How do you find "home"?

[ls99]

I'm still holding out hope that there is someplace out there that I will want to never leave.

I have traveled a lot. Lived many places. Never found a place that I could declare as the "forever".

Always found a way to comfort from the luxuries of a foxhole, to a nice stone house in the country, or a shack. Least (meaning really hated it) comfort for me was in apartments, and lasted no more than a few months at a time in my past. Very likely never again.

Current home in SW PA with DW is good and comfortable, for us small town living is where it is at. No plans to leave or move at all.

OTOH we discussed that if DW became a widow, she would move elsewhere, unknown at this time. Likewise if became a widower, I would sell the place and move to a cottage, maybe nearby maybe not.

 

[Nords]

This thread reminds me of John McCain's first Senate race. He was accused by Arizona voters of being a short-time carpetbagger, which had an element of truth. He pointed out that he'd grown up in a military family with frequent transfers and had completed a full military career of his own, so the place where he'd lived the longest was... the Hanoi Hilton.

My parents moved twice when I was growing up, but I eventually found them. They moved again when I went to college, and then spouse and I executed a dozen moves each during the next 20 years. We've been in Hawaii for 22 years and in our "dream home" for just short of 11 years. Just this week, it's become the place where I've lived the longest in over 50 years.

Spouse talks about letting our daughter rent this house from us if she wants her kids to go to the good neighborhood high school. (We'd move into our rental home.) After the little darlings graduate, though, we'd want to come back here. I can't imagine living in a better location, with better weather, views, activities, culture, and food.

We like this general area (Reno/Tahoe), but are getting pretty sick of the winters and the even worse springs.

What in the world happens during a Tahoe spring to make it worse than a Tahoe winter?!?

 

[ziggy29]

What in the world happens during a Tahoe spring to make it worse than a Tahoe winter?!?

I'm guessing the mud from all the melting snow and runoff.

 

[kcowan]

... I view myself as a New Orleanian. Home is where the heart is, as they say, and right now my heart is here in New Orleans.

I had missed that W2R. Congratulations and here's hoping there are no more devastating hurricanes.

I have lived many places, and I don't feel any particular affinity with them. With family all died off, there are no ties that way anymore. I sold off the family home in 2009, including most of their stuff. So that tie is broken.

Luckily, both DW and I have decided on PV as the winter place, and maintain our summer place. We have less affinity to it and could easily see ourselves travelling to different places in the summer, including the current one, but would be OK renting or home swapping.

SIL is in emergency right now with kidneys shutting down, and the doctor called this morning to advise that she is being moved into palliative care. She lives a 90-minute ferry ride away on the island. So that was the final strong tie to this area.

 

[Gumby]

For those who don't feel ties to where they were born/grew up or have close ties to family how did you find 'HOME'? The place where you feel you belong, where you can see yourself growing old, that just feels right and can never imagine leaving?

Pure serendipity. In 1989, we moved back to Connecticut from Ohio, so I could go to law school. The young wife got a job in a town about 30 miles from my school. We drew a line on the map halfway between the two and found our current town. We've lived here ever since, although we switched from an apartment to our first and only house in 1992. I don't anticipate we will ever move away.

 

[Purron]

I know this sounds corny, but to me home is where DH is. We married young and have been together nearly 37 years.

Now that we're both retired, we've talked about moving to get away from the DC area traffic, hassles and high prices. However, my elderly mom is nearby and doesn't want to leave the area. I wouldn't dream of trying to convince her to do something she doesn't want to do. She'd never be critical if we moved away, but I couldn't leave when she needs me most. DH agrees because he really loves her and gets along well with her.

If we eventually leave this area, I'm sure it will be a compromise because we have different ideas about the ideal location. As long as he's there, it'll be home to me.

 

[Ally]

I don't think that's corny at all.

 

[Meadbh]

This is a question I've thought about a lot. Another one: what is the answer to "where are you from?"

I left the city where I grew up at age 25 and my home country age 28 and have never returned to live there, though I have visited frequently. Apart from my hometown, my last stop (Winnipeg, Manitoba) was "home" for the longest period (21 years). I was comfortable introducing myself professionally as being "from Winnipeg" but if people asked about my accent I would explain my personal history.

So far, I have never felt so tied to any place that I would consider it my home for ever. For the many places I have lived and worked, the absence of family ties is one reason for that. But in recent years, my home town has not felt like "home" either, despite the family ties, which are mostly at the cousin level. The older generation is almost gone. We all have our own lives, and electronic communication makes location less important. And everything has changed since I lived there.

My current location should be very ER friendly so I am keeping an open mind. In time it may earn the status of "home".

 

[W2R]

This is a question I've thought about a lot. Another one: what is the answer to "where are you from?"

I absolutely HATE that question!! Nothing makes me feel more like a homeless misfit.

Usually I answer "everywhere", and then explain.
Or, sometimes I say "Hawaii" since I went to high school there and my parents are buried there and one of my brothers lives there..
Or sometimes "St. Louis" since I was born there and lived there on and off as a little girl and my other brother lives there..
Or sometimes "Texas" since that is where I came from right before moving to Louisiana.

(sigh)

Lately I have been countering with, "Where do you think I am from?" and usually the response is "New Orleans". So obviously I like that answer.

 

[W2R]

I had missed that W2R. Congratulations and here's hoping there are no more devastating hurricanes.

Thanks. I hope that is the case, too.

 

[Purron]

I absolutely HATE that question!! Nothing makes me feel more like a homeless misfit.

Usually I answer "everywhere", and then explain.
Or, sometimes I say "Hawaii" since I went to high school there and my parents are buried there and one of my brothers lives there..
Or sometimes "St. Louis" since I was born there and lived there on and off as a little girl and my other brother lives there..
Or sometimes "Texas" since that is where I came from right before moving to Louisiana.

(sigh)

Lately I have been countering with, "Where do you think I am from?" and usually the response is "New Orleans". So obviously I like that answer.

Awww, don't fret W2R. Lots of us are in the same boat, myself included. Just say you've lived different places and each place is special in it's own way. Now you've found a place you love and consider home. You're a New Orleans lady now

 

[flyfishnevada]

Is this because of the summers, or some other factors? I often went to Las Vegas in late August to play the first couple weekends of college football and also make some football futures bets. I found the weather not annoying, though Reno is much better.

Ha

I never lived there, but traveled to Vegas and Henderson a lot for my job. I got used to the heat. It was only bad when it was over 105, but it isn't usually that hot for more than a couple of weeks in the middle of summer. Then again, I'd get to go home to northern Nevada. Maybe dealing with it day in and day out wears on you, though I know lots of people there that love it.

 

[PaddyMac]

I've lived in Europe and then California, and felt very at home in So Cal for many years until the traffic got too crazy. Now we're in New Mexico and we love it. The people are really friendly and since so many are from other states, everyone just takes it in stride that you weren't born here. Weather is a bit more interesting than LA as we do get some snow in the winter, and fabulous thunderstorms in the monsoon summers. I'm surprised how quickly this became our home. I can't imagine moving too far away from this area (we think about moving in retirement to Santa Fe if we could afford the price hike).

 

[Lisa99]

I think we could have more fun here if we weren't so tight with the purse strings. We spent too much for many years but learned that we can live on one less than one paycheck so are in extreme saving mode so we can retire at 51, 55.

We still take generous vacations (Cruise in November, China next March) but we keep the regular entertainment budget small. It's very easy to spend $1000 in a single night on the town so we keep a tight handle on discretionary spending.

 

[Moemg]

I consider Florida my home now because I've lived here for sixteen years but New Jersey holds a close spot in my heart because that is where I raised my kids and lived for thirty years .

 

[JOHNNIE36]

Born and raised in a small Ohio town in farm country. Left at 18 (in 1954) to go to college and never went back there to live. My folks were in that little town all there lives and I always called it "home" until they passed away, Dad the last in 1999. Lived in many places after college, due to job transfers. None were "home" except for Kalamazoo since that is where I met DW and the kids were born there. Job again forced a move from there and it was no longer "home". After we retired and moved to Florida in 1990, this has become home since the kids are in the state also. I know for a fact that THIS is (was) our last move (I know, never say never). DW and I have had 16 different addresses in our 39 years of marriage. Where was home? Now that the kids have settled in Florida, I know we'll never leave. Can we maintain this current life style and keep this home? Never know. Might have to make a move to a nursing home and then that will become home. I'm hoping to make heaven my home someday.

 

[golfnut]

Lived in Chicago and its suburbs all my life except for college (WIU-Macomb).

 

[harley]

I averaged a move/year for the first 18 years of my life (all east coast), so when I spent 4 years in one town in college I thought that was home. But I left there to go where future DW was (Northern VA). I then spent 30 years there, but never felt like it was home. Or maybe it was home, and I just didn't like it. After FIRE and DD grown and moved out, we moved to the Eastern Shore of MD. I like it here, but think I could be just as happy many other places. DW still misses NoVA. DD (and DGD) still live there, so we go back pretty often. Basically, to me, home is where DW is, and I also need DD to not be too far away. Since I hate the flying process (not flying, all the additional crap), that means about a 3 1/2 hr radius around DC. That gives me a lot of options. Hopefully I'll get to try a number of them before I shuffle off this mortal coil. Of course, if DD up and moves away herself, that opens up the whole world (except the countries that require dog quarantine).

As Lord John Whorfin said,

home is where you wear your hat.

I doubt I'll ever be tied to a place. Just people. If the people weren't here, I'd be a human pachinko ball.

 

[Mulligan]

I've read the typical retiree stays where they ended their last job. I am fit the bill. I would also love to move to Nevada , but my girlfriend is years away from retiring, so I will sit tight for awhile. HA, if you are reading this let me know your futures bets in NFL this season. They will be coming out soon. Going to Tahoe right before season starts to lay mine. I'm looking good on my baseball season futures, taking Cubs under, rays under, and Angels over!

 

[Pete44]

Sung to the Cheers theme song: "Where everybody knows your name".

I didn't take long to get comfortable in this beach community, 8000 miles away from last "home". Couldn't see this happening in a city. Not sure if it's for ever but the roots are starting to set.

 

[packrat44]

How do you find "home"? I type "home" into my GPS and it leads me straight to the doorstep. Sorry, the made me do it.

 

[palomalou]

NY was home from the first day I set foot in it. I'm not sure entirely why. When people ask where I am "from," I answer, "I work in XYZ." I seldom add, "because living there would be an oxymoron."

 

[eytonxav]

As soon as I open my mouth up, people know where I am from, so thats easy to answer. Home on the other hand is where DW and my kids are. While we would always like to be near our kids, that maybe impossible to accomplish as they move out on their own. Both my heart and DWs heart is really back in Connecticut, but I doubt we will ever return there to call it home again due to cost of living concerns and given that our blood has thinned out so much that we probably couldn't handle the winters.

 

[DangerMouse]

I have moved a lot, I think something like 25 times in my 49 years of life. I've been married coming up on 18 years and we are living in our 11th location.

I have lived in 7 countries, been to a lot of locations but no one place has ever said to me that is home. Neither DH or I are that close to our families so see no need to return to those locations.

For us that feeling of home is created by being surrounded by good friends and having a comfortable living situation.

 

[toofrugalformycat]

How do you find home? Remember the John Denver tune with the line "coming home to a place I've never been before." That happened to me, when I found this place. But having lived several places, and traveled through many countries, I can see another likely move in my future, as long as I could visit here part of the year. I've been puzzling over this for years, as playing in the cold winters becomes less fun each year. An older wiser friend finally solved my distress, when she told me to just give it time, travel to places I like, and when I find I want to keep going back to the same place, that's the new home. So we'll see if that happens.