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How do you find "home"?
Old 07-24-2011, 10:23 AM   #1
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How do you find "home"?

For many, if not most, home is where you grew up, where your family is and where you feel like you belong.

For those who don't feel ties to where they were born/grew up or have close ties to family how did you find 'HOME'? The place where you feel you belong, where you can see yourself growing old, that just feels right and can never imagine leaving?

We firmly fit into the 'no ties' group. DH and I have lived in many different places, yet nowhere so far feels like 'this is the forever place'.
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Old 07-24-2011, 10:35 AM   #2
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Ironic that you should post this question today, as my siblings and I are finalizing the deal to sell my parents' home for the estate by emails as I write.

We grew up in the home owned by my family for 50 years. We all have spent nearly every Christmas there, with our children, our grandchildren, pets, etc. That has been Home. Last Christmas was the first all 4 of us siblings went to celebrate in different directions in different towns. It was lonely, even though we were with grandchildren. We will all have to find the sense of Home elsewhere now.
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Old 07-24-2011, 10:38 AM   #3
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Good question.....I've lived in a few countries, also 'within' those countries, have 'spent time' in other countries, and although I question whether or not there's that one place that's 'home', my lady & I moved to our current locale two years ago and we just feel comfortable here.

Tangibles & intangibles.
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Old 07-24-2011, 10:38 AM   #4
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Ally, I wish you the best in finding HOME. It sounds like you have wonderful memories to help with the tough work you're facing.
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Old 07-24-2011, 10:43 AM   #5
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We have no desire to move back to where we grew up. And although we like where we are living, it may be too expensive for retirement. So far, though, we haven't found anything we like better and can afford.

What I suspect will happen, is that we will move to a cheaper cost-of-living area, that meets as many known criteria as possible, and simply "will" that place to become home. By that I mean, focus on the positives and try to ignore the inevitable downsides.

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Old 07-24-2011, 10:44 AM   #6
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What a great point Nemo about Comfortable.

Maybe I'm looking for an ideal that doesn't exist other than in my imagination. (replacing what was missing in childhood blah, blah, blah)
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Old 07-24-2011, 10:48 AM   #7
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For those who don't feel ties to where they were born/grew up or have close ties to family how did you find 'HOME'? The place where you feel you belong, where you can see yourself growing old, that just feels right and can never imagine leaving?

We firmly fit into the 'no ties' group. DH and I have lived in many different places, yet nowhere so far feels like 'this is the forever place'.
We have lived in many places but the place that feels like "HOME" is a town in N. Yorkshire, and is where our children were born. We lived there 6 years and have great memories of the place. We are in the middle of a 7 month stay here and it feels as if we have never left. Our children live in the USA so we have no plans to stay for good. However, it is good now we are retired to be able to spend summer months here.
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Old 07-24-2011, 10:50 AM   #8
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Thanks, Lisa. Nemo, I suspect this is how it will be for us. Whenever, we are with my daughter's family with 4 grandchildren, soon to be 5, my husband and I are in heaven. Luckily they are close and we see then almost weekly. I think with time and memories, we will feel that way here.
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Old 07-24-2011, 11:16 AM   #9
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We moved into our present home out in the country, way out in the country, about 9 years ago. At the time we both would have told you we would probably grow old and die there. Now we can't wait to move. Variety of reasons. We don't like the small town clicks and gossip. We miss being able to go shopping, get a coffee, see a movie, etc. on a moments notice.

But we have no idea where we want to live. We plan on RVing for a while to try and find a place. We like this general area (Reno/Tahoe), but are getting pretty sick of the winters and the even worse springs. I suppose we will see how we like not being tied down. Right now it seems like heaven, but doing it may change our minds. We may decide we do want to be settled down, but then it's a question of where.

I suppose we don't have any ties to home and family. That doesn't concern us as much as finding a place we can be happy in that offers what we want and like without to many negatives. Problem is finding that place.
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Old 07-24-2011, 11:23 AM   #10
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Chicago felt like home for many years after I left but then my parents and some other relatives moved, a brother died, and I ended up with fewer relatives there and more here, in DC. Now DC fells like home to me.
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Old 07-24-2011, 11:25 AM   #11
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I still want a find a place where we'll be able to say "we never intend to move again." I thought we might be there now but I've come to the conclusion that I don't think I can stand one more summer down here.
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Old 07-24-2011, 11:39 AM   #12
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Wherever I have lived in the past, I have always felt at "home". I currently live in Alabama. Given my background, people are often astonished that I would feel at home here. Yet I do. It is not my favorite place in the world, mind you, but for now it is "home". Home is what you make it to be.
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Old 07-24-2011, 11:47 AM   #13
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For many, if not most, home is where you grew up, where your family is and where you feel like you belong.

For those who don't feel ties to where they were born/grew up or have close ties to family how did you find 'HOME'? The place where you feel you belong, where you can see yourself growing old, that just feels right and can never imagine leaving?

We firmly fit into the 'no ties' group. DH and I have lived in many different places, yet nowhere so far feels like 'this is the forever place'.
I have lived all over, and have always wanted a HOME in this sense, more than anything. When I moved to New Orleans (for the job), I knew that I would work here until retirement so I decided this would be HOME for me. I picked it because it was really my last chance, I felt; I was already getting older and at some point, one has to put one's foot down and say "This is IT". I bought a house and decided I would stay here until I drew my last breath.

Hurricane Katrina shook my resolve in that regard. Do I really want to go through that when I am in my 80's? I saw so much suffering among the elderly here. It was really hard to decide to move, but when F. said we should, I went along with that. When our houses didn't sell, and he changed his mind about it for other reasons as well, we put off the decision for five years but we still might move.

I think that by now I have resigned myself to the fact that I may never have a home in that sense. But then again, maybe we will never move again. Who knows? And by now, I have lived here longer than anyplace else. So for now, I am regarding New Orleans as my home, however tentatively, and I view myself as a New Orleanian. Home is where the heart is, as they say, and right now my heart is here in New Orleans.
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Old 07-24-2011, 11:50 AM   #14
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I still want a find a place where we'll be able to say "we never intend to move again." I thought we might be there now but I've come to the conclusion that I don't think I can stand one more summer down here.
I know what you're going through. My dad's side of the family live in Llano and other parts of the hill country and while it is a great place to visit the summers are bad.

We left Dallas and moved to Henderson, NV thinking it would be where we wanted to retire...it's hotter but a dry heat ...alas, we're two years in and I'm ready to leave.
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Old 07-24-2011, 11:54 AM   #15
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Several posts have mentioned "home is where the heart is". My heart is with DH and he has wunderlust as well. He grew up military and never stayed long in the same place.

So maybe putting down roots shouldn't be in the cards...maybe a big RV and lots of miles on the road.
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Old 07-24-2011, 11:58 AM   #16
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We live in west Tx and we like that housing us low cost, we live in a university city, and for most of the year the weather is pretty good. It is very hot in the summer, but then that doesn't bother me as much as the idea of frequent snow and ice, which we don't have. You don't fall because it's hot and break your hip, like my mom did on ice. So we will most likely keep our home here and travel to the places we like to be occasionally.
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Old 07-24-2011, 12:01 PM   #17
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Never thought of ourselves as vagabonds but career opportunities and interests led us from Wi (21 years) to Az (3 years) and then FL (8 years +) where we are now.

Once it was clear that each of our two kids and grandkids had no intention of moving in the immediate future, the possibility of moving closer to one of them is back on our list.

As two what constitutes a feeling of "home" the only consistent factors for us are friends and family, not necessarily in that order, depending on the context of the discussion.
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Old 07-24-2011, 12:03 PM   #18
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Several posts have mentioned "home is where the heart is". My heart is with DH and he has wunderlust as well. He grew up military and never stayed long in the same place.

So maybe putting down roots shouldn't be in the cards...maybe a big RV and lots of miles on the road.
That could work, if he is into RV'ing and willing to spend the money, time and energy to buy and maintain an RV.

I was a military wife, and before that my father had considerable wanderlust and the money to support it so we spent a lot of time abroad. Then also there was a lot of "moving for the job" going on in my life. I have almost never moved to another town because I wanted to move. But in your case, with a husband with wanderlust I think maybe a true home would be impossible.
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Old 07-24-2011, 12:13 PM   #19
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We left Dallas and moved to Henderson, NV thinking it would be where we wanted to retire...it's hotter but a dry heat ...alas, we're two years in and I'm ready to leave.
Northern Nevada is actually on our list of potential spots for relocation, perhaps somewhere in the Carson City area. Reno is too large for my tastes and the stuff around Tahoe is too expensive and too snowy/cold in the winter time at a higher elevation.
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Old 07-24-2011, 12:13 PM   #20
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I know what you're going through. My dad's side of the family live in Llano and other parts of the hill country and while it is a great place to visit the summers are bad.

We left Dallas and moved to Henderson, NV thinking it would be where we wanted to retire...it's hotter but a dry heat ...alas, we're two years in and I'm ready to leave.
Is this because of the summers, or some other factors? I often went to Las Vegas in late August to play the first couple weekends of college football and also make some football futures bets. I found the weather not annoying, though Reno is much better.

Ha
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