Join Early Retirement Today
Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
Not bored to leave
Old 11-05-2012, 12:05 AM   #1
Recycles dryer sheets
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 57
Not bored to leave

I have been retired for 6 years and feel I'm doing good. Not bored. Have enough to keep busy around the farm/house. The thing is I don't leave the place anymore than I have to. Recently my wife mentioned she wished I would go out on more on my own, leaving her home. She has friends and plenty to do on her own. I'm not the friend making type, like no close friend. Up until she mentioned this it didn't even hit me, but now I wonder if she's right.
__________________

__________________
glinka is offline   Reply With Quote
Join the #1 Early Retirement and Financial Independence Forum Today - It's Totally Free!

Are you planning to be financially independent as early as possible so you can live life on your own terms? Discuss successful investing strategies, asset allocation models, tax strategies and other related topics in our online forum community. Our members range from young folks just starting their journey to financial independence, military retirees and even multimillionaires. No matter where you fit in you'll find that Early-Retirement.org is a great community to join. Best of all it's totally FREE!

You are currently viewing our boards as a guest so you have limited access to our community. Please take the time to register and you will gain a lot of great new features including; the ability to participate in discussions, network with our members, see fewer ads, upload photographs, create a retirement blog, send private messages and so much, much more!

Old 11-05-2012, 05:31 AM   #2
Moderator
MichaelB's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Rocky Inlets
Posts: 24,455
Do you have a library nearby where you can go to read a magazine?
__________________

__________________
MichaelB is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-05-2012, 06:37 AM   #3
gone traveling
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Austin
Posts: 245
I realized a long time ago my best friend was myself, and I enjoy spending time with him anywhere. Funny how when I do that, I meet other friends.

Take a little road trip. Doesn't matter where. Stop at some places along the way and take some pictures. Doesn't matter of what.

When you get home, share the pictures with your wife.
__________________
LakeTravis is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-05-2012, 09:06 AM   #4
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
Midpack's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Chicagoland
Posts: 11,974
Have you considered joining some groups to interact more with others? If you're like me, you have to force yourself to seek and join in, but you have nothing at all to lose.

Could be hobby related, church, volunteer organization, or anything else. Could be ongoing, or just to support an event/cause for a set period of time. You might find you enjoy it, and you don't have to stay with any group you find you don't enjoy - but you won't know if you don't try it. For example, think of 3 groups you might be interested in. Go to several meetings/gatherings, if you don't enjoy 2 of the groups for any reason at all, you just drop out. Even if you're not bored now, if you find you enjoy 1 of the groups after all, you will have enriched your life in some way. And if you make one (or more) new friend out of the experience, it's been worth it. Why not try it...
__________________
No one agrees with other people's opinions; they merely agree with their own opinions -- expressed by somebody else. Sydney Tremayne
Retired Jun 2011 at age 57

Target AA: 60% equity funds / 35% bond funds / 5% cash
Target WR: Approx 2.5% Approx 20% SI (secure income, SS only)
Midpack is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 11-05-2012, 10:26 AM   #5
Administrator
W2R's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: New Orleans
Posts: 38,887
If you are happy now, I don't see any reason why you should change anything.

Most people prefer to leave the house at least occasionally. I leave my house every day, even though I am quite a homebody. But then, your life is yours to live, and if you are happy and content and not doing anything to bother anybody, then I think you should continue with what you are doing. If your wife needs some time alone now and then, maybe you could arrange for her to have part of the house, or a room, where she could go to be alone.
__________________
Already we are boldly launched upon the deep; but soon we shall be lost in its unshored, harbourless immensities.

- - H. Melville, 1851
W2R is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 11-05-2012, 10:36 AM   #6
Full time employment: Posting here.
citrine's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Posts: 944
I am a homebody myself...I agree with W2R that you should keep doing what makes you happy and have your wife have her own room for her "alone" time.
__________________
citrine is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-05-2012, 10:38 AM   #7
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Posts: 1,988
Quote:
Originally Posted by Midpack View Post
Have you considered joining some groups to interact more with others? If you're like me, you have to force yourself to seek and join in, but you have nothing at all to lose.

Could be hobby related, church, volunteer organization, or anything else. Could be ongoing, or just to support an event/cause for a set period of time. You might find you enjoy it, and you don't have to stay with any group you find you don't enjoy - but you won't know if you don't try it. For example, think of 3 groups you might be interested in. Go to several meetings/gatherings, if you don't enjoy 2 of the groups for any reason at all, you just drop out. Even if you're not bored now, if you find you enjoy 1 of the groups after all, you will have enriched your life in some way. And if you make one (or more) new friend out of the experience, it's been worth it. Why not try it...
+1

I recommend checking out meetup.com for your area. They have tons of groups. And you can choose to participate in as many or as few events/activities as you want.

omni
__________________
omni550 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-05-2012, 10:42 AM   #8
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
Chuckanut's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: West of the Mississippi
Posts: 6,330
I think you wife may be an introvert at heart and need time to herself to recharge. I also wonder if perhaps you are depending too much on her for companionship. That may be to much of a burden for her. Just a few thoughts, I make no judgment since I really don't know you.
__________________
The worst decisions are usually made in times of anger and impatience.
Chuckanut is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 11-05-2012, 10:45 AM   #9
Moderator Emeritus
 
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 11,043
If you are not the social type, maybe you can leave the house without going anywhere. Take a stroll through the woods for example. Or keep busy on the farm, away from the house. Or take a relaxing drive through country roads.
__________________
FIREd is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 11-05-2012, 02:21 PM   #10
Moderator
MBAustin's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 4,154
In the 2 years since DH and I have both been retired, I find that I'm happier when I am able to be "home alone" for a few hours at least a couple of times a week, which seems to happen most of the time (enough so that I've never felt the need to mention it). As I'm involved in more evening activities than he is, it's not really an issue for him - he gets the time whether he needs it or not. So I'd go with some of the suggestions above - or come up with something on your own - and try to get out once or twice a week.
__________________
"One of the funny things about the stock market is that every time one person buys, another sells, and both think they are astute." William Feather
----------------------------------
ER'd Oct. 2010 at 53. Life is good.
MBAustin is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-05-2012, 02:40 PM   #11
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
haha's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Hooverville
Posts: 22,384
I would say that when a woman goes so far as to tell you to absent yourself from your own home for a while, she is saying that you are really getting on her nerves. Best to act to lessen her dissatisfaction, even if you don't really want to. That feeling may change, you may decide you also like your time away from her; she may even come to miss you. People do get divorced over things like this, and it is very expensive to get divorced. In can really change a retirement; take that message from one who knows.

Most retired couples just tough it out. I have a friend who is hiding out in China to avoid being around his wife. He has had pneumonia, kidney stones, and one or two other maladies since going over there but he is apparently in no hurry to come home. Likewise she ardently wishes she had never married him. Their bedrooms are at opposite ends of a small house.

Do you live near an upcale mall? Go down there, have an expresso, red the WSJ and watch the stylish young women walk by. It will be especially nice heading into Christmas. Beats being at home anyway. But stay away from crap malls. They are depressing.

Ha
__________________
"As a general rule, the more dangerous or inappropriate a conversation, the more interesting it is."-Scott Adams
haha is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 11-05-2012, 03:16 PM   #12
Recycles dryer sheets
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Florida's west coast
Posts: 127
Are you hanging out in the "hearth" of the home? Our kitchen/family room with TV are together and I can relate to a spouse always being there, with the TV going, and wanting him to have a den to go to periodically!!! In fact, our retirement home must have a TV den that will be his alone!!!

And I am not an introvert. It's more of a give-me-some space thing...

From a still working wife!!!
__________________
sunnysideup is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-05-2012, 03:17 PM   #13
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
brewer12345's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Posts: 16,391
Quote:
Originally Posted by FIREd View Post
If you are not the social type, maybe you can leave the house without going anywhere. Take a stroll through the woods for example. Or keep busy on the farm, away from the house. Or take a relaxing drive through country roads.
+1.

I enjoy the company of others, but I also am very happy to be with me, myself and I. There are lots of hobbies and whatnot that can get you out of the house even if you are not around a group.
__________________
"There are three kinds of men. The one that learns by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest have to pee on the electric fence for themselves."



- Will Rogers
brewer12345 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-05-2012, 03:26 PM   #14
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
Midpack's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Chicagoland
Posts: 11,974
Everything I've read and experienced suggests we can probably all benefit from a combination of social interaction and time to ourselves. New experiences and new relationships make life more interesting IMO. I am sure I'll get flamed for this but FWIW...

Low Social Interaction Harms Lifespan on a Par with Obesity, Smoking, Inactivity

Quote:
A new study from the US suggests that social interaction should be considered an important factor for extending lifespan, on a par with other health and lifestyle factors, to the extent that low social interaction harms longevity as much as alcoholism and smoking, has more impact than lack of exercise, and is twice as harmful as obesity.
The only article I found that suggested low social interaction was healthy opened with "HUMOR ALERT. THE AUTHOR IS ATTEMPTING SOMETHING MORE DANGEROUS THAN JUMPING FROM AN AIRPLANE. HE IS ATTEMPTING TO BE MILDLY SATIRICAL WITHOUT BEING DISRESPECTFUL TO THE DEAD. THIS IS TONGUE-IN-CHEEK." "Active Lifestyle" -- Dangerous for Your Health - henrymakow.com
__________________
No one agrees with other people's opinions; they merely agree with their own opinions -- expressed by somebody else. Sydney Tremayne
Retired Jun 2011 at age 57

Target AA: 60% equity funds / 35% bond funds / 5% cash
Target WR: Approx 2.5% Approx 20% SI (secure income, SS only)
Midpack is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 11-05-2012, 03:28 PM   #15
Moderator Emeritus
Nords's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Oahu
Posts: 26,617
Quote:
Originally Posted by glinka View Post
Recently my wife mentioned she wished I would go out on more on my own, leaving her home. She has friends and plenty to do on her own. I'm not the friend making type, like no close friend. Up until she mentioned this it didn't even hit me, but now I wonder if she's right.
You "wonder" if she's right? Hopefully you're not new to this marriage thing.

I'm surprised that she hasn't adopted the time-honored tactic of finding things for you to do, to the point where you suddenly discover that your presence is urgently required elsewhere.

Or maybe she's resigned herself to this advice:
"Ladies, if a man says that he will do something, then he will do it. There's no need to keep nagging him about it every six months!"

But seriously, a library run and a Starbucks stop could easily be the change of pace you've been asked to seek.
__________________
*
*

The book written on E-R.org, "The Military Guide to Financial Independence and Retirement", on sale now! For more info see "About Me" in my profile.
I don't spend much time here anymore, so please send me a PM. Thanks.
Nords is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-05-2012, 03:30 PM   #16
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
REWahoo's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Texas Hill Country
Posts: 42,107
For me, "high" social interaction would definitely make my lifespan seem to drag on...and on....
__________________
Numbers is hard

When I hit 70, it hit back

Retired in 2005 at age 58, no pension
REWahoo is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-05-2012, 03:50 PM   #17
Administrator
W2R's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: New Orleans
Posts: 38,887
Quote:
Originally Posted by haha View Post
Do you live near an upcale mall? Go down there, have an expresso, red the WSJ and watch the stylish young women walk by. It will be especially nice heading into Christmas. Beats being at home anyway. But stay away from crap malls. They are depressing.
And here I always thought a mall was a mall was a mall, and essentially a complete drag and someplace anyone would rather avoid.

See the things I learn from this forum?
__________________
Already we are boldly launched upon the deep; but soon we shall be lost in its unshored, harbourless immensities.

- - H. Melville, 1851
W2R is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 11-05-2012, 03:53 PM   #18
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
Moemg's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Sarasota,fl.
Posts: 10,033
Quote:
Originally Posted by haha View Post
I would say that when a woman goes so far as to tell you to absent yourself from your own home for a while, she is saying that you are really getting on her nerves..

Ha

I have to agree with Ha . I think your wife really needs some alone time . Go to a movie , join a gym , take a long walk , hang out at a bookstore but give her a little alone time . I love & get along great with my So but when football season rolls around I am a happy camper because every Saturday I have at least four hours of nothingness while he watches the games at his son's house.
__________________
Moemg is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-05-2012, 04:21 PM   #19
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
Mulligan's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 7,379
Quote:
Originally Posted by Moemg

I have to agree with Ha . I think your wife really needs some alone time . Go to a movie , join a gym , take a long walk , hang out at a bookstore but give her a little alone time . I love & get along great with my So but when football season rolls around I am a happy camper because every Saturday I have at least four hours of nothingness while he watches the games at his son's house.
If the consensus is correct and it is more about the wife getting more down time, this begs another question, as this occurs sometimes in my relationship. If she wants more alone time, why doesn't she just ask for it specifically? I chuckle because, sometimes my GF does this to me. Tells me what I want to do, even though I specifically said I do not.
__________________
Mulligan is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 11-05-2012, 04:36 PM   #20
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
Chuckanut's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: West of the Mississippi
Posts: 6,330
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mulligan View Post
If she wants more alone time, why doesn't she just ask for it specifically? Tells me what I want to do, even though I specifically said I do not.
For Crying Out Loud!! Mulligan, haven't you figured out that you are supposed to read her mind to get this information?
__________________

__________________
The worst decisions are usually made in times of anger and impatience.
Chuckanut is online now   Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


 

 
All times are GMT -6. The time now is 06:52 PM.
 
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 1
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.