I didn't marry you for lunch

johnbrady · 10-23-2006, 01:00 PM

If you have any war stories, please share 'em!

shiny · 10-23-2006, 01:06 PM

I can't vote because it hasn't happened yet, but I'd be very interested in hearing the stories!

**REWahoo** · 10-23-2006, 01:17 PM

Although I FIRE'd 16 months ago, I didn't vote either. It's like this...DW retired three years before I did, and 7 months after I retired she took over as the almost full-time babysitter for our grandsons. She keeps them at their house 5 days a week, but only works half days on Tuesday and Thursday. She gets paid enough to cover the cost of her gas, so it isn't for the money.

It didn't appear to me that we were having any "I didn't marry you for lunch" issues, but I'm a guy, so what the heck do I know. Her reason for caring for the grandkids is "Do YOU want them raised by daycare workers?" (BTW, I never respond to that question as it is in the same category as "Does this dress make my butt look big?").

donheff · 10-23-2006, 01:34 PM

I voted even though DW is still working. She is now spending about 3 days working at home and I driver her back and forth the other days. We basically spend about as much time together as we ever would. We don't get on each others nerves at all. But then, we never did when we were both working either - and we enjoyed being together on weekends and vacations.

I think you can pre-judge this based on pre-ER trends. If you both head for the hills to avoid each other on weekends you may have some issues when you are home even more in ER.

astromeria · 10-23-2006, 01:50 PM

I answered even though DH is working. He's on vacation 4 months a year and is often home by the early to mid afternoon during the semester (he futzes on his computer after he gets home...but so do I!). We are very affectionate, but occcasionally I get irritated that he doesn't let me boss him around do stuff that needs to get done sooner

Eagle43 · 10-23-2006, 01:58 PM

We usually are seperated a few hours each day; not all day as when working, but a few hours. It's just for each other's sanity. I believe your spouse should be your best friend, but not your only friend. Hell, I've just come home for lunch and I don't know where the hell she is.

uncledrz · 10-23-2006, 02:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by REWahoo!

Her reason for caring for the grandkids is "Do YOU want them raised by daycare workers?" (BTW, I never respond to that question as it is in the same category as "Does this dress make my butt look big?").

We get along great, always have. OTOH, she seems not the least bit disappointed that I'm still going out of the house in the morning as she is waking up with her second cup of coffee!

Mr._johngalt · 10-23-2006, 03:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by boomerbaby

If you have any war stories, please share 'em!

I can't vote either as none of the choices fit my situation, or ever have.

JG

donheff · 10-23-2006, 03:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by astromeria

We are very affectionate, but occcasionally I get irritated that he doesn't let me boss him around do stuff that needs to get done sooner

I answered as follows :

Quote:

We basically spend about as much time together as we ever would. We don't get on each others nerves at all. But then, we never did when we were both working either - and we enjoyed being together on weekends and vacations.

There is no question in my mind that DW would say what Astro said

Nords · 10-23-2006, 04:57 PM

The difference now is that we can choose whether or not to spend our time together. It was a little harder when we were deploying.

youbet · 10-23-2006, 10:13 PM

Well, we're finally both RE, have been married 36 years and dated 6 years before that. Empty nesters for the past decade or so. So, lots of practice being together......and being apart.

You spend the amount of time together you want to spend together. And you spend the amount of time doing your own thing that you want to.

Not wanting to abandon her pre-RE life completely, DW now spends about 20 hours a week working with "special" kids, primarily minorites, in conjunction with a local school district. She's an award winning special ed teacher and a true blessing to the families she advocates for within the public education systems she is so familar with.

I try to keep the house running.......

........ and spend two days a week with our cerebral palsey afflicted grandson. I get top notch guidance from DW with this. It grieves me that his life will be a struggle. But working with him is fulfilling......lots of pats on the back from his parents, therapists, DW and teachers on how much I am accomplishing under their guidance.

DW and I both have hobbies. We both have lots of friends and activities outside of each other.

Now Er'd, we are free to stay home and spend 100% of our time together if we'd like. But this schedule seems right for now. There's been no issue of suddenly being together too much. Rather, we can now choose to spend the amount of time together we'd like.

RE is really, really good.

Mr._johngalt · 10-24-2006, 05:39 AM

I strongly suspect that quite a few people I know/knew kept working
like forever just because they were afraid of too much "togetherness."
I can see it.

JG

riskadverse · 10-24-2006, 09:01 AM

We get along great, but I must confess that we live in a pretty big house with our separate offices at opposite ends and floors. We haven't gone to locked doors and passwords yet, but we kid about it. We do trade emails quite a bit, but I'm not sure we're ready for instant messenger.

azanon · 10-24-2006, 10:05 AM

The life after FIRE section of this forum is -------> way. Is Martha taking off?

Azanon

shiny · 10-24-2006, 12:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by riskaverse

We do trade emails quite a bit, but I'm not sure we're ready for instant messenger.

Too funny! So, you would recommend the gradual approach

Outtahere · 10-24-2006, 01:24 PM

Dh has been retired for some time now, when I have a day off he makes himself scarce. It use to be a challenge for him to find something to do to stay out of my hair for a few hours, he's now developed friends and hobbies that keep him occupied. Sure it was a struggle and he was convinced I hated him and didn't want him around, he's now come to see that we both need our space and this is just preparation for when I retire.

jazz4cash · 10-24-2006, 08:10 PM

Not eligible to respond, but an acquaintance told me about his pre-retirement orientation meetings. He expected it to be all about finances and whatever, but the gist of it was "you are about to spend more time with your spouse than ever before.........."

Baxter · 10-24-2006, 08:32 PM

If there are any "issues" with your marriage (or with your self!), it is a lot easier to ignore or repress them when you are at the office 40+ hours a week. When you are retired and the two of you are spending a lot more time together, you WILL have to deal with whatever problems that you've been putting off. The good news is that you also have plenty of free time with which to work on it.

**Khan** · 10-24-2006, 08:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Baxter

If there are any "issues" with your marriage (or with your self!), it is a lot easier to ignore or repress them when you are at the office 40+ hours a week. When you are retired and the two of you are spending a lot more time together, you WILL have to deal with whatever problems that you've been putting off. The good news is that you also have plenty of free time with which to work on it.

Agreed.

You will have to admit that everything is up for renegotiation.

sgeeeee · 10-25-2006, 02:23 AM

It strikes me that th

View Poll Results: I recently retired from my outside business to join my wife who was already working at home. People
Didn’t work out at all	3	7.69%
So so – there are still some issues	5	12.82%
It's OK	4	10.26%
Started off rough but it is working well now	5	12.82%
Couldn’t be better	22	56.41%
Voters: 39. You may not vote on this poll

10-23-2006, 01:00 PM	#1
johnbrady Confused about dryer sheets Join Date: Sep 2006 Posts: 9	I didn't marry you for lunch If you have any war stories, please share 'em! __________________ Boomerbaby<br />http://topretirements.com

10-23-2006, 01:06 PM	#2
shiny Full time employment: Posting here. Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Tokyo Posts: 652	Re: I didn't marry you for lunch I can't vote because it hasn't happened yet, but I'd be very interested in hearing the stories! __________________ Time is the coin of your life... Be careful lest you let other people spend it for you. Carl Sandburg

10-23-2006, 01:17 PM	#3
REWahoo Administrator Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Texas Hill Country Posts: 12,345	Re: I didn't marry you for lunch Although I FIRE'd 16 months ago, I didn't vote either. It's like this...DW retired three years before I did, and 7 months after I retired she took over as the almost full-time babysitter for our grandsons. She keeps them at their house 5 days a week, but only works half days on Tuesday and Thursday. She gets paid enough to cover the cost of her gas, so it isn't for the money. It didn't appear to me that we were having any "I didn't marry you for lunch" issues, but I'm a guy, so what the heck do I know. Her reason for caring for the grandkids is "Do YOU want them raised by daycare workers?" (BTW, I never respond to that question as it is in the same category as "Does this dress make my butt look big?"). __________________ [Closed for renovation]

10-23-2006, 01:34 PM	#4
donheff Thinks s/he gets paid by the post Join Date: Feb 2006 Posts: 2,729	Re: I didn't marry you for lunch I voted even though DW is still working. She is now spending about 3 days working at home and I driver her back and forth the other days. We basically spend about as much time together as we ever would. We don't get on each others nerves at all. But then, we never did when we were both working either - and we enjoyed being together on weekends and vacations. I think you can pre-judge this based on pre-ER trends. If you both head for the hills to avoid each other on weekends you may have some issues when you are home even more in ER. __________________ Every man is, or hopes to be, an Idler. -- Samuel Johnson

10-23-2006, 01:50 PM	#5
astromeria Moderator Emeritus Join Date: Aug 2005 Posts: 1,375	Re: I didn't marry you for lunch I answered even though DH is working. He's on vacation 4 months a year and is often home by the early to mid afternoon during the semester (he futzes on his computer after he gets home...but so do I!). We are very affectionate, but occcasionally I get irritated that he doesn't let me boss him around do stuff that needs to get done sooner __________________ You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you might find you get what you need.

10-23-2006, 01:58 PM	#6
Eagle43 Thinks s/he gets paid by the post Join Date: Jan 2005 Posts: 1,660	Re: I didn't marry you for lunch We usually are seperated a few hours each day; not all day as when working, but a few hours. It's just for each other's sanity. I believe your spouse should be your best friend, but not your only friend. Hell, I've just come home for lunch and I don't know where the hell she is. __________________ Resist much. Obey Little. . . . Ed Abbey Disclaimer: My Posts are for my amusement only.

10-23-2006, 04:57 PM	#10
Nords Moderator Emeritus Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Oahu Posts: 15,999	Re: I didn't marry you for lunch The difference now is that we can choose whether or not to spend our time together. It was a little harder when we were deploying. __________________ * * For more info see "About Me" in my profile.

10-23-2006, 10:13 PM	#11
youbet Thinks s/he gets paid by the post Join Date: Mar 2005 Posts: 4,503	Re: I didn't marry you for lunch Well, we're finally both RE, have been married 36 years and dated 6 years before that. Empty nesters for the past decade or so. So, lots of practice being together......and being apart. You spend the amount of time together you want to spend together. And you spend the amount of time doing your own thing that you want to. Not wanting to abandon her pre-RE life completely, DW now spends about 20 hours a week working with "special" kids, primarily minorites, in conjunction with a local school district. She's an award winning special ed teacher and a true blessing to the families she advocates for within the public education systems she is so familar with. I try to keep the house running....... ........ and spend two days a week with our cerebral palsey afflicted grandson. I get top notch guidance from DW with this. It grieves me that his life will be a struggle. But working with him is fulfilling......lots of pats on the back from his parents, therapists, DW and teachers on how much I am accomplishing under their guidance. DW and I both have hobbies. We both have lots of friends and activities outside of each other. Now Er'd, we are free to stay home and spend 100% of our time together if we'd like. But this schedule seems right for now. There's been no issue of suddenly being together too much. Rather, we can now choose to spend the amount of time together we'd like. RE is really, really good. __________________ Over all was the silence of the wilderness - Sigurd Olsen

10-24-2006, 05:39 AM	#12
Mr._johngalt Full time employment: Posting here. Join Date: Nov 2003 Posts: 927	Re: I didn't marry you for lunch I strongly suspect that quite a few people I know/knew kept working like forever just because they were afraid of too much "togetherness." I can see it. JG __________________ Some of us have pretty stories, about good friends, good times and noodle salad.

10-24-2006, 09:01 AM	#13
riskadverse Full time employment: Posting here. Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 671	Re: I didn't marry you for lunch We get along great, but I must confess that we live in a pretty big house with our separate offices at opposite ends and floors. We haven't gone to locked doors and passwords yet, but we kid about it. We do trade emails quite a bit, but I'm not sure we're ready for instant messenger. __________________ Random Reinforcement is Highly Addictive.

10-24-2006, 10:05 AM	#14
azanon Thinks s/he gets paid by the post Join Date: Jul 2004 Posts: 1,505	Re: I didn't marry you for lunch The life after FIRE section of this forum is -------> way. Is Martha taking off? Azanon

10-24-2006, 01:24 PM	#16
Outtahere Thinks s/he gets paid by the post Join Date: Sep 2005 Posts: 1,677	Re: I didn't marry you for lunch Dh has been retired for some time now, when I have a day off he makes himself scarce. It use to be a challenge for him to find something to do to stay out of my hair for a few hours, he's now developed friends and hobbies that keep him occupied. Sure it was a struggle and he was convinced I hated him and didn't want him around, he's now come to see that we both need our space and this is just preparation for when I retire. __________________ Dogs aren't our whole lives, but they make our lives whole. - Roger Caras

10-24-2006, 08:10 PM	#17
jazz4cash Thinks s/he gets paid by the post Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: Laurel, MD Posts: 1,123	Re: I didn't marry you for lunch Not eligible to respond, but an acquaintance told me about his pre-retirement orientation meetings. He expected it to be all about finances and whatever, but the gist of it was "you are about to spend more time with your spouse than ever before.........." __________________ "there is reasonable money to be made in lending people money to buy houses. I refuse to believe that there is, really and sustainably, enough money in it for the originators and the servicers and the insurers and the bond underwriters and a hundred different tranche buyers and swap dealers and my pet kitty to take a piece of the interest." -Doris Dungey (Tanta) of Calculated Risk

10-24-2006, 08:32 PM	#18
Baxter Recycles dryer sheets Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 62	Re: I didn't marry you for lunch If there are any "issues" with your marriage (or with your self!), it is a lot easier to ignore or repress them when you are at the office 40+ hours a week. When you are retired and the two of you are spending a lot more time together, you WILL have to deal with whatever problems that you've been putting off. The good news is that you also have plenty of free time with which to work on it.

10-25-2006, 02:23 AM	#20
sgeeeee Thinks s/he gets paid by the post Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: Mesa Posts: 3,588	Re: I didn't marry you for lunch It strikes me that th