Poll: What's your relationship status?

[David1961]

I always thought the hierarchy for building wealth is:

1. Married to someone who shares your LBYM lifestyle.
2. Being single
3. Married to someone who does not share your LBYM lifestyle


Numbers 1 and 2 are pretty close, in my opinion, but number 3 can be a disaster.

Also, since no two people always agree on spending, there will always be some tension with Number 1, but that can actually be a good thing if communication is open and respectful.

 

[iam21177]

I was married the first time at ages 25-30. I ended that marriage (it was not healthy at all). I was better off financially as a single person, working 3/4 time, and going to school with a mortgage than as a married as a 20 something. Mainly because my ex and I had totally different money habits. As soon as we accumulated $1000 of savings (which would take a whole year!), he'd somehow convince me to buy a new mountain bike (for him) or something. I did however loose half of my retirement in that divorce which was the only time I cried I think. Luckily it was at an all time low when he got to it.

Then I lived alone and put myself through school while keeping the house. Eventually, I dated someone for 3 years and we married when I was 36. I started my marriage off completely debt free (sold my house, paid off my loans).

My husband and I have gone from <$300k in retirement (cumulative) to $710k (cumulative) in just 2.5 years of combined finances and interest. The power of teamwork and similar goals is amazing!

 

[NW-Bound]

Piece of cake. Just find a woman, ask her if she would also love to be part of a two income couple.

You'd sweep her off her feet, you old romantic.

Ha

The poster is a woman, and one who's well-off too, as I remember (showing off my excellent memory again!).

 

[GravitySucks]

Kind of surprised only 4 Widowed responses. Losing my wife was really the first step to deciding to ER. Showed how short life can be.

 

[Hermit]

.... Losing my wife was really the first step to deciding to ER. Showed how short life can be.

+1

 

[haha]

The poster is a woman, and one who's well-off too, as I remember (showing off my excellent memory again!).

Whoops! Although many older women might be better served by marrying a compatible woman, and passing on by the men.

We men tend to think we're catnip, but I'm not always so sure.

Ha

 

[MRG]

Tough poll. Married young, divorced, spent a few years figuring life out. Few years later, we remarried.

I thing recycled might fit us better. Been together 35+ years so it works for us. I wouldn't recommend it as a first choice, but I've known 4 other couples that have done the same thing.
MRG

 

[seraphim]

Poll:What's your relationship status?

Did you mean Myers-Briggs? Briggs Stratton makes engines for lawn mowers. But maybe your lawn mower knows you better than anyone else.

You caught on to my dirty secret lol. Yes - Myers-Bridds. I mean, Briggs.

Whatever ...

 

[Nemo2]

Kind of surprised only 4 Widowed responses. Losing my wife was really the first step to deciding to ER. Showed how short life can be.

I put down married, which I am....but I have been widowed.

 

[aja8888]

I've been everything in the poll except widowed. My ex passed away last year...does that count?

 

[imoldernu]

Best friends since 1942...Grammar school, Jr. High, High School and College.
Married after college in 1958.
Will be 56 married years on July 12 this year.

All 71 years have been very happy.

 

[Walt34]

I've been everything in the poll except widowed. My ex passed away last year...does that count?

I guess that makes you an ex-widower.

 

[Chelhxi]

Married, but we keep separate finances and I'm (almost) fully in control of my own decisions re: investing and retirement. I'm not fully in control because we share most expenses 50/50 and there's some compromise involved. But the marriage is good so I don't mind.

In some ways I spend more money because I'm married (car ownership that I wouldn't choose) but in other ways I spend less to live in a better place (shared housing expenses) so it's pretty much a wash.

It wouldn't work for either of us to not retain financial autonomy. We have very different job types and will probably need to retire at different times. We also have very different ideas of how to invest our money. Neither of us would be happy if we had to agree about investment strategies.

Of course my strategy is the correct one.

 

[Sirka]

I am married and I find it helps to have a spouse that has the same thinking and can be a voice of reason for discussion and decision making.

+1
and we both hate to spend money.

 

[David1961]

Best friends since 1942...Grammar school, Jr. High, High School and College.
Married after college in 1958.
Will be 56 married years on July 12 this year.

All 71 years have been very happy.

Congratulations!!!!!

 

[jollystomper]

Happily married for almost 31 years to my college sweetheart. She has similar goals as I, and while initial a little naive about money was willing to learn and work together for our financial goals, and was never extravagant. I can recall us having only one argument over money during our marriage, and that was for a vacation trip my MIL wanted to pay for us, but my stance was if we couldn't pay for it ourselves we would not be going (that was a very good decision in proving to MIL that she couldn't "buy" us).

DW's chosen field (academia), along with taking time off to be a stay-at-home mom when our kids were young meant she'd never achieve financially what I would be able to in my field (IT). But she saw how my financial decisions were family and long term oriented, and how I never used the "my money" statement.

I handle the finances and give her full access to them. She never paid close attention until friends of hers encountered financial difficulties or would fret about financial situations, and she would wonder how come I never expressed concern. The more she started seeing my plans, the more she wanted us to achieve FI and did whatever she could to help. Now that we have done that, she *really* wants me to retire.

Working together as a team has enabled us to reach this financial state. Sure, if I had not married and made the same income I would in theory have more money, but would I have been as disciplined with it? I can't answer that. I'm just glad DW and I are in a position where we still love and enjoy each other and are still healthy enough to enjoy FI and hopefully my soon to be RE.

 

[BTravlin]

DW and I will celebrate our 13th anniversary next month. Retired last year at 55/50 thanks to having similar mindsets and shared goals. Finances were merged from day one but I've always handled the checkbook and investments. She is capable but prefers letting me do all the work. I keep her updated on everything though and she could take over in short order if needed.

We've never argued over money but have argued a good deal about kids. She has two from a prior marriage and I have one. For those of you who regret not having kids, remember they aren't all angels and some can be a be a very real, ongoing pain in the a$$!

 

[Sue J]

I met DH in 11th grade in an algebra class.

I had a serious crush on a guy in my algebra class. We were both the top students so the teacher always paired us together for group work. I'm sure the teacher saw the sparks flying! After class we would meet in the library and do our homework together. His goofy friend always came along because the friend was failing the class and we would help him get through his homework.

My crush and I both got As and his goofy friend flunked the class. My crush moved on and I fell in love with the goofy, math challenged friend. He still makes me laugh.

We've been together for 42 years, married for almost 38. DH is very hands off when it comes to anything financial so it was always just me handling things. He trusted me and didn't want to know details although I'd keep him informed on the big picture. Since he retired in 2010 he's made an effort to at least listen when I talk about money even though he's still not comfortable handling any of it. He's very cooperative when it comes to doing things that help make his retirement successful.

We raised 2 sons on one income and both are adults and on their own.