
Originally Posted by Moemg View Post
Fathered just means their was viable sperm . The Op is talking about real fathering . Midnight feedings , dealing with an angry toddler , handling an adolescent , Etc.
Yeah, Clint Eastwood always comes to mind when I think of "Father of the Year" figures. Right up there with Wilt Chamberlain.

I've read Eastwood's biography. He's a serial f... breeder, not a parent. And I bet that he wasn't even in the house for most of the kids' "formative" years.
__________________
*
*

The book written on E-R.org, "The Military Guide to Financial Independence and Retirement", on sale now! For more info see "About Me" in my profile.
I don't spend much time here anymore, so please send me a PM. Thanks.
Nords is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-03-2012, 10:04 PM   #47
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
haha's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Hooverville
Posts: 22,385
Hands on parenting can be overrated. Does anyone think that Sir Randolph Churchill and Jenny Jerome spent much time with young Winnie? Neither did, and neither did any of her subsequent husbands do the nappy thing. Nurses and boarding school for Winston, yet he managed to take appeasement besotted England into and victoriously out of a horrendous war that apparently was accomplished without the advantages of hands on parenting from Mummie or Daddie.

Ha
__________________
"As a general rule, the more dangerous or inappropriate a conversation, the more interesting it is."-Scott Adams
haha is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-04-2012, 07:59 AM   #48
Moderator
MichaelB's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Rocky Inlets
Posts: 24,456
Quote:
Originally Posted by Moemg View Post
Fathered just means their was viable sperm . The Op is talking about real fathering . Midnight feedings , dealing with an angry toddler , handling an adolescent , Etc.
+1
Quote:
Originally Posted by NYEXPAT View Post
Actually, the OP never mentioned that! He does mention the young girlfriend and that is the usual reason for stirring up feelings in one's loins.

In my experience, most of these young girls are working and the husband's are retired. The "baby stuff" is handled by the nanny and since kids start school here at 1 1/2 there is not all that much to do. I pick up my son everyday and either watch him play sports at school or spend the afternoons with him (doing homework) and then my Wife bond's when she gets home until bedtime.

Weekend's is strictly family time and we would never consider traveling without him.
I see no reference in the original post to a young working wife, anything remotely related to "usual reasons" , or nannies. That may be your experience but I got the same impression as Moemg - this is a question about becoming a fully involved parent after retirement.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Bestwifeever View Post
This is something all parents with smart, interesting, well-behaved children under 10 believe .
+1
__________________
MichaelB is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 10-04-2012, 09:08 AM   #49
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
HFWR's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Lawn chair in Texas
Posts: 12,964
Man plans, God babies laugh...
__________________
Have Funds, Will Retire

...not doing anything of true substance...
HFWR is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-04-2012, 03:10 PM   #50
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
haha's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Hooverville
Posts: 22,385
Quote:
Originally Posted by HFWR View Post
Man plans, God babies laugh...
One thing I would say in complete seriouness to a 40-60 year old man, who is not already committed to some woman in America or UK or similar and who wants a family: make enough money, and get the hell out of Dodge and into a "developing" country before taking a wife or having children. Then never bring her back to the US. Visit on your own, tell her you are a political refugee, anything to avoid letting the American marriage/divorce racket get an open ended lien on your very being. You want someone whose has never been a princess, wasn't suckled on the milk of militant feminism and likely would consider a good apartment in a safe neighborhood with sewers and plenty of food to eat and medical care for her and her children to be a whole lot more than she ever expected to get from a man anyway. And as a big bonus, he is not going to beat her and very likely will even like her and be sexually faithful. Then he should take care of her in every way, but be careful about settling any money on her.

Ha
__________________
"As a general rule, the more dangerous or inappropriate a conversation, the more interesting it is."-Scott Adams
haha is offline   Reply With Quote
Great comments
Old 10-05-2012, 02:28 PM   #51
Dryer sheet aficionado
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Edmonton
Posts: 41
Great comments

There have been great comments on this post but this is a big life comittment, just like getting married. You did not mention why you did not have children but I guess you were very focused on your career.
What does your girlfriend want. This is not just about you. Does she have dreams of travel and living an adult based life?
My husband and I married fairly late in life and had children when many of our friends had teenagers. We were lucky to be established in our careers and they kept us young and poor Instead of jetting off on holidays we camped with the Boy Scouts. I don't think were were ever deprived. But if you have kids you will probably stay in one place.....are you prepared to go back to work to help pay for extra expenses. The best time to work is if you don't need to.....
Having children is a wonderful experience but not for everyone. I have two wonderful girlfriends who would have made wonderful mothers but children were not in the cards for them. They have raised step children and have a lot of freedom to do many things now. It was their choice but not for me.
I hate to say this but if it gets serious between you and that girl, and she wants children, then that is probably what will happen.
__________________
spirit is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-05-2012, 04:15 PM   #52
Recycles dryer sheets
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Posts: 86
Quote:
One thing I would say in complete seriouness to a 40-60 year old man, who is not already committed to some woman in America or UK or similar and who wants a family: make enough money, and get the hell out of Dodge and into a "developing" country before taking a wife or having children.
+1

Also, given the insane health care costs and crazy tort laws, the US is one of the most dangerous places to live for portfolio survivability.
__________________
Surfs_Up is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-05-2012, 06:33 PM   #53
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Koolau's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Leeward Oahu
Posts: 3,244
We were 42 when our last was born, so not quite the same as starting fresh at 50. However, due to circumstances I won't go into, our kids all came to us when we were nearly 50. So, from THAT perspective, I do have experience. First I would say that being retired can (should) be a big advantage in raising kids - for obvious and maybe not so obvious reasons. Second, read everyone's take on late-life child rearing. It's all true even if it doesn't always apply to your situation. Thirdly, something not mentioned yet: Until we got kids, I assumed God gave you kids to mature them to adults. Not true. God gives you kids to mature YOU into an adult. I grew up MORE in the dozen intensive years of child rearing than all the previous 50 years. If you are not ready for that (or don't want that) maybe you should pass on this opportunity. YMMV
__________________
Ko'olau's Law -

Anything which can be used can be misused. Anything which can be misused will be.
Koolau is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-11-2012, 12:05 PM   #54
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
Chuckanut's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: West of the Mississippi
Posts: 6,331
Here is another thought/question about having children after 50.

Not only will you be raising children well into your 60's but you may be doing so at the very same time you are dealing with aging parents. How will that be handled?

From your children's point of view, they may well be having to deal with their aging parents (you and your spouse!) at about the time they are raising their own family. How about that?

I would never tell you or anybody else whether or not to have children. But, these are things to think about.
__________________
The worst decisions are usually made in times of anger and impatience.
Chuckanut is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-18-2012, 02:52 PM   #55
Moderator
rodi's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: San Diego
Posts: 8,817
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chuckanut View Post
Here is another thought/question about having children after 50.

Not only will you be raising children well into your 60's but you may be doing so at the very same time you are dealing with aging parents. How will that be handled?

From your children's point of view, they may well be having to deal with their aging parents (you and your spouse!) at about the time they are raising their own family. How about that?

I would never tell you or anybody else whether or not to have children. But, these are things to think about.
We are living this. I figure it's a teaching opportunity for the kids. They see their dad doing hand on care for his wheelchair bound dad. They know there are gross aspects. They see that we live by the rule: family takes care of family. It's a good lesson for them.

Hopefully they'll be willing to step up and do the same when my husband needs it.

The entire time they were in diapers - when he changed their diapers he'd chuckle and say "In just a few years our roles will be reversed.... LUCKY YOU!".

He'll be 69 when the youngest graduates high school. I'll be 58. Can't change that so we plan for it. (529's funded now, so we won't have to dip into retirement nest egg when they're in college.)

If my husband has the longevity of his parents... the boys just might make it till they're 40 before they have to deal with him. My side does young.
__________________
rodi is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-18-2012, 03:04 PM   #56
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
haha's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Hooverville
Posts: 22,385
Excellent family culture, Rodi. Congratulations on a job well done.

Ha
__________________
"As a general rule, the more dangerous or inappropriate a conversation, the more interesting it is."-Scott Adams
haha is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-20-2012, 07:46 PM   #57
Moderator Emeritus
Martha's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: minnesota
Posts: 13,212
Quote:
Originally Posted by NYEXPAT View Post
You can take inspiration from Clint Eastwood who fathered his last two children (that we know of) at 64 & 67 and then there is Bing Crosby who did not begin his "second family" till 65.

I think it is becoming alot more common these days as I know several Germans in there late 70's and early 80's who recently had babies and many of my friends in their 50's and 60's are starting new families.
I think this stinks. They could die before their kids are grown. That is not a good time to lose your parents. Or the kids may end up dealing at a very young age with parents with health problems and competency issues. I had to do this in my early 20s and I was not yet prepared or suited for it. It sucked royally.
__________________

__________________
.


No more lawyer stuff, no more political stuff, so no more CYA

Martha is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


 

 
All times are GMT -6. The time now is 06:29 AM.
 
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 1
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.