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Living in 2 different locations to satisfy both partners after ER?
Old 01-17-2015, 02:24 PM   #1
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Living in 2 different locations to satisfy both partners after ER?

We're about 3 years away from FI - 2017/2018 timeframe, I think, provided we can nail down some things and come up with a real budget. We're in our mid-thirties, no kids, married 10 years.

DH and I agree on so much about retirement, the only sticky spot we have is WHERE. If DH had his way, he'd be living in a small cottage at the foot of a mountain range so he could go mountain biking every day and access a nearby lake for small boat sailing. He'd go into town once a month for supplies.

Personally, I can't picture retirement without living in my hometown in the deep south. It's flat as a board and nary a lake in sight. I'd live right in the middle of town so I go car free most days, and spend my time working on gardening, crafty projects, going to the gym, and doing the local music/festival scene on the weekends.

Compromise is going to be necessary ... so we thought about splitting our time between my vision and his. We could spend from December through May in my area, so we could do family holidays, mardi gras, and attend the festivals that happen in spring. Then in June when the temps get really high, head further north to ... ?

I'd love to crowdsource ideas on this plan. First: how crazy is this? Anybody else doing something similar? We lived in Mass. for a bit, where it was common for people to "winter" and "summer" in different locations. There are definitely some practical considerations around leaving a house unattended for 6 months. Not to mention additional cost of maintaining separate dwellings.

Also, I'd love ideas on good options for the DH location. Perhaps a better solution is getting an RV or tiny house to trailer around to be the "second location", and spend 6 months traveling around?

Ultimately I'd rather be married to DH than anything else, so SOMEHOW this is gonna work out ...
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Old 01-17-2015, 02:35 PM   #2
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Just as to location: The Appalachians, particularly East Tennessee/Georgia/NC would probably be fairly close to your "Deep South" hometown. There are locations that would match your husband's desires--and the cost would be relatively affordable.
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Old 01-17-2015, 02:35 PM   #3
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Originally Posted by 0_I-like-bikes_0 View Post
We're about 3 years away from FI - 2017/2018 timeframe, I think, provided we can nail down some things and come up with a real budget. We're in our mid-thirties, no kids, married 10 years.

DH and I agree on so much about retirement, the only sticky spot we have is WHERE. If DH had his way, he'd be living in a small cottage at the foot of a mountain range so he could go mountain biking every day and access a nearby lake for small boat sailing. He'd go into town once a month for supplies.

Personally, I can't picture retirement without living in my hometown in the deep south. It's flat as a board and nary a lake in sight. I'd live right in the middle of town so I go car free most days, and spend my time working on gardening, crafty projects, going to the gym, and doing the local music/festival scene on the weekends.

Compromise is going to be necessary ... so we thought about splitting our time between my vision and his. We could spend from December through May in my area, so we could do family holidays, mardi gras, and attend the festivals that happen in spring. Then in June when the temps get really high, head further north to ... ?

I'd love to crowdsource ideas on this plan. First: how crazy is this? Anybody else doing something similar? We lived in Mass. for a bit, where it was common for people to "winter" and "summer" in different locations. There are definitely some practical considerations around leaving a house unattended for 6 months. Not to mention additional cost of maintaining separate dwellings.

Also, I'd love ideas on good options for the DH location. Perhaps a better solution is getting an RV or tiny house to trailer around to be the "second location", and spend 6 months traveling around?

Ultimately I'd rather be married to DH than anything else, so SOMEHOW this is gonna work out ...
Good luck, you will somehow prevail.

BTW, how do couples whose members are this different wind up married?

Ha
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Old 01-17-2015, 02:36 PM   #4
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Just as to location: The Appalachians, particularly East Tennessee/Georgia/NC would probably be fairly close to your "Deep South" hometown. There are locations that would match your husband's desires--and the cost would be relatively affordable.
Especially the Mardi Gras part!
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Old 01-17-2015, 03:08 PM   #5
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We do the winter/summer house thing. They are about 1050 miles apart and the distance is a drag. Hard to find different routes for seeing something new and just doing a 2-3 day driving slog is not totally fun. There are issues with leaving a place for 6 months of the year: we've dealt with frozen pipes and a break-in and theft. Then there is the maintenance that has to be kept up (pool and lawn/leaves) and the restoration for a few days when you reopen a house. While I thought our utilities would be less by living in only the temperate climes/times we end up paying $86/month to one city just to have the water meter - on or off. Flipping robbery. Then there is the dual electric and gas bill.

My fantasy involved moving N or S with a toothbrush and a few pairs of socks and stocking each place with the necessaries. The dual stocking of all clothes and furniture and gear happened, but we still transport a solid station wagon of stuff both ways every trip.

Pets? Gotta mention just how much joy cats have had on multi-day car trips.

The good thing is that we both are pretty good with both locations - if we weren't it seems like a real problem...
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Old 01-17-2015, 03:13 PM   #6
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We do the winter/summer house thing. They are about 1050 miles apart and the distance is a drag. Hard to find different routes for seeing something new and just doing a 2-3 day driving slog is not totally fun. There are issues with leaving a place for 6 months of the year: we've dealt with frozen pipes and a break-in and theft. Then there is the maintenance that has to be kept up (pool and lawn/leaves) and the restoration for a few days when you reopen a house. While I thought our utilities would be less by living in only the temperate climes/times we end up paying $86/month to one city just to have the water meter - on or off. Flipping robbery. Then there is the dual electric and gas bill.

My fantasy involved moving N or S with a toothbrush and a few pairs of socks and stocking each place with the necessaries. The dual stocking of all clothes and furniture and gear happened, but we still transport a solid station wagon of stuff both ways every trip.

Pets? Gotta mention just how much joy cats have had on multi-day car trips.

The good thing is that we both are pretty good with both locations - if we weren't it seems like a real problem...
calmloki, I think an easier route would be to cultivate your inner duck or desert jackrabbit. Once you accept that rain and dark will come, regardless of how you feel about it, A NW winter has its charms.

Ha
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Old 01-17-2015, 03:30 PM   #7
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Your plan doesn't sound crazy to me. You gotta be able to satisfy both of your lifestyle needs in RE. And having city and country places will give you the best of both worlds


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Old 01-17-2015, 03:58 PM   #8
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Good luck, you will somehow prevail.

BTW, how do couples whose members are this different wind up married?

Ha
Easy DW married young and moved 1500 miles from home in '78 for economic reasons. I could make $5.60 an hour. She could get a job for more than mimimum wage. We could have never dreamed of that kind of big money where we grew up.

I'm happy here, she'd like to move somewhere. We've looked at different areas for years. Yet to find an area we really like. The only thing we know for sure is we're never moving back to where we grew up. It's a nice place to be from.

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Old 01-17-2015, 04:56 PM   #9
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...If DH had his way, he'd be living in a small cottage at the foot of a mountain range so he could go mountain biking every day and access a nearby lake for small boat sailing. He'd go into town once a month for supplies.

Personally, I can't picture retirement without living in my hometown in the deep south. It's flat as a board and nary a lake in sight. I'd live right in the middle of town so I go car free most days, and spend my time working on gardening, crafty projects, going to the gym, and doing the local music/festival scene on the weekends.

....
Something sounds a little familiar about this conflict....

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Old 01-17-2015, 05:23 PM   #10
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Old 01-17-2015, 09:21 PM   #11
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I know quite a few retirees here in TX who have a summer home somewhere more pleasant, and for many of them it's near where one or both of them grew up (lots of Minnesotans here).

My parents also maintained 2 homes - one in or near the hometown where they grew up (rural MD) and one in FL. They gradually decreased their MD footprint and grew their FL footprint until they were spending 9 months a year in FL and 3 in MD. My sister and I still own the MD vacation home, and my plan was to be spending summers there at this point, but DH's disability makes that impractical.
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Old 01-17-2015, 09:41 PM   #12
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What we did was to sell up and rent an apartment in a managed complex so it is relatively easy to "lock and leave". This last 5 years we have travelled for 5 or 6 months to get away from the Texas summers, but starting in 2016 we plan to set up a permanent, rented place, in the UK and split our time between the locations. Winters in Texas, summers in the UK. Not sure yet how easy it is going to be....
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Old 01-17-2015, 10:15 PM   #13
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My dream is to live in a warm spot like FL (no state tax) and spend the summers up north on an island, like a fellow I know did.
Of course, the reality might be different than the dream as I might find it too much trouble to basically move twice a year every year...
For example, I'll have to get rid of the land line, and just use a cell phone so everyone calling me has a constant number and vs versa. Hope they have free Long distance
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Old 01-17-2015, 11:02 PM   #14
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My dream is to live in a warm spot like FL (no state tax) and spend the summers up north on an island, like a fellow I know did.
Of course, the reality might be different than the dream as I might find it too much trouble to basically move twice a year every year...
For example, I'll have to get rid of the land line, and just use a cell phone so everyone calling me has a constant number and vs versa. Hope they have free Long distance
Ooma is the ticket for keeping your regular phone # at all times - all you need is the box and an internet connection....
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Old 01-17-2015, 11:27 PM   #15
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A second home was discussed here:


A second home?
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Old 01-18-2015, 06:52 AM   #16
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3 years go we bought a Vermont small lake camp about 30 minutes from home. Because it is so close, it is easy to move back and forth if needed but we tend to "move in" during the summer.

Once the kids are off to college we will sell this house and use the camp as our summer home and have a home in Southern Utah for our winter abode so we can avoid the worst of winter weather. It will also be significantly less expensive in terms of upkeep and taxes.
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Old 01-18-2015, 09:00 AM   #17
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We have tried for many years to do this. We have a home in Nevada and Hawaii. It always requires a month or more to "fix up" the house that was left empty regardless of the location. We are thinking of selling on house and do a VRBO for 3 months to give us almost everything we want. We would have still liked the 6 month routine but after 8 years it is just too much work.
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Old 01-18-2015, 09:37 AM   #18
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The first thing still-employed DW and I did after I ERd was to buy a second house. We had our eye on it for a while, but didn't want the extra overhead of a second house while both of us were still w*rking. But I enjoy doing handyman stuff, so now maintaining and updating the houses has become somewhat of a hobby. The houses are only an 8-hour drive apart, so if there's something to be done at house #2, I can drive up there and stay a few days to take care of it. Then when DW comes up with me, she can enjoy the improvements and have some fun instead of taking care of the house. The second house is in an area where we love to vacation, and it's so much more convenient than staying in hotels.

As time goes on, I'm finding myself less attached to house #1. The main reason I bought it a generation ago was because it was a great location given my j*b situation. I still have some attachment to the area (mainly friends), but as time goes on, house #2 is feeling more like home than just a place to getaway.

DW and I do not have a firm plan about what happens when she retires. We have agreed to let things happen naturally. We will certainly spend more time at house #2, but whether we move there full time is an open question.
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Old 01-18-2015, 01:01 PM   #19
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I used to muse about having a place by the ski resorts and by the beach. My loose plan would be to live at the beach in the winter (rent out the ski resort in high season) and the mountains in the summer (rent out the beach in the summer). The idea was basically by flip-flopping locations I could extract a nice return from each property, while always having a place to live.

To that end, I'd suggest you look into ski resorts, which would likely have lots of trails for mountain biking for your summer estate, and make some cash during ski season.
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Old 01-18-2015, 01:28 PM   #20
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Time will resolve the original question .

Since marriage, we have moved (complete move) 22 times... jobs, service, south, and the current CCRC...

Lived in Falmouth... Cape Cod, Martha's Vineyard, Maine, Georgia, Florida, Rhode Island (3), Massachusetts (7), New Hampshire, Upstate NY (2), Chicago suburbs and now Central IL... ..

and moi?... wanted the mountain in the Adirondacks.. (came close).

Last 24 years split between Illinois (regular home and a camp) and Florida, 6+6.

Over the years, have made friends everywhere... easily, and while it was hard to leave some, new vistas always brought new friends. Our 4 kids (now mid 50's) have moved from place to place, changing schools and their own friends, but instead of trauma, adapted well.

When we were in cities, we enjoyed city stuff... in the country, country stuff, on the seashore or lakes, water stuff, and in the mountains, hiking, biking camping stuff. The only time DW rebelled, was when she found out that the Long Lake NY property I wanted was 50 miles from the nearest hospital, and our water would have to come from the creek on the rockbound property. Oh well... everybody doesn't like vanilla.
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