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One Month Into Retirement
Old 09-03-2014, 06:36 PM   #1
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One Month Into Retirement

Well it has been a month since I retired (8/1). It turns out the timing was perfect. One reason I left 8/on August 1st instead of the end of the year was my mother's declining health. The past month I was able to take her to numerous doctor appointments and provide her some additional help. Unfortunately the doctors weren't successful in identifying a urinary track infection that ultimately led to kidney failure. Ended up admitted to ER one last time. She declined any measures to prolong her life so my sister, brother and I spent the remaining days with her making sure she was comfortable and feeling loved. All the family had a chance to say goodbye before she became unresponsive. She passed away on Sunday and I'm finally adjusting to the fact that she is gone. The nurses and doctors that kept her comfortable and pain free were outstanding. They also took good care of the three of us.
I'm the executor and will now spend my time taking care of tying up loose ends and figuring out the probate process. I had visited my mother weekly and helped her with finances and taxes, so I know where things are.

I feel blessed that I was was available to her the last few weeks and hours and did not have to worry about work. Also, I'll be able to focus on the task ahead and make sure her wishes are honored.

Timing is everything!




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Old 09-03-2014, 06:56 PM   #2
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I'm sorry for your loss.....but thankfully you were able to spend time with your mother, as well as your sister and brother, near the end.... that was probably a lot more time than you would have if you had still been working...I'm sure having all of you there made her feel much better too....

Take your time...you do not have to jump right in to executing the estate....although the busi-ness may take your mind off your loss a bit....

Take care. My mom is 93+ and I am SO GLAD I am retired and able to have spent the last 19 months with her.....every day is such a gift....And I am steeling myself.
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Old 09-03-2014, 07:00 PM   #3
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My sincere condolences on the loss of your mother. I, too, am glad you didn't have to think about work and were able to give all your time to your mother and your family.
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Old 09-03-2014, 07:07 PM   #4
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Dog

I, too, am sorry you lost your mother. We lost our mother in Dec of this past year and I was grateful that I was retired and could spend her final days with her 24/7 once it became clear she was not going to recover. Good thoughts to you. Be at peace. It was her decision.
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Old 09-03-2014, 08:48 PM   #5
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I am so sorry for your loss.

It's weird how the timing of these things go. A friend who retired early (age 50) 2 months before I did is now back in China because her mom's health is declining. She doesn't have to worry about what work will think of her being gone, etc... It's a blessing. Another friend got laid off a few years ago - just as her son was being released from a respiratory rehab after botulism had caused paralysis - then he had to be weaned off the vent after he recovered... He was a mess - and being home to take care of him was truly awesome timing. (She found another job in good enough time... and he's fully recovered.)
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Old 09-03-2014, 09:01 PM   #6
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I found out the hard way that taking care of a dying person is a lot harder than what one can imagine. Dog, have a good retirement.
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Old 09-03-2014, 09:55 PM   #7
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Dog,

I'm sorry for your loss. I'm glad you were able to help your mom in her final days and be with her rather than stressing at work and not being available.

I hope what I have to say about being executor is helpful. 5 years ago I was my dad's executor. I had taken care of him and his financial affairs in various ways for the previous 5 years. Fortunately when I first started taking care of him, I was working only part time. By the time he passed I was full time with a crazy schedule, with too much work and DS a high school senior performances, auditions, etc.

Executing the will was a daunting task as he had IRAs, and investment accounts in 4 different places, as well as a shared family owned farm (that was a nightmare).

I found that if I tackled one thing at a time the process got done rather efficiently. Fortunately we did not have a house to clean out or sell. That had been done in advance.
I do think the tasks I had with power-of-attorney and executor taught me a lot about my own estate planning and future, and I met a lot of helpful people along the way. It also helped bring closure to that chapter of my life and helped me appreciate and experience my parents' lives in a way they never could have shared with me directly.

It is fortunate you could devote your full attention to her during this past month. Good luck with this future task.
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Old 09-03-2014, 10:26 PM   #8
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I'm sorry for your loss Dog but am glad you were able to be there. One of the reasons I transferred back home was because of my Mom's terminal illness. She was able to stay in the home and had hospice in the end. My Dad also took care of her but I did what I could to help.

With my impending retirement, I am comforted that I'll be able to spend whatever time is required with my Dad as he ages. The worries of w$rk won't be an issue.

Sent from my mobile device so please excuse grammatical errors.
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Old 09-03-2014, 10:30 PM   #9
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Condolences on the loss of your mother, Dog. It was fortunate that you were able to spend time with her.

Like EastWest Gal, I was the primary caregiver (long distance) for my mother for her final years, and was (co)executor for her estate, along with her longtime lawyer, who was notorious for working at a glacial pace. I too was in a crazy job, and I did not have the time or patience to let this relatively simple estate drag on for too long. I approached it as a project to be managed. I found this structured activity therapeutic in dealing with grief. We got probate three weeks after mom's death. When the dust had settled on the estate and a trust fund, I realized that my mother had been very astute in her estate planning, despite having no college education.
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Old 09-03-2014, 10:52 PM   #10
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Dog, I'm so sorry to hear about this, and please accept my best wishes for you and your family. Eventually it will be time to move on and learn to enjoy your new retirement, and I know you will, but for right you have too much on your plate for that. Time to grieve and cope with your executor duties.
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Old 09-04-2014, 09:21 AM   #11
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Thank you all. I feel blessed to have been by her side without the distraction of work. She had my undivided attention.
I will be able to get on track enjoying retirement once I get her affairs organized. It will be nice to be on a long hike, bike ride or paddle without the fear of getting the call from ER. That had become fairly common the past year.

Thank you again.... Means a lot.


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Old 09-04-2014, 09:25 AM   #12
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Count me in for extending sorry for your loss of your mother. Good that you were able to maximize the time with her in that last month.

Being such a drastic change from working to caring for your mother, you still have the transition to being retired. Between the estate stuff, have some time to enjoy not working and getting into a new schedule.

I was trustee for my parent's estate and fortunately they had things pretty well organized and I was aware of different accounts. The process is mostly ensuring you have the proper documentation (copy of will/trust, official death certificates, etc) and then following and completing the paperwork required for each account or asset. Takes time and helps to have an organized plan.
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Old 09-04-2014, 10:08 AM   #13
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Sorry for the loss of your Mom. I'm glad you were able to get in some quality time for that last month, though.

We had a scare with my grandmother a few weeks ago. She was getting really weak, and just "out of it" in general, so we got her to the emergency room. In her case it was a combo of low blood pressure, urinary tract infection, and dehydration. She's a little better now, but still can't walk yet, and she's really not eating like she should.

Back in 1971, one of Grandmom's aunts had gotten really sick, and they moved her into Grandmom and Granddad's house. Granddad retired early, at the age of 55, to care for her. The aunt passed away within a year, though. Granddad never went back to work though, and said he never regretted retiring early.
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Old 09-04-2014, 10:13 AM   #14
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Condolences, Dog. It's is tough to see loved ones pass but it's a real blessing to be with them at the end.
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Old 09-04-2014, 10:44 AM   #15
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so sorry, Dog. Your mom was a lucky person to have you taking care of so much.
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Old 09-04-2014, 10:45 AM   #16
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dog View Post
I will be able to get on track enjoying retirement once I get her affairs organized. It will be nice to be on a long hike, bike ride or paddle without the fear of getting the call from ER. That had become fairly common the past year.
It took me a while to get back to normal life after my younger brother's death. For one year, I was taking care of him on every other weekend, making 720 mile round trip from Bay Area to LA. It took a full year after his death for my life to return to normal. Take care.
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Old 09-04-2014, 03:09 PM   #17
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Dog - Sorry for your loss. I was able to fly east to be with my mother early this year when she began to go downhill, and like your mother, she refused treatment. She was in a really good nursing home and they brought hospice in immediately so she was never in serious distress, which was a blessing. I still miss talking with her every Sunday and think of her often - hard to believe that less than a year ago when I visited we spent the day at a casino and had a blast.


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We had a scare with my grandmother a few weeks ago. She was getting really weak, and just "out of it" in general, so we got her to the emergency room. In her case it was a combo of low blood pressure, urinary tract infection, and dehydration. She's a little better now, but still can't walk yet, and she's really not eating like she should.
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Andre, you may want to Google "elderly failure to thrive". My sister and I are pretty sure that a urinary tract infection last November triggered her decline. She was still living independently then and became dehydrated and wasn't eating enough. While she was being treated for the UTI she fell and dislocated her shoulder. That combined with her severe arthritis meant she could no longer be on her own and she ended up in a nursing home (first a bad one, then a really good one) but she didn't want to be there, and so pretty much stopped eating much of anything and once you go into that mode it is very hard to reverse in the elderly. I hope your grandmother fully recovers!
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Old 09-04-2014, 03:23 PM   #18
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My sincere condolences on the loss of your mom.

I lost my mom back in June exactly two weeks before I retired. At 91 she was alert, witty with a good sense of humor but her body was too tired to carry her good natured spirit. I am still trying to get adjusted to her not being around.
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