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Old 02-24-2012, 10:52 AM   #41
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Sometimes I wonder why people prefer the superficial. Why don't they want to talk about particle physics or the meaning of life?

At least I have meaningful conversations with DW.
As long as people don't want to talk about politics, I'm game for both superficial and serious conversations.

And above all else, I'm happiest when I can find people who can laugh. There are far too many folks I encounter that take themselves and life far more seriously than needed.

I do find that the more fun folks are substantially younger than us, so we gravitate toward them more than most folks our ages.
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Old 02-24-2012, 11:07 AM   #42
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I also recommend the meetup groups. A hiking one is great, b/c you have lots of time walking to talk as well. (If you like hiking.) You may have to try several groups before you find one that is worth going to. Some groups are duds. You gotta kiss a lot of frogs...

I think if you are looking for friends your age to do something during the day, you are not going to find that easily. You will need to accept that your friends work, and to hang with them you need to hang out in the evenings and on weekends. Not a big deal if you are retired and have lots of time, IMO.
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Old 02-24-2012, 11:51 AM   #43
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This stuff is really up there with trying to understand nuclear physics so it should be easy for you to get.
Well, in nuclear physics all the participants behave more or less according to predictable principles!

I was going to start an analogy with "To control a nuclear reactor you simply move the rod..." but it wasn't going to end well.
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Old 02-24-2012, 12:08 PM   #44
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I have nothing against superficial topics - that's obvious from some of my posts In fact, the people I'm closest to, enjoy being downright silly.

What I meant is that I learned, early on, that I am willing to be "there" for more people than would be "there" for me. Also, something about me tends to engender frenemies, who pretend to be very interested in me, and later on use the things I confided in them to stab me in the back. Frankly if I can't trust people, I would rather not interact with them at all.

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Sometimes I wonder why people prefer the superficial. Why don't they want to talk about particle physics or the meaning of life?

At least I have meaningful conversations with DW.
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Old 02-24-2012, 12:42 PM   #45
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It's just something that is characteristic of females. I sort-of got the concept after reading Deborah Tannen's book You Just Don't Understand; Women and Men in Conversation.

The behavior has something to do with "building/maintaining a relationship" and what is so difficult to understand is that apparently what they talk about is almost irrelevant, as long as they're talking.

Men talk to exchange information and when that task is accomplished they stop talking. Women will never understand this.

That's why when a husband doesn't say anything to his wife for three hours she starts to think something's wrong with the relationship, when in fact nothing is wrong, it's just that he didn't have anything to say.

That's why it is important to listen to DW even when she's apparently just yakking for the sake of yakking, but what she's really doing in her mind is working on maintaining the relationship. So just nod your head and say "Yeah" once in a while and go on thinking about whatever else it was that you were thinking about.

Now, if DW doesn't say anything for three hours, I know there's a problem.

This stuff is really up there with trying to understand nuclear physics so it should be easy for you to get.
Walt, you made me laugh with this post. I have learned that it is more important to act like your listening than actually paying attention. I would get myself in trouble or hurt her feelings by saying "wait just a second, this is important" if I was watching a game. Now Ive learned how to continue listening to the tv despite the talking.
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Old 02-24-2012, 12:48 PM   #46
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Walt, you made me laugh with this post. I have learned that it is more important to act like your listening than actually paying attention. I would get myself in trouble or hurt her feelings by saying "wait just a second, this is important" if I was watching a game. Now Ive learned how to continue listening to the tv despite the talking.
I've learned to test my husband on what I've said, so he can't use your strategy to avoid my talking. Poor guy, he's stuck listening to me or suffer the consequences! Sadly, I do still have to repeat myself a lot, so my strategy only half works. grrr! (Note I do respect when he is in the middle of watching something important to him.)
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Old 02-24-2012, 12:51 PM   #47
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I guess I'm just lucky! It seems to me that usually in our conversations F. does a little more talking than I do, and I do a little more listening than he does.

One of the things we both like about each other, is the experience of intelligent conversations. It's great to be able to use technical language or "ten dollar words" in a conversation without worrying about seeming stilted or weird.
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Old 02-24-2012, 01:17 PM   #48
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Originally Posted by simple girl

I've learned to test my husband on what I've said, so he can't use your strategy to avoid my talking. Poor guy, he's stuck listening to me or suffer the consequences! Sadly, I do still have to repeat myself a lot, so my strategy only half works. grrr! (Note I do respect when he is in the middle of watching something important to him.)
A test? Cruel and unusual punishment! I do agree with most people that guys get together for specific reasons. My GF just last week mentioned to me that she doesnt understand why one of my best friends and I even bother to get together, because all we do every time is drink some beers, talk about sports and betting. I told her that is exactly why we get together. If we werent planning on doing that there would be no reason to get together.
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Old 02-24-2012, 01:36 PM   #49
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A test? Cruel and unusual punishment! I do agree with most people that guys get together for specific reasons. My GF just last week mentioned to me that she doesnt understand why one of my best friends and I even bother to get together, because all we do every time is drink some beers, talk about sports and betting. I told her that is exactly why we get together. If we werent planning on doing that there would be no reason to get together.
Amen. LOL
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Old 02-24-2012, 02:11 PM   #50
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I have nothing against superficial topics - that's obvious from some of my posts In fact, the people I'm closest to, enjoy being downright silly.

What I meant is that I learned, early on, that I am willing to be "there" for more people than would be "there" for me. Also, something about me tends to engender frenemies, who pretend to be very interested in me, and later on use the things I confided in them to stab me in the back. Frankly if I can't trust people, I would rather not interact with them at all.

Amethyst
Interesting that this is the second time in 2 days that I've come across that word, which is new to me. The first instance was in a conversation on a trail when I happened upon a "trail friend", me running and him walking. I didn't think I had the experience of a frenemy until I looked it up in the Urban Dictionary here: Urban Dictionary: frenemy

It turns out I've had a frenemy or two. These types in particular from the above source rang some bells:
Quote:
Someone who is both friend and enemy, a relationship that is both mutually beneficial or dependent while being competitive, fraught with risk and mistrust.
Quote:
somone who you pretend to like but really you both know you hate eachother..
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A person with whom you may have a lot of fun and/or a lot in common, who also has a vile and random dark side. These relationships are worth doing a cost/benefit analysis on. Also, limiting relationships with frenemies to non-SO relationships is a must. Why? Because it’s ultimately all about them after all, and you will need to be in a position to get away from them for indefinite periods of time. Know too, that you will probably become their frenemy as well—because you won’t be able to keep from talking behind their back. If this happens, don‘t expect everyone to get it—some will wonder why this person enrages you so much and others will wonder what you see in them.
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Old 02-24-2012, 02:16 PM   #51
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I don't have that 2-way frenemy thing going on - I couldn't stand the hypocrisy. Instead, I am invariably the last to know that someone is only pretending to like me. Until I hear about the back-stabbing, I still like them.

I must be very gullible.

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Old 02-24-2012, 02:21 PM   #52
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Amethyst, I don't think you are gullible. You don't want to blame yourself for others faults. Trust but verify -- sounds like what you are doing and that takes some time for feedback to occur.
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Old 02-24-2012, 02:26 PM   #53
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I do find that the more fun folks are substantially younger than us, so we gravitate toward them more than most folks our ages.
One of my Grandmas lived to the age of 102. When she was in her 80's my Dad tried to get her to go out and mix a bit more. He suggested the idea of her going on a senior citizen's daytrip on a chartered coach. She hated the idea because there would be "too many old people"
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Old 02-24-2012, 03:25 PM   #54
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Interesting that this is the second time in 2 days that I've come across that word, which is new to me. The first instance was in a conversation on a trail when I happened upon a "trail friend", me running and him walking. I didn't think I had the experience of a frenemy until I looked it up in the Urban Dictionary here: Urban Dictionary: frenemy

It turns out I've had a frenemy or two. These types in particular from the above source rang some bells:
Political postings on Facebook walls in particular are good for bringing the "frenemies" out.
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Old 02-24-2012, 03:30 PM   #55
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Oh dear. Several of my FB friends are constantly posting political stuff that makes my skin absolutely crawl. But I like them anyway, because they're good to me.

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Political postings on Facebook walls in particular are good for bringing the "frenemies" out.
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Old 02-24-2012, 04:53 PM   #56
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It's just something that is characteristic of females. I sort-of got the concept after reading Deborah Tannen's book You Just Don't Understand; Women and Men in Conversation.

The behavior has something to do with "building/maintaining a relationship" and what is so difficult to understand is that apparently what they talk about is almost irrelevant, as long as they're talking.

Men talk to exchange information and when that task is accomplished they stop talking. Women will never understand this.

That's why when a husband doesn't say anything to his wife for three hours she starts to think something's wrong with the relationship, when in fact nothing is wrong, it's just that he didn't have anything to say.

That's why it is important to listen to DW even when she's apparently just yakking for the sake of yakking, but what she's really doing in her mind is working on maintaining the relationship. So just nod your head and say "Yeah" once in a while and go on thinking about whatever else it was that you were thinking about.

Now, if DW doesn't say anything for three hours, I know there's a problem.

This stuff is really up there with trying to understand nuclear physics so it should be easy for you to get.
Just more evidence that I am not really a woman.
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Old 02-24-2012, 05:15 PM   #57
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Ah, so this frenemy stuff came from FB? I'm an FB virgin myself and probably will remain so.

BTW, I was in the market the other day and witnessed a male worker confronting a female. It had something to do with her hours worked and where she was when not at work. She asked how he knew and he said he read it on her FB posting. This was while I was contemplating what chips to buy. Amazing and a sign of the times I guess.
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Old 02-24-2012, 09:25 PM   #58
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Ah, so this frenemy stuff came from FB? I'm an FB virgin myself and probably will remain so.
No, I heard of it at least a decade ago, well before Facebook existed. It's just a cute term some use for people they smile and at talk * about behind their back.
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Old 02-25-2012, 03:49 AM   #59
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Oh dear. Several of my FB friends are constantly posting political stuff that makes my skin absolutely crawl. But I like them anyway, because they're good to me.

Amethyst
I've posted a few political rants on FB, which is usually pretty safe territory for me as nearly all my FB friends are people that I know in person - and we're all of similar political persuasions. However, one or two radio hams that I know online and on the air, but not in person, have joined me on FB recently and it makes the equation a bit weird, as most of them are of a different political leaning.

I'd be happy if they were to pipe up and engage me in conversation about it but they're keeping very quiet, so I think it's possible that after having identified me as coming from "the other side" they're keeping an awkward silence and are possibly wishing they hadn't requested FB friendships!

Aah well
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Old 02-25-2012, 11:11 AM   #60
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Frankly, I think the older chicks are hotter.
Which is convenient, because the younger chicks have little interest in boinking grandpa...

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Most of ether friends are 15 - 20 years younger; and I they often don't know what they are talking about.
FIFY

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As long as people don't want to talk about politics, I'm game for both superficial and serious conversations.
In the right context, I enjoy talking politics. I don't however, enjoy discussing politics with folks who have no desire to solve a problem, only bash people over the head with rigid, hackneyed ideology...

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And above all else, I'm happiest when I can find people who can laugh. There are far too many folks I encounter that take themselves and life far more seriously than needed.
^^^ This... ^^^

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Political postings on Facebook walls in particular are good for bringing the "frenemies" out.
+1

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Just more evidence that I am not really a woman.
"You are what you are, and you ain't what you ain't..." John Prine, Dear Abby
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