How do deal with reaction to: "I'm retired" ?

[Martha]

Frankly, I was much more sensitive to people's comments and questions concerning my career and work life than I am to comments and questions about my ER status. While working, it became so tedious answering the "well youbet, what do you do for a living" question with "well, I work in a factory," that I actually got some professional advise. It was time well spent. Afterwards I was usually able to handle condesending expressions of concern or looks of disbelief from members of the white collar, "my poop doesn't stink" crowd without a hitch.

When I was a new associate at my firm I once asked for more pay. Hey, that is what you do when you work, isn't it? Anyway, one of the shareholders suggested that I should have married someone with a better job. Years later I still remember his comments like they were yesterday. And my spouse would get people "joshing" him about getting rich off of a lawyer wife. His job was just fine, thank you, and when I started working as a lawyer I didn't make as much money as he did working on the boats.

 

[ls99]

My favorite response to the what do you do ? I don't.
Most often the look with mouth agape is truly amusing.

Really kills any follow up queries.

 

[Moemg]

Living in Florida no one asks they all assume you are retired . When I lived in Venice,Fl I was the only one in our community still working .

 

[FUEGO]

Living in Florida no one asks they all assume you are retired . When I lived in Venice,Fl I was the only one in our community still working .

I guess that would work where I live. "I telecommute" or "I work from home" or "I have a flexible schedule". Enough techies here that do that, so it wouldn't seem out of the ordinary.

 

[bbbamI]

Tell them you are semi-retired and when they ask what you "do" tell them it's classified and if you told them you'd have to kill them.

I've done that a couple of times. At first they laugh and then there is silence.... The subject changes quickly.

 

[WhoDaresWins]

I am not yet retired but at my age(55) I don't think anyone would raise an eyebrow if I said I was retired. I know a significant number of retired people in their 50's from all walks of life. As far as how I would answer what I did all day, well, I think "maintain the house, manage investments, the gym, travel, cooking, reading, volunteering, and taking advantage of continuing education and cultural offerings" would suffice. I think people sometimes ask not to be accusatory but to get ideas on planning their own retirements.

 

[audreyh1]

Wow! I guess we did enough traveling the first couple of years of retirement that I never had to get past question 2! Never realized we were that lucky!

Audrey

 

[CuppaJoe]

Ran into a guy I know “from the rooftops” yesterday. I’m 99% certain he already knows thru the grapevine that I retired a year ago. So he’s says, “did you just get off w*rk?” In this case I was the one taken aback! Just said, “no, I’m retired; it’s wonderful,.” He was speechless. We went our separate ways, shopping; but joined up again at the corner and discussed what’s for dinner.

Funny, he always changes the subject when his j*b comes up, I’ve a vague idea it has something to do with vino. Hope so, or maybe, he's RE? Couldn't be RE, he leaves everyday at about 7 a.m., but maybe that's not too early for golf. Yeah, I'll just assume he's RE.

 

[freebird5825]

...Actually I've never quite understood why so many advise making something up to make it sound like they're still working.

It throws the bloodhounds off the scent. I reserve these type of answers for the nosy-bodies, or those whom I perceive to be angling for some "help".
A smart politican always controls his/her own press releases.

 

[Amethyst]

I've been FI-REd for 4 years now and couldn't be happier.... .... but the problematic response is: "Oh, so where have you traveled to? Have you been to Paris/ Greece/ Africa yet? When are you going?"

"Oh, I'll get around to it one of these days. What do you recommend?"

then it's questions about either a second home, or, what expensive toys I have .."Oh. so do you have a boat or a plane?"...

Slightly open mouth, small embarrassed laugh, because frankly, these are highly presumptuous questions. "Oh...why do you ask? Do you have one?"
(Maybe they are simply looking for someone new to go flying or boating with).

so I just tell them that I live pretty frugally as I always have.

Alas, that response is apt be taken as "holier than thou."

.... then, they immediately switch to assuming that "retired" means "unemployed" and start thinking of new careers for me.
.... at which point, I get defensive

And I, being me, would start laughing! How funny that anyone would try to think of a career for anyone else! Unless they follow up with, "It's just that you are so gorgeous, I'm surprised you're not in show business." "It's only that you are so brilliant, I'm surprised you're not running for President."

Just remember you're retired, happy, and confident, and the other people are probably jealous!

 

[SarahW]

I've only been FIRE'd for a few weeks, but when anyone asks what I do, my answer is "WHATEVER I WANT."

 

[bbbamI]

My favorite response to the what do you do ? I don't.
Most often the look with mouth agape is truly amusing.

Really kills any follow up queries.

Sometimes these questions get my DH's goat. A time or two he's said, "I sit around the house eating Cheetos all day."

(that's part of a joke, but I'm not tellin' the rest of it here)

 

[Notmuchlonger]

I've only been FIRE'd for a few weeks, but when anyone asks what I do, my answer is "WHATEVER I WANT."

I usually go with "nothing" Depending on my mood I have fun with it. Otherwise I play the grumpy old man card. Kinda snarl ,grunt and scratch. Its a good move that usually disgusts people into not talking to me.

 

[Rick S]

Thank you

THANK YOU to everyone.... many helpful suggestions and inputs.

I've quoted some of my favorites, below.... but the wittiest award has to go to HaHa..... excellent words..... and... I just have to remind myself that what haha says is (sadly) true.

Thanks to all.... this group is the best !

.... Rick

But what they're probably most interested in is a way for you to steer the conversation in their direction. ...

If they persist in their obliviousness then you could answer "Well, I have a fairly conservative but very workable financial plan that sustains a low-key lifestyle. What are your retirement plans?" That's a sure conversation killer.

I'd just tell them that you're happy with the way things are. Their goals are not your goals. Your needs are met. Some people can't be happy unless they have all the toys and travel, others can be quite content with a lot less.

.... start thinking of new careers for me.
Answers: - I'd like to let other folks get the few jobs that are open in this recession.

... I think these folks might just be scrabbling around for some topic of conversation with you, not actually torturing you on purpose (I hope).

What you might do is try to lead the conversation into some shared place, or common ground you have with the person, assuming you want to keep the conversation going.

If you appear young and healthy and aren't obviously psychotic and you do not live in a particularly opulent or glamorous way of life or circumnavigate in your ketch or spend 6 months of every year in an ashram in India very many and likely most people will just assume that you are some kind of loser.

No matter what you say, their opinion will be the same even though you may be able to suppress the voicing of this opinion.
Ha

I'd skip the frugally comment and maybe instead say that you never were much for accumulating stuff as the stuff starts to own you. And then talk about what you do like to do. Or something like that.

Frugality .... Alas, that response is apt be taken as "holier than thou."

Just remember you're retired, happy, and confident, and the other people are probably jealous!

 

[Moscyn]

Not retired yet but will be in one or two years. I doubt I'll have a problem answering to such queries as I'll most probably tell whoever that after 50, one enjoys around 20 years (if lucky) of mobile healthy life, so that's only like (for some) a quarter of one's life. That should put thoughts into the person asking the question on his/her retirement plans.

 

[clifp]

I use to get the you are too young to be retired, along with the what do you do all day. I guess the hair is completely gray now so I don't get that question as much.

I think I'm retired, followed by the I use to do X, and decided to take a break for a couple of years, which has not stretched to 10 pretty much stops the questions. Thinking about the handful of times I've really gotten interrogated on the subject, my guess is most of the time the person is jealous.

I think next time, I will tell them that I am thinking of starting a second career helping people plan for an early retirement, and would they be interested in my services

 

[Ronstar]

Like Rich in Tampa, I'm semi-retired at a percentage - I'm now up to a retirement rate of 20% - off Fridays. People do ask me what I do on Friday's. So far its just work around the house and yard. Its funny that retired people never ask me what I do all day

 

[LOL!]

Why don't you tell them that you are a "private investor"?
I'm semi-retired. A conversation is like a game of pitch and catch. You get asked a question,
"What do you do?",
then you answer, "I'm a scientist",
and then you throw the ball back with your own question, "What do you do?" They will answer, "I work at ExxonMobil. What kind of scientist are you?"
"Oh, I do ..... Are you in finance at XOM or are you an engineer?"
"I'm in human resources."
....
Back and forth.

If anyone is surprised by early retirement, I tell them that I can help them with their expenses and investments so that they can retire as well. That usually gets them to change the subject.

 

[kcowan]

I use the Private Portfolio Manager when people ask what do I do. That usually causes a change in subject because most people have no idea what to ask next.

We travel a lot and sometimes the conversation drifts to how do I perform when away from home. Then we talk about online banking and trading. Sometimes we talk about VOIP.

I sometimes ask people what is it that you are passionate about that you would like to spend more time doing? Most early retiree prospects do not hesitate with their answer to that one.

(When I am in the mood to shock, I tell them that I am independently wealthy. That is usually a conversation stopper.)

 

[Nords]

Sometimes these questions get my DH's goat. A time or two he's said, "I sit around the house eating Cheetos all day."
(that's part of a joke, but I'm not tellin' the rest of it here)

That hasn't stopped a few other [-]former[/-] members (so to speak) from sharing their humor... but just as long as your DH washes his hands, I'm not askin'.

 

[Danny]

From a Retired Member

I forgot that I'm a [-]forme[/-]r retired member and here I am back at work inserting again.

Some people are cool with an unvarnished honest answer about ER...Most are not.
Depends on their circumstance and their personality.
Depends on your age.
There is no easy answer.
You have to find the one that makes sense for you.
One that you'll be comfortable with.
One that won't come back and bite you.

I've tried all kinds of answers over the last 8 years.
"I'm in money management". "I work with computers".
"I get up with nothing to do and try to get it all done".

My advice now is to just tell it like it is in a humble way.

As to what do you do all day - I don't recommend that you say you're with their spouse while they're at work or some other flippant answer.

An honest answer - if you're embarassed by the answer then right there is some motivation to go out and get some things to do you're happy doing and talking about.

Give the answer and get the conversation moving on to other subjects or about your questioner. If the person persists and keeps bringing it up on future contacts, start avoiding that person if you can, if you can't, then stop talking to them.

These questions don't come up much now that I'm more retired looking. When it does, I answer this way the way that I wishd I had done from the beginning: I'm retired, so I do retired stuff. That usually gets a good reaction. If they want details I tell them what I'm really doing - learning web design, taking classes, volunteering, traveling, doing stuff I didn't have time for when I was working, picking up after Lilly the basset, and doing whatever I feel like that day. If they want to know how I'm able to afford it, I tell them it took lots of hard work, planning, and goal setting.

There's my 2 cents - put it in you retirement account.

 

[bbbamI]

That hasn't stopped a few other [-]former[/-] members (so to speak) from sharing their humor... but just as long as your DH washes his hands, I'm not askin'.

Thank heavens I'm not the only one that has heard that joke. It was feelin' kind of empty in here..............

 

[freebird5825]

Thank heavens I'm not the only one that has heard that joke. It was feelin' kind of empty in here..............

Ok, clue me in.
Gauntlet drops...corrupt me if you can.

 

[bbbamI]

Ok, clue me in.
Gauntlet drops...corrupt me if you can.

A guy goes to the doctor freaking out....

guy: My (insert private body part here) is turning orange! I can't understand why this is happening!

doc: We'll figure this out. What do you do all day?

guy: I just sit around the house eating Cheetos.

Ahem...case solved.

(this is the short/edited version..)

 

[freebird5825]

A guy goes to the doctor freaking out....

guy: My (insert private body part here) is turning orange! I can't understand why this is happening!

doc: We'll figure this out. What do you do all day?

guy: I just sit around the house eating Cheetos.

Ahem...case solved.

(this is the short/edited version..)

Oh, this has some great possibilities for cheap home entertainment...heeheeheee