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View Poll Results: I recently retired from my outside business to join my wife who was already working at home. People
Didn’t work out at all 3 7.69%
So so – there are still some issues 5 12.82%
It's OK 4 10.26%
Started off rough but it is working well now 5 12.82%
Couldn’t be better 22 56.41%
Voters: 39. You may not vote on this poll

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I didn't marry you for lunch
Old 10-23-2006, 01:00 PM   #1
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I didn't marry you for lunch

If you have any war stories, please share 'em!
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Re: I didn't marry you for lunch
Old 10-23-2006, 01:06 PM   #2
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Re: I didn't marry you for lunch

I can't vote because it hasn't happened yet, but I'd be very interested in hearing the stories!
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Re: I didn't marry you for lunch
Old 10-23-2006, 01:17 PM   #3
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Re: I didn't marry you for lunch

Although I FIRE'd 16 months ago, I didn't vote either. It's like this...DW retired three years before I did, and 7 months after I retired she took over as the almost full-time babysitter for our grandsons. She keeps them at their house 5 days a week, but only works half days on Tuesday and Thursday. She gets paid enough to cover the cost of her gas, so it isn't for the money.

It didn't appear to me that we were having any "I didn't marry you for lunch" issues, but I'm a guy, so what the heck do I know. Her reason for caring for the grandkids is "Do YOU want them raised by daycare workers?" (BTW, I never respond to that question as it is in the same category as "Does this dress make my butt look big?").

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Re: I didn't marry you for lunch
Old 10-23-2006, 01:34 PM   #4
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Re: I didn't marry you for lunch

I voted even though DW is still working. She is now spending about 3 days working at home and I driver her back and forth the other days. We basically spend about as much time together as we ever would. We don't get on each others nerves at all. But then, we never did when we were both working either - and we enjoyed being together on weekends and vacations.

I think you can pre-judge this based on pre-ER trends. If you both head for the hills to avoid each other on weekends you may have some issues when you are home even more in ER.
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Re: I didn't marry you for lunch
Old 10-23-2006, 01:50 PM   #5
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Re: I didn't marry you for lunch

I answered even though DH is working. He's on vacation 4 months a year and is often home by the early to mid afternoon during the semester (he futzes on his computer after he gets home...but so do I!). We are very affectionate, but occcasionally I get irritated that he doesn't let me boss him around do stuff that needs to get done sooner
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Re: I didn't marry you for lunch
Old 10-23-2006, 01:58 PM   #6
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Re: I didn't marry you for lunch

We usually are seperated a few hours each day; not all day as when working, but a few hours. It's just for each other's sanity. I believe your spouse should be your best friend, but not your only friend. Hell, I've just come home for lunch and I don't know where the hell she is.
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Re: I didn't marry you for lunch
Old 10-23-2006, 02:32 PM   #7
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Re: I didn't marry you for lunch

Quote:
Originally Posted by REWahoo!
Her reason for caring for the grandkids is "Do YOU want them raised by daycare workers?" (BTW, I never respond to that question as it is in the same category as "Does this dress make my butt look big?").



We get along great, always have. OTOH, she seems not the least bit disappointed that I'm still going out of the house in the morning as she is waking up with her second cup of coffee!
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Re: I didn't marry you for lunch
Old 10-23-2006, 03:27 PM   #8
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Re: I didn't marry you for lunch

Quote:
Originally Posted by boomerbaby
If you have any war stories, please share 'em!
I can't vote either as none of the choices fit my situation, or ever have.

JG
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Re: I didn't marry you for lunch
Old 10-23-2006, 03:34 PM   #9
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Re: I didn't marry you for lunch

Quote:
Originally Posted by astromeria
We are very affectionate, but occcasionally I get irritated that he doesn't let me boss him around do stuff that needs to get done sooner
I answered as follows :
Quote:
We basically spend about as much time together as we ever would. We don't get on each others nerves at all. But then, we never did when we were both working either - and we enjoyed being together on weekends and vacations.
There is no question in my mind that DW would say what Astro said
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Re: I didn't marry you for lunch
Old 10-23-2006, 04:57 PM   #10
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Re: I didn't marry you for lunch

The difference now is that we can choose whether or not to spend our time together. It was a little harder when we were deploying.
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Re: I didn't marry you for lunch
Old 10-23-2006, 10:13 PM   #11
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Re: I didn't marry you for lunch

Well, we're finally both RE, have been married 36 years and dated 6 years before that. Empty nesters for the past decade or so. So, lots of practice being together......and being apart.

You spend the amount of time together you want to spend together. And you spend the amount of time doing your own thing that you want to.

Not wanting to abandon her pre-RE life completely, DW now spends about 20 hours a week working with "special" kids, primarily minorites, in conjunction with a local school district. She's an award winning special ed teacher and a true blessing to the families she advocates for within the public education systems she is so familar with.

I try to keep the house running....... ........ and spend two days a week with our cerebral palsey afflicted grandson. I get top notch guidance from DW with this. It grieves me that his life will be a struggle. But working with him is fulfilling......lots of pats on the back from his parents, therapists, DW and teachers on how much I am accomplishing under their guidance.

DW and I both have hobbies. We both have lots of friends and activities outside of each other.

Now Er'd, we are free to stay home and spend 100% of our time together if we'd like. But this schedule seems right for now. There's been no issue of suddenly being together too much. Rather, we can now choose to spend the amount of time together we'd like.

RE is really, really good.

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Re: I didn't marry you for lunch
Old 10-24-2006, 05:39 AM   #12
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Re: I didn't marry you for lunch

I strongly suspect that quite a few people I know/knew kept working
like forever just because they were afraid of too much "togetherness."
I can see it.

JG
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Re: I didn't marry you for lunch
Old 10-24-2006, 09:01 AM   #13
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Re: I didn't marry you for lunch

We get along great, but I must confess that we live in a pretty big house with our separate offices at opposite ends and floors. We haven't gone to locked doors and passwords yet, but we kid about it. We do trade emails quite a bit, but I'm not sure we're ready for instant messenger.
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Re: I didn't marry you for lunch
Old 10-24-2006, 10:05 AM   #14
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Re: I didn't marry you for lunch

The life after FIRE section of this forum is -------> way. Is Martha taking off?

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Re: I didn't marry you for lunch
Old 10-24-2006, 12:21 PM   #15
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Re: I didn't marry you for lunch

Quote:
Originally Posted by riskaverse
We do trade emails quite a bit, but I'm not sure we're ready for instant messenger.
Too funny! So, you would recommend the gradual approach
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Re: I didn't marry you for lunch
Old 10-24-2006, 01:24 PM   #16
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Re: I didn't marry you for lunch

Dh has been retired for some time now, when I have a day off he makes himself scarce. It use to be a challenge for him to find something to do to stay out of my hair for a few hours, he's now developed friends and hobbies that keep him occupied. Sure it was a struggle and he was convinced I hated him and didn't want him around, he's now come to see that we both need our space and this is just preparation for when I retire.
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Re: I didn't marry you for lunch
Old 10-24-2006, 08:10 PM   #17
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Re: I didn't marry you for lunch

Not eligible to respond, but an acquaintance told me about his pre-retirement orientation meetings. He expected it to be all about finances and whatever, but the gist of it was "you are about to spend more time with your spouse than ever before.........."
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Re: I didn't marry you for lunch
Old 10-24-2006, 08:32 PM   #18
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Re: I didn't marry you for lunch

If there are any "issues" with your marriage (or with your self!), it is a lot easier to ignore or repress them when you are at the office 40+ hours a week. When you are retired and the two of you are spending a lot more time together, you WILL have to deal with whatever problems that you've been putting off. The good news is that you also have plenty of free time with which to work on it.
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Re: I didn't marry you for lunch
Old 10-24-2006, 08:49 PM   #19
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Re: I didn't marry you for lunch

Quote:
Originally Posted by Baxter
If there are any "issues" with your marriage (or with your self!), it is a lot easier to ignore or repress them when you are at the office 40+ hours a week. When you are retired and the two of you are spending a lot more time together, you WILL have to deal with whatever problems that you've been putting off. The good news is that you also have plenty of free time with which to work on it.
Agreed.

You will have to admit that everything is up for renegotiation.

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Re: I didn't marry you for lunch
Old 10-25-2006, 02:23 AM   #20
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Re: I didn't marry you for lunch

It strikes me that this poll should have asked how things went relative to how they went prior to retirement. The absolute rating misses the fact that people could go from great to okay or from poor to okay.

DW and I definately enjoy each other more without having to deal with jobs.
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