Losing my ambition (that's me in the corner)

[ER Eddie]

OP here. Thanks for the input, everyone.

Reflecting on the thread motivated me to do a little goal-setting. Although there are many good things about "losing my ambition," I am also feeling unsettled about it. I've fallen into a comfortable routine. It is easy and low-stress, but it is not a very good use of my time.

I realized that I need some goals in my life again, that just "doing what I feel like" really wasn't producing results I liked. I too easily gravitated toward the easy, the familiar, the automatic.

So I've set some goals for myself, to help break me out of my comfortable complacency. I have no interest in becoming driven or ambitious again, but I do think I need goals and a sense of forward movement.

[Tree-dweller]

Quote:

Originally Posted by ER Eddie OP here. Thanks for the input, everyone. Reflecting on the thread motivated me to do a little goal-setting. Although there are many good things about "losing my ambition," I am also feeling unsettled about it. I've fallen into a comfortable routine. It is easy and low-stress, but it is not a very good use of my time. I realized that I need some goals in my life again, that just "doing what I feel like" really wasn't producing results I liked. I too easily gravitated toward the easy, the familiar, the automatic. So I've set some goals for myself, to help break me out of my comfortable complacency. I have no interest in becoming driven or ambitious again, but I do think I need goals and a sense of forward movement.

You sound like my DW. That's ok, I still love and like her. Maybe the diff is that she retired only about two years ago, while I've been a no-account layabout (only a slight exaggeration ) for going on six. It takes awhile to appreciate FIRE.

[Skoach]

Lost my ambition slowly over time. Was the go-to guy at my Megacorp after a major merger which allowed me to choose to get out of IT management and back to technical work I loved. I came through on each aggressive deadline because of my drive to succeed even though I had topped out as a individual contributor.
Then after the team I was on was placed on mandatory 60 hour work weeks to complete a project, I figured out that they had been taking advantage of my unwillingness to fail more and more over time. Changed my attitude instantly and I had a new mantra...don't be afraid to fail.
I was still the top technical dog, but spoke my mind more and pushed back on unrealistic deadlines. Most importantly, I made sure I had a proper work-life balance.
Three years later, I negotiated a early exit at 51 that I was very happy with. 18 months into FIRE and I can't believe I put up with it that long.

[Koolau]

There was time when I thought I was doing some very important w*rk for my Megacrop. It was all in the nature of "Hey, there is a serious problem, now what are we going to do?" And then I would step in. Oddly, once the "problem" was solved, it was back to the grind with no thanks and no remembrance - until the next big crisis.

I can actually recall early in my c*reer, topping the little hill by the plant site and getting a thrill. How could I be so lucky as to w*rk here. I still kind of feel that way (in retrospect - the luck part) but I'm betting I couldn't find 40 people who remember me by name and no more than 2 or 3 who would recall any of my significant accomplishments. IOW, we live, we w*rk, we die and no one really particularly cares. I guess it's just the way of the world. Being upset by it is a fools errand. YMMV

[mamadogmamacat]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Koolau There was time when I thought I was doing some very important w*rk for my Megacrop. It was all in the nature of "Hey, there is a serious problem, now what are we going to do?" And then I would step in. Oddly, once the "problem" was solved, it was back to the grind with no thanks and no remembrance - until the next big crisis. I can actually recall early in my c*reer, topping the little hill by the plant site and getting a thrill. How could I be so lucky as to w*rk here. I still kind of feel that way (in retrospect - the luck part) but I'm betting I couldn't find 40 people who remember me by name and no more than 2 or 3 who would recall any of my significant accomplishments. IOW, we live, we w*rk, we die and no one really particularly cares. I guess it's just the way of the world. Being upset by it is a fools errand. YMMV

+1 Could not have said it better. Although in my case, the plant for that early in my career job is also long since gone.

[JBmadera]

yep, that's me too.

[Marita40]

I had lots of drive and ambition throughout my young life. In my career, there was always the next level of something to strive for. I reached the proverbial glass ceiling in my mid-50s and then switched from full time faculty status to a mid-level administrative position. The pay level remained the same with only cost of living bumps from here until I retire, but the work is about 80% easier and far more routine. Because I'm an efficient worker, I have lots of free time. No question that I am bored at work in ways I never was before, but I am also grateful for the no-stress situation as I start to "slide" toward retirement in a few years. I can relate to the OP in that I am struggling a bit with new goals, new priorities, none of which are work related for the first time.

[scrabbler1]

Reading some of the more recent posts reminded me of something else related to losing my ambition over the years at my former job.


When I first switched to working part-time in 2001 after 16 years of FT work, my little mantra was, "You can have my mind, but not my body." That is, I was available to be the "answer man" for the many questions which arose. But after 7 years of that (when I retired), my new mantra was "You can't have my mind or my body!"

[Walt34]

I've been retired for 14 years. My sig line expresses my attitude now.

[shortstop14]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Skoach Lost my ambition slowly over time. Was the go-to guy at my Megacorp after a major merger which allowed me to choose to get out of IT management and back to technical work I loved. I came through on each aggressive deadline because of my drive to succeed even though I had topped out as a individual contributor. Then after the team I was on was placed on mandatory 60 hour work weeks to complete a project, I figured out that they had been taking advantage of my unwillingness to fail more and more over time. Changed my attitude instantly and I had a new mantra...don't be afraid to fail. I was still the top technical dog, but spoke my mind more and pushed back on unrealistic deadlines. Most importantly, I made sure I had a proper work-life balance.

I can relate to this. Not sure why it took so long to figure out that there would always be a new unrealistic deadline, always be another IT project. And that getting work done efficiently just ended up with more work being assigned. Mandatory overtime really was the stake through my corporate ambition.

A brief stint in management showed me early on that being a technical contributor and project lead was more than far enough up the corporate ladder for me.

[Markola]

Through my 30s and 40s I used to write all of my goals on one index card each January and keep it in my wallet. One typical bullet was, "Become a national VP (in my field) in 5 years." Well, I accomplished that one and found out quickly that I do not like the extreme accountability to others and I really could not stand my highly-torqued CEO boss. I dialed it back to a director level at a different org with a truly nice boss and I am much happier. I haven't managed to write an index card in 2-3 years now, so that tells me I'm in a good groove. At 51, when I do write one next, a goal will be "Finish this current project, quit and slow travel the globe with my wife for a year." "Do more bonefishing." "Go to Aspen Ideas Festival once." Those are the kind of goals I'm driven to these days - for personal enjoyment and growth, bucket list stuff, not career stuff, which inspires more of a "been there, done that" feeling. I'm glad I still have that personal kind of ambition, at least!

[daylatedollarshort]

I liked the line from a song (Too Much Time on My Hands) at a recent Styx concert - I'm enjoying having nothing to do and all day to do it. I do have a lot of hobbies and we keep the calendar filled up - but it is mostly with fun stuff like hikes and concerts. I always have goals but they are just things like getting home repairs done, finish our decluttering projects, and working up to longer hikes.

[DrRoy]

Quote:

Originally Posted by ER Eddie Anyone else find that, as they get older, their drive and ambition diminishes? What I mean is, I used to have lots of dreams and goals for myself. I read motivational books, strived to really do something with my life, dreamed big (not in conventional ways, but my own version), worked hard in my career, and was pretty goal-oriented. But as I've gotten older (55 now), I find a lot of that stuff has just dropped away.

I would say that I have not felt this happen to me so far (at 58, RE 3 mo ago). I was never a super career climber. There was too much hassle in management and too little reward to be a superstar performer. I have always been and remain pretty disciplined. I have plenty of plans for travel with DW and to expand my photography hobby. The overall energy level is not what it was 20 or 30 years ago, but I still do some hiking when we travel, for example.

[pb4uski]

OP and I could be brothers from a different mother.

I was very goal oriented and motivated early in my career, ending up with with a bachelor's degree, 3 professional certifications and an MBA by the time I was 30 and was running full tilt on the corporate hamster wheel with a Fortune 500 mega. I was in front of the Fortune 500 executive ladder and decided not to climb on since I wanted a better quality of life than I coud see the executive ranks had. I then joined a smaller mega and ran on their hamster wheel for a number of years and eventually plateaued with them and moved on to Big 4 advisory work. A couple years into that, when I was 45, I was approached about partnership and decided that I liked things just the way they were at that point and didn't care to get on the partnership hamster wheel either. I guess I was sort of like the guy that doesn't really care to go to the prom but still wants to be asked to go to the prom.

While from that point I was working for a paycheck, I still cared about our work and was passionate about our doing good work and providing outstanding client service but I wasn't going to run myself ragged doing it.

I find that I tire more easily now... we just finished our daughter's wedding and it was a bit of a DIY affair (their choice) but I am bushed and need rest/vacation.

[walkinwood]

My ambitions have changed since ER.

Now, my goal is to be mobile and healthy - physically and mental - to the end of my days, stay happily married, keep my friendships strong, continue to be curious about the world around me ... stuff like that. And of course, stay solvent till we exit. These aren't minor ambitions.

I think these ambitions is more meaningful to me than my "career" ever was, though the work itself was always something I enjoyed.

[daylatedollarshort]

Happiness studies show people who lean into relationships and social connections are happiest: https://www.healthcentral.com/articl...chiatric-study

"We’re constantly told to lean in to work, to push harder and achieve more. We’re given the impression that these are the things that we need to go after in order to have a good life.....If this sounds like a life strategy you should strongly reconsider, you are absolutely correct, and Dr Waldinger has the data to back him up."

Added
Tedtalk video here:

https://www.ted.com/talks/robert_wal...pt?language=en

[NW-Bound]

Quote:

Originally Posted by ER Eddie ...I realized that I need some goals in my life again, that just "doing what I feel like" really wasn't producing results I liked. I too easily gravitated toward the easy, the familiar, the automatic. So I've set some goals for myself, to help break me out of my comfortable complacency. I have no interest in becoming driven or ambitious again, but I do think I need goals and a sense of forward movement.

I set a goal of growing big juicy tomatoes. After a few trials, I think the best I can do is to grow a smaller grape type, as that somehow can handle the heat in the SW.

Another goal is to finish the redecking of my 2nd home. I was going gunho on it last summer, but discovery of roof rats up in the attic of my low-elevation home kept me from finishing it. Then the winter came, and I was busy with planning my long European road trip. I will be up there at 7,000 ft soon to finish placing all those expensive top-grade Trex planks that I already bought.

And then, I will replace the railings in stained redwood, in order to take a photo to post here for bragging rights. It's a bit of work for about 1000 sq.ft. deck, and 100 ft of railing. The triangular rear deck sits over a slope, and is 7 ft off the ground at its apex. The old deck lasted only 10 years before looking shabby. This new deck should last until I croak, as I will not be able to repeat this work.

[ls99]

Retired over ten years, most interests went by the wayside, widowed recently. Current minor ambition is to become a decent Argentine Tango dancer, will see how that turns out.

[Fedup]

Quote:

Originally Posted by NW-Bound I set a goal of growing big juicy tomatoes. After a few trials, I think the best I can do is to grow a smaller grape type, as that somehow can handle the heat in the SW. Another goal is to finish the redecking of my 2nd home. I was going gunho on it last summer, but discovery of roof rats up in the attic of my low-elevation home kept me from finishing it. Then the winter came, and I was busy with planning my long European road trip. I will be up there at 7,000 ft soon to finish placing all those expensive top-grade Trex planks that I already bought. And then, I will replace the railings in stained redwood, in order to take a photo to post here for bragging rights. It's a bit of work for about 1000 sq.ft. deck, and 100 ft of railing. The triangular rear deck sits over a slope, and is 7 ft off the ground at its apex. The old deck lasted only 10 years before looking shabby. This new deck should last until I croak, as I will not be able to repeat this work.

Same here. Somehow I used to be able to grow big juicy tomatoes but not this year. All cherry tomatoes. I don't know why. The plants are there but no fruit.

[timemoveson]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Danmar I was always extremely ambitious. Served me very well in my career but once I became FI it faded away to a large extent. That's when ER became so desireable. Everybody is different. Once retired, it took a while to adapt to my new circumstances, but even now 11 years in, I doubt anyone would describe me as other than a Type A personality. Still, a lot more relaxed and easy going than when I was working.

That is going to be me exactly, sometime in the near future.