Please help me figure out why I feel so overwhelmed!

[MichaelB]

We just moved back to TX from NV a year ago for my job promotion to mgmt.

If moving from NV to TX was progress, moving back might make me feel think that in some way I'm losing ground, despite knowing this is not the case. Letting the DH do all the groundwork is a smart way to help offset that feeling.

 

[MBAustin]

I don't have anything profound to add to the good advice already given. It sounds like you are doing what you need to do in response to your feelings. Good luck - that is a LOT of change at one time and NOT the change you had in your mind's eye. So be easy on yourself.

 

[meekie]

It does sound like you're going through major changes in your life, and you just need time to adjust. If you're having problems cleaning out stuff, take a break for a few days and try again.

 

[imoldernu]

Lisa:
Sounds like you're very normal and handling everything perfectly.

 

[SJ1_]

Sorry this is long but I could really use your help figuring out what's going on with me.

I wrote recently that DH and I have reached FI and we're in the countdown to figuring out when we want to retire (likely within the next year for DH).

We've also decided to move back to Nevada instead of to Florida. Florida was going to be about doing what we want to do every day, Nevada is where my husband's sister lives with her two twin eight-year old sons (she's single).

The reason for NV is that my husband wants to be a part of the boys' lives as they grow up since they have no male in their lives other than family and probably never will. And I'm ok with moving back; I love the little rug rats and there is plenty to do once retired that we enjoy doing. And I honor my husband's wanting to be there to help raise her kids.

In prep for moving back we've started downsizing (going from 3800 sq ft to 1800 sq ft. or less). So today I started purging my office. I've taken pictures of all my sales awards (and thrown them away), started stacks for goodwill and basically am only keeping what I love and use every day... and I'm finding myself on the verge of tears and I don't know why!

I'm not a person who is attached to stuff and I can count on one hand the number of times I've cried in the last 5 years. I regularly throw stuff away and actually enjoy the process, so I'm at a loss for what I'm feeling.

I still love my job (gasp!) and may not retire when DH does. And I've already gotten the green light from management that I can work from wherever I want so the emotions aren't about completely leaving the work world. So if anyone has insight I'd love to hear it!

some thoughts:
It's a major life change. You spend a lot of years working and accomplishing
something then one day just walking away from it could create some of those feelings.

maybe you are not ready yet.

I cannot relate to loving my job but if I did I might of stayed on a little longer. Everyone is different. We have a friend whose father retired at 60
and when to work for her brother for 30 more yrs. till he was 90!

when we got to the financial freedom point we both realized that "not having to wo%$" and wok%$ing is much better than having to wo%$.

can you try part time ?
Even better can you take some time off?
that worked for my wife. 2 months off now she does projects part time
with time off between each project.

Good luck with your move to Nevada, the world needs more people like you and your husband....

It will work out ..

 

[Moemg]

Lisa,
Change is stressful . Take your time & make it as easy on yourself as possible !

 

[daylatedollarshort]

I think moving out of a big house is a bit of a weird feeling, and 3800 sq feet is pretty big for two people. That is more space than we have now but we also plan to go to around 1800 sq feet or less.

Intellectually DH and I don't want a yard any longer, just a patio is all we really use, we don't want a big space to clean, we want to travel and not have to hire a house sitter. We want a lock and go place.

Yet this will be the first time we will have moved to a smaller instead of bigger place. We have been kind of conditioned that bigger is better so it has taken some time and a lot of looking around at open houses to make the eventual move feel really right.

 

[maryanna630]

I feel that your intuition is trying to tell you something. You are crying for a reason and I think there is a loss here it seems that you had a dream and picture pf life in Florida and now you are are changing your dream to move and take on responsibilities which were not anticipated. I cannot say what should be done but please don't ignore your feelings and distress. I feel you need to really sit with your sadness and be honest with howmyou feel. This os an important decision and I agree with the idea of speaking to a life coach or therapist to sort,out themissues. I only know that I would resent giving up my dreamsto take on responsibilities that were not mine. Sometimes it is time for your dreams. I wish you the best!

 

[maryanna630]

Geesh, sorry for the typos!

 

[Stevewc]

LOL! I can say with 100% certainty that the particular change referenced is not the cause for my tears.

Isn't LOL just a big dumb a$$ ?
No, I really don't have a clue either. But good try LOL.
Hope all works out well.
Love and the peace sign lol,
Steve

 

[target2019]

I think you may want to think more of what it might be like in NV. Helping with the two kids is a really nice thought. But they could also come and spend the summer in TX in that big house.

There is a lot to discuss before accepting the idea of this move as final...

 

[eytonxav]

If its any consolation, DW and I have that overwhelmed feeling as well, as we are presently going through a local downsizing (will lose 1700 sq ft and ~ 1/4 acre+), with all the associated fix up to sell, decluttering, house showings, getting through contract negotiations with the buyer, the home inspection process and then looking at 20 yrs worth of belongings knowing that much of it needs to go and leaving behind all the memories we've enjoyed in this house with DS and DD. I have often been puzzled by that TV show the Horders, and how these people have difficulty letting go of their stuff, but am starting to understand, albeit on a slightly different scale. Honestly, all these things have affected my sleep, as I'm waking up at 4:00 AM worrying about things falling through the cracks or the process going off the rails. Hope this passes soon.

Our new house will not be finished when we close on the existing one, so the buyers agreed to lease back to us, but this could get costly if there are delays in completing the new house. Nevertheless, the new place is something to look forward to, its gated, will be a lot less costly to operate/maintain, yard work is done by HOA, so leaving it to travel should be very convenient. So for me, just trying to look past the present hassles at an improved situation in another month or so.

 

[ohyes]

Hi Lisa,

Sounds like you are feeling better now. Lots of great insight from folks and you putting your DH in charge of the move was genius. Using that tactic with my own DH has come in handy many times; the strength is knowing when to use it, lol. (I never put him in charge of paying bills).

While I have nothing to add, I did want you to know I am cheering for you. Retiring, even when it is the best thing ever, can come with some emotional moments. Adding this twist could make it a bit complicated. Make sure you keep planning fun stuff, though.

 

[Lisa99]

Sounds like you are feeling better now. Lots of great insight from folks and you putting your DH in charge of the move was genius. Using that tactic with my own DH has come in handy many times; the strength is knowing when to use it, lol. (I never put him in charge of paying bills).

Thanks, I am feeling better. This group is better than a therapist... available 24x7, great insights and free to boot... what more could a LBYM person want!

But seriously, what you've been able to do is help me dig deeper into what I was and am feeling and help come up with concrete solutions.

I even realized that I'm having problems with accepting the fact that the house price range we're choosing to 'afford' in retirement could be a very different neighborhood than the types of neighborhoods we've called home for the last 10 years.

I hope it doesn't come across as 'snobbery' but I just will not live in a house where the guy next door can have his car up on blocks, weeds are rampant, and there are beer cans strewn about.

Now that I know I will compromise in some areas and not others it may mean our house buying budget goes up a bit and we find other areas to cut back.

 

[braumeister]

I just will not live in a house where the guy next door can have his car up on blocks, weeds are rampant, and there are beer cans strewn about.

How about if they're really nice blocks, like good landscaping pavers?

And weed is now perfectly legal in some states.

And good craft beer comes mostly in bottles, not cans, so there can be attractive reflections when the sun hits them at the right angle.

See, there are so many variations in a neighborhood that you might be closing yourself off to some perfectly acceptable options!

 

[redduck]

...I even realized that I'm having problems with accepting the fact that the house price range we're choosing to 'afford' in retirement could be a very different neighborhood than the types of neighborhoods we've called home for the last 10 years.

I hope it doesn't come across as 'snobbery' but I just will not live in a house where the guy next door can have his car up on blocks, weeds are rampant, and there are beer cans strewn about.

Now that I know I will compromise in some areas and not others it may mean our house buying budget goes up a bit and we find other areas to cut back.

Guess this means we won't be neighbors.

 

[MRG]

I hope it doesn't come across as 'snobbery' but I just will not live in a house where the guy next door can have his car up on blocks, weeds are rampant, and there are beer cans strewn about.

Now that I know I will compromise in some areas and not others it may mean our house buying budget goes up a bit and we find other areas to cut back.

It's not, that guy is my neighbor and I don't appreciate him when I think about selling.

Oh well our last place on isolated 20 acres. Only 2 houses you could even see. One a nice old farmhouse, the other was too, till the meth makers took over. Sure officer you can set up your sting on the front 10, we've never seen anything back here.

They went away.

MRG

 

[daylatedollarshort]

Thanks, I am feeling better. This group is better than a therapist... available 24x7, great insights and free to boot... what more could a LBYM person want!

But seriously, what you've been able to do is help me dig deeper into what I was and am feeling and help come up with concrete solutions.

I even realized that I'm having problems with accepting the fact that the house price range we're choosing to 'afford' in retirement could be a very different neighborhood than the types of neighborhoods we've called home for the last 10 years.

I hope it doesn't come across as 'snobbery' but I just will not live in a house where the guy next door can have his car up on blocks, weeds are rampant, and there are beer cans strewn about.

Now that I know I will compromise in some areas and not others it may mean our house buying budget goes up a bit and we find other areas to cut back.

We have found we can save money by going smaller on the house size, smaller on the yard size, and a bit further out of town since we aren't commuting to jobs every day. For us we can save 50% on the house price just doing those three things and live in the same type of neighborhood we do now.

 

[Larro Darro]

How about if they're really nice blocks, like good landscaping pavers?

And weed is now perfectly legal in some states.

And good craft beer comes mostly in bottles, not cans, so there can be attractive reflections when the sun hits them at the right angle.

See, there are so many variations in a neighborhood that you might be closing yourself off to some perfectly acceptable options!

I would think the kind of car on said blocks would have as much bearing as the kind of blocks. If you neighbor is doing a restoration on a 68 Corvette, that is not the same as a 78 Chevette.

 

[Lisa99]

I should have known you guys would come up some witty responses!

And I guess you have a point on the type of car... but I still don't want him restoring it on his front lawn.

DH is restoring a 67 Mustang convertible and it's in the garage where it belongs

 

[Bestwifeever]

...


I hope it doesn't come across as 'snobbery' but I just will not live in a house where the guy next door can have his car up on blocks, weeds are rampant, and there are beer cans strewn about...

Or if the neighbors are Ameriprise advisors

 

[Lisa99]

Or if the neighbors are Ameriprise advisors

Hatfields and McCoys would have nothing on that neighbor pairing!