Pre-Paying Funeral Expenses

[frayne]

Don't know if I've ever seen this brought up and if I did I must have skipped over it. Yesterday DW came home from a prayer meeting with some information concerning pre-paying funeral expenses for the old dirt nap we will all be taking someday. We are both planning to be roasted and toasted (cremated), no showing and just a small grave side service for family and close friends. Being a vet I plan to be planted along with DW in the national cemetery down here in Chattanooga so a grave site expense is not an issue. Seeing how this group is pretty logical and rational when it comes to spending and future planning just wonder what some of your thoughts are. Good idea, any downsides, etc. ?
Appreciate any and all comments in advance.

 

[Nemo2]

Supposing you have prepaid and you're out of the country when you die....as the song goes "Then what?"

 

[Danmar]

My mother did this over 20 years ago. She is currently 92 so I suspect we will soon be “collecting” on it. In my opinion, she “overbought” the funeral though. She got an expensive casket, several days of visitation, etc. At this point a much simpler funeral would have made more sense given the fact that most of her friends and many of her relatives have predeceased her.

 

[pb4uski]

Great auntie did this as well but we didn't have any specifics on what she wanted. We made the arrangements through the funeral home and they applied the prepayment plus accrued interest to the bill. In our case, the prepayment and accrued interest exceeded the cost so we received a check for the excess.

Danmar, check with the funeral home about whether she can change the arrangements at this point... in our case, we could and did since we had no idea waht she was planning. She was in her early 90s and away from where she lived most of her live (but where she grew up) so there were only about 25 relatives at her memorial service.

 

[mpeirce]

On the face of it this seems to be a reasonable idea.

In practice, the relatives I know who have done this have usually been sold on this idea.

It really reminds me of annuities. Annuities can be a useful in certain circumstances, but in reality, are most often bought as a result of someone selling them - as opposed to someone buying it because of it makes sense for them.

 

[HGTVfan]

I am the last of my family so I've thought of doing this for myself. But then I think of what Nemo2 mentioned. What happens if I'm not in my local area. Or what happens if I decide at some point to move. So probably no.

 

[harley]

DW insisted we buy plots near her parents after they died. IMO it's generally a total waste of money. But it helped her during her time of grieving so it was worth it. In my case, I just want to be cremated and my ashes dumped at my favorite mountain camp site. No big deal, nothing to pre-buy.

I used to want a Viking type funeral, with the boat and a flaming arrow. However, DW pointed out that none of my friends could hit a boat with an arrow, and were more likely to kill somebody else in attendance. So I changed my mind.

 

[athena53]

Make sure the place taking your money is solvent (not sure how you do that). I've seen cases in my area where the funds weren't there when needed. If I wanted a big, expensive funeral and in-ground burial I think I'd just make sure the funds were available (maybe a life insurance policy or a separate account) and leave instructions for my heirs.

When DH was in his last months we talked about this, but my mother was also dying in Myrtle Beach, about 1,500 miles away. I had no idea what would happen if DH died on the road trip to or from the funeral so delayed pre-paying anything till we got back home (Mom died first, DH lasted a little over a month after that). I then went to the local funeral home, set it all up and prepaid. I'm very glad I did- they gave me a card to hand to the hospice social worker who arrived after DH died and she/they took care of everything. I picked up DH's ashes a few days later.

DS knows I want to be cremated and whatever of DH's ashes are left (I've spread a few in 4 countries thus far and I'm not done yet) are to be mingled with mine and disposed of in any way they choose. They better make sure I have a proper funeral with incense, though!

 

[braumeister]

My mother did this over 20 years ago. She is currently 92 so I suspect we will soon be “collecting” on it. In my opinion, she “overbought” the funeral though. She got an expensive casket, several days of visitation, etc. At this point a much simpler funeral would have made more sense given the fact that most of her friends and many of her relatives have predeceased her.

That's the problem in many cases.
When my mom died at 96, she had outlived nearly all her friends and relatives. She had also moved 1,000 miles from where she lived all her life (so I could look after her). Fortunately, she wanted a simple cremation and scattering, just like my dad had done.

 

[Danmar]

Danmar, check with the funeral home about whether she can change the arrangements at this point... in our case, we could and did since we had no idea waht she was planning. She was in her early 90s and away from where she lived most of her live (but where she grew up) so there were only about 25 relatives at her memorial service.

Thanks. Thought about that and discussed with my mom. She wouldn’t have any of that as she wanted a “big sendoff”. Really?

 

[pb4uski]

Are your Mom and Robbie from the same blood line? Blow that dough! Dilley! Dilley!

Dom Perignon for everyone!

 

[Moemg]

My mother died at 99 and had made it very clear what her wishes were .Most of her friends had died or were disabled but relatives came from everywhere.My younger Sister is the head of an order of Nuns so the church was filled with blue habits and the singing was beautiful .She had prepaid some of it and the rest we paid .I am sure my Mom was smiling in heaven thinking about her send off .

 

[MRG]

My DF did this for DM. They had everything pre-planned(except their ashes). Seems like there was a CD involved for his pre-paid dollars.

 

[Splash]

When funds are limited, prepaying for funeral expenses can avoid your family being burdened with the cost. In Wisconsin, prior to going on medicaid for long term care you need to cash out your life insurance policies and use the proceeds. There is an exception for burial trusts (i.e. insurance policy assigned to funeral home for funeral expenses).

Since you are the owner of the burial trust, you can re-assign the beneficiary (funeral home) if you want.

 

[Montecfo]

I think pre-planning is more key than pre-paying. Get the menu from a funeral home. There are organizations online that offer this too. Don't want to put this on family or have those decisions made by emotion.

The pre-planning needs to include planning for payment. My step-dad's small estate was inaccessible so other arrangements had to be made.

 

[pacergal]

My parents did that with a national cremation company. It was very easy for us, called the number, local company came and picked up the body (they both died in their home), and we picked up the ashes.

DH and I are considering the same thing, just haven't done it yet.

 

[GalaxyBoy]

DF did this and it really made things easy this year when we finally had to cash in. Not sure if it was a good deal monetarily or not, but we sure appreciated it. All costs were guaranteed except the price of the obit. He included an allowance for some flowers, but in ten years that really didn't cut it so we added to it.

 

[MRG]

I think pre-planning is more key than pre-paying.

+1
DF took care of everything planning wise except what they wanted done with their ashes. Oh my..... It took a lot of discussions for us to figure out where would be a good place.

They haven't come back Po'ed about where we put em, so I guess it was OK.

 

[kcowan]

Dad died at 95. We had the service in Trull Funeral Home in Toronto where Mom was celebrated 30 years before. 2 days of visitation plus the ceremony. We advertised in all the Toronto papers and 150 people showed up. Lots of people who knew him from his days as shop steward for the union.

Bro passed and was cremated and his ashes buried with Mom and Dad. No service but a wake at The Jolly Miller Tavern in Hogs Hollow.

I think I will have 3 celebrations, one in PV, one in Vancouver and one in Toronto (probably at The Jolly Miller). The ashes will be spread in PV. Thinking of having them at the PV Botanical Gardens. We are sustaining members.

 

[Red Badger]

I think pre-planning is more key than pre-paying. Get the menu from a funeral home. There are organizations online that offer this too. Don't want to put this on family or have those decisions made by emotion.

The pre-planning needs to include planning for payment. My step-dad's small estate was inaccessible so other arrangements had to be made.

+1.

Pre-plan, yup. Prepay, nope.
Edit - typo.

 

[brett]

My parents pre arranged their cremations. They did not believe in expensive funerals. They went for the basic, no frills package.

When it came time to arrange the ONLY thing that I had to do was to pick out the cards and tell the limo where and when to show up.

The funeral home did try to upsell me on a coffin even though this was a cremation. I politely declined and did not even enter their showroom.

This, along with an organized estate and a proper will will the last kind things that my parents did for us. We plan to do this for our children.

 

[Amethyst]

We're registered organ donors/science projects in the making. The State Anatomy Board will be in charge of disposal.

We do get a lot of sales pitches in the mail for "telling your story" - i.e. pulling together a video presentation about your life, which is then updated, so it's ready to play back when you die. Sort of a giant Holiday Letter going back to your birth.

 

[misanman]

When MIL passed away the plan was to basically duplicate the services that we had for FIL who passed away twelve years earlier. We went to funeral home with FIL's paperwork but found out that the price had gone down quite a bit for MIL's arrangements.

So in our case it would have been a big mistake to pre-pay if the justification was to save money.

 

[harley]

When my brother unexpectedly passed at age 42 (17 years ago! Unbelievable.), there was obviously no preplanning. His wife was a mess, so I did some of the arrangements. The funeral home was trying to gouge her outrageously. And back then they didn't hardly had two nickels to rub together. The internet was still pretty new then, so most people wouldn't have thought of it, but I was a geek and went online to coffins.com (I think, they're not there anymore). I got him the exact same coffin they were trying to sell her for about 15% of the price they were charging. It was delivered in two days, in plenty of time for the funeral. The funeral home was pretty pissed off, but I stared them down and they went with it. So IMO the pre-planning packages are pretty much a rip off, even if you do ever use them. Sort of like an after-life variable annuity. It's a good deal...for somebody.

 

[athena53]

Mobility is a concern. My parents lived in Myrtle Beach for 30+ years and bought niches in their church columbarium. Mom's ashes were put there and then Dad moved 2 hours away to an assisted living place near my brother and SIL. Then he started thinking about his inevitable end and wanted to have his funeral in Myrtle Beach- except none of the family lives there and their friends are dying off.


Just last week my brother and Dad drive to Myrtle Beach to retrieve Mom's ashes; the church actually bought back the columbarium niche because they can resell it at a profit. He ought a double niche at his current church and the ashes will be placed in a short service next month. I'm just glad they were able to switch everything around.