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Old 02-25-2012, 12:04 PM   #61
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But I like them anyway, because they're good to me.

Amethyst
That is my criterion too. I easily accept anything about your religion, politics, sex life, attitude toward animals or ecology as long as you are loyal to me. In return, I am always loyal and don't think that I have ever betrayed a confidence. I also am emotionally and physically warm with men and women.

I have had some very close male friends, but life goes on and many of them move away and since this type of man is not common they get increasingly hard to substitute. As we get older, many men will find that if they want soul buddies they will increasingly need to turn to nonsexual relationships with women.

Ha
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Old 02-25-2012, 01:37 PM   #62
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I didn't think I had the experience of a frenemy until I looked it up in the Urban Dictionary here: Urban Dictionary: frenemy

It turns out I've had a frenemy or two. These types in particular from the above source rang some bells:
Very interesting - and so that's what *it* was, it being a strangled relationship with an acquaintance who became ill and needed some assistance just about the time I'd decided the connection wasn't going to turn into a friendship. At least on my end.

What it did become for me was a real morale dilemma. No way did I not want provide some logistical support during a time of need; figured I should suck it up and handle the tension. But still came away more often than not with jangled nerves that turned into too-frequent rants imposed on friends. Not cool ...

And guess so on her end to. In the space of a week I went from being an "angel" to (thank heavens) a pariah the minute I finally felt her health had reached a point where I could say no to a (at this point, really boundary-stretching and inappropiate) request.

A frenemy? Definitely not worth it ... either having one or being one.
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Old 02-25-2012, 01:43 PM   #63
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I like having friends to DO things with. I really couldn't care less about the talking part.

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Old 02-25-2012, 01:47 PM   #64
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Just more evidence that I am not really a woman.
+1 [I am referring to myself just in case that wasn't clear]
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Old 02-25-2012, 02:00 PM   #65
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We always met people by going out and doing what we liked to do.

We retired very young - in our early 40s. But we already didn't very have many friends our age because most people our age were busy raising kids and we didn't have any.

We met lots of people going out and doing things. A lot of times these were older people because they were the only ones that had time to go out and birdwatch, RV, etc. The other folks were too busy raising families. There was an occasional single person or childless couple closer to our age out doing things the same things.

Now that we are in our 50s, we're starting to run into a lot more people also in their 50s who are newly retired, and no longer raising families. That's kind of nice! But not essential. I think we started meeting these people mainly because we moved into a 55+ community.

We still enjoyed spending time with older folks when we were younger. We had plenty in common so the age differences didn't matter much.

Audrey
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Old 02-25-2012, 02:31 PM   #66
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This is a most interesting thread.

Thinking about it, I have five extremely close friends in my life.
One is female, and referred to as DW.
The other four are male (possibly related to the fact that my w*rking years were all in mostly male organizations). None of them has ever met any of the others.

Of those four, one is 23 years younger, one is roughly my age (the only one with whom I have leisure activities in common with), one is six years older, and one is 21 years older. That's a 44 year span of ages, but when I get together with any of them, the age difference is completely invisible, and there is never a need to "take it into consideration."

I think I'm very lucky to have so many.
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Old 02-25-2012, 02:50 PM   #67
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Just more evidence that I am not really a woman.
I took it to mean more evidence that I am not fully a man

I have my "caveman" times when I don't want to talk or be talked to unless it's to exchange information. It's during those times that when my SO calls me up to tell me how her day is going I cant quite understand why she's telling me all this stuff - none of it seems relevant to - well, anything really. We've talked about it a few times and I got her to admit what I suspected - that there are plenty of times when I'm talking about things that she's not interested in either, but she knows they're important to me, so she plays along. As a broad generalization, I don't think that women talk more than men, it's just that sometimes they talk about stuff we're not that interested in (and vice versa.)

Every time I start a sentence with "You know, if I lived in an RV......" I can sense her thinking "Here he goes again." Same goes for the times that she tells me about some new hair treatment-thingummy she found at Walgreens.
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Old 02-25-2012, 04:35 PM   #68
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I cant quite understand why she's telling me all this stuff - none of it seems relevant to - well, anything really. We've talked about it a few times and I got her to admit what I suspected - that there are plenty of times when I'm talking about things that she's not interested in either, but she knows they're important to me, so she plays along.
This is why I'm eternally grateful that I married someone who is much smarter than I am. She can deal with the differences, so I don't have to worry about it.
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Old 02-25-2012, 04:59 PM   #69
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Years ago I had an S.O. who would call me up on weeknights to chatter for 45 minutes about his alma mater's basketball team. I couldn't get a word in edgewise, so I just put the phone on my shoulder and puttered around the kitchen doing this and that. Then he would abruptly tell me he had to get off the phone, just as if I'd been doing everything I could to keep him on the line.

In the end, it amazed me that he could take it as his "right" that I would listen to his twaddle, in which he knew I could not possibly have the slightest interest. Even more amazing, that I put up with it.

Amethyst

[QUOTE=Major Tom;1165708]IIt's during those times that when my SO calls me up to tell me how her day is going I cant quite understand why she's telling me all this stuff - none of it seems relevant to - well, anything really.
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Old 02-26-2012, 12:18 PM   #70
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+1 on meetup.com and just go do something you like to do...the rest will fall into place and age won't be a factor.
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With guys, it seems to be they are not really interested in deeper feelings. It's more about parallel play. You should be doing something together like maybe golf.
Or brewing beer.
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Of those four, one is 23 years younger, one is roughly my age (the only one with whom I have leisure activities in common with), one is six years older, and one is 21 years older. That's a 44 year span of ages, but when I get together with any of them, the age difference is completely invisible, and there is never a need to "take it into consideration."
And how many of the four also brew beer, just the one?
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Old 02-26-2012, 02:55 PM   #71
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And how many of the four also brew beer, just the one?
Right, but it's the one 23 years younger than me. They all drink beer, of course.

They all live in different cities, separated by many hundreds of miles, so they've never met each other.
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Old 02-28-2012, 08:43 PM   #72
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They all drink beer, of course.
which at least partially explains your popularity
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Old 02-29-2012, 08:46 AM   #73
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I do not have the problem of being too young for those in my social group. I do relate to the problem of making new friends in new places. I have buds all over the world, though. The internet and Skype keeps contact. For example, here. When I stop working and ramble more (hopefully), I figure to find people through activities.
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Old 03-01-2012, 07:55 PM   #74
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I will be retiring this year at 62 yrs. We are going to move to a city, where I perceive there are going to be more activities and hobbies , thus friends to develop. We don't know anybody there, so it is important to belong to groups of same interests.
I'm into exercises, so I check on a good gym to belong to.
I can develop some casual acquantances there.
I intend to go to the libraries for my investment and financial work.
That will take much of weekdays afternoon.

There's two camera clubs in the region, both are very active and have monthly trips.

There's a hiking club too, with weekly and monthly trips.

I also checked on meet up groups. There's a lot of avenue.

There's lectures in the university for retired people.

The church is one option for me and my wife to meet some folks.
If I can belong to an investment club, that will complete it.

I guess I'll be busy!
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Old 03-02-2012, 12:35 PM   #75
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I will be retiring this year at 62 yrs. We are going to move to a city, where I perceive there are going to be more activities and hobbies , thus friends to develop.
The kind of support network that's supposed to be the best for longevity include the kind of folks you'd feel comfortable just dropping-by their place anannounced. I've been afraid of moving to a new place because it would take a while to build that level of trust with a new select few.

--Dale--
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Old 03-02-2012, 12:46 PM   #76
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The kind of support network that's supposed to be the best for longevity include the kind of folks you'd feel comfortable just dropping-by their place anannounced. I've been afraid of moving to a new place because it would take a while to build that level of trust with a new select few.

--Dale--
That sort of practice may be dependant on regional cultural norms. Personally I would never think of just dropping by a friend's house unannounced. I wouldn't even do that to my dear companion F. - - I'd call him on the way, and ask first just to be considerate.
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Old 03-02-2012, 01:06 PM   #77
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That's one of my minor concern. Will we make good true friends fast since we are both 62 yrs old. I know it took a lot of years to develop some friends but some of them are also not worth keeping(?).

It is always a gamble, when moving, since you don't even know how your neighbors are going to be?

We are also Americans of foreign extraction and although we are very Americanized in culture, we have this exotic look and accent.

People at first can't figure out if I'm Hispanic, Japanese, Chinese or Korean, until I open my mouth, --then people feel I'm American with a very fine accent. Just for fun, I'd intentionally speak with my upitty Midwestern talk, or would do a real southern drawl. Just to confuse people for fun!

I figure, if I belong to a group of common interest, all other nuances will melt fast since I also have a sense of humour and not afraid to mix it up with people.
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Old 03-02-2012, 01:23 PM   #78
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We still enjoyed spending time with older folks when we were younger. We had plenty in common so the age differences didn't matter much.
This is the case for me, too. I'm in my early 30s, and while I do have a few friends in that age group, I frequently find myself doing things with people in their 40s-60s.

And at races, I'll know all of the guys in the 70+ age groups and a far smaller percentage of those closer in age to me. I've always tended to get along with people older than me.

I never really thought that was strange until so many of my friends started offering to set me up with their sons instead of their friends once I became single!
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Old 03-02-2012, 11:03 PM   #79
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The kind of support network that's supposed to be the best for longevity include the kind of folks you'd feel comfortable just dropping-by their place anannounced. I've been afraid of moving to a new place because it would take a while to build that level of trust with a new select few.
One of the reasons we moved here was because we were living among the kind of folks who felt comfortable just dropping by our place unannounced.

Luckily this was before cell-phone cameras were ubiquitous.

I don't think it's an age as much as it's an attitude. Spouse went to an official dinner the other night. She's a bit older than about the age of the admiral (the host) and the retired senior officers who were invited as guests. But who did she feel most comfortable chatting with? The caterer and the flag lieutenant.
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Old 03-03-2012, 06:50 AM   #80
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I'm 53, DW is 57. Still working, but this topic is quite interesting as we've struggled with this for years (meeting others). We've either lived in Houston, where everyone goes home, locks the door and doesn't do much or in small towns where there just wasn't much going on. We're childless (by choice) and this certainly plays into it, as many are busy all weekend with their kids. Plus I work straight days in 24/7 manufacturing, most of the employees are on shift and socialize with their shift-mates.

We're ABSOLUTELY going to move into a retirement (AA) community and get busy. Hate to live in the "We'll be happier later" mode, but that's the way it is for a few more years.
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