Retiring as a single person.

[Nodak]

Thanks from me too. I have only read the first few pages, and see what you mean about her approach being quite extreme though I have to say, she is describing me quite accurately. I have upset many people in my life who could not understand that just because I like them does not mean I want to "hang out" with them. One of my best friends is similar to me in that regard. He is also deadly scared of offending people, so he makes multiple excuses and apologies when turning down invitations, working himself up into great anxieties over the whole process. I don't apologize for myself as much and as a result, I seem to annoy/upset/ turn people off more. I don't want to offend anyone, but it is next to impossible to get someone who is anything less than very introverted to understand that being alone is a wondrous and joyful state of being for me, and their prolonged presence would muddy up the fantastically serene canvas that is my life of joyful solitude..

The only exception in this is my SO, who I talk to every day and see about once a week. Without her I would feel lonely.

One of the things that concerns me is that I think if I tried to describe my nature to others, it would make me sound as if I am a cold person with little or no empathy for others, and that is not the case at all.

My cats understand though, I think............

That is pretty much me too; although, I no longer have cats. No pets allowed in the apartment I live in now.

 

[haha]

The only exception in this is my SO, who I talk to every day and see about once a week. Without her I would feel lonely.

This is the "all the eggs in one basket" approach so favored by married men. To me it has risks. Girlfriends (and wives) can leave, die, undergo personality changes, fall in love with another man or perhaps a woman, etc. One of the things I really appreciated after my divorce is that I no longer had to ask myself "will my wife be offended or challenged by my friendship with this woman, or will she just really not like this guy that I like to hang out with"?

I just don't want to deal with a person's insecurities, although to a lesser degree the same concern is present with a girlfriend as a wife. The only difference is if she gets pissed and leaves it only leaves a hole in your heart and not your bank account too. Which, for a self financed retiree, is a pretty big difference after all. I have never known a guy with money who couldn't find a woman, but I have known guys with little money who were SOL with women. I think it likely that if they had more chutzpah they would be more successful, but for many older men with little money, that is not an easy thing to pull off. Older men with poor finances can feel emasculated.

Ha

 

[Koogie]

My wife and I are both introverts (we do talk to each other though, lol) One thing not explicitly mentioned here is the positive influence of the Internet over the last decade for people like us. It is so much more interesting to interact on your own terms with people on the Internet with the same interests than with the dolts at work or in your own village/neighbourhood. Forums like this or blogs have led to more interesting people than I am likely to have met in a lifetime.

 

[Elbata]

My wife's the extrovert, I'm the introvert.

My wife has lately asked me if I know the alphabet as we're on the way to dinner. IOWs, she wants me to say--something. And when in-laws are with me and I say something stupid, MIL tells me to go back in my trance.

I think it takes a certain amount of bravery to live in one's own skin. That's why we're constantly filling it up with TV, booze, you name it so we don't actually have to ever commune with ourselves.

Boredom is OK too. If we allow it to happen, we can look at our situation and ask what it is that we really want to do. How people say retirement is a bad thing, and that they want to work for the rest of their lives is truly sad.

 

[LinCella]

I'll be retired in 2 months, 2 weeks (but who's counting? ME!) and I already know I won't miss work. I will miss the fun convos I have had with work friends but I can easily meet them for drinks or lunch. I hope to be moving about an hour and a half away where one of my best friends since we were 11 lives. I won't know anyone but her but I make friends easily and all my other besties will visit. I am social but I love being alone so loneliness is never an issue. Two dogs, two cats so I'm busy with that and a lot of my hobbies are solo endeavors. Moving to a college town so activities abound.

 

[explanade]

Are introverts more likely to be drawn to ER?

In general, a lot of people have cited not liking the interactions at work as one of the main motivations for wanting ER.

In this thread though, a lot of initial responses are about not missing the working life they left behind, as if work was the main venue for their social interactions.

It is for me too and I'm an introvert as well. I know there are a lot of ER members here who attained high levels in their careers. Often, executives are charismatic, more extroverted, can work a room well. So maybe it's not true that introverts are more interested in ER.

 

[ER Eddie]

Are introverts more likely to be drawn to ER?

Oh yeah, I think so. I think introverts are more interested in or capable of ER for several reasons:


They're more likely to define themselves internally, by their character or personality traits, rather than by externals, such as the work they do.

They are less likely to spend money on expensive social activities.

They are generally more independent, so they chafe more under the bridle of being "managed" and going along with corporate policies.

They aren't as reinforced by the socializing at work that extroverts find so enjoyable. They can find it aversive and look forward to the time when they can get free of it.

Since they are more independent of social expectations, they are more able to "opt out" of the consumer mentality, adopt frugal habits or simple living, and live well below their means.

Introverts are less likely to have lots of kids, which can be expensive. They may even be less likely to marry, I'm not sure.



Not that extroverts don't aim for ER, too.

We had a poll here not long ago, though, and the vast majority were introverts.

 

[omni550]

Are introverts more likely to be drawn to ER?

John Greaney on his Retire Early site has 2 great posts on this:

Is There a Retire Early Personality Type?
Retire Early Personality Survey -- Book Review -- What Will I Do With My Money? by Ray Linder.

(Short answer: "Yes")

omni

 

[scrabbler1]

Oh yeah, I think so. I think introverts are more interested in or capable of ER for several reasons:


They're more likely to define themselves internally, by their character or personality traits, rather than by externals, such as the work they do.

They are less likely to spend money on expensive social activities.

They are generally more independent, so they chafe more under the bridle of being "managed" and going along with corporate policies.

They aren't as reinforced by the socializing at work that extroverts find so enjoyable. They can find it aversive and look forward to the time when they can get free of it.

Since they are more independent of social expectations, they are more able to "opt out" of the consumer mentality, adopt frugal habits or simple living, and live well below their means.

Introverts are less likely to have lots of kids, which can be expensive. They may even be less likely to marry, I'm not sure.



Not that extroverts don't aim for ER, too.

We had a poll here not long ago, though, and the vast majority were introverts.

+1. Well put, Eddie. I would summarize everything you wrote by saying the we ER types are likely to be outliers who don't conform to the conventional norms in many ways. I know I have always been an outlier and that has contributed a great deal to my being ERed.

 

[nun]

Oh yeah, I think so. I think introverts are more interested in or capable of ER for several reasons:


They're more likely to define themselves internally, by their character or personality traits, rather than by externals, such as the work they do........


They aren't as reinforced by the socializing at work that extroverts find so enjoyable. They can find it aversive and look forward to the time when they can get free of it..........

Since they are more independent of social expectations, they are more able to "opt out" of the consumer mentality, adopt frugal habits or simple living, and live well below their means.

I definitely won't miss the socializing of work, but I will miss the intellectual stimulation and feeling that I'm using my skills. I put my name in the "Class of 2014" list because once I vest in some workplace benefits I'll be leaving my job because it's boring and there's a pretty toxic work environment. But I now find myself searching for new jobs. However, my skills are pretty particular and as most of the jobs I would be qualified for need a security clearance and I don't want to get one of those I might retire by default.

 

[Nodak]

However, my skills are pretty particular and as most of the jobs I would be qualified for need a security clearance and I don't want to get one of those I might retire by default.

Getting a clearance isn't too bad, it takes about 6 months to come through; at least it did when I got mine. The worst part is that for the 6 months you have to be escorted where ever you go if you're in a secured building.

 

[nun]

Getting a clearance isn't too bad, it takes about 6 months to come through; at least it did when I got mine. The worst part is that for the 6 months you have to be escorted where ever you go if you're in a secured building.

True enough, but I'm a dual citizen and don't want to give up my passport, so until that changes a clearance is out for me.