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Re: How strong is the lure of family?
Old 02-13-2007, 02:58 PM   #21
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Re: How strong is the lure of family?

For my wife and I, our families are much nicer in the abstract than the actuality. Several years ago we were feeling particularly homesick for my side and put together a barefoot cruise in the Caribbean: about 8 people on a 65' sailing yacht, unlimited booze, 6 days straight. What could be more idyllic?

That cured us. Forever.

I suggest just diving in, in the middle of winter, with at least a week long visit. Make it intense. Make it real. If the desires to relocate persist then they must be valid.
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Re: How strong is the lure of family?
Old 02-13-2007, 03:54 PM   #22
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Re: How strong is the lure of family?

I would have no problem returning to the city I grew up in, the relatives that remain can be fun.. and those that aren't fun don't socialize much.

Now to move near my sister ... no way.
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Re: How strong is the lure of family?
Old 02-13-2007, 09:10 PM   #23
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Re: How strong is the lure of family?

We moved real close to the wifes family. Now my MIL is a sweet lady my FIL is well a hypocondriac drinker and well interesting, but like watching a 2 year old, not my idea of fun, and then the wifes sister! Can you say wacko??

I keep my distance down here and watch the wife and her family from my arms length, since I MOVED HER DOWN TO THESE FOLKS!

Oh well I can always move again, when the market wakes up!
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Re: How strong is the lure of family?
Old 02-13-2007, 09:52 PM   #24
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Re: How strong is the lure of family?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Joss
For my wife and I, our families are much nicer in the abstract than the actuality. Several years ago we were feeling particularly homesick for my side and put together a barefoot cruise in the Caribbean: about 8 people on a 65' sailing yacht, unlimited booze, 6 days straight. What could be more idyllic?

That cured us. Forever.

I suggest just diving in, in the middle of winter, with at least a week long visit. Make it intense. Make it real. If the desires to relocate persist then they must be valid.
Was there the same number of people at the end as at the start?
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Re: How strong is the lure of family?
Old 02-13-2007, 09:58 PM   #25
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Re: How strong is the lure of family?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Brat
There is no one else who cares more about your welfare when things get tough.
i also completely agree with this. even for all the years that my brother & i fought, i always said, "i wouldn't give him the time of day but i'd give him a kidney." it is wonderful now that we are friends (though i'm much older now and rethinking the kidney; maybe a nice watch instead.)

i've lived most of my entire life around family, including just miles from first & second cousins who i see fairly often (they all followed us down to florida). though now that i have been er'd a year and a half i realize how little actual time i spend with them--even though we talk on the phone and meet for lunches & dinners--because i'm the only one not working.

for my future i think i want to be a perpetual traveler but i don't know how i will feel being based far from family all the time. so i'm only going to ease myself into it over a period of years to see how i do. for me family ties are strong. now to see how long is our string.
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Re: How strong is the lure of family?
Old 02-13-2007, 11:00 PM   #26
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Re: How strong is the lure of family?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Brat
Now to move near my sister ... no way.
Do we have the same sister??
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Re: How strong is the lure of family?
Old 02-14-2007, 12:16 AM   #27
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Re: How strong is the lure of family?

I would love it if my father and/or brothers lived close by. DW would like that too. If my inlaws moved nearby, I think my wife would buy a gun and shoot either herself or them. I wouldn't mind, but they are pretty rude to each other and I see why it drives her nuts.

We're not moving to get closer to anyone, though. We like it here in Mesa.
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Re: How strong is the lure of family?
Old 02-14-2007, 10:21 AM   #28
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Re: How strong is the lure of family?

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Originally Posted by Goonie
Do we have the same sister??
My sis is so awful I would trade her for yours in a minute. She has no boundaries and is presumptive, pompous and mean.
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Re: How strong is the lure of family?
Old 02-14-2007, 10:51 AM   #29
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Re: How strong is the lure of family?

One of the very best things about my retirement has been getting to spend more time with my sister! She is the best and I love her very much!
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Re: How strong is the lure of family?
Old 02-14-2007, 11:29 AM   #30
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Re: How strong is the lure of family?

I truly wish it were so for me. We were close, even dreamed of kicking back at the beach together in our latter years together.

Unfortunately she had a bad early marriage and a child with difficult health problems. She didn't achieve her dreams. My life has been free of those difficulties. If I were the only target of her acidity then I could write it off to sibling rivalry. Unfortunately she has directed it to folks on the sidelines of her life and as others avoid contact her bitterness only increases.
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Re: How strong is the lure of family?
Old 02-14-2007, 11:30 AM   #31
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Re: How strong is the lure of family?

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Originally Posted by Nords
The family lure may be strong, but a few years later you may be chewing off a limb to escape from the trap.
"Coyote Family"?
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Re: How strong is the lure of family?
Old 02-14-2007, 12:30 PM   #32
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Re: How strong is the lure of family?

a friend of mine from high school who came to my mom's funeral a few months back just lost his mom after a long & losing battle with cancer. my friend lived at home and took excellent care of his mom. his brother did absolutely nothing. less than nothing actually because he caused trouble for my friend and for their mother. at the end he even accused my friend of endangering their mom with morphine in her dying days under supervision of hospice. so of course now that the will is out in the open the brother is causing even more trouble. he even physically attacked my friend in his own house.

i'm really so lucky that my brother and i finally pulled it together after so many years of silly sibling rivalry. i'm just back from the lawyer as we deal with settling mom's estate. the lawyer commented more than once on how well my brother & i get along. so thinking of this thread and of my friend's problems and of the lawyer's comments i asked him what percentage of his clients fight and what percentage get along well. he told me that my relationship with my brother is the exception and that the largest bulk of his money is made not in administering the estates but in settling the fighting between siblings.

my mother would be so proud of her kids.
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Re: How strong is the lure of family?
Old 02-14-2007, 12:39 PM   #33
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Re: How strong is the lure of family?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Brat
My sis is so awful I would trade her for yours in a minute. She has no boundaries and is presumptive, pompous and mean.
Do we have the same sister? Mine has been getting better since she turned 30. In addition to the qualities you mention has set her garage on fire by accident, had various moving violations and taught me why you should never lend money to family.
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Re: How strong is the lure of family?
Old 02-14-2007, 01:55 PM   #34
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Re: How strong is the lure of family?

Not the same, just similar sisters. Thank heavens my sis has not had a fire or tickets (that I know of). I have offered family counseling but she won't participate. Frankly I think she knows exactly what she is doing and enjoys it.

Our brother happened to call me while I was writing this to vent about her behavior. Once our mother has passed on we will be so relieved to not have a reason to communicate.
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Re: How strong is the lure of family?
Old 02-14-2007, 01:56 PM   #35
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Re: How strong is the lure of family?

Quote:
Originally Posted by jdw_fire
Maybe you should become snow birds where your main residence is in the south and during the pleasant months make extended trips bace to IL to feed the longing for family & old friends.
I second JD's idea too. We live many 1000s of miles away from my family -- I keep making that transatlantic trip every year and then coming screaming back, remembering why i moved so far away from home.

That said, if your wife is really feeling the urge to reconnect, then I guess you should work out some way to accomodate that feeling. One variation on the above solution would be to buy an inexpensive RV and spend a couple months there in the summer. You can drive right back to CA if it all becomes too much or extend your stay if you're having a good time. We use our RV to stay in the front drive of my MIL's house when we go visit. If we were going to stay longer than a weekend though, we'd probably find a scenic close-by RV park to park the rig.

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Re: How strong is the lure of family?
Old 02-14-2007, 01:57 PM   #36
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Re: How strong is the lure of family?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Brat
My sis is so awful I would trade her for yours in a minute. She has no boundaries and is presumptive, pompous and mean.
Yup!! That's her!!!

Quote:
Unfortunately she had a bad early marriage...... She didn't achieve her dreams. My life has been free of those difficulties. If I were the only target of her acidity then I could write it off to sibling rivalry. Unfortunately she has directed it to folks on the sidelines of her life.......
My sis had been married to a really great guy! He was great to the kids, and to her......did EVERYTHING in his power to make her happy and keep the family together. But finally he got his fill of her, and called it quits. He worked loooong hours (and made VERY good $$$), and didn't have a lot of time off, but he would spend ALL of his free time with her and the kids. However, she would find/make work for him every waking minute, so he NEVER got any leisure time, and she was constantly b*tching at him and nagging him! He finally packed his clothes, and left! He's still very actively involved with the kids, but has nothing to do with her!

At that point her dreams fell apart!!! She had to go out and find a REAL job that could pay the bills....since prior to that she had knocked around at a couple of very low paying, almost volunteer jobs, that barely paid for the gas to drive there.

She's "launched" on just about everybody, and blamed them/us for her lousy life and circumstances!

A couple of the kids are older now, and out on their own.....both a LOOOONG distance from her home, and they seldom go back to visit. I don't think she "gets it".

I know that since she found out that I'm going to FIRE, she's really p*ssed at me, especially since I'm several years younger than her!

(too bad we didn't get to keep her ex, and get rid of her)
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Re: How strong is the lure of family?
Old 02-16-2007, 05:51 AM   #37
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Re: How strong is the lure of family?

I'm amazed at all the people who don't want to live near their family


Family is the only thing that has kept us from moving to a warmer state. My wife and I both detest the climate here in Chicago, but I couln't stand the thought of moving away from my family My 3 sisters live witing 5 minutes of us, my parents are 10 minutes away and my inlaws (who I love) are less than a mile away. If I go two days or more without seeing one of them it would be odd.

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Re: How strong is the lure of family?
Old 02-16-2007, 08:09 AM   #38
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Re: How strong is the lure of family?

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I'm amazed at all the people who don't want to live near their family
I am with you Saluki. I have family back in Chicago who I try to visit at least a couple of times a year. Here in DC, one of my brothers and I have tried to recreate a family center -- he has 7 kids, which helps As of now we have DW and me, DS and his SO live about 1 mile away, my brother and his wife, and two nephews and their families. I hope DD moves back, but she likes NYC so maybe not. On DW's side, we have her father and a brother within 45 minutes.
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Re: How strong is the lure of family?
Old 02-16-2007, 08:26 AM   #39
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Re: How strong is the lure of family?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dreamer
One of the very best things about my retirement has been getting to spend more time with my sister! She is the best and I love her very much!



I hope that your sister reads this. What a sweet thing to say!

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Re: How strong is the lure of family?
Old 02-16-2007, 11:23 AM   #40
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Re: How strong is the lure of family?

Quote:
Originally Posted by saluki9
I'm amazed at all the people who don't want to live near their family
I married my spouse for a lot of reasons, but none of them had to do with her family.

If I had taken her family into consideration when we were dating then I would have run away fast. If she'd really considered my family and my genes/personality then she would never have procreated with me. Just goes to show you what testosterone-fueled hormones true love can accomplish.

We've served our time given it our best effort and concluded that it's not about us. Looking back on our growing years together has certainly aired out a lot of closets and made us into better parents. I just wish it wasn't such an emotional roller-coaster soap opera. We can't choose our family but we can choose our real friends...
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