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Old 05-05-2016, 08:35 AM   #21
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I am only late 40's but one thing I wish I did less of in the past was changing houses and cars. Each change came with costs and I think I threw away some money there; some worse than others. Been driving the current car 6 years and would love to drive it another 6... and I am "car guy" but still it's silly to buy a different one (new or used) every 2-3 years. Houses are even worse on costs from Realtors, movers, etc.... Just enjoy what you have.
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Old 05-05-2016, 09:08 AM   #22
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...eat a WFPB diet for life.

Waffle fries and peanut butter?

I'd tell myself two things: move away from hometown, then don't go back!

Regrets are a waste of time.
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Old 05-05-2016, 10:06 AM   #23
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Life gets (much!) easier (and much more fulfilling) the older you get (but only if for much of your life you had done what you were supposed to do when you were supposed to do it, whether you felt like it or not).
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Old 05-05-2016, 12:43 PM   #24
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Sit down with your friends, telling stories and drinking beer, whenever the opportunity presents itself. You won't always get the chance later, and you'll treasure those too few moments together. Say yes to the crazy things, every time.
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I wish I knew then what I know now........
Old 05-05-2016, 07:09 PM   #25
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I wish I knew then what I know now........

This will sound lame- but when I was young I had a number of platonic male friends who complained about their girlfriends- too dramatic, no career, no goals, lazy, too dependent and so on.
So I thought if I worked hard and was very financially secure, had a good career path, was kind and not nuts lol that things in the relationship department would work out.

But the feedback I got- "you are too independent, you don't need me" ... Well by the time I woke up and realized I had been wrong it was too late. I was over 40. Ewwww. Lol.
So I would tell myself not to be myself I guess.




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Old 05-05-2016, 07:56 PM   #26
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irishgal But the feedback I got- "you are too independent, you don't need me" ... Well by the time I woke up and realized I had been wrong it was too late. I was over 40. Ewwww. Lol.
So I would tell myself not to be myself I guess.
HA! you sound like the girl-version of me
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Old 05-05-2016, 08:18 PM   #27
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HA! you sound like the girl-version of me

😁


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Old 05-05-2016, 08:28 PM   #28
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This will sound lame- but when I was young I had a number of platonic male friends who complained about their girlfriends- too dramatic, no career, no goals, lazy, too dependent and so on.
So I thought if I worked hard and was very financially secure, had a good career path, was kind and not nuts lol that things in the relationship department would work out.

But the feedback I got- "you are too independent, you don't need me" ... Well by the time I woke up and realized I had been wrong it was too late. I was over 40. Ewwww. Lol.
So I would tell myself not to be myself I guess.




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I have the opposite advice for myself. I spent my 20's and much of my 30's worrying whether I'd ever meet Mr. Right... Don't get me wrong - I was still moving forward with life - working my career, buying a house, doing stuff with friends (and without friends, on my own.)... But I spent a lot of angst worrying there was something wrong with me.

I'd advise myself to not worry about it - when the time is right... it can happen. (I met my husband and age 37, married at 38, had kid 1 at 39, and kid 2 at 41.) Still happily married... and happy I didn't settle for some of the ***losers**** who were available and interested.
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Old 05-05-2016, 08:44 PM   #29
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I would have kept our expenses under control even more than we did and retired 10 years earlier. I think I would have bought a smaller house and actually probably moved to a more middle class neighborhood with good public schools but maybe lower tests scores / lower academic pressure kind of environment. In hindsight it would have suited our personal circumstances better to never have invested much in stocks, index funds or individual, and just saved money from our human capital instead.

My favorite finance book is still The Millionaire Next Door. We have always lived close to the common career and financial attributes in the book.
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Old 05-05-2016, 08:47 PM   #30
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I have the opposite advice for myself. I spent my 20's and much of my 30's worrying whether I'd ever meet Mr. Right... Don't get me wrong - I was still moving forward with life - working my career, buying a house, doing stuff with friends (and without friends, on my own.)... But I spent a lot of angst worrying there was something wrong with me.



I'd advise myself to not worry about it - when the time is right... it can happen. (I met my husband and age 37, married at 38, had kid 1 at 39, and kid 2 at 41.) Still happily married... and happy I didn't settle for some of the ***losers**** who were available and interested.

That's nice. I'm glad you had a happy ending.


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Old 05-06-2016, 07:19 AM   #31
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I would tell my younger self. "You did good. The power of compounding is an awesome tool. Never carrying a balance on your credit card or borrow for anything aside from a home is the way to go. Index funds vs individual stocks. Rebalance, rebalance rebalance. Create family traditions and experiences are worth more than things."
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Old 05-06-2016, 08:27 AM   #32
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This will sound lame- but when I was young I had a number of platonic male friends who complained about their girlfriends...

But the feedback I got- "you are too independent, you don't need me" ... Well by the time I woke up and realized I had been wrong it was too late. I was over 40. Ewwww. Lol.
So I would tell myself not to be myself I guess.
...
Oh man, that is a bummer and a shame. Then again, those particular guys were not going to be a good fit for you.

(FWIW, from age 19/18 when we first started out, I've loved DW's drive and independence--and we are both thrilled with the three ambitious young ladies who are going to formally be our daughters-in-law in the next year! )
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Old 05-06-2016, 08:45 AM   #33
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I was like you, but I didn't hear that. I heard, "Wow, you really know where you're going in life. Just the gal to solve all my problems!" Well, the men didn't actually put it that way, but it soon became clear that's what they were thinking. Yeah, just what I wanted, Feckless Freddie and Child-Support Chuck.

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But the feedback I got- "you are too independent, you don't need me" ..




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Old 05-06-2016, 09:17 AM   #34
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I would have kept our expenses under control even more than we did and retired 10 years earlier. I think I would have bought a smaller house and actually probably moved to a more middle class neighborhood with good public schools but maybe lower tests scores / lower academic pressure kind of environment. In hindsight it would have suited our personal circumstances better to never have invested much in stocks, index funds or individual, and just saved money from our human capital instead.

My favorite finance book is still The Millionaire Next Door. We have always lived close to the common career and financial attributes in the book.
I am living that life you describe in the first paragraph and aspiring to be more Millionaire Next Door. In fact, I just re-read the book 20 years after it first came out. Such a great book. Back to the first part, it is so easy to get caught up in the fast lane in an upper middle class community (or whatever want to call it) or above. Even public school is super competitive, kid's sports is even more competitive (with many kids having private trainers starting at about age 8), clothes/cars/life... it's all just competitive. I am now doing the unseen competition which is build our retirement accounts! I too wish I had started younger at padding my bank accounts rather than the bank accounts of the German-only auto mechanics and other similar frivolous expenses of life.
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Old 05-06-2016, 09:30 AM   #35
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I was like you, but I didn't hear that. I heard, "Wow, you really know where you're going in life. Just the gal to solve all my problems!" Well, the men didn't actually put it that way, but it soon became clear that's what they were thinking. Yeah, just what I wanted, Feckless Freddie and Child-Support Chuck.

Great post- now that I recall I did get some of those too! Mainly in the shape of Gym Rat Mongos who figured they could work out and drink protein shakes all day while I worked!
No thanks!


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Old 05-06-2016, 10:57 AM   #36
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Meeting the right person is tough! It's even tougher for those of us who are particular.

I think it helps if/when we realize that life is good, and that the relationship is simply icing on the cake that makes a good life better. Desperation isn't usually a very big selling point.

Need, whether it is financial, emotional, sexual, or whatever, does not seem to be attractive to most people (especially right at the start of a relationship). Few seem to be eager to establish a dating relationship with a needy person.

I'm not saying that any of our forum members are needy! Far from it. But it helps to convey that to the potential partner effectively and that is not always intuitively easy to accomplish. I guess relaxing and having fun on dates helped for me.

My best wishes to those who are currently seeking their certain someone, and good luck to all of you. I think we have all been there, done that at some point in our lives, and it can be tiresome.
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Old 05-06-2016, 12:35 PM   #37
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I am living that life you describe in the first paragraph and aspiring to be more Millionaire Next Door. In fact, I just re-read the book 20 years after it first came out. Such a great book. Back to the first part, it is so easy to get caught up in the fast lane in an upper middle class community (or whatever want to call it) or above. Even public school is super competitive, kid's sports is even more competitive (with many kids having private trainers starting at about age 8), clothes/cars/life... it's all just competitive. I am now doing the unseen competition which is build our retirement accounts! I too wish I had started younger at padding my bank accounts rather than the bank accounts of the German-only auto mechanics and other similar frivolous expenses of life.
Good for you for making the change. We look back at our credit cards from years before we set ER as a goal and think about how much better a choice more years of freedom would have been than some of what we used to spend our money on.

This is a good article on the pressures on kids and parents in an achievement vs work / life balance culture from a Bay Area parent:

We’re destroying our kids — for nothing: Too much homework, too many tests, too much needless pressure - Salon.com

Palo Alto had to hire guards at the train crossings because of all the student suicides and at risk for suicide kids at the local high schools.
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Old 05-06-2016, 01:12 PM   #38
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I think we have all been there, done that at some point in our lives, and it can be tiresome.

I refer to it as a "beatdown"...
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Old 05-06-2016, 02:26 PM   #39
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Meeting the right person is tough! It's even tougher for those of us who are particular.

....

My best wishes to those who are currently seeking their certain someone, and good luck to all of you. I think we have all been there, done that at some point in our lives, and it can be tiresome.
I think that first paragraph is part of the problem. Many of us, ala Jerry Seinfeld, were very particular during our dating years. The problem is you could miss someone that could be the catch of the life. My mate did not check every box on my long list of particular "requirements" but luckily we ended up dating. 20 years and multiple kids later life is awesome. I can't imagine having a better relationship. I think people are too close minded when dating. They need to be a certain religion, look a certain way, have a certain job, etc.... I think people could benefit from being open minded and relaxing. Just my thoughts looking back.
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Old 05-06-2016, 04:29 PM   #40
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Meeting the right person is tough! It's even tougher for those of us who are particular. ............
You should talk. I hear you just hooked up with the next door neighbor.
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