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Re: Marriage--post retirement
Old 11-30-2004, 10:05 PM   #21
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Re: Marriage--post retirement

Well I'm not actually BACK, I just got a few moments of free time! for what its worth, its 11pm here and I spent the last 24 hours in true love with a u-haul trailer hanging off the back of my expedition. Finally got the remainder of the wifes stuff out of her house to make unimpeded painting possible, and emptied out the yard and sheds...one of which I disassembled and moved. I just spent the last 2 hours dragging wood, fence parts and other sundry items out of my driveway and into the backyard.

But back to topic...sorry...hijacks are my specialty!

I was dating my current wife for a year before quitting work, and we've been married about six months now. I've got a front-row seat.

The linchpin seems to be recognizing the not-er'ed partners contributions to the fullest extent allowable by law. And then risk arrest. Next its making sure the spouse knows you're a LITTLE bit insecure about this laying about stuff while they're still working their butts off. Double ER's are probably different...but if one worked while one stayed home, I'll bet the dynamics are the same...the non-working spouse still had a job, it just wasnt drawing a paycheck...

Civility is important, as is (of course!) communication. We've had three steam blowing off sessions and as a result have learned to address what might be minor problem directly.

Wacky...it occurs to me that this might be the way to make marriage work BEFORE er-ing, its just that more time spent together magnifies all effects.

I remember reading a book when I was a kid where the main character said that what most relationships needed was less love and more common dignity and mutual respect.

Amen.

(by the way, I miss y'all too...but I have a golden egg to hatch...a $200k house thats just a week or two away from being sold...and a very demanding wife. So far in the last 24 hours I've been sent to the store at midnight for vanilla ice cream, concocted homemade thousand island dressing "RiGHT FREAKIN NOW", and constructed a turkey-bacon club sandwich out of the most unlikely components [and then been asked to make a second one RIGHT NOW]. Its a good thing though. And we have a name...our son will be known as Gabriel...only one neither of us hated Beats the crap out of 'wilbur'. Nip/Tuck watchers will get the joke...

See you in a while... :P
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Re: Marriage--post retirement
Old 12-01-2004, 04:34 AM   #22
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Re: Marriage--post retirement

Quote:

The money side (with a spouse) is simple? *Please Mikey, give me your secrets! *

I want to go all Dave Ramsey with our finances and my wife likes the finer things of life.
Azanon,

What do you mean by "all Dave Ramsey"? His asset allocation? Which is all moneys that are needed within the next 5 years are kept in kept in simple money market funds, no bonds or cds, ever. As for funds over 5 years, it is 25% each in the following fund categories, (1) growth & income, (2) growth, (3) international and (4) aggressive growth or balanced funds. No bond funds ever. Obviously, a balanced fund has bonds, so go figure. it appears that is his way of changing the volatility of the portfolio.

eleighj
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Re: Marriage--post retirement
Old 12-01-2004, 05:25 AM   #23
 
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Re: Marriage--post retirement

Well, re. "no bonds or CDs, ever" , bonds and CDs are about all I use. Guess that is why I thought Dave Ramsey was a comedian

John Galt
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Re: Marriage--post retirement
Old 01-17-2005, 08:44 AM   #24
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Re: Marriage--post retirement

The latest in marriage and living with an ER while I am still working:

This weekend DH went through his stock and bond portfolios with me that he keeps track of on yahoo. He explained is reasoning for each item. I actually followed what he was saying. At the bottom of his list of portfolios, I saw a portfolio enitled: "MARTHAIAMDEADBUYTHESE". He so nicely gathered a list of mutual funds with allocations that I should buy if he is gone even though he dislikes mutual funds.



On my part time schedule, I am not working the month of February. We (and our dogs) are taking a trip in our motorhome. We will see how living so closely together goes.

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Re: Marriage--post retirement
Old 01-17-2005, 09:58 AM   #25
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Re: Marriage--post retirement

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He so nicely gathered a list of mutual funds with allocations that I should buy if he is gone even though he dislikes mutual funds.
Poor guy, he must really love you a lot to so egregiously violate the first rule of spouse longevity: "Ensure that you're always worth more alive than dead."
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Re: Marriage--post retirement
Old 01-17-2005, 10:07 AM   #26
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Re: Marriage--post retirement

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On my part time schedule, I am not working the month of February. *We (and our dogs) are taking a trip in our motorhome. *We will see how living so closely together goes.
I hope you are going south-if I remember correctly you live in Minnesota? Hard to imagine a stiffer test of close quarters compatability than 2 people, and a couple of dogs in motorhome in the rain and snow.

Anyway, I am not so sure that stress tests are all that good an idea. A marriage can have many benefits- so what if you irritate one another in daily close contact? (I am not commenting on what your situation may or may not be, just a general observation.)

Anyhow, my best wishes for a fun time. Since it is your vacation, you need to enjoy it.

Mikey
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Re: Marriage--post retirement
Old 01-17-2005, 10:57 AM   #27
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Re: Marriage--post retirement

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Poor guy, he must really love you a lot to so egregiously violate the first rule of spouse longevity: "Ensure that you're always worth more alive than dead."

We both have the problem. A benefit of my job is a pile of life insurance on my life. He would make out like a bandit if I was gone.

Saturday, I scrubbed all the grout lines and the ceramic tile in the bathroom up to the ceiling. While I was working on it, I called DH into the bathroom and said "you need to watch me scrub the bathroom so you know what to do when I am gone. This needs to be done once a month, like it or not". He said he would sell the house first. :(
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Re: Marriage--post retirement
Old 01-17-2005, 10:58 AM   #28
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Re: Marriage--post retirement

Quote:

I hope you are going south-if I remember correctly you live in Minnesota? Hard to imagine a stiffer test of close quarters compatability than 2 people, and a couple of dogs in motorhome in the rain and snow.

Anyway, I am not so sure that stress tests are all that good an idea. A marriage can have many benefits- so what if you irritate one another in daily close contact? (I am not commenting on what your situation may or may not be, just a general observation.)

Anyhow, my best wishes for a fun time. Since it is your vacation, you need to enjoy it.

Mikey

We are going south as fast as we can drive. It is 23 below zero today and we have almost run out of places to put snow.
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Re: Marriage--post retirement
Old 01-17-2005, 04:43 PM   #29
 
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Re: Marriage--post retirement

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We are going south as fast as we can drive. *It is 23 below zero today and we have almost run out of places to put snow.
Why do we Live in this Frozen Tundra? - I ask myself this question every year. By April, those spring days suck me in for another year. 8)

Cut-Throat - A Minnesotan for over 50 years. :P
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Re: Marriage--post retirement
Old 01-23-2005, 04:37 AM   #30
 
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Re: Marriage--post retirement

Hi C-T. ..................Re. being a "Minnesotan", you are a
masochist as well as a liberal (but a hell of a fisherman)..........................Just a theory

Back on topic. I have been thinking some more about
this issue. I have decided it would be a big adjustment
if we were together all the time, and some alarm bells
go off when I consider the practical effects. Anyway,
I have promised myself that snowbirding to Texas
officially starts next winter (assuming I remain above ground). My DW shows no signs of cutting back on her work, so she will have to manage the time off to go
south, or take her chances on finding work upon our return. Another option is for me to go and her to stay
up north. I would not like that much. Not sure what she would think. Finally, I do take the Cut-Throat view
of my loafing while DW works. We have an agreeable
division of expenses for now. My part is covered by my
investments. Her part is covered by her employment.
Like I said, for now this all seems to work just fine.

JG
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Re: Marriage--post retirement
Old 01-23-2005, 03:40 PM   #31
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Re: Marriage--post retirement

Quote:
Back on topic. *I have been thinking some more about this issue. *I have decided it would be a big adjustment
if we were together all the time, and some alarm bells
go off when I consider the practical effects. *Anyway,
I have promised myself that snowbirding to Texas
officially starts next winter (assuming I remain above ground). *My DW shows no signs of cutting back on her work, so she will have to manage the time off to go
south, or take her chances on finding work upon our return. *Another option is for me to go and her to stay
up north. *I would not like that much. *Not sure what she would think. *Finally, I do take the Cut-Throat view
of my loafing while DW works. *We have an agreeable
division of expenses for now. *My part is covered by my
investments. *Her part is covered by her employment.
Like I said, for now this all seems to work just fine.

JG
John, I really don't see where she has any choice but to keep working. You apparently have not endowed her; as you say your part of expenses comes from your capital, her part from her labor. Yet you expect her to follow you south and hunt for a new job when she gets back.

Huh? Why would any sane person do this? Wouldn't be prudent. And, you may find that this sort of demand may challenge your pre-nup, should push come to shove.

Maybe you two could think of some plan that would respect her economic need to work, but also allow you a bit of winter time in your Texas home until she can make her own secure retirement?


Mikey
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Re: Marriage--post retirement
Old 02-14-2005, 05:47 PM   #32
 
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Re: Marriage--post retirement

Jeez Mikey. I missed this one. A thousand pardons

My wife will never achieve a "secure retirement" on her own. Plus, she is not doing work she enjoys, only to produce a paycheck. I can see little value in her hanging onto this position regardless of her employer's view of
her taking 3 months off. Bottom line is that her
retirement (time indeterminate) is absolutely
dependent on what I have managed to accumulate.
No amount of wishing (or time) will change that fact.
That's just the way it is.

JG
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