Moving away from family

[Corporate ORphan]

DH had accident in Feb of 2012 where he ended up in the ER and has be
recuperating ever since. He is finally at the point where we are considering traveling and/maybe moving again. When DH ended up in the ER I called my sister. Our BIL ended up giving us a ride home from the ER.

We never had any children but all our sisters and brothers (he has 6, I have just the 1 who will talk to me) live here. I didn't think much about moving away from family until DH's accident. It was really nice being able to call DS from the ER. We don't have any close friends that we could have called.

Now I am hesitate on moving from this city like we always planned to do. How do others feel about moving away from family?

 

[haha]

I think your situation and the story you told would definitely answer the question for me. The only exception would be if this is a dangerous neighborhood, and getting worse. You can get trapped in this kind of place.

I don't get the "move when you retire" fetish.

Ha


Sent from my iPhone using Early Retirement Forum

 

[Walt34]

Now I am hesitate on moving from this city like we always planned to do. How do others feel about moving away from family?

We are where we are because of proximity to family. Mine has moved away (Delaware & Georgia) but were an hour away when I retired. DW's sister moved from an hour and a half away to 15 minutes away when they retired.

While there is little doubt we'd like warmer weather better I know DW would be very unhappy at the prospect of only seeing family a few times a year so that isn't an option.

 

[prudent_one]

We have discussed the idea of moving to a warmer climate when I retire, but we don't think the warmer weather will outweigh leaving all our family and friends. I think it's too much work to try to start over in a new place, finding new friends, a new church, doctor, dentist, etc. We'll probably compromise on moving to a house that's all on one level and doesn't require the driveway to be shoveled of snow in order to get in or out. But if we want to travel or move south a couple months in the winter, we'd consider that.

 

[Hermit]

We moved from Denver to Hampton Roads, VA when the kids were starting Middle School for a better (private) school. This was not from family, but from a close neighborhood circle of friends and we were deeply involved in our church. There were many tears on both sides when moving day came.

We never made the same deep level of connections in our new neighborhood in Virginia. People just don't spend as much time outside there. For me, personally, it wasn't such a good move. For the late DW and kids, I think it was the right move at the time. I have since moved back to Colorado and again have a much deeper level of neighborhood friendships (although there are not a lot of people in the area.) Up here, deep in the mountains, we have to be able to lean on each other to a certain extent, especially in the winters.

Don't know if this helps you any, but just an example that the big move doesn't always work out the best for everyone.

 

[Car-Guy]

The DW and I had always talked about moving to the country when we retired so for us it wasn't a big decision nor a surprise to the family. Even though all our family members only lived a few miles away from our home in the city. We now live a little over 2 hours away (drive) and hasn't been an issue for us. Of course, YMMV

 

[FUEGO]

We're staying put, and partly because of family. My family and DW's family are all local (so local we can walk to my MIL/FIL/BIL/SIL/nephews house).

My FIL is in the hospital right now, and being local takes a lot of stress out of hospital visits (we have a home to sleep in at night, and don't have to book last minute flights and deal with travel uncertainties).

Will we ever move away? Maybe. But no plans in the near future.

 

[Sunset]

Glad your DH is getting better.

Now had you been living in a new State, you could have always called a cab to get home.

I personally moved about 1200 miles from family for work, keep in touch via mail/email/phone/vacation trips.
My DW has family all around us, one sibling we get along great with we see maybe twice a year, never email except regarding family get-togethers.
We do all gather to visit if someone ends up in hospital.

It is true we do see DW very elderly parent pretty often, ranging from once per month to couple times a week depending on routines.

I figure we will move once the elderly parent "moves on".

 

[grasshopper]

Basing a decision on moving because of family, doesn't add up. What's to keep them from moving away just when you decided to stay, when you would rather be somewhere else?

Live for the moment.

 

[stepford]

I moved 3000 miles away from my nearest family member when I was 18. Best move I ever made. Find what gives you satisfaction in your own life. If that's family then fine - live in close proximity to those you love. If not, then enjoy the freedom to make your own life.

 

[MRG]

Moved from PA to MO at 21, one of the best decisions we ever made. They do have taxi service to any hospitals around here. Travel around rent a while, get a feel for what life is like in your dream location.

 

[Bamaman]

We don't have any close friends that we could have called.

Now I am hesitate on moving from this city like we always planned to do. How do others feel about moving away from family?

It sounds as if you've never bonded with those outside your family in your community. And you may not even have much of a relationship with one side of your family.

It's great to have family to back you up in life, but it's very important that you build external relationships in your community. The quality of one's life is often directly related to the quality of those in your life.

If your husband is well enough to move, you should do it now. And get out in the community, go to church and build relationships you're very past due in making.

 

[Walt34]

Basing a decision on moving because of family, doesn't add up. What's to keep them from moving away just when you decided to stay, when you would rather be somewhere else?

That was made clear when my two sisters and another close relative all moved to Delaware within the span of one year. All but one had been in the same house for 30 years or more, the other ~10 years. We've talked about it, including the possibility that her nephew and niece, who she's very close to, may move in the future. They're in their 30's so a job change/move is very possible, even likely. So who knows where they may end up?

I tell myself that the worst of the winter around here is only two months so it's not like having to move to Siberia.

 

[Big_Hitter]

We both hated living in Houston and wanted to move to the beauty of the NW. I got an opportunity to do what I was doing in Houston in much smaller (and much nicer) place.

So four years ago we relocated 1800 miles away from our family.


MIL passed 2 months after the move, FIL passed 2 years after the move.


My parents are still alive. I try and visit at least twice a year. It's a 3.5 hour flight.


It's tough but you need to do what's right for yourself. Life is short.

 

[Calico]

.....It's great to have family to back you up in life, but it's very important that you build external relationships in your community......And get out in the community, go to church and build relationships you're very past due in making.

There are hundreds of ways to participate in a community that have nothing to do with going to church. There are myriad ways people express or pursue their spiritual life, and we don't know what path that takes in the OP's life.

 

[robnplunder]

DH had accident in Feb of 2012 where he ended up in the ER and has be
recuperating ever since. He is finally at the point where we are considering traveling and/maybe moving again. When DH ended up in the ER I called my sister. Our BIL ended up giving us a ride home from the ER.

We never had any children but all our sisters and brothers (he has 6, I have just the 1 who will talk to me) live here. I didn't think much about moving away from family until DH's accident. It was really nice being able to call DS from the ER. We don't have any close friends that we could have called.

Now I am hesitate on moving from this city like we always planned to do. How do others feel about moving away from family?

It depends on what kind of person you are. Some can live away from family members without thinking twice about it. Some depends heavily on family members living nearby. Only you know which side you belong. By posting this thread, I guess you value your family living nearby. You need to figure it out yourself.

 

[Totoro]

With the small exception of my brother and mother, family isn't really a factor in moving or staying. Both live about 150 miles away (I moved for work).

I can attest that having a well-connected social life makes a big difference. I have some close friends where I live now, yet it's scattered and not the type you'll have drinks with on a random weekday.

All are busy and have families.

If I had a relatively close knit family and social circle around me I wouldn't move anymore I think. It's a big boon, and not just when you are in the ER.

 

[Corporate ORphan]

Thank you for all the posts. There obviously is more to it than what I posted.

Besides going thru DH's accident and illness, we had 5 family members die in the last 5 years from cancer/dementia (including both our DMs and one uncle who is younger than us.) I became close again to my DS when DM was sick a few years ago. DB won't talk to either of us because his wife is nuts. (a very long sad story).

We traveled a lot when we were working and never found the "perfect" spot. I guess if we had, I'd be more inclined to move. We never meant to come back here from college but the job I got was too good too leave.

Now when I think of moving away from DS, I feel anxious so I guess I answered my own question. She will never move from here because she has a grown son with Asperger's who wouldn't feel comfortable with a move and she would never leave him.

Thanks again everyone for posting your experiences with the subject!

 

[LinCella]

I also think you make a family with good friends. To be honest, I can count on my best friends whereas some of my family are real flakes.

 

[aaronc879]

I couldn't image moving across the country for a job. I'd rather find a different job and stay close to family. My brother and I, our parents, their parents, and their parents parents have all lived within a 20 mile radius their whole lives. Everyone has always gotten along well together and couldn't imagine leaving for any long period of time.

 

[RetireAge50]

It seems to me you can pretty much be wherever you want for as long as you want when you are retired. If you want to be away for awhile then go for it. It does not have to be a permanent decision.

 

[MRG]

We traveled a lot when we were working and never found the "perfect" spot. I guess if we had, I'd be more inclined to move. everyone for posting your

I understand we've been looking for that same perfect spot for years never found it. We decided this year to look around the state we live in. Pretty nice place.

 

[WhoDaresWins]

I also think you make a family with good friends. To be honest, I can count on my best friends whereas some of my family are real flakes.

I sure do agree about the good friends. I don't know where I would be without mine. Am meeting up with a few for a girls' night out on Thursday.

In my case I would have to move to be near my closest family members and they all live in impossibly expensive areas: sister in Manhattan Beach CA, son in NYC, first cousins in HI and Cape Cod. I have a couple of second cousins on the other side of Pittsburgh. In any case, since I am guardian for a profoundly handicapped cousin in a nearby county, I don't see myself moving in retirement any time soon.

 

[daylatedollarshort]

I understand we've been looking for that same perfect spot for years never found it. We decided this year to look around the state we live in. Pretty nice place.

It is good to look around every now and then. We started remembering why we picked the house and location we have now and appreciate it more.

 

[haha]

Thank you for all the posts. There obviously is more to it than what I posted.

Besides going thru DH's accident and illness, we had 5 family members die in the last 5 years from cancer/dementia (including both our DMs and one uncle who is younger than us.) I became close again to my DS when DM was sick a few years ago. DB won't talk to either of us because his wife is nuts. (a very long sad story).

We traveled a lot when we were working and never found the "perfect" spot. I guess if we had, I'd be more inclined to move. We never meant to come back here from college but the job I got was too good too leave.

Now when I think of moving away from DS, I feel anxious so I guess I answered my own question. She will never move from here because she has a grown son with Asperger's who wouldn't feel comfortable with a move and she would never leave him.

Thanks again everyone for posting your experiences with the subject!

I cannot be sure, but I think that you have decided to stay. What I was going to mention is that many of those who advise go, do your own thing, speak of things happening with other family members. You on the other hand, are talking about your own husband. It's different, and family are almost always more steadfast then friends, Your family are your evolutionary partners.

I listened to how you used words in your original post, and I think you made a very good decision to stay.

Ha