I notice a lot of retirement dreams include moving away to some distant locale,sometimes tropical sometimes European and it got me wondering (uh oh)What about all the friends you've made over the years? i find in my case i really appreciate the social dynamics of doing stuff with all my friends,As i have family in Florida i now have time for extended stays down there but find myself doing everything alone and wishing i were back in Montreal hanging out with my buddies. Any one done the "move away after retirement" route then regretted the decision?
Retirement and moving away
- Thread starter jambo101
- Start date
W2R
Moderator Emeritus
Well, if you moved to Florida, you would make friends there, too. Then you could be near your family and still do things with your buddies. 
It takes some effort and time to make friends in a new location. I guess it doesn't seem like that big a deal to me, since I have had to move frequently during my life.
It takes some effort and time to make friends in a new location. I guess it doesn't seem like that big a deal to me, since I have had to move frequently during my life.
Westernskies
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
- Joined
- May 5, 2008
- Messages
- 3,864
My mother's standard answer to people who asked her why she didn't retire to Florida, Arizona, or someplace warm...
"why the hell would I want to go there? All my friends are here!"
"why the hell would I want to go there? All my friends are here!"
vicente solano
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
- Joined
- May 21, 2009
- Messages
- 1,116
I don´t think the new friends compare to the old friends that you have left behind. But, well maybe it´s just me....Well, if you moved to Florida, you would make friends there, too. Then you could be near your family and still do things with your buddies.
.
CuppaJoe
Moderator Emeritus
I've no plans to move. The idea of friends extends beyond people I hang out with. Sort of like being where "everyone knows your name" but they aren't close friends. I can walk down several streets and see familiar faces since I've lived in the same place for 15 years, the same city for 35. When I briefly used a cane, people came out of their stores, restaurants, offices and hang outs to see what was wrong. The librarians know what kinds of books and videos I've checked out for the 20 years I've been going to that library; and they take the time to talk. Same goes for people at bus stops, the parks, the gym & pool, etc.
About ten years ago, I had to make a sudden trip out of town for a family emergency. Had to run some quick errands and realized how much I love my neighborhood. I "can't go home again" because home is here. But I agree with all the people who know they will be happy somewhere else because happiness is portable.
About ten years ago, I had to make a sudden trip out of town for a family emergency. Had to run some quick errands and realized how much I love my neighborhood. I "can't go home again" because home is here. But I agree with all the people who know they will be happy somewhere else because happiness is portable.
bbbamI
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
We've moved around some because of our j*bs and left family and friends behind. It was crappy...especially crappy for me. But it was a choice we made and I'm glad we did. Following Mega Corp allowed us to retire early.
We thought about moving closer to our relatives and friends once DH retired, but we like where we live. Besides...we have the time to visit those family members and friends...then come back home when we've had enough.
I would never consider moving to another country...but that's just me.
We thought about moving closer to our relatives and friends once DH retired, but we like where we live. Besides...we have the time to visit those family members and friends...then come back home when we've had enough.
I would never consider moving to another country...but that's just me.
Rich_by_the_Bay
Moderator Emeritus
I miss my old friends, having moved several times in the past 20 years. Friendships for me are about shared experiences and you just need time to build that up. We have several good friends each place we've lived, but it's old friends we still feel closest to.
It's a tradeoff, though. We have loved living in the southwest, southeast, and midwest. Each is so unique and enjoyable, and it's always interesting making new friends. Friends and family members who never budged are truly unaware of all the alternate traditions, lifestyles, and feel of everywhere else, kind of cloistered.
I'm hoping that once all the pieces fall into place with our kids and grandkids, and FIRE our next decision about moving will be our last.
It's a tradeoff, though. We have loved living in the southwest, southeast, and midwest. Each is so unique and enjoyable, and it's always interesting making new friends. Friends and family members who never budged are truly unaware of all the alternate traditions, lifestyles, and feel of everywhere else, kind of cloistered.
I'm hoping that once all the pieces fall into place with our kids and grandkids, and FIRE our next decision about moving will be our last.
freebird5825
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
I moved around a lot before I settled down here in 1984. I knew I'd been here too long after the first week.
All kidding aside, I do like the peaceful country setting but the weather is the tiebreaker. I would miss my friends but it isn't enough to keep us here once dh2b retires.
We are looking at the 10 year plan, and as it approaches, we will decide what we really want to do. We are both in our "second lives" so the possibilities are endless.
I am noting comments about different places in the USA, right here on the board. All good stuff.
I doubt I would live overseas unless an irresistible j*b transfer came up for dh2b. I would certainly jump at any oportunity to do that, but only for a temporary move.
All kidding aside, I do like the peaceful country setting but the weather is the tiebreaker. I would miss my friends but it isn't enough to keep us here once dh2b retires.
We are looking at the 10 year plan, and as it approaches, we will decide what we really want to do. We are both in our "second lives" so the possibilities are endless.
I am noting comments about different places in the USA, right here on the board. All good stuff.
I doubt I would live overseas unless an irresistible j*b transfer came up for dh2b. I would certainly jump at any oportunity to do that, but only for a temporary move.
vicente solano
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
- Joined
- May 21, 2009
- Messages
- 1,116
In a country as big as yours, moving from east to west -different accents, traditions, uses, idiomatic expressions, food, climates, time zones.....must be for us Spaniards like moving to Argentina....
Last edited by a moderator:
Midpack
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
Evidently moving with retirement are not as common as many think Should You Move in Retirement? - Planning to Retire (usnews.com), and leaving your existing network and familiar places might not be best for some.
unclemick
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
Katrina. Arizona/California to Florida - us in Missouri. About a quarter of them moved back near New Orleans - but not that close together - scattered from Baton Rouge to Covington to Slidell to Bay St Louis to Diamondhead.
Since my Sister's DH is a mining engineer and her kids are military/or ex - visiting long distance - hopping in the Chevy and rolling a 1000 miles for a 'visit' is routine.
Of course - ya gotta find the right doughnut shop wherever you end up - with the right brand of BS and all.
.
heh heh heh -
Since my Sister's DH is a mining engineer and her kids are military/or ex - visiting long distance - hopping in the Chevy and rolling a 1000 miles for a 'visit' is routine.
Of course - ya gotta find the right doughnut shop wherever you end up - with the right brand of BS and all.
.heh heh heh -
bbbamI
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
Well...I think most of the homegrown Texans feel that Texas is a country in itself. So if I moved to Arkansas....many here would think I'm "leaving the country".
RunningBum
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
- Joined
- Jun 18, 2007
- Messages
- 13,236
I think you have to know yourself. If you're the outgoing or active type who can meet new people and make friends easily, you'll probably do fine moving. Also, if you're more recreational oriented, being at a ski resort, lake, beach, golf resort, etc, you'll probably enjoy that new place more, and will meet others who enjoy your favorite activity.
On the other hand, if you're really comfortable in your current environment, and have more trouble bonding with new people, you're probably better off staying. Health also plays a role, having family around can really help if you need it.
On the other hand, if you're really comfortable in your current environment, and have more trouble bonding with new people, you're probably better off staying. Health also plays a role, having family around can really help if you need it.
W2R
Moderator Emeritus
Being a naturally shy introvert who has had to move many times, here are some suggestions for other shy introverts who move and find making new friends to be excruciatingly uncomfortable:
1. Until you have some friends, force yourself to devote a certain number of hours per week to making contact with others. For example, you could join a gym or birdwatching club, take a class, or whatever appeals to you. You can't meet people sitting at home.
2. Then (and this is actually not as hard as it sounds), PRETEND you're not a shy introvert. Just act like you have no problems of that sort. Be outgoing! Smile a lot, act interested in the other person, and so on. You can be shy again later but not when you have no friends in the area at all.
3. Don't be so picky until you have at least SOME friends. If the person is warm and breathing, and not a felon, be friendly at least for a while. That person might introduce you to others that you like more. Also, that person might have a lot of positive attributes that just aren't easily seen at first meeting. You can always be your normal ultra-picky self once you know more people.
Last edited:
This is the best piece of advice Ive gotten from this forum in many months.
HFWR
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
Well, two-out-of-three ain't bad...
CuppaJoe
Moderator Emeritus
This is so true, there are eight different BS flavors in the nearby two blocks of coffee shop central here. I brave the one with the best coffee about once a month & buy my beans there; not coincidentally, that is where the folks mentor each other in drug rehab. Interesting conversations there but we keep them to a minimum. Gotta go brew up another cup. Cheers!
Bestwifeever
Moderator Emeritus
- Joined
- Sep 17, 2007
- Messages
- 17,774
Those are good suggestion, W2R. I would add "don't expect all people in a small town (whether physically or mentally ) to accept you right away." DH is from a small town that we have close ties to, and there are "new people" (anyone who was not born in the town themselves, some of whom have lived there for more 30 years) who tried too hard are still having trouble with some of the natives.
We will likely move away within five years from our Chicago burb--one of the reasons is that our best friends are all moving away. It's much harder to make new friends in an old place.
) to accept you right away." DH is from a small town that we have close ties to, and there are "new people" (anyone who was not born in the town themselves, some of whom have lived there for more 30 years) who tried too hard are still having trouble with some of the natives. We will likely move away within five years from our Chicago burb--one of the reasons is that our best friends are all moving away. It's much harder to make new friends in an old place.
CuppaJoe
Moderator Emeritus
Whenever I pick up new friends, an old friend asks, "what kind of vibes are you putting out?" There is something to that, your vibes may be very different in a new place, newly free of a j*b, etc.
W2R
Moderator Emeritus
Those are good suggestion, W2R. I would add "don't expect all people in a small town (whether physically or mentally
We will likely move away within five years from our Chicago burb--one of the reasons is that our best friends are all moving away. It's much harder to make new friends in an old place.
New Orleans has a severe reputation in Louisiana as being a very clannish place where it is nearly impossible to make friends. More than almost any other town in the country, New Orleans has a preponderance of native born New Orleanians whose families have been here for hundreds of years - - and just NEVER leave. And if they do, they always come back. Families have historical interactions with other long time families and so on. I was told this by friends in Baton Rouge before I came here.
Making friends in New Orleans wasn't like making friends in Cajun country, where you don't even have to try (anyone who can't make friends in Lafayette, Louisiana has a serious problem!
). But you know, it wasn't that tough of a nut to crack. You can't force any particular person to make room in their lives for you, but if you just keep at it your efforts will pay off. Just keep an open mind and don't give up before you start.
Last edited:
W2R
Moderator Emeritus
Seven years after they ER'd, my parents-in-law moved 5000 miles to be closer to their only grandkid while she grew up. Over six years later when she turned 14 they realized that she was grown up enough and they missed many things about their old stomping grounds.
While they were living in one of the world's most multicultural societies they made no effort to enjoy the local lifestyle, let alone fit in. Their retreat was replete with drama and chaos.
What we've personally learned from this saga was that it makes more sense to move as far away from some family as possible while staying in close touch with friends.* Our Navy friends are just now starting to settle into their retirement locations (some more so than others) so we spend a lot of our travel time visiting them.
You have to find a place that makes you happy, whether or not it has friends or family. Once you're happy then it's a lot easier to find new friends. If you're not happy then you'll never find any.
We find that living in Hawaii has gained us visiting friends we hardly even knew we had...
* We also learned that therapists are expensive and recovery takes a few years. All better now...
Khan
Gone but not forgotten
- Joined
- Aug 23, 2006
- Messages
- 6,924
My parents wanted us to leave, and visit occasionally. In other venues, I have seen people complaining about their parents 'stalking' them after trying to move away.
I'm the last one to give advice, but maybe folks should do a reality check before moving to be near their offspring.
Notmuchlonger
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
- Joined
- Dec 20, 2007
- Messages
- 4,764
I have lived in other places during my lifetime. So moving from here (California) I wont regret simply because of the cost issues. Family you can visit easily enough. In moving to an area with a better cost of living it will enable us to travel to other destinations easier.
Even if cost was not an issue I don't really care for California mainly its laws and political landscape.
In moving to an area with a better cost of living it will enable us to travel to other destinations easier. Even if cost was not an issue I don't really care for California mainly its laws and political landscape.
My "take-aways" from moving to a new location to retire are:
- If possible, pick a place you like that is close to family.
- But be sure you like the place enough to want to stay there if family moves away (which they did in our case.) We are still here and enjoying it.
- To meet people, be a joiner even if that is not a natural act for you. In particular, join organization where you either bring credentials/background which will allow you to be readily accepted OR join organizations that interest you enough that you're willing to volunteer to do some grunt work for a couple of years to show people how sincere you are. But don't let this stuff take over your life.
- If possible, pick a place you like that is close to family.
- But be sure you like the place enough to want to stay there if family moves away (which they did in our case.) We are still here and enjoying it.
- To meet people, be a joiner even if that is not a natural act for you. In particular, join organization where you either bring credentials/background which will allow you to be readily accepted OR join organizations that interest you enough that you're willing to volunteer to do some grunt work for a couple of years to show people how sincere you are. But don't let this stuff take over your life.
