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Old 02-17-2012, 08:50 PM   #21
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Ah yes. One of the joys of living out in the country. The loudest noise comes from the frogs around the lake and the insects in the trees. They are so loud sometimes it's difficult to have a conversation. Still a lot better than a neighbor's sub-woofer.
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Old 02-17-2012, 10:05 PM   #22
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Hi Folks, I wanted to toss a question out to the group... I'm 47, single, and have been retired for about a year now. I also established a second residence on the west coast for better weather and recreation opportunities. I'm loving the freedom and the new area (I was totally ready for a change of venue), but I've found it difficult to meet people of (roughly) the same age. Clearly, most folks who are available during the day are "traditional" age retirees (say 60s), but I would also like to meet a few friends who are closer to my age.

Anyone else faced with the same dilemma? I think things are compounded by a new area as well, but I'd love to hear any tips and experiences on making friends in a new area and finding other folks who have similar flexibility in their schedules.

Thanks!
I am your age and single, and moved to a new town about a year ago when I became FI. I am struggling to meet people with common interests because I am still working, but remotely, so don't have a work community but have been too busy moving and working to build a local community. I figure it's just going to take some extra effort on my part to get out and do more to meet people with common interests. I am trying to do something new every month, but it's tough right now. I'll have lots more time on my hands in a few months, and hope to make the most of it!
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Old 02-17-2012, 10:51 PM   #23
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I'm loving the freedom and the new area (I was totally ready for a change of venue), but I've found it difficult to meet people of (roughly) the same age. Clearly, most folks who are available during the day are "traditional" age retirees (say 60s), but I would also like to meet a few friends who are closer to my age.
Anyone else faced with the same dilemma? I think things are compounded by a new area as well, but I'd love to hear any tips and experiences on making friends in a new area and finding other folks who have similar flexibility in their schedules.
Frankly, I think the older chicks are hotter.

Just kidding. Please don't tell my spouse.

If you're making friends base on their ages, then I think you might want to reconsider your friend-making criteria. Some of my best friends are older, some are younger, some make more money than I'll ever have, others are chronically unemployed. But as ronin points out, we're all called "surfers". We base our friendship in shared interests & activities, not our high-school graduation dates.

Kidding aside, when I hang out with people 5-10 years older than me it gives me a great perspective on why I need to keep doing taekwondo & surfing. When they're younger than me, I feel as if they're eyeing me for an example of why they need to stay active....
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Old 02-18-2012, 03:17 AM   #24
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I am 37 and I tend to hang out with older people during the day. Finding people with similar interests is more important to me than finding people in my age group.
This is great advice. I am over 50 but younger at heart. On good days or bad days, I am told I look much younger. I am usually the oldest amongst my different groups of friends - different groups because of different interests and background but usually the youngest compared to the oldest in our various groups is not more than 8 years difference. Just find friends with similar interests.
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Old 02-21-2012, 10:09 AM   #25
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...(snip)...
Anyone else faced with the same dilemma? I think things are compounded by a new area as well, but I'd love to hear any tips and experiences on making friends in a new area and finding other folks who have similar flexibility in their schedules.
I've met a lot of nice people by just going on my longish runs in the state/regional park where we live. You don't say much for but "hi" at first. Over the months you might stop and mention a sighting or just an extended "hi, nice weather, did you see that bobcat in the creek?". It also helps to remember names. You can do this just walking too.
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Old 02-21-2012, 10:22 AM   #26
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I lived for just over 2 months in Mazatlan, Mexico recently on a trial run to see if I would like it there. I definitely had this problem there of not meeting people my age. I had a group of Mexican friends and young foreign travelers who were all under 30. And I had a group of retired friends (Americans and Canadians) who were all over 60. I did not make one single friend between the ages of 30 and 57!

I am sure that if I had stayed longer I would have met more people my age, but they would have to be Mexicans since there are basically no foreigners that age and Mexicans are very family-oriented, hanging around with their family in their spare time. Also, I had two different American friends separately visiting me for that time period for several weeks and neither one spoke Spanish so it was harder to make Mexican friends when they were there since I did not want to exclude them.

When I lived in Colombia, I made friends my age through my girlfriend (who was 9 years younger than me). There is a beautiful 25 year old in Mazatlan who has been writing me and wants to fill that role for me, and I may take her up on it when I return
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Old 02-21-2012, 10:29 AM   #27
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When I lived in Colombia, I made friends my age through my girlfriend (who was 9 years younger than me). There is a beautiful 25 year old in Mazatlan who has been writing me and wants to fill that role for me, and I may take her up on it when I return
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Old 02-21-2012, 06:05 PM   #28
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Don't count on it being quieter. Older people tend to boost the volume on TVs and radios to decibel levels that rock bands can only dream of.

I know, I live in a condo just above an old lady who cranks her surround sound up to high that my walls shake.
Heh, I got a set of 90+ yo neighbors. In the summertime they do yard work 50 feet apart and yell at each other. From 500' away they still sound loud and clear. Except they speak in mix of Russian and Yiddish, unfortunately I can understand them, yet I'm neither.

Fortunately they do not know that I understand their banter. Never told them.
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Old 02-21-2012, 10:48 PM   #29
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Never told them.
Well, if you told them now you'd look like a real schmuck...
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Old 02-22-2012, 07:06 PM   #30
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I have a few acquaintances in real life.
I think I have some friends in the ether.
Most of ether friends are 15 - 20 years younger; and I often don't know what they are talking about.
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Old 02-22-2012, 08:42 PM   #31
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I just want to address Khan's post, since my circumstances are different from those of the OP.
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I have a few acquaintances in real life.
I think I have some friends in the ether.
Most of ether friends are 15 - 20 years younger; and I often don't know what they are talking about.
I look at the search for friends as a practical, logical problem. I think that I personally have a need for some human contact in real life, and that need is built in, just like a puppy's need to play. I'm not saying this is true for others; I only can speak for myself.

Anyway, when I need human contact I sit down with paper and pencil and make a time limited plan to get from "point A"(no friend) to "point B"(have friend). This plan is not designed to be an "if I want to" plan, or my idea of fun, being an introvert, but something I must do for my own well being. It's not like I have any choice consistent with meeting my needs. This type of plan includes spending at least 10 hours per week for the time being in circumstances where I will come in contact with people with whom I have at least one interest in common. It includes being friendly, kind, and understanding towards them, whether I want to be or not. I don't expect a deep friendship right away, but in time, with planning and effort and logic this works for me. Eventually I have a friend and then go to phase two of my plan; cultivating that friendship (much easier for me).

I am not saying that you could or should do this, but just thought some version of this practical approach might appeal to the scientist/engineer/programmer in you if you have any need for real life friends as I do.
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Old 02-22-2012, 10:11 PM   #32
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This type of plan includes spending at least 10 hours per week for the time being in circumstances where I will come in contact with people with whom I have at least one interest in common.

W2R,

I like your logical approach to the 'make a friend' problem.

I'm curious, what are some locations that you might choose to spend those 10 hours a week?

omni
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Old 02-22-2012, 10:44 PM   #33
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Would like to point out that I'm a bit jealous of joint female friendships. They seem to be made easier then joint male ones.

If a female suggests going out for coffee or for lunch with another female (evolving) friend, I've observed it happens quite easily. DW seems to have no problem getting and extending invitations like this.

With guys, it seems to be they are not really interested in deeper feelings. It's more about parallel play. You should be doing something together like maybe golf. Not a bad thing but it's less likely to happen so easily.
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Old 02-22-2012, 10:54 PM   #34
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Would like to point out that I'm a bit jealous of joint female friendships. They seem to be made easier then joint male ones.
With guys, it seems to be they are not really interested in deeper feelings. It's more about parallel play. You should be doing something together like maybe golf. Not a bad thing but it's less likely to happen so easily.
The "guy thing" is much simpler, but from a guy perspective it also means that the joint-female-friendship thing is terrifyingly complicated.

I don't know how many times I've had this discussion with my spouse & daughter, often noting that two guys would just beat the crap out of each other, get over it, and move on...
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Old 02-23-2012, 07:17 AM   #35
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Frankly, I think the older chicks are hotter.

Just kidding. Please don't tell my spouse.
Watssamatter with you.

Don't think your DW is (still) hot ?
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Old 02-23-2012, 07:34 AM   #36
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W2R,

I like your logical approach to the 'make a friend' problem.

I'm curious, what are some locations that you might choose to spend those 10 hours a week?
omni, that is part of the planning process (part of why you need the paper and pencil), and would depend on the individual. Make a list of what sorts of interests you have that you might want to share with potential friends, and put some energy and effort into looking for locations/activities where you can share some of these interests without cost. Use your own logic and initiative in this just as you would if you were approaching an engineering problem.
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Old 02-24-2012, 03:11 AM   #37
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Have you thought about volunteering ? This would help you meet many similar minded people, whatever their age.
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but I would also like to meet a few friends who are closer to my age.
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Old 02-24-2012, 05:47 AM   #38
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The "guy thing" is much simpler, but from a guy perspective it also means that the joint-female-friendship thing is terrifyingly complicated.
It's just something that is characteristic of females. I sort-of got the concept after reading Deborah Tannen's book You Just Don't Understand; Women and Men in Conversation.

The behavior has something to do with "building/maintaining a relationship" and what is so difficult to understand is that apparently what they talk about is almost irrelevant, as long as they're talking.

Men talk to exchange information and when that task is accomplished they stop talking. Women will never understand this.

That's why when a husband doesn't say anything to his wife for three hours she starts to think something's wrong with the relationship, when in fact nothing is wrong, it's just that he didn't have anything to say.

That's why it is important to listen to DW even when she's apparently just yakking for the sake of yakking, but what she's really doing in her mind is working on maintaining the relationship. So just nod your head and say "Yeah" once in a while and go on thinking about whatever else it was that you were thinking about.

Now, if DW doesn't say anything for three hours, I know there's a problem.

This stuff is really up there with trying to understand nuclear physics so it should be easy for you to get.
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Old 02-24-2012, 06:52 AM   #39
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I make friends easily, for I inherited the ability to talk to almost anybody about almost anything.

I don't keep many friends, for I get no joy from superficial relationships, and that's all that most people want.

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Old 02-24-2012, 09:49 AM   #40
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...(snip)...
I don't keep many friends, for I get no joy from superficial relationships, and that's all that most people want.
...
Sometimes I wonder why people prefer the superficial. Why don't they want to talk about particle physics or the meaning of life?

At least I have meaningful conversations with DW.
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