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Old 01-12-2008, 10:22 AM   #61
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walk on the street side of me on a sidewalk,
Back in the "How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?" "That's not funny!" days, I dated a girl woman who, when she noticed that I usually maneuvered so as to have her walking on my left side, got angry. She accused me of being a male chauvinist pig because I was always having her on that side. I explained that I was blind in my right eye.
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Old 01-12-2008, 10:38 AM   #62
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Back in the "How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?" "That's not funny!" days, I dated a girl woman who, when she noticed that I usually maneuvered so as to have her walking on my left side, got angry. She accused me of being a male chauvinist pig because I was always having her on that side. I explained that I was blind in my right eye.
Heh. Great example of why to beware assumptions!

As a 30-something datapoint, I much prefer to share things roughly equally - taking turns buying dinner and choosing the activities, that sort of thing. I might feel differently if one of a couple had consistently more expensive tastes than the other, or if there was a big income disparity.

I also appreciate the small chivalries like having doors opened or my jacket held. This is regardless of the person's gender, or whether they're a friend or date. Sometimes I hold doors open for people and get strange looks from the men. Women can enjoy being chivalrous too!

Does anyone know how the "man walks on the street side" custom got started? Is it because you're more likely to get splatters and dirt from the road?
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Old 01-12-2008, 10:55 AM   #63
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Back in the "How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?" "That's not funny!" days,
What that when we all burned our bras and later had to have breast lifts ?
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Old 01-12-2008, 11:42 AM   #64
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I live in Florida which is south but not southern if you know what I mean
I know exactly what you mean! At least, South Florida has always seemed more like the northeastern U.S. than the South to me, in many ways. My brother says that is because a lot of people retire there from the northeast.

The Panhandle area seems different from South Florida, to me, and maybe more southern. Frank calls it "lower Alabama" for that reason.

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Does anyone know how the "man walks on the street side" custom got started? Is it because you're more likely to get splatters and dirt from the road?
Yes, in the days of horses and buggies that was a big concern, and I think that is how it got started.
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Old 01-12-2008, 11:49 AM   #65
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Having lived in Chicago many years, I can tell you the custom there is the man always pays. The gals then, in turn, cook some dinners for the man or help him in other ways. But on a date, it would be considered ungentlemanly for the man not to pay and has always been that way.
But, in all honesty, the men in Chicago are pretty macho overall. Watch the Cops during a Thanksgiving parade in Chicago, and you will see what I mean: none of them have their legs closer than 2' together when they stand in that macho pose they do (it's a hoot!).
In Houston, I dated a Hispanic guy. That culture is so macho that, when his car had problems and was in the shop, he even INSISTED on driving my car. He acted like he would be embarrassed to be seen with me driving instead of him.
On the other hand, I know quite a few Hispanic guys who live off their girlfriends and wives there. Doesn't jibe, does it?
I admit that I an conservative and old fashioned enough to want the guy to pay my way at the beginning, anyway. It's custom, it's traditional and I would be uncomfortable--or, at the very least, question his true motives and nature--if I were expected to pay at the beginning of the relationship.
Heck, I had a date last year with a guy who used a coupon at a steakhouse for my dinner (which made mine free for him). Needless to say, any girlfriend I told about it said the same thing, "well, I guess you won't be going out with him again." It just comes off as cheap in most women's eyes. Fair or not, that is the way it is.
Once a relationship gets going then, heck, the woman should help with expenses--especially if this is a "serious" one headed for a long term commitment. Just my opinion. Does anyone disagree with this? I am open for other opinions, but I "think" that most men want and expect to pay for the lady at the beginning of a relationship. Right, guys?

And, starter82, Rockwall is a duck.
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Old 01-12-2008, 12:09 PM   #66
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Heck, I had a date last year with a guy who used a coupon at a steakhouse for my dinner (which made mine free for him). Needless to say, any girlfriend I told about it said the same thing, "well, I guess you won't be going out with him again." It just comes off as cheap in most women's eyes. Fair or not, that is the way it is.
He did that on a first date? Now THAT guy has cojones, no doubt about it!! On the other hand, you'd know that he shares the same LBYM attitudes that most of us on the ER forum share, that's for sure.

I think that's a great story. Probably I would not have refused a second date if I had dated someone like that, but I would have been a little shocked and curious.

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Once a relationship gets going then, heck, the woman should help with expenses--especially if this is a "serious" one headed for a long term commitment. Just my opinion. Does anyone disagree with this?
Frank and I seem to have worked things out. It's all in the give and take, I guess!! He has hardly ever taken me up on offers to pay for dinner, but on the other hand he often chooses restaurants that would seem pretty expensive to me. We have been together for about 8 years, committed and "going steady" for 7 years, and we have been through a lot together and have helped one another through some tough times and in practical ways, as well as emotional support.

Oops! Gotta go. He just called and is picking me up, to take me out to lunch. Ta ta, y'all....
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Old 01-12-2008, 12:27 PM   #67
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Once a relationship gets going then, heck, the woman should help with expenses--especially if this is a "serious" one headed for a long term commitment. Just my opinion. Does anyone disagree with this? I am open for other opinions, but I "think" that most men want and expect to pay for the lady at the beginning of a relationship. Right, guys?

And, starter82, Rockwall is a duck.

Once a relationship ship gets going you are usually spending a lot of time at each other's houses so even if the woman is not paying for dinners out she is usually cooking at least breakfast or am I wrong ?

PS If a guy pulled out a coupon on a first date I might be surprized but after that who cares .
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Old 01-12-2008, 12:38 PM   #68
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It's all so complicated...

Asking for relationship advice from me is like sending the goat to tend the cabbage...
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Old 01-12-2008, 04:27 PM   #69
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When I am free again, I cannot wait to meet a guy to date who loves to eat as I LOVE to cook... There is nothing more discouraging for someone who loves to cook than a picky eater, so that would eliminate him right away in my book.
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Old 01-18-2008, 10:57 AM   #70
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OK, I'll be honest...the guy had other faults that I couldn't stand either, so the coupon was just the dealbreaker, in other words. But it does look cheap to most women.
Hint: Don't use a coupon on a FIRST date, fellows. Just my 10 cent advice in case the gal doesn't admire your frugality with her.
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Old 01-18-2008, 11:56 AM   #71
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Does anyone know how the "man walks on the street side" custom got started? Is it because you're more likely to get splatters and dirt from the road?
So the lady wouldn't get nipped by horses is the popular version around my neck of the woods.
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Old 01-18-2008, 12:25 PM   #72
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It would be interesting to hear from some of the single guys .Do they always expect to pay for dates even if it is a long term relationship or would they be glad to share and if they were uncomfortable with going dutch would they want the woman to compensate in other (not that way ) ways such as having him over for dinner .Just wondering ?
I can't speak to this from personal experience, haven't been single for 37 years, but I do have three buddies who became single during the last few years. One is a widower, the other two divorced. All late 50's.

They all re-entered the "dating world" assuming they'd be picking up all expenses, but got over it very quickly. Now, all three have "special friends," whom they don't plan on marrying and who pay their own way on dates or while traveling. Seems to work fine.

In two cases, they split bills at the time they occur. In the other case, she's old fashioned and prefers the gentleman to handle bills when they're in social situations, etc., and just writes him a check to cover her share from time to time.

All the guys agree it's great to be able to afford to do much more, especially travel and expensive entertainment, with the lady paying her own way.
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Old 01-18-2008, 11:11 PM   #73
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In a serious LTR, it seems reasonable for each to contribute at least very roughly according to their incomes.
Sounds a lot like socialistic dating.
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Old 01-20-2008, 10:13 PM   #74
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OK, I'll be honest...the guy had other faults that I couldn't stand either, so the coupon was just the dealbreaker, in other words. But it does look cheap to most women.
Hint: Don't use a coupon on a FIRST date, fellows. Just my 10 cent advice in case the gal doesn't admire your frugality with her.

Yes, there are a few deal breakers on first dates, and one of them is using a coupon to pay for the meal. Another one is being demanding and/or borderline rude to the waiter or leaving a cheap tip. But those may be my own prejudices.
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Old 01-23-2008, 09:57 PM   #75
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He has some ideas I totally agree with, but some I think are just over the top for me like the restaurant thing. I agree it can be a waste, but I am thinking quality of life...and I love to cook and to eat. He's probably thin and skinny, and isn't into food that much, anyway, I would guess.
I particularly loved the "live with your parents" idea. So, you mooch off your parents and let your girlfriends pay for their own things...mmmm, what a catch! (And I say that rolling my eyes sarcastically...)
But he does have some good ideas, and this was a good read. Thanks!
If he eats at fast foot restaurants, he may not be that health conscious. LOL, I said fast foot. Well, judging by how many burgers I dropped on the filthy floor and picked right up to serve the customers while I was working at McDonalds, fast foot isn't too far off.

BTW, he also tells others to not have kids but has a kid himself. Strange dude.

He also has some interesting ideas on being a crew. Man, that's like being a servant 24x7. Dealing with rich people (I'm not talking about the folks on this board. I'm talking Tom Perkins of Kleiner Perkins rich.) is about as close as you can get to serving modern kings and queens. No thanks. If you're a dude, fine, you'll just have to eat your humble pie because your $100,000 salary is what your employer's portfolio threw out in the last minute. If you're a hot chick, get ready for trouble.
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Old 01-23-2008, 10:03 PM   #76
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Orchidflower, this prety much sums up my feelings about this peice, and about most pundits who claim to be able to live on much less than would seem possible. If they are not lying, there has to be some severe lifestyle modifying going on. Living off one's parents would be one example. Though letting the ladies pay seems like nice work if you can get it.

Ha
Letting the ladies pay? That's easy work if you look like Brad Pitt, work out 6 hours a day, and dress like you just walked out of GQ. The problem is that the ladies who would pay are not the kind of ladies you would want to date.
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Old 01-23-2008, 11:12 PM   #77
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Maybe it's my age (30s), or maybe it's because I only date leftist communists, but my dates have always alternated who pays. The older among us have an excuse but if you're below 40 and insist that the man always pays...wow.


Edit: I live in the south.
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Old 01-24-2008, 07:56 AM   #78
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Most gentlemen our age in this part of the country will open the door for me and walk on the street side of me on a sidewalk, though he only follows these customs erratically. It's confusing for guys who were raised to be Southern gentlemen, but who find out as adults that they might or might not offend someone by opening a door for her.
Personally, I don't care if I offend was woman because I held the door open for her. That is he way I was raised and if she has a problem with it oh well. To my way of thinking it is treating a woman like a lady, if she is offended by that then where do I stand? Do I treat her like one of the guys? If I do that, then I could seriously offend her with the more juvenile things men do only in the presence of other men. So I just default to treating all women like ladies, unless they make a big deal of it, then they are treated like they do not exist. Fortunately I have not had anything more than the contemptuous look from any woman for holding the door for her.
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