How do you find "home"?

[Lisa99]

For many, if not most, home is where you grew up, where your family is and where you feel like you belong.

For those who don't feel ties to where they were born/grew up or have close ties to family how did you find 'HOME'? The place where you feel you belong, where you can see yourself growing old, that just feels right and can never imagine leaving?

We firmly fit into the 'no ties' group. DH and I have lived in many different places, yet nowhere so far feels like 'this is the forever place'.

 

[Ally]

Ironic that you should post this question today, as my siblings and I are finalizing the deal to sell my parents' home for the estate by emails as I write.

We grew up in the home owned by my family for 50 years. We all have spent nearly every Christmas there, with our children, our grandchildren, pets, etc. That has been Home. Last Christmas was the first all 4 of us siblings went to celebrate in different directions in different towns. It was lonely, even though we were with grandchildren. We will all have to find the sense of Home elsewhere now.

 

[Nemo2]

Good question.....I've lived in a few countries, also 'within' those countries, have 'spent time' in other countries, and although I question whether or not there's that one place that's 'home', my lady & I moved to our current locale two years ago and we just feel comfortable here.

Tangibles & intangibles.

 

[Lisa99]

Ally, I wish you the best in finding HOME. It sounds like you have wonderful memories to help with the tough work you're facing.

 

[Amethyst]

We have no desire to move back to where we grew up. And although we like where we are living, it may be too expensive for retirement. So far, though, we haven't found anything we like better and can afford.

What I suspect will happen, is that we will move to a cheaper cost-of-living area, that meets as many known criteria as possible, and simply "will" that place to become home. By that I mean, focus on the positives and try to ignore the inevitable downsides.

Amethyst

 

[Lisa99]

What a great point Nemo about Comfortable.

Maybe I'm looking for an ideal that doesn't exist other than in my imagination. (replacing what was missing in childhood blah, blah, blah)

 

[Alan]

For those who don't feel ties to where they were born/grew up or have close ties to family how did you find 'HOME'? The place where you feel you belong, where you can see yourself growing old, that just feels right and can never imagine leaving?

We firmly fit into the 'no ties' group. DH and I have lived in many different places, yet nowhere so far feels like 'this is the forever place'.

We have lived in many places but the place that feels like "HOME" is a town in N. Yorkshire, and is where our children were born. We lived there 6 years and have great memories of the place. We are in the middle of a 7 month stay here and it feels as if we have never left. Our children live in the USA so we have no plans to stay for good. However, it is good now we are retired to be able to spend summer months here.

 

[Ally]

Thanks, Lisa. Nemo, I suspect this is how it will be for us. Whenever, we are with my daughter's family with 4 grandchildren, soon to be 5, my husband and I are in heaven. Luckily they are close and we see then almost weekly. I think with time and memories, we will feel that way here.

 

[flyfishnevada]

We moved into our present home out in the country, way out in the country, about 9 years ago. At the time we both would have told you we would probably grow old and die there. Now we can't wait to move. Variety of reasons. We don't like the small town clicks and gossip. We miss being able to go shopping, get a coffee, see a movie, etc. on a moments notice.

But we have no idea where we want to live. We plan on RVing for a while to try and find a place. We like this general area (Reno/Tahoe), but are getting pretty sick of the winters and the even worse springs. I suppose we will see how we like not being tied down. Right now it seems like heaven, but doing it may change our minds. We may decide we do want to be settled down, but then it's a question of where.

I suppose we don't have any ties to home and family. That doesn't concern us as much as finding a place we can be happy in that offers what we want and like without to many negatives. Problem is finding that place.

 

[donheff]

Chicago felt like home for many years after I left but then my parents and some other relatives moved, a brother died, and I ended up with fewer relatives there and more here, in DC. Now DC fells like home to me.

 

[ziggy29]

I still want a find a place where we'll be able to say "we never intend to move again." I thought we might be there now but I've come to the conclusion that I don't think I can stand one more summer down here.

 

[FIREd]

Wherever I have lived in the past, I have always felt at "home". I currently live in Alabama. Given my background, people are often astonished that I would feel at home here. Yet I do. It is not my favorite place in the world, mind you, but for now it is "home". Home is what you make it to be.

 

[W2R]

For many, if not most, home is where you grew up, where your family is and where you feel like you belong.

For those who don't feel ties to where they were born/grew up or have close ties to family how did you find 'HOME'? The place where you feel you belong, where you can see yourself growing old, that just feels right and can never imagine leaving?

We firmly fit into the 'no ties' group. DH and I have lived in many different places, yet nowhere so far feels like 'this is the forever place'.

I have lived all over, and have always wanted a HOME in this sense, more than anything. When I moved to New Orleans (for the job), I knew that I would work here until retirement so I decided this would be HOME for me. I picked it because it was really my last chance, I felt; I was already getting older and at some point, one has to put one's foot down and say "This is IT". I bought a house and decided I would stay here until I drew my last breath.

Hurricane Katrina shook my resolve in that regard. Do I really want to go through that when I am in my 80's? I saw so much suffering among the elderly here. It was really hard to decide to move, but when F. said we should, I went along with that. When our houses didn't sell, and he changed his mind about it for other reasons as well, we put off the decision for five years but we still might move.

I think that by now I have resigned myself to the fact that I may never have a home in that sense. But then again, maybe we will never move again. Who knows? And by now, I have lived here longer than anyplace else. So for now, I am regarding New Orleans as my home, however tentatively, and I view myself as a New Orleanian. Home is where the heart is, as they say, and right now my heart is here in New Orleans.

 

[Lisa99]

I still want a find a place where we'll be able to say "we never intend to move again." I thought we might be there now but I've come to the conclusion that I don't think I can stand one more summer down here.

I know what you're going through. My dad's side of the family live in Llano and other parts of the hill country and while it is a great place to visit the summers are bad.

We left Dallas and moved to Henderson, NV thinking it would be where we wanted to retire...it's hotter but a dry heat ...alas, we're two years in and I'm ready to leave.

 

[Lisa99]

Several posts have mentioned "home is where the heart is". My heart is with DH and he has wunderlust as well. He grew up military and never stayed long in the same place.

So maybe putting down roots shouldn't be in the cards...maybe a big RV and lots of miles on the road.

 

[Ally]

We live in west Tx and we like that housing us low cost, we live in a university city, and for most of the year the weather is pretty good. It is very hot in the summer, but then that doesn't bother me as much as the idea of frequent snow and ice, which we don't have. You don't fall because it's hot and break your hip, like my mom did on ice. So we will most likely keep our home here and travel to the places we like to be occasionally.

 

[Rich_by_the_Bay]

Never thought of ourselves as vagabonds but career opportunities and interests led us from Wi (21 years) to Az (3 years) and then FL (8 years +) where we are now.

Once it was clear that each of our two kids and grandkids had no intention of moving in the immediate future, the possibility of moving closer to one of them is back on our list.

As two what constitutes a feeling of "home" the only consistent factors for us are friends and family, not necessarily in that order, depending on the context of the discussion.

 

[W2R]

Several posts have mentioned "home is where the heart is". My heart is with DH and he has wunderlust as well. He grew up military and never stayed long in the same place.

So maybe putting down roots shouldn't be in the cards...maybe a big RV and lots of miles on the road.

That could work, if he is into RV'ing and willing to spend the money, time and energy to buy and maintain an RV.

I was a military wife, and before that my father had considerable wanderlust and the money to support it so we spent a lot of time abroad. Then also there was a lot of "moving for the job" going on in my life. I have almost never moved to another town because I wanted to move. But in your case, with a husband with wanderlust I think maybe a true home would be impossible.

 

[ziggy29]

We left Dallas and moved to Henderson, NV thinking it would be where we wanted to retire...it's hotter but a dry heat ...alas, we're two years in and I'm ready to leave.

Northern Nevada is actually on our list of potential spots for relocation, perhaps somewhere in the Carson City area. Reno is too large for my tastes and the stuff around Tahoe is too expensive and too snowy/cold in the winter time at a higher elevation.

 

[haha]

I know what you're going through. My dad's side of the family live in Llano and other parts of the hill country and while it is a great place to visit the summers are bad.

We left Dallas and moved to Henderson, NV thinking it would be where we wanted to retire...it's hotter but a dry heat ...alas, we're two years in and I'm ready to leave.

Is this because of the summers, or some other factors? I often went to Las Vegas in late August to play the first couple weekends of college football and also make some football futures bets. I found the weather not annoying, though Reno is much better.

Ha

 

[Lisa99]

That could work, if he is into RV'ing and willing to spend the money, time and energy to buy and maintain an RV.

He likes the thought of RVing but doesn't have a mechanical bone in his body. He's super at lots of things, but maintaining vehicles isn't one of them.

 

[Lisa99]

Is this because of the summers, or some other factors? I often went to Las Vegas in late August to play the first couple weekends of college football and also make some football futures bets. I found the weather not annoying, though Reno is much better.

Ha

The summers are hot but bearable and there is a lot to do. It just doesn't feel like HOME. We could pick up and move tomorrow and there isn't one thing that I would truly miss.

I'm still holding out hope that there is someplace out there that I will want to never leave.

 

[WhoDaresWins]

I have lived in several different places over the course of my life and have found things to recommend each of them.
I guess I would consider myself a western Pennsylvanian at heart. I have lived here the longest, for sure, from birth through age 18, then from 1993 to the present. I am not attached to this house particularly, but there are things about this part of the country that that I love and that make me feel at home.

 

[haha]

The summers are hot but bearable and there is a lot to do. It just doesn't feel like HOME. We could pick up and move tomorrow and there isn't one thing that I would truly miss.

I'm still holding out hope that there is someplace out there that I will want to never leave.

I think I understand that. Where everything is money, the atmospere gets a little weird.

When I was first single I spent some time hanging out in the Cal-Neva casino in Reno. Good cheap sandwiches, cheap Heinekens, good tight basball lines, outgoing guys to talk to- but people were basically paranoid. There were so many rip-offs, and so many losers looking to take your money that people were wary, and I thought it might be hard to make friends beyond how ya doin' man?

I would think out in Henderson it would likely be different, with more married people, but Nevada overall seems to be an attractive but kind of rough place IMO.

Ha

 

[Koolau]

DW and I are currently on our summer trip "home" to the midwest. I'm actually typing this from what would have been my parents' old bedroom ca 1950s (though now it is our living room). This house is the same one I came home to from the hospital after being born 64 years ago. Over the years, I've moved away and returned half a dozen times.

I can still recall where all the (old) rooms were, what the light fixtures were like, the dark-stained molding around doors and baseboard. I still have many of my old toys here (though not as many since several attempts at getting rid of worldly possessions over the past few years.) Though parts of the house date from the 1860s and others from about 1900, the current iteration (internally) was completed in 1980 and 1995.

I always enjoy spending time here. I guess I think of it as "home" but Paradise is also home (for 3 years). I've never had much problem in adapting to a new place, but I've often wondered if that was because the old "homestead" was still here, available to me. In the next few years, we plan to sell the place to a relative who will allow us to rent it for a while longer. At some point, we will have to let it go. I'm not certain how I feel about that. At times, it concerns me a bit. Other times, I assume it will not bother me at all. As long as I'm able to travel, I will at least be able to stop in front of the place. Perhaps I'll have the opportunity to go through it occasionally.

For now, I'll just enjoy the memories it gives me and the comfort of all the improvements (like AC!!).