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Old 04-09-2009, 06:12 AM   #21
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For all the reasons listed in this thread, this new phase, inappropriately called retirement, has been a challenge.
Found this among my notes. I am unsure where I picked this up since I didn't document it -- most likely in the writings of Joseph Campbell or Alan Watts.

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The Buddhists have proposed a loose block of time frames and the appropriate conduct to be carried out in each stage of life:

· The first — from birth to age twenty — is the learning time, when we’re taught by elders about social and intellectual ways of our own particular culture.

· The second — between ages twenty and forty — is the tome of action. We have our babies and make our way in the world, caring for the very young and very old, making "right livelihood.”

· The third — between the ages of forty and sixty — is a shift into study and inquiry. We amass information and prepare for the next phase.

· The forth — from the age of sixty on — is a gentile time of going inside, learning to laugh at the poignant struggle of everything in form, and listening for the call to transition.
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Old 04-09-2009, 07:45 AM   #22
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Originally Posted by cardude View Post
For those who don't know about me, I recently shut down my car business due to slow sales and a general lack of interest on my part. I was the third generation owner, and I did well and saved most of the profits for 15 years but the wheels came off recently when the economy slowed and I couldn't get motivated to slug it out anymore.

I was prepared pretty much financially, but I'm finding out mentally I was not really prepared to have all this time on my hands and I'm already struggling a little with what to do with myself. My wife is working part time now and she is planning on going to work full time until we get our expensive house sold to help with expenses. I'm basically being Mr. Mom, running the kids to school and activities, doing the house finances, cooking, cleaning the house and working in the yard. It was fun for the first month, but I'm embarrassed to say it's already getting old and I feel kind of silly sitting around the very quiet house. We have three residential rental properties and I'm renting out my old car dealership building, so that gives me some stuff to do from time to time when things break, but the shock of not really having to do something everyday is getting to me.

We are kind of in limbo right now-- if we can sell the house by this summer we are planning to live near some good friends of ours in Costa Rica in a little surfing village. Our friends own a real estate brokerage firm and need some help, so I may help out there. My wife is a school teacher so she may teach at the private school. I was really excited about this move, but we have had no luck selling the house so far so it may not happen. That may be what is causing my creeping anxiety now, as I feel I may be trapped here for awhile with nothing to do.

I find myself driving around looking for businesses I can start up-- crazy stuff like restaurants and go kart tracks. I don't want to jump into anything so soon, but I think I need to find something productive to do. I didn't think I needed that, but after 15 years of fast paced business and being "the man", I guess I do.

Did anyone else experience any of this? Will this anxiety eventually go away with time?
I too retire after running a fast pace business. I have been retired now for 2 1/2 years. I prepared & bought my 2rd home in the Florida keys 2001 before the real estate boom, but now I can't sell my house in the Washington DC area. I still spend the winters in Fl. I retired at 55 years old and I LOVE IT... I find things to do and as someone said on an earlier post I enjoy the "Gift of Time". I did not know how I would react to retirement but I always advise my friends to keep working until they drop. You see I want them to keep paying into social security so I'll get mind when I turn 62. I would recommend you read a book called"Toxic Success", by Paul Pearsall.Ph.D. This book will put things in perspective for you as it did for me.
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Old 04-09-2009, 08:02 AM   #23
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I retired at 55 years old and I LOVE IT... I find things to do and as someone said on an earlier post I enjoy the "Gift of Time". I did not know how I would react to retirement but I always advise my friends to keep working until they drop. You see I want them to keep paying into social security so I'll get mind when I turn 62. I would recommend you read a book called"Toxic Success", by Paul Pearsall.Ph.D. This book will put things in perspective for you as it did for me.
My thoughts exactly.
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Old 04-09-2009, 08:19 AM   #24
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...definition of "productive" ...Tending to my vegetable garden is productive. My work will yield organic veggies that will feed us. Cooking is productive. My work creates a meal which will sustain us and give us much pleasure. Reading is productive. It makes me a more rounded, cultivated and knowledgeable person. Even relaxing can be productive...
You hit the nail right on the head here...
This is the mind set that I have finally achieved, 2 years later. I'm a slow learner .
Once in a while I backslide and start thinking...I should be doing something...obsess...obsess...
The "what did you do today" thread is great to read and to contribute to, especially if you're feeling like you're not doing anything "productive".
I forget who posted it or when, but I got the biggest kick out of "Got up this morning, made coffee, read the paper" as their accomplishments for the day. Classic.
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Old 04-09-2009, 10:01 AM   #25
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Originally Posted by cardude View Post
For those who don't know about me, I recently shut down my car business due to slow sales and a general lack of interest on my part. I was the third generation owner, and I did well and saved most of the profits for 15 years but the wheels came off recently when the economy slowed and I couldn't get motivated to slug it out anymore.

I was prepared pretty much financially, but I'm finding out mentally I was not really prepared to have all this time on my hands and I'm already struggling a little with what to do with myself. My wife is working part time now and she is planning on going to work full time until we get our expensive house sold to help with expenses. I'm basically being Mr. Mom, running the kids to school and activities, doing the house finances, cooking, cleaning the house and working in the yard. It was fun for the first month, but I'm embarrassed to say it's already getting old and I feel kind of silly sitting around the very quiet house. We have three residential rental properties and I'm renting out my old car dealership building, so that gives me some stuff to do from time to time when things break, but the shock of not really having to do something everyday is getting to me.

We are kind of in limbo right now-- if we can sell the house by this summer we are planning to live near some good friends of ours in Costa Rica in a little surfing village. Our friends own a real estate brokerage firm and need some help, so I may help out there. My wife is a school teacher so she may teach at the private school. I was really excited about this move, but we have had no luck selling the house so far so it may not happen. That may be what is causing my creeping anxiety now, as I feel I may be trapped here for awhile with nothing to do.

I find myself driving around looking for businesses I can start up-- crazy stuff like restaurants and go kart tracks. I don't want to jump into anything so soon, but I think I need to find something productive to do. I didn't think I needed that, but after 15 years of fast paced business and being "the man", I guess I do.

Did anyone else experience any of this? Will this anxiety eventually go away with time?
It will take time. The car business is one of the fastest paced, most adrenaline driven businesses out there. It's difficult to shut that down after all those years.

I would exercise caution. While it sounds exciting to pursue new opportunities, you could make some poor business decisions just to have "something to do".......

Maybe you could go back to school or something and learn a new career, or just audit some courses.
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Old 04-09-2009, 01:43 PM   #26
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How about preparing yourself for the move to Costa Rica by learning skills that would be useful in that environment.

For starters how is your Spanish? If not fluent, maybe now is the time to start learning.

Also you mention going into the real estate business in that part of the world. Is it worth taking some time to study as to how that business works in Costa Rica?

I think it is important to work on the skills you need to make your new life successful to avoid being dragged back into the life you have been living. Think of Costa Rica as a new chapter and ask yourself what you will need to make that life a success and go from there.
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Old 04-09-2009, 01:58 PM   #27
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If all else fails have your wife write a list of things she wants done . I've saved my SO from boredom this way . He loves the endless trips to Lowe's and I love the finished projects .
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Old 04-09-2009, 02:44 PM   #28
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You planned for ER, you succeeded where many have failed, and now you can't figure out how to be responsible for your own entertainment? Did you not see this coming?!?

Now that you have control over most of your time and your focus, you think you should devote it to recreating the environment you just left?!?!!

You've proven that you can tackle business challenges and make them work. You would think that further effort in that direction would result in hollow victories.

Perhaps you owe it to yourself to devote as much time to living your ER as you did to planning for it. An excellent starting point is Ernie Zelinski's "Get-A-Life Tree" in his "How To Retire Happy, Wild, & Free" book. I can fax you my copy-- it's still blank. It's been sitting around on my desk for several years until I take the time to get to it.

As for moving to a little surfing village in Costa Rica-- you surf, right? You can perhaps understand why I'm having a hard time seeing the problem.
Man I miss Hawaii so much, when I see it on tv now I feel pain in my very soul.
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Old 04-09-2009, 03:58 PM   #29
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I sure relate to the comments by all of the retired business owners. I retired in March 2007, at the age of 48, from sixteen successful years of small business ownership. For me, the biggest challenge is feeling relevant, after so many years wearing esteemable titles such as "employer" and "owner". Transitioning into retirement has been humbling, amongst other things. But that's fine, humility is a good thing. The other difficult adjustment has been that my life has become very quiet (I'm single and live alone), but I'm a very social person. As a friend of mine used to say, "Sounds like a wonderful opportunity for spiritual growth."

By the same token, I am so over business ownership, although business is kind of in my blood. Others turn to me for feedback on their business ideas, so I get my fix that way. Aside from that, I've dived head first into travel and volunteer work. No turning back now.

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Old 04-09-2009, 06:04 PM   #30
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No one has talked about the "widow's rule", that is, after a major event (death), take at least one year and DO NOTHING. Don't sell or buy anything, just wait until life is a little slower in order to make prudent decisions. (Unfortunately, I learned this from my mom.)
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Old 04-09-2009, 06:32 PM   #31
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No one has talked about the "widow's rule", that is, after a major event (death), take at least one year and DO NOTHING. Don't sell or buy anything, just wait until life is a little slower in order to make prudent decisions. (Unfortunately, I learned this from my mom.)
BTDT
Sometimes 1 year is not enough, sometimes 1 year is too long.
Same rule applies for divorce, job change or loss, and I'm sure there are some other intense life events.
If the brain is preoccupied and not firing on all cylinders, hold that decision for a clearer day.
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Old 04-09-2009, 07:33 PM   #32
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I also have a Chrysler dealer in my family - about 3 generations - who are still trying to make it. We don't talk about it too much.
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Old 04-09-2009, 10:07 PM   #33
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... I'm finding out mentally I was not really prepared to have all this time on my hands and I'm already struggling a little with what to do with myself. ...the shock of not really having to do something everyday is getting to me.
Jeeze, this is my biggest fear. I have signed paperwork to ER in a couple of months and the decision was one of the hardest I have ever made. Not that I love my career so much; in fact I am quite burned out after nearly 28 years. I sincerely hope I have not made a mistake.
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Old 04-10-2009, 07:59 AM   #34
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One of the other things I've done is dabble in politics. I was asked several times to run for a state office. But I concluded, while I was working full time, that I wasn't rich enough nor poor enough to do that. And, I'm not good at asking people for money aka campaign contributions.
So, to test my personal capacity to deal with the BS that occurs in politics, I volunteered for a local county board. After two years I finally resigned due to my inability to deal with bureaucracy - I'm a hard headed business guy that doesn't suffer fools too well. It was a real learning experience, somewhat fun. But the most important part was that I discovered that I wasn't cut out to be in politics. Some folks love it, I don't.
For some folks getting involved in politics can be a very rewarding experience.
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Old 04-10-2009, 08:36 AM   #35
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Jeeze, this is my biggest fear. I have signed paperwork to ER in a couple of months and the decision was one of the hardest I have ever made. Not that I love my career so much; in fact I am quite burned out after nearly 28 years. I sincerely hope I have not made a mistake.

Everybody goes through an adjustment period . You need to learn that it is okay to just relax and do things at a leisurely pace. The first few times I spent a day reading I felt like I should be doing more . Now I realize some days that is enough .
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Old 04-10-2009, 09:25 AM   #36
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Wow, great replies. Thanks. Looks like I'm not alone with this "adjustment problem".

For an update, I told my wife (who is working part time if I forgot to mention that) that I had a little freak-out the other day, and she made the comment that maybe part of the reason was because now SHE is working and I'm not. I think that is part of my "problem"-- I've gone from the center of attention (in my mind--lol) to a kind of "support" position cooking and cleaning and doing laundry and it just hit me wrong that day. When we discussed ER over the years the plan was never for one of us to work, but because my retirement was a little bit forced by the economy I panicked and pushed her into getting this part time librarian job, which could now lead to a full time job next year because the school really loves her. She likes the part time job, but the prospect of full time is not very exciting for either of us. The reasoning on the job was to help with expenses while we downsized to a more manageable house and budget. However, if she goes full time we really will not be ERed, but instead will have just flip-flopped our duties. I want her to put the full time job deal on hold so we can either try this Costa Rica adventure or just try to enjoy things a little and do nothing for right now. We are at a 3% withdrawl rate right now with her part time gig and with our "big" fixed expenses, and that's not living high on the hog at all as far as entertainment and food and stuff. I'm not really comfortable with the 3% rate for some reason, but maybe I should just chill and see what happens. Does that 3% sound too high to yall? We are in our early 40s btw, two kids 9 and 11. And from Texas. Hence the "yall".

Quote:
No one has talked about the "widow's rule", that is, after a major event (death), take at least one year and DO NOTHING. Don't sell or buy anything, just wait until life is a little slower in order to make prudent decisions. (Unfortunately, I learned this from my mom.)
I like this idea. I think we are jumping to quickly into things (like her job). I'm used to moving fast and making lots of decisioins every day, and I've got to try to control that.

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If all else fails have your wife write a list of things she wants done . I've saved my SO from boredom this way . He loves the endless trips to Lowe's and I love the finished projects
That's a good idea, maybe. In fact she asked me to take the sheets off the beds the other day and wash them while she was headed off to work. That may be what started my panic attack.

Quote:
How about preparing yourself for the move to Costa Rica by learning skills that would be useful in that environment.

For starters how is your Spanish? If not fluent, maybe now is the time to start learning.

Also you mention going into the real estate business in that part of the world. Is it worth taking some time to study as to how that business works in Costa Rica?

I think it is important to work on the skills you need to make your new life successful to avoid being dragged back into the life you have been living. Think of Costa Rica as a new chapter and ask yourself what you will need to make that life a success and go from there.
Excellent idea. I actually bought the Rosetta Stone program before I closed the business but have used in only a few times for some reason. This is why I love this forum. I need to be slapped around every once and awhile. I have now made an "everyday" to do list, and practice my Spanish is on it. Cool. Bueno.


Quote:
I would exercise caution. While it sounds exciting to pursue new opportunities, you could make some poor business decisions just to have "something to do".......

Maybe you could go back to school or something and learn a new career, or just audit some courses.
I really don't want to start another business, I just didn't know what to do with myself there for awhile so I started thinking about doing something again. I hated almost all aspects of running my business the last couple of years, except for making and saving the money. When the money quit flowing it made my decision to get out pretty easy.

Quote:
You planned for ER, you succeeded where many have failed, and now you can't figure out how to be responsible for your own entertainment? Did you not see this coming?!?

Now that you have control over most of your time and your focus, you think you should devote it to recreating the environment you just left?!?!!

You've proven that you can tackle business challenges and make them work. You would think that further effort in that direction would result in hollow victories.

Perhaps you owe it to yourself to devote as much time to living your ER as you did to planning for it. An excellent starting point is Ernie Zelinski's "Get-A-Life Tree" in his "How To Retire Happy, Wild, & Free" book. I can fax you my copy-- it's still blank. It's been sitting around on my desk for several years until I take the time to get to it.

As for moving to a little surfing village in Costa Rica-- you surf, right? You can perhaps understand why I'm having a hard time seeing the problem.
Good advice (slap). I needed that. It's crazy-- after all the living cheap and saving for ER over the past 15 years now that we are here I don't know what to do with myself. I now realize that I spent most of my time on the money aspect of ER, but not much actual planning on what we would do once it happened (other than this CR deal, which will probably only be for a year because of the kids and the schools). I'm a goal guy, and a planner, and without a conrete plan I'm a little lost, so how stupid was it to not plan what we were goinig to actually do once I ERed? Don't answer that.
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Old 04-10-2009, 09:51 AM   #37
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Whew! Sounds like today is better for you.
I was pretty highpowered right after FIRE, but you left me in the dust.
I found that putting a powerwasher and then a stain paintbrush in my hands (i.e. redoing the back deck) was an excellent time consumer and the results were fabulous. The feeling of accomplishment was a true Rx for the "jackrabbit" symptoms I felt.
I suspect a project like this might be just the thing for you until FIRE really kicks in. Glad to hear you have a list.
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Old 04-10-2009, 09:53 AM   #38
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now that we are here I don't know what to do with myself.

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Old 04-10-2009, 10:08 AM   #39
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I'm a goal guy, and a planner, and without a conrete plan I'm a little lost, so how stupid was it to not plan what we were goinig to actually do once I ERed? Don't answer that.
Exactly the mistake I made. I very carefully planned that the finances would work out but I didn't plan on what to do with me.

DW adjusted better than I did - she went back to school and next month will finish the BA degree she started on 20+ years ago and intends to look for a low-intensity part time job just for "walking around money" and for the social contacts. She also is grateful that she doesn't have to deal with a full time job right now because she's in the middle of dealing with her elderly father - selling his house and getting him into an affordable retirement community where he'll have the medical attention he needs and will not need a car. Hopefully that issue will be resolved in a few more months.

I tried some consulting in computer forensics, but found that to stay current in that fast-paced field one really needs to be in it full time. I was even a car salesman for a month, thinking that would be something new and different that I'd never done before. Well, it was a unique experience - it was the only time in my life I've ever been fired from a job - so I learned that I'm not a salesman, and was laughing as I left the parking lot.

I tried going fishing, walking, bicycling, building model airplanes, reading, etc. as the mood struck but that just didn't work for me.

So for the moment I'm working between three and five days a week (that paid for the motorcycle), next week I'll take a motorcycle rider course, after that maybe sign up for a photography class. While to many here "work" (i.e., paid employment) is almost an obscenity, for me it isn't, because I know it's voluntary in the sense that we don't need the income from it.

I concluded that one just goes along and finds the path that fits, and for now that path fits me. YMMV.
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Old 04-10-2009, 10:48 AM   #40
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....

Excellent idea. I actually bought the Rosetta Stone program before I closed the business but have used in only a few times for some reason. This is why I love this forum. I need to be slapped around every once and awhile. I have now made an "everyday" to do list, and practice my Spanish is on it. Cool. Bueno.



.....
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