Life Reflection: Would you do anything differently?

[FreeBear]

Very good thread! I started saving as soon as I left grad school, but most just went toward a house and 401K match. By my early 30's I realized my shelf life in corporate America was very limited and I started saving for FIRE in my 50's.

I opened up a taxable account at a discount brokerage. They had a primitive retirement calculator. I wish I had access to a historic calculator like Firecalc and had been aware of the Trinity SWR study. With these powerful tools, I would have been more motivated to save harder and get out early than my 50's as predicted.

Around 2009 the market and work woes discouraged me, although I kept on saving mechanically. I lost hope of ever getting out. Fast forward a few years, I married my DW, who shares my same financial values, and the market rebounded. I managed to FIRE at 45, 7 years ahead of schedule. My only w*rk project to be completed well ahead of deadline

This may sound a little patronizing, I wish I understood how to achieve my retirement goals earlier. I am frugal and had a good paying job so I lucked into saving But my understanding of ER came in my late 30s. Earlier than many but in retrospect later than I would have preferred.

I have advised my children and acquaintances to select a retirement date and begin to live their life to achieve it.

Agreed! Got to plan for the end at the beginning. Often the end comes quicker than you'd expect, often due to forces beyond your control.

I wish we had spent more on frivolous things, like vacations, when we were younger. No, seriously. They aren't as much fun when you are older.

Ideally, I should have FIRED in my 30's! Still I'm glad I did w*rk another decade+. Now, no regrets about leaving!

I wish I had followed my heart instead of my head in selecting my career. I chose engineering because it offered better pay and job security. But I ended up at a Megacorp which doesn't want its engineers to do engineering; they want to turn us into project managers. Zzzzz...

Engineering was always my first choice. A paid internship at Megamotors showed that I was suited for the field. I enjoyed my engineering career, but the issue is that management doesn't want experienced engineers in engineering. Most were pushed into project management, department management, and everyone senior was essentially technical sales. The fun jobs went overseas. I know because I helped move them there...

Wish I would have switched majors to get the ROTC scholarship.

Military service post-graduation is how my kids are paying for their undergraduate degrees, hopefully med school as well for my oldest.

I never thought about the military or even government w*rk. I was too much of a free spirit.

Was the military/government worse than Megacorp or just different??

 

[6miths]

Lol. Everything! But on the third go round I would probably be back to similar choices. Have been very fortunate in so many ways.

 

[kaudrey]

I am an eternally optimistic person; and I feel that everything happens for a reason (not that we can always know it).


I should not have married my first husband (that was definitely bad for my savings plans), but because of him, I met my best friend.


I probably shouldn't have married my second husband (we got divorced earlier this year), but I value the time we had, and if I had made different choices, I wouldn't have my dog. Also, probably wouldn't have traveled to where I met the lovely man I am dating now.


Part of me wishes I had become a travel photographer or done some other exotic profession, but after 26 years in the federal gov't, I've been able to travel a ton, save money, and plan an early retirement with a good pension. I'll likely retire in 4 years at age 52; can't complain too much about that.


Overall, I've had a very good life - I've been able to do what I want, give back to the community in a variety of ways, and have great friends and family. It's been a really tough year for my family for a variety of reasons; but overall, regretting things to me is a waste of time.

 

[RobbieB]

I was going to say that I really wouldn't change anything, but didn't want to sound smug.

But I guess I should be smug as I look back and see I had good "Ikigai", whatever that is.

1) What you love - Always into math and science, designing and building stuff. Built crystal radios and go carts and speakers as a child.

2) I was good at the above and got a degree in Electrical Engineering so I could

3) Get paid for working in the automation field where I worked with customers to design, size and specify automation solutions that fit their needs. Because

4) The world needs automation. Automation makes us more competitive and productive so we can live better lives.

Sweet!

 

[Walt34]

The main thing I would do differently is not marry the ex wife (duh!). There were warning signs during the engagement period that I ignored and it would have saved us both a lot of grief had I cut it off then. OTOH, I wouldn't appreciate DW as much as I do had I not been through that experience first (next July will be the 30th anniversary) so perhaps in the long run the 1st marriage/divorce was a good thing. Even hindsight can be fuzzy sometimes.

I'm still undecided whether buying an airplane in 1975 was a good thing or not. I was 25, was making more than half again what my father did at his peak and really didn't know a thing about handling money. Financially of course it was a disaster, but I sure had a ball with it! I still treasure the memories of some of the flights I took and most especially the 1976 trip to Oskosh. Other pilots here will understand the significance of making that aviation pilgrimage. For that week Oskosh, Wisconsin is the busiest airport in the world and there was an air show every day. I'd never seen a P-51 Mustang (famous WWII fighter) IRL and was astonished that it wasn't a whole lot bigger than my Piper Tri-Pacer. I slept in a tent under the airplane wing and awoke at 6:00 AM daily to the music(?) of a Boeing 737 at takeoff thrust 50 yards away. It was fun at the time.

Absent those two decisions I could have retired sooner and more comfortably than we did. But I know other guys who had my same job and opportunities who made different choices and they will have to work for as long as they're physically able. So I certainly could have done worse.

 

[Dreamer]

I would have not have smoked from age 18 until age 32.

I would not have dropped out of college.

I would have started investing in my 20s instead of my 30s.

I would have had my children 2-3 yrs apart, instead of 10 1/2 years apart.

All in all, it has been a good ride though.

 

[brewer12345]

I would have been less excessively driven in my late 20s and most of my 30s. I did not leave much time for real life back then and I wish I had. Some one the things that would have been fun to do if I had given myself the time are no longer appealing.


I wish I had bailed on NY/NJ sooner. 35 would have been a better time.

 

[RAE]

Spent less time on relationships that had no future.

+1 - one, in particular (girlfriend during college).

But I really don't regret my first marriage, even though it didn't work out in the long run. We had some good times together, but eventually just grew apart.

Overall, I wouldn't have made any major changes - it's been an interesting journey, and I'm very happy with where I am now.

 

[txtig]

I wish we had spent more on frivolous things, like vacations, when we were younger. No, seriously. They aren't as much fun when you are older.

+1. We scrimped and saved to establish college savings for our kids. We denied our young family a lot to accomplish that. But, when the time came, we ended up financing college from our then current cash flow. The college funds were repurposed to ER, but it would have been nice to have splurged a little more when we (and the kids) were young.

 

[FrugalLady]

I wish I had saved more in taxable accounts instead of focusing on tax advantaged retirement accounts. At the time, I focused on retirement accounts because:

1. I was too focused on minimizing taxes and maxing out contributions to my 401K. I felt like I was leaving money on the table by not contributing every dollar that I could to my 401K and IRA's. My taxable account got whatever was left over.
2. While I have always been a diligent saver and lived beneath my means, ER wasn't even a thought in my 20's and 30's. I assumed I would work at least until 59, which by then my retirement accounts would be available to me. I didn't think about having a large stash that was accessible with no age restrictions.
3. I didn't envision that by my 40's I would have aging/ailing family members and that I would be the only family left in the area to help care for them.
4 I didn't ever think that I would come to hate my job and the company that I worked for, and that I would become burned out on working Full-Time in general.

Items 3 and 4 combined to finally get me thinking about actually retiring early. By that point I was 47. In my 30's, I had some vague notion of being FI independent by 50, so that if I chose to change careers and work for less pay, I would still be financially okay. However, I found that what I really wanted most was time. Time to spend with my family...time to putter in the yard...time to volunteer with a local dog rescue.

At the end of September, I was able to semi-retire at the age of 48. However, my taxable savings are a little under-funded. It would have been better to stick it out a couple more years, but I know I will never regret spending this time with my aging family. To compensate, I am working part-time so I can delay pulling from my taxable accounts a little bit longer. An added benefit is paid health insurance. However, if I had focused on Taxable savings earlier in my career, I would have had the option to fully retire instead.

 

[USGrant1962]

I don't have a lot I would have done differently in my life choices. More time with the kids would have been nice, but that desire is so common for breadwinners it is almost a cliche. Rented instead of bought when I got transferred to the DC area at the peak of the real estate bubble? Maybe pay more attention to corporate politics, but I was able to jump ship at 55 with a six figure SWR, so whatever!

The only thing that really comes to mind is planning for the financial mechanics of ER. I've been targeting ER for years, particularly since DF passed at 59 from a sudden heart attack (after taking a megacorp retirement buyout package at 55). As FrugalLady said:

I wish I had saved more in taxable accounts instead of focusing on tax advantaged retirement accounts.

I over-saved in tax advantaged accounts (IRAs, 401(k)s and even 529s) so I'm now wrestling with the tax implications of AGI, MAGI, 10% penalties, ACA subsidies, and paying ordinary income tax rates on all those investment gains.

Oh, and I wish I bought even more of Vanguard Healthcare.

 

[Dd852]

I’ve definitely relaxed more and enjoyed myself more as I’ve got older - I wish I’d been a kid when I was a kid, rather than waiting! But then, who knows if all the other pieces would have fallen into place?

 

[iloveyoga]

Sometimes I wonder if we saved too much and scrimped too much in our younger years. No real regrets about finances, but looking back I wish we had taken our two sons on a "big" vacation" one time. We always did a family driving vacation, but obviously now we could have done one fancy trip. Luckily we have been able to do nice trips now with both our adult sons' and their families.

 

[OHjosh]

I wrote a book about my life and realized that my life has truly been a journey... a very disjointed and unplannable one. What I didn't do earlier and consistently is to follow my inner knowledge. (Sometimes it was a Voice I heard shouting in my head!) That caused and/or prolonged a lot of unavoidable suffering. (Pain is inevitable as they say). And... I am here as I got here. To regret the steps and their duration too much is merely to dull the present which is called that because it is a gift. (Another aphorism I cling to.)

To Jerry1 on the notion of passion in a job and money following passion: I think these concepts are uniquely American fantasies. There is value in giving oneself to a job worth doing, even when it is not pleasing or necessarily leads to big money. Again, for me the issue is whether I am in concert with my inner knowing. if I am not, I have actually heard these words: "You are a paid whore!" That is when I need to get my resume (and my keester) moving!

 

[Hermit]

I wrote a book about my life and realized that my life has truly been a journey... a very disjointed and unplannable one. What I didn't do earlier and consistently is to follow my inner knowledge. (Sometimes it was a Voice I heard shouting in my head!) That caused and/or prolonged a lot of unavoidable suffering. (Pain is inevitable as they say). And... I am here as I got here. To regret the steps and their duration too much is merely to dull the present which is called that because it is a gift. (Another aphorism I cling to.)

To Jerry1 on the notion of passion in a job and money following passion: I think these concepts are uniquely American fantasies. There is value in giving oneself to a job worth doing, even when it is not pleasing or necessarily leads to big money. Again, for me the issue is whether I am in concert with my inner knowing. if I am not, I have actually heard these words: "You are a paid whore!" That is when I need to get my resume (and my keester) moving!

IMHO, you would need to add something like the following to that sentence:

"When I know I am doing something wrong and I continue to do it for the money..."

For me there is a great difference in doing something I don't like to do but do it because that is what the folks that pay me want me to do and doing something that I know is wrong.

 

[Nemo2]

What I want to know is, is it worse to be a paid whore than an unpaid whore? Enquiring minds, and all that.

 

[Letj]

Absolutely.

I would choose filthy rich, well educated parents.

Lol. If only we could.

 

[ejman]

I wish I hadn't been so afraid of the clap in my younger years...

 

[Walt34]

I wish I hadn't been so afraid of the clap in my younger years...

 

[Souschef]

So many of you have struck a chord with me, especially Walt34 on marrying his first wife. I too now appreciate my present wife a lot more. We will be celebrating our 10th anniversary next month.
Before I graduated college, a good friend of mine told me to "get out of Dodge", and it was the best advice I got.
In hindsight, I could have gotten a job on Long Island, lived at home until I got married, moved to Long Island, etc. Years ago I read a book called , "The crack in the picture window" and that would have pretty much summed it up.
40 years later I would have looked back and tried to figure out what happened.

 

[HadEnuff]

Whenever I think about what I might have done differently, I remind myself about all of the other stuff that changes with it.

Don't marry the first wife? I wouldn't have my children. Or grand children.
Don't move to my town? I wouldn't have my 2nd wife, or any of these friends...

Everything we do impacts so much, that to have something different along the way, I'd have to give up something I cherish, right now, right here.

So...I'm good.

 

[WestUniversity]

I would probably have taken more chances and followed my heart a little more and been a little less concerned about other peoples opinions...

 

[Pilot2013]

Whenever I think about what I might have done differently, I remind myself about all of the other stuff that changes with it.

Don't marry the first wife? I wouldn't have my children. Or grand children.
Don't move to my town? I wouldn't have my 2nd wife, or any of these friends...

Everything we do impacts so much, that to have something different along the way, I'd have to give up something I cherish, right now, right here.

So...I'm good.

+100

 

[W2R]

Life is like a path with many forks in the road, and detours. The choices we make define not only where we end up, but our experiences along the way and who we are and become.

I only know what my own life has been like. I don't really know what life would have been like, had I made different choices. Honestly I don't think that any of us really do, completely.

I made the best choices that I could at the time, under the circumstances. So, I see no reason to regret any of them even though in retrospect, I might now make different choices. Who knows if the 19 year old W2R made worse choices than the 69 year old W2R would make. Maybe, maybe not. I am probably wiser now but probably less adventuresome and energetic, too.

I have had a challenging, amazing, outrageously wonderful life that has brought me great joy and has let me put my full effort into following my dreams, interests, and goals. And I have had great disappointment and sadness, too. Without some valleys, it would be impossible to realize how far up the peaks have been. And what a rush it is to pull oneself up out of a (self created) hole and still reach the intended goal! Wow. Those were experiences I would never have planned for, but wouldn't trade for the world.

What more could any human being want?

 

[HadEnuff]

I wish I hadn't been so afraid of the clap in my younger years...

Great answer. I probably just wish I'd had more chances to catch it.