Like your parents?

[HsiaoChu]

Just wondering how many of you either emulated or are emulating your parents retirement process? Has anyone learned from their parents and are determined not to make the same mistakes, or to do it right like they did?

Z

 

[haha]

Just wondering how many of you either emulated or are emulating your parents retirement process? Has anyone learned from their parents and are determined not to make the same mistakes, or to do it right like they did?

Z

I would not want to emulate my mother, but OTOH I consciously realize that my path is very similar to my Dad's, and IMO his path was quite successful for him and a similar lifstyle is working well for me.

Walking, city life, arts, seeking friendships close or casual. By the time my Dad died most of his friends were a generation younger because many of his older friends had already kicked from too much party time in youth and middle age.

Ha

 

[rescueme]

Just do it right like they did?

Z

Please ...

I left home the month after I turned 19, and never looked back.

That answer your question ...?

 

[Fireup2020]

My parents retired at 61 and 54 - basically Dad ran the numbers, and lo and behold, they pulled the plug on the same day. I am tracking for retirement in 10 years at age 50, so while I was not racing to "beat" them at ER, or even considered them ER's - they were very good role models - despite the fact I have had little financial "training" from them. Mom used to shake her head at my concern for my retirement in my 20's. Besides, they made me grow up in a small community in NoCal (I always figured we were poor because we lived in the country!) with great friends and a solid community - many of my friends are raising their kidlets there too! After they retired, they moved into Sacramento because the ranch was "too far from their social life!" (railroad museum, bike trails, parks, etc...) Go figure!

Dad would spend good money on certain things (top of the line sometimes - must be the Mech Eng in him!), but was frugal in others. Mom was 3rd generation Italian, so we canned tomatoes, jams, peaches, made sausage, pasta, dried fruits, baked goodies, etc. Many of my peers have no clue about cooking & baking - I love this stuff - and it often saves money!

I find myself very frugal in some areas - must have picked up this trait from my nurturing! (I was adopted @ birth)

 

[Bestwifeever]

My parents both passed away before retirement--thank goodness I've not emulated that! DH's parents lived/are living long into retirement but so far, half way into year 2, he has not emulated them at all (sit in a chair and count your ailments).

 

[W2R]

Just wondering how many of you either emulated or are emulating your parents retirement process? Has anyone learned from their parents and are determined not to make the same mistakes, or to do it right like they did?

Z

My parents retired in their home on the beachfront in Hawaii in their mid-50's. Then my father (a surgeon) decided to ESR and opened a new office where he continued working for the rest of his life, though not as many hours and lower stress. They traveled constantly, had a lot of parties, and went to plays, symphony, or opera nearly every week. They were very happy in ER (and then in ESR).

That sort of busy-busy retirement would not really suit me. They were who they were, and I am who I am. I think my retirement is just as happy as theirs was, but it is tailored to be just right for me (as theirs was just right for them). I don't think my retirement was at all influenced by theirs, though I do remember feeling so sad for my father when he heard he had terminal cancer - - the same day back in 1981 that he was moving out of his office to completely retire. He was literally moving out, in that he had the moving van there that day and my brother helping him to lug the furniture out. Then after an exhausting day, he stopped off at his doctor's office and got that shocking diagnosis. I remember hoping that would never happen to me (and it didn't!)

 

[Nords]

Just wondering how many of you either emulated or are emulating your parents retirement process? Has anyone learned from their parents and are determined not to make the same mistakes, or to do it right like they did?

My father ER'd at age 53 in the 1980s to care for my mother, who was dying of cancer. Unfortunately she died the week he ER'd. He later took consulting contracts when he felt like it, but his reputation spread and the contracts began to grow. After about five years he tired of working "part-time 40 hours per week" and swore off work for good. He's done fine.

About 10 years later I was kvetching that I wasn't interested in any careers after Navy. He asked "Why would you want to work? Haven't you saved enough money?" Well, duh.

Spouse's father "ER'd" at age 60 in 1994 after the company offered a lump-sum buyout that was just too good to pass up. He enjoyed the stock market's subsequent runup but was pretty badly shaken by 2001-2002. (Some of his former co-workers lost their lump sum in tech stocks and had to return to work in their late 50s and even late 60s.) He and his spouse lost their risk tolerance and went 100% cash by 2003, just in time for record-low interest rates. To this day they won't touch anything riskier than a CD and continue to scrimp to avoid spending any principal.

Luckily they no longer share the blow-by-blow with us... we generally avoid anything they think is a good idea. Unfortunately they have great genes, they're in excellent health, and they'll probably continue to live like this for at least another three decades.

 

[easysurfer]

Just wondering how many of you either emulated or are emulating your parents retirement process? Has anyone learned from their parents and are determined not to make the same mistakes, or to do it right like they did?

Z

I didn't emulate my parents (they are both no longer around), but I find the older I get, the more I act like the way they used to act.

Does that count?

 

[ziggy29]

I'd love to, but my dad had a solid pension and early retiree health insurance. I won't be able to emulate those, unfortunately (I have one puny pension from a previous employer waiting for me but that's not likely to provide more than 10% of my income needs at age 65 assuming moderate inflation) -- so that will be a MAJOR speed bump waiting for me.

Having said that, because I invested heavily and aggressively throughout my 20s and 30s, I still expect to FIRE before he did (he could have retired at 55 but stayed until he got a sweetheart early retirement incentive at 57).

 

[bssc]

Going to visit them for a couple of weeks. The biggest issue is that I need to get on their schedule since they are very busy. They have been "retired" for 20 years but still have their side jobs, counterterrorism and taxes.

Learned frugality and lbym from them.

 

[Westernskies]

I hope not... my folks retired at 64; dad died 5 months later... mom lived another 8 years on her own, ended up going back to work PT for something to do. (she also did a lot of volunteer work, but always worried about outliving her resources) but they never got to travel in their retirement, spend winters where it was warm, spoil the grandkids, etc.

They did a lot of things "right", but my ER plans and timeline are very different from theirs.

 

[freebird5825]

My Mom was in the restaurant business all her life - starting out as a waitress at age 18 and finishing up as a salaried head hostess for a fancy seafood place in northern NJ, frequented by NYC celebrity types.
She retired at age 62 with only SS, Medicare and a nice little nest egg of CDs. She traveled solo all over the country once a year on Greyhound's AmeriPass program and had a ball visiting friends and family.
I always tell people..if you think I'm a bit of a nut, you should have met my Mom. Imagine my personality x 10.

I am college educated - thanks to Mom for [-]keeping after me[/-] the inspiration to excel . I have full benefits as a surviving spouse and also a little bit more coming in 5 years from my own 18+ years in civil service.

I will definitely emulate my Mom in the travel department but I will fly and rent a car. I am very excited to do my own style of adventuring, but not quite as "low budget".
I plan to travel to a few of my own choice of destinations, and then to a small selection of places she went to.
She is with the angels now, but I am proud to carry the memory of her sense of adventure with me wherever I go.

 

[FIREd]

I think we are emulating my dad. He is frugal, a disciplined investor, a good wealth accumulator, and someone who built his wealth over decades in a conservative but steady fashion. He was lucky to work for 30+ years for the same company and get a nice pension out of it, and he inherited quite a bit of money as well. It helped for sure. But he still lives frugally in retirement and continues to look for opportunity to grow his wealth.

Our moms are basically clueless about money (admittedly by choice), and made a lot of bad financial decisions in their lifetime. They both tend to live above their means and have never saved much money. They both retired in their early 60's but I don't envy their retired lifestyle. Money is tight for both and DW and I sometimes have to come to the rescue.

DW's dad is always looking for the next big deal because he believes that the only way to get rich is to take risks and hopefully hit the jackpot. He sneers at "savers" like us. Unfortunately, he tends to count his chickens before then hatch and it often leads to disaster. He has nothing saved up for retirement and will have to keep working until the day he finally hits that oh-so elusive jackpot.

 

[ProspectiveBum]

We aren't emulating either set of parents. DW's folks worked into their 70s, though they probably didn't need to. They were children in Europe during WW2, and are the most frugal & financially conservative people I've met.

My semi-estranged mother is a financial train-wreck; she's 57 and is massively in debt, with nothing to show for it (she's spent her life chasing one get-rich-quick scheme after another). My Dad is fairly clueless about money. He spends what he gets, and is planning to work until he's 70, when he'll retire to Mexico and live on his SS benefits.

None of those options seem appealing to me, so we're going to try an alternate plan: ER at 55 or so.

 

[ziggy29]

Our moms are basically clueless about money (admittedly by choice), and made a lot of bad financial decisions in their lifetime. They both tend to live above their means and have never saved much money.

My mom isn't clueless about day to day money management; she's usually been the one with the checkbook and was always pretty frugal with it. But as good as she is with balancing a checkbook and living within her means, my dad always dealt with the taxes and investing side of their finances. So when he passed and she was fairly clueless about those things I wound up inheriting her tax planning and investing decision-making. She's 74 now, so I assume that leopard isn't going to grow new spots.

My wife isn't too much more savvy about taxes and investing than my mom is, and that's really something I need to work on with her before I'm hit by a bus.

 

[SarahW]

Nope. My Dad retired at 65 and my mother never worked outside the home. They were frugal and lived happily "no frills." I definitely didn't emulate them...but I adored them both and miss them every single day.

 

[audreyh1]

Nope! Didn't emulate their careers. Didn't emulate their retirement. Didn't emulate their hobbies either, but learned to appreciate their interests growing up even though mine as an adult are quite different.

Well - all except for cooking and eating, that is. Whole family has that in common over multiple generations. That's all we talk about and do when we get together.

Audrey

 

[Goonie]

Yep! I emulate my folks very much! They were always thrifty, and always lived within their means...never above them! After retirement, they still bought new cars, as well as anything else they wanted...for cash! They also traveled a lot...3 or 4 long trips each year, and sometimes more. As well as a lot of shorter 2 or 3 day trips closer to home. And my Mom drove them all!

My Dad was a lab technician for a major petro-chem factory, and retired at 62 with a cola'd DB pension and full health insurance until medicare kicked in then his insurance paid the difference. He enjoyed 10 1/2 years of good health and travel. The last 6 months of life, he was home bound, and his health rapidly declined until his death.

Mom is still alive and kickin' and still healthy as a horse....she'll be 83 in May! I just chauffeured her to Florida (and back) for a couple of weeks...and she loved it! Anyway, that aside, she retired from municipal government at age 60, with a cola'd DB pension. She could have kept her health insurance, but opted to go on my Dad's retiree plan instead, with the same deal ad his...full coverage 'til medicare, then the insurance makes up the difference.

As for me emulating my folks....I was a lab technician and plant foreman for the municipal government, and retired at 50, with a full, cola'd DB pension,and full health and dental insurance for life. I also live within my means, although I still buy whatever I want...for cash (actually charged on my rewards VISA, and paid off in full EVERY month). I love to travel and do so as much as possible...2 or 3 long trips every year, and lots of shorter 1,2, or 3 day trips. In fact we're just now returning from our nearly 3 week expedition to Florida and several points along the way!!!

Life is great!

 

[FUEGO]

We are pretty close to emulating my parents. We save a lot (roughly half our paychecks). Max the 401k's IRA's etc. My parents do the same. The difference is that I'm roughly 10 years ahead of where my father was at my current age (vietnam war draft, delayed college, working through college, having kids during college, etc). And DW and I both work vs. my mom who did not work while I was young. So our savings and investments are definitely way more substantial than my parents at the same age (if I were my dad I would be graduating college next year).

My parents and I live in nearly identical houses (on opposite sides of town), drive similar cars. I'm an engineer, dad is an engineer. I think we have very different outlooks on a lot of things though.

Since I have a head start on career, savings, and investments vs. my parents, I expect I'll ER roughly the same time they ER or R, or within 5 years of them. But my mom will have a decent inflation indexed government pension by that time.

My parents are frugal to the point of being cheap about some things, and then just seemingly blow money on other stuff (they each rat out the other one to me about "wasteful" spending ). I'd like to thing I'm a much more well rounded frugal person. I'll spend a buck to save some time, effort, or buy convenience, and I don't mind spending a buck to have a wardrobe from this century, and keep cars running properly. But whenever it is time to spend money, my first thought is how can I make this cheaper or avoid this expense? (engineer in me ).

 

[WhoDaresWins]

I'm not yet retired so I don't know what I will be like in retirement. More like my Mom, I think, than my Dad. Mom unfortunately died at 61 of colon CA and never retired from her public school teaching job. Dad was 10 years older than she but lived on another 6 years. He was something of a bon vivant(whereas as she was quiet and modest). He liked to travel, dine out every day, had all kinds of friends both old and new, shopped like a fiend for stuff he didn't need(I came home to find the place filled to the brim with Chinese "antiques" purchased at gimmicky auctions held in hotel ballrooms). He bought 3 new Mercedes in 6 years, stayed out late, then slept all day. Yeah, I won't be anything like my Dad.

 

[plex]

Emulated or emulating my parents retirement process?

For the most part, no. I love my parents and respect them for who they are now (they will be retiring soon in their mid 60s), but they made a lot of mistakes in their 20s and 30s. They did not seriously begin their careers and savings until their late 30s. My father's greatest flaw is he does not have a financially ambitious bone in his body (in other ways though, this is his greatest strength, he is extremely calm and laid-back). My mother's greatest flaw is she spends so much time worrying about the little things, or what she has no control over, and in doing so neglects thinking about important things (this has improved, it was affecting her health at one point). Their spending mindset is very different from mine. They are good people though, so I get along with them very well.

I am essentially a left-brained person in a right-brained family, a very frugal person from a family that struggles to hit their budget each year. Even within my extended family, there is no one with an engineer/doctor/lawyer/accountant/financial analyst background. Nothing wrong with that, but I had to learn a lot of things on my own.

 

[Moemg]

My Mom was a nurse but unlike me she only worked until she had her first child . I worked in nursing for forty years . My Mom loves to shop for clothes and I have to admit so do I . My Mom still manages her money at 93 but she is much more conservative than me . My Dad was a hard steady worker so I was I . My parents always watched their money mainly because they did not have a lot . I am probably too careful with my money not because I have to be just because I am .

 

[Walt34]

Not emulating either one. Dad died at age 62 before he could retire (who wants to emulate that?) and Mom retired from a secretary job at NIH. She was a SAHM until I was about 13 then went to work in part to pay down cc bills Dad had run up. It took about five years to pay them off and there was a big family celebration when they were all paid off. Perhaps that's one reason I'm so sensitive about not paying cc interest - I resolved never to go down that road.

Mom stayed in the paid-for house for about 10 years after retirement and then moved to an independent living/continuous care facility at about age 71 where she was independent for about 11 years. I didn't worry much if it took three days to reach her on the phone because that just meant she was out running around and doing stuff. The last six months of her life she did need assisted living and that was a huge relief to me and my sisters that she was in a place where that help was available.

Perhaps that's why I'm more open to that when I can't mow the grass any more because it worked out well for her. Otoh, the guy next door is 78 and he still cuts his grass with a walk-behind mower so "God willin' and the creek don't rise" that will be a while.

FIL is a whole different story. I WILL NOT be the pita to DW that he is being to his family. At 83 he is barely financially solvent and insists that he cannot move from the house that he's lived in for the last 30 years. In one sense I can see his perspective. He says "the hardest thing I ever had to do" was take his father to a nursing home and he sees an independent living/continuous care facility in that context, not comprehending that what is available now at a price he can afford if he sold the house is not the same thing as a nursing home was 40 years ago. He could move there for cash and have just under $100k left over, which given his otherwise fairly frugal lifestyle should be plenty. So nobody knows how that will pan out. My suspicion is that we'll find him at the bottom of the stairs some day. But maybe that's better for him than what he thinks is worse.

DW's closest sister is making noises about moving to one of the Carolinas when she retires and I've told DW that it would only take about half an ounce of arm-twisting pressure to get me to move there too. When we sell, in the comments section of the real estate listing I want to write "Snow thrower conveys. Ha ha ha."

 

[davemartin88]

Not me, father passed away just as he was eligible to retire. Mom is nearly 90 and lives near other family but is active so that's good. Her financial situation isn't great but with help from the kids (financial or otherwise), she does well. She did a bit of traveling after my dad died but isn't generally interested in getting out a lot these days other than locally- I'm only 54 and not much interested in getting out more than locally either so maybe more alike than I thnk?

 

[Rambler]

Dad retired at 67 and is now 74. He didn't want to retire but was offered a year's salary to go "early". He took it, knowing that the next round of layoffs were about 6 months off, and he would be offered a deal again with lesser benefits (6 month's salary) if he delayed.

My folks are very frugal. We are not "very" frugal, but we are "relatively" frugal compared to others in similar income situations. My folks invested in CDs and savings accounts. We invest in stocks and bonds with a little bit of REIT mixed in. My folks don't like to travel much anymore and in fact have done only a very little travel since dad retired. We like to travel, although I travel so much for work that I am getting a bit tired of it. They are very happy with their life and simple lifestyle.

DW's dad lost his business to bankruptcy at age 70 and died three months later. DW's mom has no money except for the equivalent of social security and we have to help her out from time to time. So the certainly did not enjoy their retirement.

We expect to enjoy FIRE, like my folks, with a bit extra in financial means, and a bit more flexibility to enjoy some travel.

R