Life, love and photographs - Read the warning

[dex]

Warning! Warning! Warning! What follows are a raining day, seasonal affected disorder, scotch and soda, broken collar bone, and old photographs induced maudlin reflections.

So the collar bone is healing and I am allowed to doing light resistance training. With this new found freedom I thought I would take a look through some of the boxes I’ve had most of my life. There are only seven small ones – 1 compact disks, 1 computer programs, 1 books, 1, tax returns, 1 high school and grammar school stuff, 1 nick knacks from travels, 1 of photographs.

Yes actual photographs from childhood that my mother gave me, some that I took during my travels and some that others gave me. There was some interesting ones of me is when I was younger – under 35, and had hair on my head – I was pretty good looking – in that NYC tough, don’t show your emotions way. I guess I am OK looking now; if you like completely bald guys; who don’t smile too much – that is one reason I’ve always been attracted to women with a good smile – my other half as the Greeks would say.

Then there were the women I dated – not many, and I don’t have pictures of some. Yes they were good looking too - in that way that they women can after you get over the first blush of attraction and you see their second (?) attractiveness. Maybe with time they look better to me. You look back now and wonder why you broke up. I’m thankful I knew them. Women are great. I learned a lot from all the women I knew. First I just wanted to get their clothes off. After that the learning began. When working I always tried to create an atmosphere where women can express themselves because I know I can be insensitive to some things and they could help me along the way.

If there is one thing that I would change in the woman I knew it would have been to smack me upside my head sometimes, shake me and tell me to focus on what is important; I am important to you, this is important to you don’t screw it up and by the way I love you. Women shouldn’t do this all the time. Guys don’t like whiners. As a matter of fact if a woman wants a guy to do something it is simple – ignore what he does wrong and let him know what he does right. Don’t like it that he doesn’t hold your hand; hold his and tell him you like it. When he holds your hand on his own, don’t say anything just give him a little peck on the cheek and shut up. Guys are reward driven. Simple. (Another thing is not to wait to tell a guy you had a crush on him. A couple of times women have told me year later, they had a crush on me. Who knew? Who knows what could have happened?)

Women can be great. Some of the women I’ve known are the strongest people I’ve known. They have been hurt so many ways by the people around them, family, friends, strangers, lovers and husbands and then put themselves out there to try and find love again.

Of course I knew one of these women. She was hurt physically, emotionally and mentally. I have a picture of her. I think I can see her soul in some of them. She is pretty. She has a smile that melts my heart. She has had a tough life. I don’t know where here drive came from; I wasn’t wise enough at the time to ask her. She got away from her family at 16, in her own small apartment, but still continued in high school – working as a waitress in a diner. She was 17 when I met her I was 22. I didn’t know the age difference at the time. She was on her own at the time. Yes, there were drugs and she hung around with the wrong people – it was NYC. After high school she went work and college classes – accounting of all things. I was insensitive to it I guess, I’ve been working since 15, school in the day work at night – was there a different life? Was there some world where parents gave their children guidance, spending money and paid for their college? Was there a world where people didn’t start drinking at 14 and go to bars at 15 and if you only smoked pot and drank you were on the straight and narrow?

Yes we loved each other like the young do - intensely. It was like giving a Ferrari to a teenage boy who doesn’t know how to drive. There is a lot of desire but little knowledge as to how to drive it or what to do with it. She never slapped me upside my head and I was too focused on other things to realize what I was screwing up and losing her. I guess part of the reason was that I kept everything inside and looked as if I knew what I was doing. Then again she did slap me but, I was too screwed up to know what it really meant. You and I know it would have taken a miracle to make it last more than a couple of years and it was best that we parted. That is the problem with young love; the potential dies with it and it is that potential that we miss. We see the happy life that could have been and not the divorce, children and broken home that most likely would have been. We were not to blame; we were a product of our families. Most of all I’m sorry for being one of the people that hurt her - that is a pain that will never go away. Looking back at these pictures I know there never will be a way to correct it.

“The teacher will come, when the student is ready.” I guess she always has been my teacher trying to tell me what is important.

What is important is not, the stock market, where you live, your job, the SWR, if you are retired or working or even how many years you will live. It is the life and love in your years that is important. It is a difficult lesson to learn. I'm still learning. I still have to make it a reality. It is a lesson better learned when you are young. Why? So you don’t look back at a photograph with regrets.

It is difficult to look at her picture. She is pretty. I miss that smile. I will always miss that smile. I wish I could hold her naked one more time, calm her fears, tell her she beautiful, strong and loved for nothing else than being who she is.

I've been to most of the "must see" places in the world - The Vatican (Rome), Tai Mahal (India), Egypt, Forbidden City (China), New York City, Hong Kong, London, Paris, Rome etc. and they don't mean much in the scheme of things.

Today’s lesson is:
You have to look back sometimes to see where you are going.

[freebird5825]

NYC...
Greeks...
Missing a lost loved one and reflecting on the past.
i'll be damned - we have a lot in common.

TY for sharing such wonderful thoughts. i was truly touched.
It is the life and love in your years that is important.
i have loved well, lost love the hard way, and am loving again in life # 2. each life has made me a different person.

you see the target, now take good aim with yourself and get there.

[Khan]

Quote:

Originally Posted by dex Warning! Warning! Warning! What follows are a raining day, seasonal affected disorder, scotch and soda, broken collar bone, and old photographs induced maudlin reflections. So the collar bone is healing and I am allowed to doing light resistance training. With this new found freedom I thought I would take a look through some of the boxes I’ve had most of my life. There are only seven small ones – 1 compact disks, 1 computer programs, 1 books, 1, tax returns, 1 high school and grammar school stuff, 1 nick knacks from travels, 1 of photographs. Yes actual photographs from childhood that my mother gave me, some that I took during my travels and some that others gave me. There was some interesting ones of me is when I was younger – under 35, and had hair on my head – I was pretty good looking – in that NYC tough, don’t show your emotions way. I guess I am OK looking now; if you like completely bald guys; who don’t smile too much – that is one reason I’ve always been attracted to women with a good smile – my other half as the Greeks would say. Then there were the women I dated – not many, and I don’t have pictures of some. Yes they were good looking too - in that way that they women can after you get over the first blush of attraction and you see their second (?) attractiveness. Maybe with time they look better to me. You look back now and wonder why you broke up. I’m thankful I knew them. Women are great. I learned a lot from all the women I knew. First I just wanted to get their clothes off. After that the learning began. When working I always tried to create an atmosphere where women can express themselves because I know I can be insensitive to some things and they could help me along the way. If there is one thing that I would change in the woman I knew it would have been to smack me upside my head sometimes, shake me and tell me to focus on what is important; I am important to you, this is important to you don’t screw it up and by the way I love you. Women shouldn’t do this all the time. Guys don’t like whiners. As a matter of fact if a woman wants a guy to do something it is simple – ignore what he does wrong and let him know what he does right. Don’t like it that he doesn’t hold your hand; hold his and tell him you like it. When he holds your hand on his own, don’t say anything just give him a little peck on the cheek and shut up. Guys are reward driven. Simple. (Another thing is not to wait to tell a guy you had a crush on him. A couple of times women have told me year later, they had a crush on me. Who knew? Who knows what could have happened?) Women can be great. Some of the women I’ve known are the strongest people I’ve known. They have been hurt so many ways by the people around them, family, friends, strangers, lovers and husbands and then put themselves out there to try and find love again. Of course I knew one of these women. She was hurt physically, emotionally and mentally. I have a picture of her. I think I can see her soul in some of them. She is pretty. She has a smile that melts my heart. She has had a tough life. I don’t know where here drive came from; I wasn’t wise enough at the time to ask her. She got away from her family at 16, in her own small apartment, but still continued in high school – working as a waitress in a diner. She was 17 when I met her I was 22. I didn’t know the age difference at the time. She was on her own at the time. Yes, there were drugs and she hung around with the wrong people – it was NYC. After high school she went work and college classes – accounting of all things. I was insensitive to it I guess, I’ve been working since 15, school in the day work at night – was there a different life? Was there some world where parents gave their children guidance, spending money and paid for their college? Was there a world where people didn’t start drinking at 14 and go to bars at 15 and if you only smoked pot and drank you were on the straight and narrow? Yes we loved each other like the young do - intensely. It was like giving a Ferrari to a teenage boy who doesn’t know how to drive. There is a lot of desire but little knowledge as to how to drive it or what to do with it. She never slapped me upside my head and I was too focused on other things to realize what I was screwing up and losing her. I guess part of the reason was that I kept everything inside and looked as if I knew what I was doing. Then again she did slap me but, I was too screwed up to know what it really meant. You and I know it would have taken a miracle to make it last more than a couple of years and it was best that we parted. That is the problem with young love; the potential dies with it and it is that potential that we miss. We see the happy life that could have been and not the divorce, children and broken home that most likely would have been. We were not to blame; we were a product of our families. Most of all I’m sorry for being one of the people that hurt her - that is a pain that will never go away. Looking back at these pictures I know there never will be a way to correct it. “The teacher will come, when the student is ready.” I guess she always has been my teacher trying to tell me what is important. What is important is not, the stock market, where you live, your job, the SWR, if you are retired or working or even how many years you will live. It is the life and love in your years that is important. It is a difficult lesson to learn. I'm still learning. I still have to make it a reality. It is a lesson better learned when you are young. Why? So you don’t look back at a photograph with regrets. It is difficult to look at her picture. She is pretty. I miss that smile. I will always miss that smile. Today’s lesson is: You have to look back sometimes to see where you are going.

YouTube - Tom Paxton - The Last Thing On My Mind (1966)

[dex]

Quote:

Originally Posted by freebird5825 i'll be damned - we have a lot in common.

There are more things that unite us than divide us.

[dex]

Khan,
Thanks - great song.

[Moemg]

Dex , That was a heartwarming post . I lost my husband and then my son it was the worst period of my life but it taught me that money is just money ,close relationships are the things that matter .

[dex]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Moemg Dex , That was a heartwarming post . I lost my husband and then my son it was the worst period of my life but it taught me that money is just money ,close relationships are the things that matter .

Thank you - I'm sorry for your loss.
I don't want to add more now - excuse me.

[Khan]

Quote:

Originally Posted by dex Khan, Thanks - great song.

He has said it was his best song; I agree.

[laurence]

Thank you for sharing. A message board can make it difficult to see the humanity in others, you broke through on that one.

Right now is a pretty happy time in my life, I keep taking mental photographs knowing harder times are inevitable, and after that good times will return.

[Hobo]

I've been down your path, Dex... I call it the nostalgia trap. Its kind of like having a strong drink. The first couple make you feel real good, but after a while it can leave you really sad and in pain.

I have my share of memories as well, and they do include a couple of very special women who spend part of their lives entangled in mine. But those, and other memories are all part of the past. Its okay to keep these memories gentle on my mind, but the curse of many people who get old is it starts to look like everything good is in the past and the future is pretty bleak. That's a catch-22 of nostalgia.

In my case, I was lucky enough to have taken one last trip to Asia and found a great place to live that surpassed the life I had in California. It was the best stroke of luck I have ever had. I retired at age 54 - that was 9 years ago. I was never what you can call rich. But here in Indonesia I could afford to buy land and build a house on the ocean front. I married a beautiful young girl and we had a son together 3 years ago. That little boy is the best thing that ever happened to me. He keeps me running and kicking balls and fixing toys - and teaching him the internet.

I teach English on an informal basis to young women who want to become English teachers. So my life is filled with young people who think the world of me. The house is always filled with laughter and many activities.

I sit here tonight with a cast on my leg - a broken leg as a result of a motorcycle accident. If I had time, or were in different circumstances, I would probably be focused on what a pain it is rolling around in a wheel chair. But there is too much going on around me to even have time to feel sorry for myself. Every day I wake up and think about what the day will bring.

By the way, I have the same old photos of myself, and it provides never ending laughter from the people who see me as a baby or as a hippy! So I guess the moral to my story is this: Yes you can cherish the memories. But you also must never forget that love and life is a continuum. Don't allow the past memories to swallow up the adventures that await you in the future.

[bbbamI]

Last week while cleaning my house for company, I moved a cabinet from the spare bedroom. Inside the cabinet were old photos, cards and letters. I started going through them one by one. Memories came flooding back, most of them wonderful but a few were a bit painful.

I've always been a "smack you upside the head" kind of woman and I'm sure I have and still do intimidate some people...especially men. But, that's who I am and if I tried to change, I would be untrue to myself. However I like to think my heart is filled with compassion and is willing to listen and understand.

I'm not sure what I've learned from the past, don't know what my future will bring, but I'm sure of one thing. The beat goes on......

[Bestwifeever]

I've been the smacker and the smackee, and it doesn't really matter--if you were at the same point in the relationship, you would already be there, wouldn't you?

I don't know how long it takes to come to terms other than sadness for the loss of a spouse or child, or if you ever reach the point where you wouldn't trade your memories for just one more day with them (and always, so sorry, Moemg). But for the romance relationships, I sort of like having the lost loves to look back on--some of them were better to have loved and lost than to have loved and kept.

I know a couple of people who have reconnected when both parties have been free of other relationships. Amazingly they look at the other party today and see only the same person they knew so many years ago.

[Moemg]

I cry every time I hear that Diamond Rio song " One more day " . I think it says it all about lost loves . I try not to go on those melancholy binges too often but occasionally something will turn up that just sets it off .

[freebird5825]

Just put on Barbra Streisand's "Memories" at full volume on your stereo if you need a good cryout. it gets me every time.
or the Ave Maria, IMO best performed ever by Luciano Pavarotti. oh that voice!
i do this on purpose if things get built up. i do feel much better afterwards.

[Dreamer]

All I can say is wow, Dex. You made me cry. I hope that the sun is shining for you tomorrow and that your collar bone heals quickly. You are right about what is important.

[bubba]

Dex, when I read your post yesterday, I was so touched by your pain I had to close the thread and leave the computer. I guess in one way or another, by this age we've all been there. What is it "they" say - by 40 yrs old, everyone has a story? After you have visited your past a while (and that is a good thing from time to time), try to get back into the sunshine and start looking forward. Thank you so much for sharing, and for reminding each of us about the importance of love and relationships in our lives.

[HFWR]

It's important to keep the past in perspective. It probably was neither as good nor as bad as you remember. Good idea to keep it in a box on an upper shelf in the closet, to be revisited on rare occasions.

I hate graveyards and old pawnshops
For they always bring me tears
Can't forgive the way they robbed me
Of my childhood souvenirs...

Souvenirs, John Prine

[haha]

Gosh, love can work too--

YouTube - John Prine and Iris DeMent - In Spite of Ourselves

Boring intro, but what follows is great. Just push the button in a about a quarter and the singing starts.

[Ronstar]

Great post, Dex! I could feel your emotion reading it, and I get your message.

[dex]

Bad timing on pulling out those photographs - raining day, seasonal affected disorder, scotch and soda, broken collar bone and listening to Willie Nelson.

Photos are back in the box.

I'm thinking about taking the RV down south to catch some rays once the collar bone is healed. After that, who knows; maybe dancing lessons!

YouTube - Willie Nelson - Stardust