How strong is the lure of family?

[lazygood4nothinbum]

Quote:

Originally Posted by donheff I am with you Saluki.

i'm with both of you. i was discussing this thread with my brother at dinner last night. during the conversation i thought how difficult it must be for countries to get along, if we can not even get along within our own families.

here is just one of our family holiday dinners. we do these a few times each year and rarely feed less than 20 per seating.

[img width=497 height=750]http://i143.photobucket.com/albums/r156/lazygood4nothinbum/family-dinner.jpg[/img]

[youbet]

Quote:

Originally Posted by saluki9 I'm amazed at all the people who don't want to live near their family Family is the only thing that has kept us from moving to a warmer state. My wife and I both detest the climate here in Chicago, but I couln't stand the thought of moving away from my family My 3 sisters live witing 5 minutes of us, my parents are 10 minutes away and my inlaws (who I love) are less than a mile away. If I go two days or more without seeing one of them it would be odd.

Quote:

Originally Posted by donheff I am with you Saluki. I have family back in Chicago who I try to visit at least a couple of times a year. Here in DC, one of my brothers and I have tried to recreate a family center -- he has 7 kids, which helps As of now we have DW and me, DS and his SO live about 1 mile away, my brother and his wife, and two nephews and their families. I hope DD moves back, but she likes NYC so maybe not. On DW's side, we have her father and a brother within 45 minutes.

Jumping on that same bandwagon.......... I'm up to my butt in Chicago's snow and freezing cold and there's nothing holding me here except the fondness for and comfort of family and longterm friends. It sometimes amazes DW and I. We seem to make friends easily and have a long list of folks we keep in touch with we met casually while traveling. Yet, there's something about family and old friends here at home that keeps us here much of the time.

LG4NB.......great pic!

[albundyz]

My wife and I will be retiring this year. we constantly dream about places that we'd like to move to. They all have advantages and disadvantages, but they all share one common fault......moving away from our kids.

I have three boys 20-22-33. We often have dinner together. Once last year, they all came for dinner with their girlfriends. I'll never forget how fun it was. It's always fun getting together.

I dream of Denver or a place in Florida or Oregon.....but I'd rather see my boys get married and have kids, experience the ups and downs of life (like the movie Parenthood).

Some day my boys may move to another part of the country. I know I can't chase them, but until that happens we'll probably stay where we are and enjoy the show.

[Rich_by_the_Bay]

There definitely is a strategic component to this. We had kids young, and I was in peak career while the kids were already out of college and grad school, setting up their own careers. I would love to have them near, but DW and I moved with my career, figuring that we would move near them once I retired.

Well, one moved 3 times so far (jobs) and lives in a place we do not find appealing. Hate to move there only to have them move again and leave us alone in a place not to our liking. The other is about to leave Wisconsin where we have ties, but now that's out. So, if we are not going to be near them we at least are happy to live in an area we like.

If at least one of the two appear to be stable and in a place we would otherwise find decent for ourselves, we'll follow. On a selfish note, I guess, now that we have been in warmer climates for 7 or 8 years, we would find it very hard to move back to a seriously cold area -- our lifestyle has become very outdoors oriented, 12 months a year. Only exception: both kids move to the same general area - in that case we follow all smiles, almost anywhere.

It's important to us to maintain an active and independent life separate from our kids wherever we end up.

[unclemick]

2006 - Kansas City, south of Seattle, and Thanksgiving in Pensacola. My sister's married to a mining engineer and her kids are career military.

Twenty years ago - in more stodgy days - we used to have a get together around Valentines at Fitzgerald's in Reno for about 5-6 yrs running. Me and the SO would fly out from New Orleans - most of the other relatives were out West in those days.

2007 - who knows.

heh heh heh - agile and mobile?

[youbet]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rich_in_Tampa It's important to us to maintain an active and independent life separate from our kids wherever we end up.

Agree completely on that Rich!

Also, I think it would be very different to "follow" as compared to "remain." We've simply chosen to stay in our home close to immediate and extended family and long term friends and do significant traveling based out of here. If our son and grandkids moved, deciding to sell and follow would be a whole new decision and I'm not sure what we'd do.

[lazygood4nothinbum]

there is a huge difference between circumstances keeping families apart. one, as rich states, seems generally a matter of career or geographical preference. the other often a matter of pride or intolerance. often, there is less distance when concerning far removed or even remote locations and more distance when concerning isolated or simply distant hearts.

[Buckeye]

What do you do when your hometown (Seattle) has become so expensive it's a budget buster? My mom, sister, grandmother, and all my girlfriends never left but I have been moving around the country for 25 years. They live in homes they purchased before the massive real estate boom so although the cost of living is relatively high, they are doing okay. I visit several times a year but I do miss them and the city very much. My current home in OH would cost me 2.5-3X in Seattle so moving there (pre- or post-retirement) would require a major downsizing or foregoing home ownership completely. It's not yet time to retire, but the choices are very difficult.

[bostonjoe]

My brother-in-law and his wife followed my wife and I to the same town. At first the 4 of us were great buddies. We are close in age and were fresh newlyweds. Lots of fun and socializing. But after a few years and some kids my wife and I both realized they are complete whack-jobs (narcissistic, super competitive, calculating, etc). Of course my wife knew her brother well but underestimated the impact of him marrying an equal. Just as I began my fantasizing that they'd relocate a few thousand miles away, they decided to buy an empty lot 500 feet away and build their dream home.
They're moving in soon and my small but manageable drinking problem is about evolving.

[Brat]

Take a deep breath and pull out the real estate adds. You and your wife should talk about plan B.

[bostonjoe]

Problem...We were here first and we love it. I don't like the idea of them pushing us out. Also, my MIL (no problems with her) just moved to the next town and she and my wife are very close. But time will tell...
Oh yeah, what's really crazy is that they have this fantasy of a big happy family (as long as it's on their terms) and my brother-in-law insists we cut a path between our houses. He didn't ask as usual, he just declared it.
Does anyone know where I can get some "Bouncing Betty" booby traps? or other land mines.

[Brat]

Just me now... maybe not your style:

The time to establish your boundaries is now and this should be a joint meeting with the two of them and the two of you (no kids around, don't give them the opportunity to divide and conquer). Maybe prepare for this in advance by taking to a good family counselor to put together effective strategies.

If you let them walk over you they will, and they won't even notice that you are under foot.

[Outtahere]

If you don't have a dog, get one, then put up a fence to keep the dog in of course.

Seriously, set down the ground rules before they move in, easier to do it now before they make the rules.

[claire]

Khan well said - I couldnt have put it better

[tryan]

My "clan" is spread coast to coast ... and growing hourly (it seems); sooo years ago mom n'dad started an annual trip. One week in some exotic place - but close to the person who organized it. Mostly on the east coast: Ocean City, MD then Outerbanks ... now the Adorandaks.

One week of this - and 15 nieces and nephews - and you're all done for the year. It works for us (17 years now)!

[astroboy]

Since I started this thread, I should say thanks for all the input. Even though ER is a few years off still, I can see the advantages of keeping our original dream and not moving to the family hometown and can relate to your comments (some unfortunately more than others). We've been gone from there 20 years now and can't begin to count the times we have said, after hearing the latest family goings-on, how glad we are that we don't live and have to be in the middle of things. I can even remember my grandfather who moved away saying the same thing about his dozen siblings, etc. I think in my DW case her longings for such stuff can be taken care with occasional visits and she'll see the lure of better weather, nicer houses, and new adventures is the winning combination.

[Sundance Kid]

I never hear from my family unless , someone get's married , graduates, or has a baby! Of course, I'm expected to respond with a gift, to acknowledge this event.

Sometimes,--- I've even gotten a thank you note.

BIL, sent a notice of graduation for his daughter. We sent her a small check. Never, got any acknowledgment. Found out later, She didn't graduate! Didn't get the check back, either.

Sometimes, people in the "drunk tank," show more appreciation, than family!

Check it out, it's true!

[W2R]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Buckeye What do you do when your hometown (Seattle) has become so expensive it's a budget buster? My mom, sister, grandmother, and all my girlfriends never left but I have been moving around the country for 25 years. They live in homes they purchased before the massive real estate boom so although the cost of living is relatively high, they are doing okay. I visit several times a year but I do miss them and the city very much. My current home in OH would cost me 2.5-3X in Seattle so moving there (pre- or post-retirement) would require a major downsizing or foregoing home ownership completely. It's not yet time to retire, but the choices are very difficult.

My home is Kailua Beach, Oahu, Hawaii. So, I can relate. Housing is very costly there. I have had to resign myself to never moving back home. Besides, as you have probably noticed, home has changed over the past decades so really, "You Can't Go Home Again" (Thomas Wolfe?). After all this time, I have lost touch with my friends at home and family has dispersed or died so by now, I only have my mother, and a couple of other living relatives left back there, and my father's grave, of course. I loved my hometown and still love my mother, and have wonderful, vivid, irreplaceable memories, and nobody can take them away from me. But I have to move on.

In a way, we have choices that other people don't often have. Those who cannot return home can select where to retire from a more logical, objective point of view. We have more options than most people.

[My Dream]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sundance Kid I never hear from my family unless , someone get's married , graduates, or has a baby! Of course, I'm expected to respond with a gift, to acknowledge this event. Sometimes,--- I've even gotten a thank you note. BIL, sent a notice of graduation for his daughter. We sent her a small check. Never, got any acknowledgment. Found out later, She didn't graduate! Didn't get the check back, either. Sometimes, people in the "drunk tank," show more appreciation, than family! Check it out, it's true!

Oh My. I better keep my mouth shut!

[bostonjoe]

My wife stayed close to home when we married (1999). I got a peach of a job offer in 2000 in Hawaii and decided to stay in the N-East BECAUSE of ties to extended family.

In the words of my favorite actor, Bugs Bunny, "WHAT A MAROON!"