I wish I knew then what I know now........
- Thread starter Cassius King
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I have the opposite advice for myself. I spent my 20's and much of my 30's worrying whether I'd ever meet Mr. Right... Don't get me wrong - I was still moving forward with life - working my career, buying a house, doing stuff with friends (and without friends, on my own.)... But I spent a lot of angst worrying there was something wrong with me.
I'd advise myself to not worry about it - when the time is right... it can happen. (I met my husband and age 37, married at 38, had kid 1 at 39, and kid 2 at 41.) Still happily married... and happy I didn't settle for some of the ***losers**** who were available and interested.
daylatedollarshort
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I would have kept our expenses under control even more than we did and retired 10 years earlier. I think I would have bought a smaller house and actually probably moved to a more middle class neighborhood with good public schools but maybe lower tests scores / lower academic pressure kind of environment. In hindsight it would have suited our personal circumstances better to never have invested much in stocks, index funds or individual, and just saved money from our human capital instead.
My favorite finance book is still The Millionaire Next Door. We have always lived close to the common career and financial attributes in the book.
My favorite finance book is still The Millionaire Next Door. We have always lived close to the common career and financial attributes in the book.
That's nice. I'm glad you had a happy ending.
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Golden sunsets
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I would tell my younger self. "You did good. The power of compounding is an awesome tool. Never carrying a balance on your credit card or borrow for anything aside from a home is the way to go. Index funds vs individual stocks. Rebalance, rebalance rebalance. Create family traditions and experiences are worth more than things."
Oh man, that is a bummer and a shame. Then again, those particular guys were not going to be a good fit for you.
(FWIW, from age 19/18 when we first started out, I've loved DW's drive and independence--and we are both thrilled with the three ambitious young ladies who are going to formally be our daughters-in-law in the next year!
)
Amethyst
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I was like you, but I didn't hear that. I heard, "Wow, you really know where you're going in life. Just the gal to solve all my problems!" Well, the men didn't actually put it that way, but it soon became clear that's what they were thinking. Yeah, just what I wanted, Feckless Freddie and Child-Support Chuck.
I am living that life you describe in the first paragraph and aspiring to be more Millionaire Next Door. In fact, I just re-read the book 20 years after it first came out. Such a great book. Back to the first part, it is so easy to get caught up in the fast lane in an upper middle class community (or whatever want to call it) or above. Even public school is super competitive, kid's sports is even more competitive (with many kids having private trainers starting at about age 8), clothes/cars/life... it's all just competitive. I am now doing the unseen competition which is build our retirement accounts! I too wish I had started younger at padding my bank accounts rather than the bank accounts of the German-only auto mechanics and other similar frivolous expenses of life.
Great post- now that I recall I did get some of those too! Mainly in the shape of Gym Rat Mongos who figured they could work out and drink protein shakes all day while I worked!
No thanks!
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W2R
Moderator Emeritus
Meeting the right person is tough! It's even tougher for those of us who are particular.
I think it helps if/when we realize that life is good, and that the relationship is simply icing on the cake that makes a good life better. Desperation isn't usually a very big selling point.
Need, whether it is financial, emotional, sexual, or whatever, does not seem to be attractive to most people (especially right at the start of a relationship). Few seem to be eager to establish a dating relationship with a needy person.
I'm not saying that any of our forum members are needy! Far from it. But it helps to convey that to the potential partner effectively and that is not always intuitively easy to accomplish. I guess relaxing and having fun on dates helped for me.
My best wishes to those who are currently seeking their certain someone, and good luck to all of you.
I think we have all been there, done that at some point in our lives, and it can be tiresome.
I think it helps if/when we realize that life is good, and that the relationship is simply icing on the cake that makes a good life better. Desperation isn't usually a very big selling point.
Need, whether it is financial, emotional, sexual, or whatever, does not seem to be attractive to most people (especially right at the start of a relationship). Few seem to be eager to establish a dating relationship with a needy person.
I'm not saying that any of our forum members are needy! Far from it. But it helps to convey that to the potential partner effectively and that is not always intuitively easy to accomplish. I guess relaxing and having fun on dates helped for me.
My best wishes to those who are currently seeking their certain someone, and good luck to all of you.
I think we have all been there, done that at some point in our lives, and it can be tiresome.
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daylatedollarshort
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Good for you for making the change. We look back at our credit cards from years before we set ER as a goal and think about how much better a choice more years of freedom would have been than some of what we used to spend our money on.
This is a good article on the pressures on kids and parents in an achievement vs work / life balance culture from a Bay Area parent:
We’re destroying our kids — for nothing: Too much homework, too many tests, too much needless pressure - Salon.com
Palo Alto had to hire guards at the train crossings because of all the student suicides and at risk for suicide kids at the local high schools.
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HFWR
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Meeting the right person is tough! It's even tougher for those of us who are particular.
....
My best wishes to those who are currently seeking their certain someone, and good luck to all of you.
I think that first paragraph is part of the problem. Many of us, ala Jerry Seinfeld, were very particular during our dating years. The problem is you could miss someone that could be the catch of the life. My mate did not check every box on my long list of particular "requirements" but luckily we ended up dating. 20 years and multiple kids later life is awesome. I can't imagine having a better relationship. I think people are too close minded when dating. They need to be a certain religion, look a certain way, have a certain job, etc.... I think people could benefit from being open minded and relaxing. Just my thoughts looking back.
travelover
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You should talk. I hear you just hooked up with the next door neighbor.
W2R
Moderator Emeritus
You should talk. I hear you just hooked up with the next door neighbor.
That I did! Best thing ever.
W2R
Moderator Emeritus
That's a very good point and true for us as well.
Sarah in SC
Moderator Emeritus
This thread hijack reminded me of this story
http://qz.com/641236/almost-everyone-who-is-single-is-single-for-the-same-reason/
I laughed at the cheese and cracker part of the story.
http://qz.com/641236/almost-everyone-who-is-single-is-single-for-the-same-reason/
I laughed at the cheese and cracker part of the story.
nash031
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I'm not retired, but 38... I'd go back and tell 18-22 year old me: "Don't fall for the pretty face." Spent some time with some doozies... while they were fun for some time, they caused a lot of stress, probably didn't help the bank accounts, and now I thank God that I found DW (who is a pretty face, but has a hell of a lot more substance than any of them!).
I also second the "don't spend money on cars". I made a couple of mistakes there instead of just holding a good, quality car that was paid off. While I didn't go crazy overboard, it was probably the difference between having $10-20K to invest in this company called "Apple" when I read about the iPod and iPhone... I called that one, but had no money to take advantage of it.
I didn't think about opportunity costs when I was younger. Should've taken the Buffett view early on: this $1 could be $2 in a few years... do I really want to spend it?
I also second the "don't spend money on cars". I made a couple of mistakes there instead of just holding a good, quality car that was paid off. While I didn't go crazy overboard, it was probably the difference between having $10-20K to invest in this company called "Apple" when I read about the iPod and iPhone... I called that one, but had no money to take advantage of it.
I didn't think about opportunity costs when I was younger. Should've taken the Buffett view early on: this $1 could be $2 in a few years... do I really want to spend it?
Ed_The_Gypsy
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I would say, Put 20% of your income into SCV and only look at it every 10 years.
Also, eat and drink less and walk more. But I am sure I would not listen to that.
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Also, eat and drink less and walk more. But I am sure I would not listen to that.
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Sunset
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ha ha ha , never heard that before, but I realize that is exactly what one of my buddies is.
For the past 13 years or so, his wife works and he stays at home, and goes to the gym at least 3x per wk.
mickeyd
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Stay away from that agent orange stuff when you are in Vietnam. As I learned 40 years later, no one who served in Vietnam was able to avoid dioxin. We were all affected by that bad stuff.
ha ha ha , never heard that before, but I realize that is exactly what one of my buddies is.
For the past 13 years or so, his wife works and he stays at home, and goes to the gym at least 3x per wk.
Whoa! How old are these people?
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that's awful. Yeah Operation Ranch Hand. Great idea. Not.
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