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Make Room for Friends and Family?
Old 09-30-2010, 08:24 PM   #1
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Make Room for Friends and Family?

Kinda saw this coming...



More families, friends move in together - USATODAY.com
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Old 10-01-2010, 12:00 PM   #2
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My youngest daughter and her family have been living in our basement for two years. It was convenient for them . . . but it's not long convenient for us. We finally kicked them out. They are now in the process of buying their own home. So why didn't they think of that before we gave them the boot? (As if I need to ask.)
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Old 10-01-2010, 12:29 PM   #3
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No question about it. We are living in an unraveling of many of the cushy economic assumptions we acquired post-WW2. A secure middle class retirement is one of them, as is the expectation that wage growth will exceed inflation (and for that matter, the expansion of the middle class). I suspect the nuclear family expectation will continue to be hit some, though we'll never see extended family arrangements come close to pre-WW2 levels.
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Old 10-01-2010, 02:19 PM   #4
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I'd rather sell a kidney.
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Old 10-01-2010, 02:35 PM   #5
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I sure hope family does not try to move in with me. A few years ago a family member begged to move in because otherwise would be HOMELESS! I had to say no and knowing that this person has always expected others to provide handouts and has never had a legitimate job. It was not easy for me to do this, but was the right thing to do.
A couple of years ago the same person contemplated moving in with the parent, but was not happy about the expectations of working around the house and needing to be actively job hunting and not being allowed to drive the cars. The comment was, "you want me to just rot".
This situation has gone on for decades in my family.
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Old 10-01-2010, 02:59 PM   #6
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I sure hope family does not try to move in with me. A few years ago a family member begged to move in because otherwise would be HOMELESS! I had to say no and knowing that this person has always expected others to provide handouts and has never had a legitimate job. It was not easy for me to do this, but was the right thing to do.
A couple of years ago the same person contemplated moving in with the parent, but was not happy about the expectations of working around the house and needing to be actively job hunting and not being allowed to drive the cars. The comment was, "you want me to just rot".
This situation has gone on for decades in my family.
I had an uncle who would occasionally live with us when he fell on hard times (got drunk at work and screwed the bosses' wife...)
Finally Mother said: "He goes or I go."
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Old 10-01-2010, 03:02 PM   #7
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Another reason not to have friends and not have communications with your family ...

Living together dosen't necessarily mean living well.
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Old 10-01-2010, 03:11 PM   #8
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I wouldn't have any problem with moving back with my parents. It would save all of us money and they have the room since I don't require much. I don't think my mom would mind but my dad isn't crazy about the idea. If my brother lost his job he'd be on the streets within six months if he couldn't find another job so i'm sure my mom would insist that he move back. After my dad is gone my mom will likely live on for at least 20 more years. She has a partial disability that will get worse as she ages so I will almost certainly have to move back with her at some point to help her since no one in the family will be able to afford to pay 4-figures a month for someone else to care for her.
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Old 10-01-2010, 03:40 PM   #9
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Here in Paradise such living arrangements are common and expected. Part of it is the dominant Asian culture and part is simple economics. Next door to us, in a 2BR appt. of 1000 sf lives a couple and their two adult daughters. The parents take the "big" BR, one daughter takes the small BR and the third daughter takes the LR. The hallway is for "storage". The kitchen comfortably holds one person at a time and the Lanai is the dining room/living room/commons area.

Met a renter on the elevator the other day. He was complaining because his first attempt to move into the building was unsuccessful because his landlord would not allow 4 people to live in a similar appt. Apparently, he found a LL who would allow it. My guess is the four pay a total of $2000/mo for the privilege.

Many of our friends have one or both parents living either in attached or detached "ohana" (family) quarters.

We've tried to make it clear to our kids that they are welcome to visit - but don't plan on moving in!!
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Old 10-01-2010, 03:41 PM   #10
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Another reason not to have friends and not have communications with your family ...

Living together dosen't necessarily mean living well.
I only could stand coexisting when I was young because there was no alternative.
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Old 10-01-2010, 05:04 PM   #11
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Not really economy related, but we lived with my MIL in her 2 bdr apt for a few months in the mid 80's - I kinda underestimated how long it would take to finish building our house and our apt lease expired, so we moved in with her. It wasn't the best situation, but it was tolerable.

Now she's into her 80's living alone - occasionally I think about the old days in her apt and get the feeling that someday she's going to move in with us.
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Old 10-01-2010, 05:27 PM   #12
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It would depend on which family and which friends. There are some I could live with short term quite well. And it goes without saying that I would open my door readily to my son at any time or my dear aunt, or one or two of the inlaws and the outlaws, as well as a couple of stalwart friends. I figure, there are times in my life when others have extended a helping hand to me...and I am grateful and feel that I should pay it forward if given the opportunity. My dad always used to say..."Don't say you don't need anybody, we all need other people".
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Old 10-01-2010, 07:57 PM   #13
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There are a number of family members I could sucessfully live with for an extended period of time. And some I could not...

It will be interesting to see how things go later this month when my FIL arrives for a week plus visit, especially considering that we just adopted two 13 week old puppies and he is not a dog person. DW is planning on suffesting that he use the camper as guest quarters so at least he will not get overrun by kids and dogs.
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Old 10-02-2010, 10:39 AM   #14
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There are a number of family members I could sucessfully live with for an extended period of time. And some I could not...

It will be interesting to see how things go later this month when my FIL arrives for a week plus visit, especially considering that we just adopted two 13 week old puppies and he is not a dog person. DW is planning on suffesting that he use the camper as guest quarters so at least he will not get overrun by kids and dogs.
I have my doubts. If this gains traction, might it not be difficult to spend Thanksgiving relative-free?

Ha
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Old 10-02-2010, 11:29 AM   #15
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Family? No way.

Friends? Maybe...only if they are employed and paid me 6 months living expenses upfront. Or really cute.

I am all alone in my house now, and even though I can easily afford it and manage my home's maintenace, I am contemplating having a roommate in the near future.
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Old 10-02-2010, 11:59 AM   #16
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I am all alone in my house now, and even though I can easily afford it and manage my home's maintenace, I am contemplating having a roommate in the near future.
A Bostonian??
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Old 10-02-2010, 12:28 PM   #17
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A Bostonian??
No, Ferragamo.

Ha
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Old 10-02-2010, 09:24 PM   #18
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DW has a friend who moved into a 55+ adult community, one of the reasons she cited was that the community has a strict policy that guests are only allowed for up to 2 weeks, she didn't want her son to move back in...
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Old 10-02-2010, 10:46 PM   #19
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I think the comments in this thread only suggest that economic conditions aren't yet desperate enough (for most of us) to accept what we don't want....
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Old 10-03-2010, 09:38 AM   #20
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I'd hate to have others living with us but I'd certainly do it if someone was in hardship and had no alternative.
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