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Old 03-04-2011, 12:33 AM   #21
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When did this happen? I guess I need to read more posts.
Not so long ago. Here it is: Big change in our plans
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Old 03-04-2011, 01:02 AM   #22
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Will your Missouri kids feel slighted if you move to the Bay Area?

Ha
(See post #11 above, Ha.)
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Old 03-04-2011, 09:49 AM   #23
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My parents still are incredibly angry at my sis for moving away for her DHs awesome new job. It has been 2 years at least and still haven't gotten over them moving away. Incomprehensible to me. Bro's kids practically live with them, seems like that would be enough.

We have one giant room in the middle of our house that covers all of our lounging, eating, cooking, etc needs. There is a small office that I mostly use, then two big (1000 sq ft each) porches front and back. I suspect we use the house now as we'll always use it, with little places to get away and read as well as big community spaces when we have company.
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Old 03-04-2011, 04:19 PM   #24
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Mrs. Grumpy and I are debating this now. Our first granddaughter is 2 months old and lives in N.C. a four hour drive away. DW is there now for three weeks helping with child care so DIL could go back to work.

We have discussed the issue with my son and DIL. They would be happy to have us live close by (e.g within a half hour drive) as long as we would promise not to drop in unannounced.

Now when we go for a visit, we stay in their house. It would be alot less intrusive if we lived close by. I guess we will wait and see how burdensome the 4 hour drive becomes is we make it every few weeks. In any case we want to be a part of our granddaughter's life, not just a distant presence that visits a few times a year.
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Old 03-04-2011, 04:25 PM   #25
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We have discussed the issue with my son and DIL. They would be happy to have us live close by (e.g within a half hour drive) as long as we would promise not to drop in unannounced.
Yep, that is the key. We discussed it directly but open-mindedly with both kids and they say they want us. Of course "yes" could really mean "no" but we put pre-conditions on the table at the outset: no drop-ins, keep grandkid sitting at a level comfortable for both, etc. We tried hard to read between the lines, too.

So, you never know but I think living close while respecting onoe-another's space would be mutually fulfilling.
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Old 03-04-2011, 05:31 PM   #26
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I'll add my perspective as a parent of young children (2 & 4). Both sets of grandparents of my kids live about 30 minutes from us. I couldn't imagine my kids growing up without seeing their grandparents on birthdays, holidays as well as the casual visit.

I think 30 minutes an ideal distance. It is close enough to help with something (both ways, heavy lifting, computers, or whatever they need. vs. date nights for DW & I, etc.), but there is enough distance that the four of us are the core of most activities. If grandparents are too close I think it is easy to rely too much on the grandparents and many grandparents would often feel pressured not to say no when asked to help.

I think you've worked out a great balance that can be refined as grandchildren grow.

Depending on where the kids are in NorCal you could consider the NV shore of Lake Tahoe to enjoy state tax free income. Actually, I think you mentioned the bay area, so never mind that would probably be too far.
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Old 03-04-2011, 08:12 PM   #27
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We bought our house from a couple who moved to Michigan to be near their married daughter and grandkids.

I often wonder, the kids moved several hundreds of miles away. Made a life for themselves, though the they love their parents, do they really want them close by?

Curious how people think of these moves?
We compromised and moved mid-way between our grown up kids. 3 hrs from DD and 5 hrs from DS. DS then moved to our town and got a job. We see a lot of him and he likes having us close. It is good to have him able to look after our place during our long vacations.

3 hrs away from DD is about the right distance
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Old 03-04-2011, 08:32 PM   #28
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My daughter,SIL ,and grandson live in upstate New York . I visit at least two times a year sometimes three . I would love to be more active in my grandson's life but it is what it is for now . We do use Skype & a web cam for contact between visits . My SO's grandchildren live within driving distance but his kids are very busy so while he does see them more then I see my grandson my visits are longer and more concentrated so it works out to be not a lot more time then I spend with mine . His are more convenient but the end is the same our grand kids know who is who and where those toys come from .
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Old 03-05-2011, 12:10 PM   #29
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Really do not comprehend wanting to live near children/grandchildren. Maybe that's just my family.

I do agree that moving should be discussed with relatives; everything is negotiable.
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Old 03-05-2011, 01:52 PM   #30
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Rich, we recently downsized to the town of one set of grandchildren in Portland, the other set live not far from yours. Our new home is half the size of our former house. We converted one of the two bedrooms to an 'office', a place to spread papers and projects. My other observation is that you want to have someplace to go, almost daily, away from the house so that you and your wife won't get on each other's nerves. A friend of ours, a retired physician, loved photography so he rented a space where he could indulge his hobby. Something like that may work for you and your wife.

Renting or selling your current home then renting a place near your CA kids would give you a chance to consider a permanent move.
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Old 03-05-2011, 03:00 PM   #31
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(See post #11 above, Ha.)
Thank you Rich, I missed this.

Sometimes I remember how simple understanding and getting along with college roomates and early-career single housemates was. Not ever true again once women and children come into the picture!

Maybe the true meaning of The Fall was wherever back in evolution sexual reproduction replaced the simple budding of yeasts and amebae.

Ha
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Old 03-05-2011, 03:35 PM   #32
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Back to the OP, it's a great idea to know how you will use a house when looking to move. You don't want to downsize out a room you really like. Likewise, if you're upgrading, there's probably not a good reason to have rooms you want really use unless you really want it for appearances or resale.
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Old 03-05-2011, 04:55 PM   #33
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All of this reminds me of a story about a friend of mine and his wife. They had lived in the Toronto area for quite a long time and their son lived there as well, married with two kids. Close knit family. About five years ago, son gets transferred to southern Calif. Good job, promotion, good company. My friend and his wife, after two years of traveling often to visit their family in Calif., decided to move out to western Canada. Closer to the family. They felt it necessary to stay in Canada due to the health care system. They sell their house, buy one in Vancouver, get all moved out there and settled and a year later son gets transferred back to Toronto. As per RICH IN TAMPA, one important factor is that they love where they are and have decided to stay put. At least for now. Just go where you will be happy no matter what, not where the kids are.
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Old 03-05-2011, 07:41 PM   #34
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It really is hard to beat living in BC (except maybe HI)!!
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Old 03-08-2011, 02:28 PM   #35
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I moved back to the area where my parents live (30 minutes away) about 10 years ago. I moved for a job, and I was a little leery of being so close to them, but it has been great. It was good before I had kids, and since my first son was born it has really been fantastic. As I was looking into daycare for him, my mom decided to retire and volunteered to take care of him, so she was his primary daycare from 5 - 15 months old. Then before son #2 was born, she again volunteered to take care of him, which she did 5 days/week until he was about 5 months old. Then she started getting worn down, and we cut it down to 3 days/week. He's 7 months now and we'll probably keep this arrangement til he's 12-15 months and then he'll shift to 4-5 days/ week in daycare.

So for us it has been fantastic - my parents and my sons have developed a great bond, I have had the great luxury of not worrying at all about who is taking care of my infants while I work, and my relationship with my parents has gotten much stronger.

Now the only problem is that I won't want to move away to a cheaper/more pleasant area when I retire (target = 2016). Though I toy with the idea of seeing if my parents would be willing to relocate somewhere when I am ready to quit...
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Old 03-08-2011, 02:38 PM   #36
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Back to the original topic, my new office is my chair next to the fire in the living room. It's inconvenient if there are papers that I have to have around, but that's infrequent. When I do taxes, for example, I start by scanning in all documents.

Another problem is there is no "in box" for, for example, paper bills that need to be paid.

Jenny's room has morphed into an exercise machine room.
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Old 03-08-2011, 03:35 PM   #37
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Another problem is there is no "in box" for, for example, paper bills that need to be paid.
There are a million ways to solve that particular problem.

Next to my easy chair is a small, elegant occasional table with an Italian marble top. On that table is a little basket for items like that.

My exercise room is working out wonderfully. My exercycle has a nice wire basket under the seat, a handy place to keep my exercise shoes.
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Old 03-15-2011, 12:39 AM   #38
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But a downsize is likely in the near future, with serious negotiations likely shortly thereafter.
Just musing.
Rich, before you start those negotiations, you'll want to make sure that the back lanai is screened and that the garage is well-insulated.

Just in case those become "your space" after the negotiations have concluded.

When my parents-in-law moved into our rental house they asked that the back lanai be screened in. It turned out that my FIL spent 90% of his time back there. I couldn't tell who was more eager to have it screened-- him or my MIL.

But they easily made the transition to a 2BR condo.

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Living on the opposite coast from my family. Would love to have them on this side of the country - even in the same county or town!! However, none of the family members involved are interested in moving.
One of the reasons we love living in Hawaii is because our closest family is nearly 4000 miles away, and a few exceptional members are outside 5000 miles. Seems about right...
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