Social Implications of Early Retirement?

[tozz]

Last week, I spoke to a former co-worker who retired last year at age 55.  He has adjusted to retirement extraordinarily well, alternating between an motor home in Florida, and property in New England.  Even though he no longer drives or travels in his motor home (which seems like a waste to me), he prefers to live in it rather than something fixed and cheaper because he “likes the comings and goings of the nomadic lifestyle.” 

Anyhow, his long-term significant other is twelve years his junior.   I get the sense that they will not be together for much longer.  Why?  Simply because he has free time to pursue other interests, travel and (cough, cough) “friends,” and she is still twenty years away from any form of retirement.  The most she can spare in any given year in Florida is a couple of weeks.

This imminent breakup got me wondering.  Are there any other unforeseen implications of retiring ten, twenty, or thirty years ahead of your peers?  Does your social circle change?  Do you end up hanging around with your parents’ generation?  Has anyone else noted subtle resentment from similarly aged friends who will still be tied to a job for decades, maybe forever?

 

[dex]

Great question. I'm not retired so I can't contribute to the answer but I hope those with experience will.

 

[Cut-Throat]

If he's taking off without his wife for extended periods of time, it probably is not a good marriage.

As far as hanging out with folks that are retired or working. I have a lot of friends of all age groups that I fish/socialize with. Some twenty years younger and some twenty years older. I try to add new friends every year. This was never a problem for me, as I had friends that were retired, when I was still working.

When you make all your friends through the workplace, this is a danger signal!

 

[razztazz]

This imminent breakup got me wondering.  Are there any other unforeseen implications of retiring ten, twenty, or thirty years ahead of your peers?  Does your social circle change?  Do you end up hanging around with your parents’ generation?  Has anyone else noted subtle resentment from similarly aged friends who will still be tied to a job for decades, maybe forever

I'm not married and wasn't during my working years either. After about age 25 or 26 I got A LOT of subtle and not-so-subtle resentment from "peers". I am more isolated now than I have ever been but I don't mind it because I am not th kind of person who  gets energy form group activities.

I donlt hang around with oldtimers. They complain too much about nothing and don;t like the fact that they had to work another 20 yrs. I don't hang around "peers" because they complain too much about every decision they've ever made in life and they have no money and cannot conceive of anyone retiring before 40.   My family is 1500 miles away and generally consider me some kind of wierdo. we do talk regularly.

Seems like if people cannot commiserate with you on equal terms, or hold you over some kind of barrel  they don't want you around

Recently broke up with gf after a fairy long relationship.  She made lots of money, but had none in the bank. Strictly pay check to pay check.  Couldn;t plan more than 15 minutes into the future. Always let her lame-brained, knuckle dragging,  white trash family use the crap out of her. She would't let them go or TELL them to go. No way I was gonna marry into that.  She got married recently to a 56 yr old guy who works "Security at Denny's" and she was applying for one of the best jobs in the town she insisted on moving to when she retired. Prison guard

 

[retire@40]

Are there any other unforeseen implications of retiring ten, twenty, or thirty years ahead of your peers?  Does your social circle change?  Do you end up hanging around with your parents’ generation?  Has anyone else noted subtle resentment from similarly aged friends who will still be tied to a job for decades, maybe forever?

I thought about that before I went to semi-retirement.  It's worked out well because it gives me the flexibility to spend more time with my friends and family.  If I were working 40 hours a week, chances are I would never find the time to keep up with everything else in my life, much less spend more time with friends.

I often get calls from friends and family members that just called in sick or took a day off.  They know there's a 99% chance if they call me to go do something, that I will be available.  They are already forewarned that I'm not available to work on their house, or babysit their kid once a week, or do anything that resembles work, unless it's an extreme emergency.

 

[tozz]

Not to get sidetracked, but I thought you retired May 1?!  I follow your posts more carefully because of the similarity in age, financial circumstances, temperment, and ER apprehensions.  Looks like I'm going to have to find another coal mine canary...

tozz
(108 days 5 hours 27 minutes 46 seconds)

I'm not retired so I can't contribute to the answer but I hope those with experience will.

 

[tozz]

CT, it's a girlfriend, not his wife. Nevertheless, they have been together for ten years or so, and by all accounts seemed quite happy. My point is that ER pointed him in a different direction, and I would guess (maybe I'll ask him over a beer) that neither of them predicted a break-up as a consequence of retirement.

If he's taking off without his wife for extended periods of time, it probably is not a good marriage.

 

[OldAgePensioner]

tozz,
I retired 1-may and this is a great question that I hoped someone would post.

My biggest change has been finding a way to replace the workday socializing. I left behind 50 acquaintences that I had worked with for over 20 years in foreign countries. This led us to party together a lot. We went to pub lunch every day, we had company parties, and lots of weekend trips to London or Edinburgh, so we knew each other very well. But over the years I noticed one thing, "when you're out of sight, immediately you are seldom thought of."

I had several ideas of where to retire to. LA, to be near most of my friends but I spent 8 years there and was so happy to leave so never again. SF to be near best friend but he is newly married and she's determined that he have no single male friends. SD to be near a good pal. Or North Carolina to be near family, and decided to stay away due to family dramas and locals predjudices.

So, I chose Chicago to give 50th floor hi-rise living a go. Loving it so far. Chicago is a great town. But too cold in winter for me. So far it has been fairly hard to meet new friends. Having a young, energetic girl friend keeps me busy and on the go. I go out and about by myself for a portion of the day to give her some space.

My social life here so far has been 1 minute conversations with strangers. A couple of phone calls a week to pals. A few emails to friends still overseas. And dinners, movies, sightseeing with the girlfriend. She wants to move back to Thailand in a couple of years so I've got some big decisions to make soon.

In other words, retiring at 55 does offer differing problems from retiring at 65 and getting those green plaid trousers and heading for Miami.

 

[Mountain_Mike]

I am looking forward to the "problems" of an early retirement.

DW does point out that we'll have a Jr. High kiddo at home....oh well, I won't mind being the taxi service.

 

[cute fuzzy bunny]

You'll find yourself telling other people in cyberspace to 'blow' you a lot...

 

[Nords]

Last week, I spoke to a former co-worker who retired last year at age 55.  He has adjusted to retirement extraordinarily well...

I love this ER question... my initial reaction is always "Well, duh." It seems that nothing is more feared beforehand yet more enjoyed after the "adjustment" period.

Does your social circle change?

Thank God yes. We no longer have to socialize with the boss or go to corporate events or come up with acceptable excuses. We can nurture our inner introverts or go out with our neighbors or our school's PTA or with shipmates who are visiting the islands.

Do you end up hanging around with your parents’ generation? Has anyone else noted subtle resentment from similarly aged friends who will still be tied to a job for decades, maybe forever?

We hang around with my spouse's parents, but they live just a few minutes away and we have the only grandkid.

When we do go to social events involving large numbers of older people, the other older attendees are no more interested in our retirement status than we are in theirs. Instead the conversations revolve around the event (like the Civil War Roundtable), the local news or entertainment or politics, or our interests (surfing).

Every once in a while we'll get a "Eh, you lucky!" reaction and our response is usually "Yeah, 'cause we worked our assets off to get here." Offers of explanation are eagerly accepted, body language is alert & receptive, they write down the name "Bernstein", then they nod & march off smartly. A year later they comment "Eh, you lucky!", they haven't read Bernwhoosis yet, they haven't contributed to their IRA, and they just bought a bunch of new toys with their home equity line of credit. Those types tend to remain "workplace acquaintances" instead of friends.

A good friend of ours, also a Reservist, is married to a submariner who's just finishing his command tour. He had to do it on the West Coast while she decided to remain here. He wasn't picked up for promotion but he'll have a second chance next year. He's eligible to retire but instead of pulling his ripcord ($46K/year with a COLA plus full medical) he's accepted two-year orders to the local staff for a "get-healthy FITREP" tour and a second chance at promotion. So she's decided to join him but now they have to decide whether to keep or rent their Oahu condo, are they coming back here to retire, what's he going to do next year (depending on whether he's promoted or not), and so on. My spouse asked about retirement assets and was told that they don't have enough (despite her qualifying for her own Reserve pension at age 60). I don't think it's lack of assets as much as it's a lack of understanding how they could make the finances work, but they're too busy working to plan for retirement!

But there's hope when you least expect it. Our neighbors understand because most of us are parents with kids in grade school. The guy that has my old job "gets it" and keeps in touch for questions or "progress" reports. An old shipmate is retiring next year and he's eagerly looking forward to it ('cause he worked his assets off to get there). And several of the tae kwon do students at the local dojang are actually reading Bernstein!

 

[tozz]

Good points, Nords.  The more I try to project, the more I realize that making the financial decision to pull the plug was the easy part. 

 

[uncledrz]

This imminent breakup got me wondering.  Are there any other unforeseen implications of retiring ten, twenty, or thirty years ahead of your peers?  Does your social circle change?  Do you end up hanging around with your parents’ generation?  Has anyone else noted subtle resentment from similarly aged friends who will still be tied to a job for decades, maybe forever?

I'm not yet retired. Many of my friends still work and many have retired. It seems to me that those who have retired and still live in the area have the same friends and still are in the same social circles. They also have non work interests that have expanded their social circles. Don't know about those who have moved.

 

[dm]

I was planning on ER this month but have put it off for a short time due to the kids college cost. But I did cut my hours way back at work and the stress is way down. I was also worryied about what I would do in my spare time. So I started golfing again and joined a league. I have met many guys of various ages and love to golf. I also joined the sailing club. Again people of various ages and something I enjoy doing. So now I am meeting many people outside of work and various ages. I can see many other things I would like to try out so I'm sure I'll again meet many other people of various ages and make new friends. I'm also sure my friends from work will soon forget me except for an occational after work happy hour or the like. But I really never hung out with the guys from work unless it was work related anyway.

Onother club I have recently joined is the Porsche Club. I'm getting a car ready for some track time.

So for me anyway joining various clubs has enabled me to meet many more people of various ages with common interest. I need to quit tommorow so I have enough time to do everything.

 

[Spanky]

I was planning on ER this month but have put it off for a short time due to the kids college cost. But I did cut my hours way back at work and the stress is way down. ......... I need to quit tommorow so I have enough time to do everything.

DM,

Are you really going to quit tommorow? Did you say you have to pay for college cost?

Spanky

 

[gayl]

Definitely different friends. My interests are different now so that only makes sense. And no, outside of one group that I walked into last week, most are my age ... early 50s. But then I did not retire real early, like in my 40s, and it is easier on women than men.

 

[BUM]

Recently broke up with gf after a fairy long relationship.

HaHaHa HoHoHo HeHeHe Stop you're killing me!




You can't make this stuff up.

 

[Lancelot]

I am looking forward to the "problems" of an early retirement.

You are going to do just fine Mike

Lance

 

[gratefuled]

I guess I'm lucky in the non-office socializing regard. A very wise old coot told me once that I "should never depend on my offish for my shocial needsh" (just before passing out shnoot-first into his shcotch.) I took the advice to heart, and liver.

Fortunately my friends/buds/bros aren't overly burdened with work either...they tend to work in outdoor sports businesses, and I wind up paddling, mountain biking, fishing, etc., whenever I need a fix.

Oh, and the Cinnamon Girl and I take pretty good care of each other.

Ed